November 20, 2003

An Admission

I have something to spill...I'm not proud but in the interest of honesty, I figured I'd share. I've developed a habit...

When I was 13 I started smoking. I used to climb out my second story bedroom window to smoke. I'm not sure why my parents never stopped me but they didn't. None of my friends smoked...none really had the desire to. In college it was easier. My psycho roommate smoked which automatically made it an offical smoking room. And most of my friends there were smokers. When my wife and I graduated, we kept smoking but about six years ago, I decided that I'd had enough. Despite the fact that she still smoked, I was determined to quit and I did. My wife quit a few months later.

Several months ago, we were bound for France. Now, nothing makes me more nervous than getting on a plane. A few weeks prior to the flight, I was freaking big time. Almost as a dare, my wife and I went out and bought a pack of cigarettes. I felt defeated smoking that first one but it felt good at the same time. I'd really wanted nothing more than a cigarette in my hand for more than five years. We limited ourselves to one or two a day but made the mistake of carrying the tradition to France with us. In our defense, the bad stuff that you do in a foreign country doesn't count!

Unfortunately, the habit has stuck around. I don't think I have any other choice than to consider myself a smoker. And I so don't want to be one. I don't like the taste, I hate the smell, and I really hate other people judging me because of it - I'm a reasonably bright, college graduate with a decent job and a wife and yes, I do know better. More than anything else, though, I hate being a slave to something like a pack of cigarettes. I don't know when I'm going to stop but wish me luck.

Posted by Chris at November 20, 2003 12:33 PM

Back in the mid-80's Brooke Shields said that she wouldn'd kiss a man who smoked. Perhaps keeping that in mind would help... You do want to kiss Brooke Shields, don't you?

Posted by: Mark Maynard at November 20, 2003 3:15 PM

Ditto -

I started smoking senior year of COLLEGE - completely ridiculous.

I got trashed one night and took a drag from my friend's cigarette. She said I looked stupid, bought 2 packs of smokes and proceeded to "teach me how to properly inhale" that night. Of course, I was sick for days... but then I'd bum a cigarette when we'd go out for drinks... and the cigareet turned into buying my first pack... and then into smoking without being out in a crowded bar.

I've half-heartedly tried to quit 3 times. Have managed to go smokefree for 6 months max before breaking down and starting up again.

I know it's bad and don't want to think about what my once healthy-pink lungs look like now. I don't want to think of lung cancer or emphysema, of wrinkles or premature gray hair, or the money I spend on this habit. And the fact that now, it's become such a no-no that the only place I feel comfotable smoking is in DC.

But I do have a love affair with cigarettes. So sad, but so true.

Good luck!

Posted by: Mala at November 20, 2003 3:48 PM

Ew. But great picture! You've got lots of support. Kick it man. :)

Posted by: katherine at November 20, 2003 4:07 PM

I just happened to come here from alink at another site. Glad I did. I started smoking when I was 13 too. Dumb move! Back then it was the thing to do and "cool". Well now, 29 years (did I say 29 years??) later, I'm still puffin away :( And I hate it!

It's not like I have never tried quitting...I have, but failed. I imagine one day it'll kill me, but...damn those stupid little paper wrapped tobacco and nicotine addictive sticks! I think I've lost the battle..LOL

But don't you give up! I wish you the best!

Posted by: seger at November 20, 2003 4:17 PM

Good luck! I'd been a social smoker for almost ten years....never smoked more than a cigarrette a day, but of course, usually more if drinks were involved.

Then I went to Japan, where everyone smokes...and much more than in France. I dunno what it was, but I think being in a Japanese baseball stadium and seeing everyone smoking in the designated smoking areas did it. The entire stadium smelled of "old smoke." I haven't smoked since.

Posted by: dawn at November 20, 2003 4:59 PM

I have been a closet smoker since college, I am ashamed of it, but I love smoking!

Posted by: dewnut at November 20, 2003 5:23 PM

but you know what? we still love you. no matter how much you smell like an ashtray. ;)

I know. that was mean. I apologize. sorta. lol.

Posted by: Jessica at November 20, 2003 5:25 PM

Maybe it will help to think about when people move away from you on the train or subway because they can't stand how you smell...

Well, considering you ride public transport....

...And considering other people actually do that. (Yeah, I do it LOL The smell just makes me sick!)

GOOD LUCK! I've never smoked but I've known plenty who've gotten sucked in and find it extremely difficult to get out.

Irrellevant note: I just realized you live very close to my cousin. I think he lives and works in Arlignton. Maybe...hrrmmmm....

Posted by: Irma at November 20, 2003 6:46 PM

Or maybe it was Alexandria.....

I don't know why I keep talking about it......

Posted by: Irma at November 20, 2003 6:47 PM

I never smoked long enough for it to stick, thank goodness. I think I first tried it when I was 12.

I didn't really smoke with any kind of regularity until I started smoking *other* things...the cigarettes really came as an afterthought to that, and as a drinking thing. Jay broke me of any kind of narcotic vice outside of he's my reason for never getting into it bigtime.

My sister's tried quitting so many times... she's been at it regularly since she was 9. She's a pack and a half a day girl. Scary stuff.

Posted by: Anne at November 20, 2003 7:59 PM

well, i wish you good luck w/that...i've never smoked, nor been addicted to anything stronger than gouda ;) but, i know it's extremely difficult to quit...i will tell you this, i've never really dated a man who smoked, aside from david...he would have one now and then (usually after he ate, i hear it's a "smoking thing"), and when i refused to kiss him after he had smoked, he quit cold turkey...the taste of it in someone's mouth is the most foul thing i can imagine...i doubt that helps you much, but that's my personal opinion ;) good luck! you can do eet!! :D

Posted by: azure at November 20, 2003 8:05 PM


The only thing you should be smoking is marijuana ;) Oh yeah, nevermind, you live south of the 49. Too bad for you :(

Posted by: Mel at November 20, 2003 8:29 PM

i really hope you are able to quit again. it really is a nasty habit. i can't stand being around someone when they are smoking. i don't look down on people because it's their choice, but the smell just gags me.

so i'll send good vibes your way :)

Posted by: tiffanie at November 22, 2003 4:03 AM

Yep, I've had that happen like 1000 times now.

Posted by: TracFone at October 13, 2004 11:15 AM