August 17, 2003

Depression

Depression. In my view, it takes one of two shapes. The first, something like asthma. Itís a condition youíre stuck with and its pretty steady. Maybe a bad day or week here and there but overall, thereís an evenness to it. Second, like migraines. You know thereís something out there youíre susceptible to but you never know when it could strike. And when it does, its debilitating. Sadly, I know what Iím talking about here and for better or worse, I tend to fall into the second category. Unfortunately, Saturday was one of those flare-ups.

What triggers something like this? Iíve never been quite certain. It definitely always revolves around something I have some reluctance to do. In this case, an upcoming trip. Iíve known about the trip for a while. And itís a pleasant trip, not something I shouldnít be looking forward to. Except that it involves a plane. You know, one of those big flying things, make a lot of noise and occasionally crashes? Yeah, Iím one of those Ė a reluctant flyer. And before you say anything about me being better off in a plane than driving to work or setting one foot beyond my front door, much less making it out of the shower alive without suffering some fatal bathing accident, Iíve heard them all before and none of them make me feel any better.

Regardless, Iím getting on a plane in a week or so and thereís not a damn thing I can do about it. But that doesnít stop the fear.

Yesterday was chewed up by depression. It was full of sleeping, hiding under covers, listening to sappy music and generally zoning on life. Iím not asking you to feel sorry about that or anything. Just explaining how it is. But like most things in life, good or bad, it passed. Sure, before I get on that plane Iíll probably freak out again. Thatís just the way I work.

Whyíd I write this? Not real clear on that myself. But, when a coworker comes up to me tomorrow morning and says, ďWhatíd you do this weekend?Ē Iím sure as hell not going to reply by telling them what I really went through on Saturday. Thatís why Iíve got you guys.

Posted by Chris at August 17, 2003 10:24 AM


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