April 22, 2004

Hey America, What's the Deal?

OR, WHY I BELIEVE AMERICA IS ON CRACK

Did you see the pathetic excuse for a ratings grabber otherwise known as American Idol: The Results Show last night? I did.

So, here's the question - what the fuck is up, America? Do you not understand the rules? You're supposed to be voting FOR people you LIKE. I mean, this is the third season. You should really know how this works by now. There's no excuse for not catching on by now. This is not rocket surgery or brain science! I spent yesterday evening huddled in the Cactus Situation Room working on an Idol Mitigation Strategy. In doing so, I came up with several possible causes for the madness.

1. Al Qaeda has hatched a new scheme - infiltrating American Idol by gaining some sort of freaky mind control over 16 year old girls and their cell phones. They know that a John Stevens win would disrupt the very fabric of American society and culture.

2. John Stevens is an actual Iraqi weapon of mass distruction and their arms program was much more advanced than we'd previously believed. He's the first blow. They'll send in William Hung to finish us off.

3. All Americans, except for a select few, are completely delusional. Be prepared - there may come a time very shortly when the few of us who are marginally sane will find ourselves trapped in a suburban shopping mall protecting ourselves from the masses of John Stevens fans attempting to break in and bring an end to our crazy rational ways. Think "Dawn of the Idol."

4. Barry Manilow is indeed the anti-christ and his rogue group of Idols are doing his bidding. Expect a showdown of Biblical proportions involving Barry facing off against Kelly Clarkson, the outcome of which may decide the fate of us all.

5. There's always the possibility that I'm making this too hard and America's just stupid.

Posted by Chris at April 22, 2004 7:14 AM
Comments

Actually? I think its all part of a plan that makes ME lose my FREAKIN mind. Urg. I wanted to beat the crap out of random American Idol voters last night because they are ruining my SHOW! LilZoot was pissed too, and it takes a lot to piss him off, he is a VERY laid back 9yrold.

Posted by: Zoot at April 22, 2004 7:42 AM

I removed my American Idol season pass from TiVo. I just couldn't bear it. What if the mind control beams start affecting ME and I start wearing a goddamn stupid flower in my hair and voting for John Stevens? I had to protect my loved ones.

Also it just pisses me off too much now.

Posted by: Amalah at April 22, 2004 7:58 AM

I don't think America voted that last night at all. Of course, I'm one of the few who don't think Reuben won #2 and I'm one of the few who can't stand Fantasia!!

Posted by: kimberlee at April 22, 2004 8:03 AM

I didn't watch it this week, for the very reasons you mentioned above. I was kind of sad about missing the Barry Manilow (hey, my mom's a fan! I grew up surrounded by Barry), but the results? Yeah, no. I don't need to watch Ryan Seacrest draaaag out 30 seconds of TV into half an hour.

And, also, America is dumb. Never underestimate the stupidity of the general public. Never.

Posted by: Dawnie at April 22, 2004 8:21 AM

DUMB! I yelled at my TV last night, and that almost never happens. I felt so sorry for George, not only did he choose the wrong group, but now he still has to live with them.

Posted by: Oliquig at April 22, 2004 8:53 AM

I think Justin Guarini is the Secret Weapon. RCA (is that the right label?) dropped him in the hopes that we would think that he was going to fall off the face of the earth. And once we get too comfortable with that, they will finally release his cd and put every fucking song on maximum rotation on every fucking radio station. With that, we will all be reduced to glassy eyed consumers of the only cd we will be allowed to buy. Justin Guarini's cd.

Posted by: Kymmie at April 22, 2004 8:59 AM

*rotflmfao* I cant even make a comeback to this. Damn American Idol (*tapping toes waiting for next weeks show*).

Posted by: Ro at April 22, 2004 9:31 AM

Unfortunately, I think the answer is #5- most Americans ARE that stupid.

Posted by: Kristi at April 22, 2004 9:49 AM

Lord. LORD. There...are...no...words...

Posted by: Lauren Brady at April 22, 2004 11:19 AM

I think the problem with American Idol is the voting process...it's backwards. We should be voting every week on who we want to be kicked off. Last night was the result of those voting for the "best" performance having their votes split among the three best performances. Nine out of ten sane people who are not confined to nursting homes would've voted to boot John Stevens off without a second thought.

Posted by: Cindy at April 22, 2004 12:16 PM

You have been living here how long and you are just figuring out that America is stupid? Come on Chris, I gave you more creidit than that.. Look at our president, an overgrown teenager trying to play grown-up. : )

BTW, John Stevens is cute as can be. : P

Posted by: Theresa at April 22, 2004 1:09 PM

My vote: Americans are largely stupid.

Posted by: Ginny at April 22, 2004 2:21 PM

As a Canadian, I have no trouble at all casting my vote for the fact that Americans are stupid...except for a select few bloggers I "know", of course.

Posted by: Heather at April 22, 2004 5:11 PM

Hey- John Stevens is from my hometown! Well almost- but whatever. I know he sincerly does not belong in this so called "talent-compeition" but -pfft- he really wants to go home anyways. If you looked real closely it looked like he was about to cry. The only reason I watch it is because I feel an inate sense of loyalty to support him. But I didn't feel the undying urge to call and vote for anyone coz that is just so annoying.

Kimberlee-I can't stand Fantasia either!!

All this being said:
It continues to astond me how I'm hooked on this show. Maybe John Stevens is really a weapon of mass distruction. Stranger things have happened.

Posted by: Maureen at April 22, 2004 8:27 PM

Like....oh my gaw...I like, totally had to vote for like the cute guy. He is like so cute. Totally. He is so dreamy with his red hair. Oh...My....Gaw!

Oops...sorry...actually..it isn't a very big surprise for me. The very same people voting for President are voting for American Idol. Hmmm...

Posted by: Nicole at April 22, 2004 9:22 PM

heh. Well, umm, you know my feelings.

In all truthfulness, I think this was apathy--again. People assumed that LaToya, Fantasia and Jennifer would get votes because they were So Good. The *People* came out and voted for the underdogs. Next week, I think John will be out--the same way that Camille was out the week after Amy was eliminated.

But no. I am not too invested in this or anything. Nothing like that at all.

Posted by: GeminiGirl at April 22, 2004 10:09 PM

I've never watched the show. But even if I did, I'd go with #5.

Posted by: Jay at April 22, 2004 11:42 PM

And the funny thing is I didn't like the way ESPN's Dream Job was voted for (vote for elimination) because I feared everyone would vote like they do for AI.

But I think you're right...America is stupid.

Posted by: Joe at April 23, 2004 12:41 AM

lucky (heart) jon stevens.

Posted by: lucky at April 23, 2004 11:52 AM

The 'American Idol' voting system needs to be changed. One person, one vote. Period. It is shocking to see some really great performers thrown into the trash heap for the sake of another performer of who's performance is mediocre because they look "cute"! I think we need to vote for an ELIMINATION process rather than the way it's done now. This voting system of 'American Idol' STINKS! If the show did not have a credibility problem before, it sure as hell does now with the dismissal of LaToya London. I think it's up to the Fox Network to start the ball rolling to get the voting system changed, and if they are not capable, or are not bothered to do so, perhaps they might listen once we all give 'American Idol' the SWITCH!

Posted by: Keith Fontaine at May 13, 2004 4:06 PM


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