April 7, 2004

Junk

I'm not making this up. This is a real conversation held in my office with two coworkers. And while I'm sure you'll be tempted to chalk it up to locker room guy humor, please keep in mind, the two coworkers are women.

Me: So its rumored that he has a woman.
Coworker 1: Who?
Me: I thought you'd probably know.
Coworker 2: I know, I know.
Me: Ok but you have to swear not to tell anyone. We all think he's dating Karen.
Coworker 1: Well that makes sense because she's tall too. Their junk lines up.
Me: Exactly. That's what I thought.
Coworker 2: Huh? Excuse me. What are you talking about?
Me: Their junk. He's tall so he wants a tall woman so their junk lines up.
Coworker 2: I got that. But, junk? What do you mean.
Coworker 1: You know. Their junk. Their junk.
Coworker 2: Ahhhh. I see. Their junk!
Me: Yup. Their junk.

Coworker 1 then approached our whiteboard, pulled out two markers and illustrated with blue and red stick figures.

Coworker 1: So if you draw a line from junk to junk you'll see that they line up if they're both tall. Otherwise their junk doesn't match.
Me: Hence the Junk Derivation Quotient.
Coworker 2: What?
Coworker 1: That would be the difference in junk. Too much derivation, not an acceptable girl.
Me: He has some interesting standards.

Posted by Chris at April 7, 2004 5:39 PM
Comments

In my personal experience, the tall guys I've dated have all liked to point out how they normally date SHORT girls. For some reason. I don't know whether it's because there aren't as many of us tall girls around, or whether the short girl is just closer to the "junk" in another way. (Dirty thoughts...go away! But Mr. Cactus started it!) :)

Posted by: Zandria at April 7, 2004 6:12 PM

OMG, I am ROFL. I can't believe you printed that and then I read Zandria's comments and laugh even louder. You guys are a hoot... can I work with these people?

Posted by: Anastasia at April 7, 2004 6:33 PM

You have got some.... interesting coworkers :D

Posted by: Rachel in Alaska at April 7, 2004 9:17 PM

lmao what a riot! I'm a short girl and i've always liked tall guys.. so I guess the junk matching up just doesnt bother me lol. I wish the people I worked around had half as interesting conversations.

Posted by: Katie at April 7, 2004 10:34 PM

As a short girl who likes tall guys, I tell you it only matters if you are standing up...:)

Posted by: Alicia at April 8, 2004 12:06 AM

hahaha that's great. Sounds like the kind of thing I would have talked about with my coworker before she got fired. I'll often make comments like that to my boss though, just to make him stutter lol

Posted by: Jaded Angel at April 8, 2004 2:46 AM

A message from a tall girl to all the short girls: stop taking the tall guys, it's not fair!

Posted by: Heather at April 8, 2004 3:11 AM

I like that the conversation made it all the way to visual aides.

Posted by: feisty girl at April 8, 2004 5:35 AM

Junk, he he he he

abs x

Posted by: abs at April 8, 2004 6:22 AM

your coworker didn't know what "junk" was? sheltered.

Posted by: liz at April 8, 2004 8:11 AM

LOL!! Like stick figures or was it more graphic? Oh, by the way, my husband is a foot taller than me. Deffinately no 'junk alignment' issues....

Posted by: myllissa at April 8, 2004 10:17 AM

i'm with heather -- leave the tall guys to us! we need them! i've tried dating shorter men and i just felt like i was their babysitter or something when we'd walk holding hands. that's why i have since implemented the 5'10 cutoff.

Posted by: laura at April 8, 2004 12:10 PM

Can't... concentrate... on... work... omg this is way too distracting!. I'm tall, so it is not necessarily just an academic question for me!

Posted by: Mindy at April 8, 2004 12:17 PM

So sorry tall gals. Im 5'3 and refuse to date any man under 6'6". I like to climb.

Posted by: lisame at April 8, 2004 2:46 PM

i can't stop laughing!!!!

Posted by: at April 9, 2004 12:30 PM

Ummm, I am *so* disappointed in you Chris! Where was your camera... why didn't you get a pic of that drawing!!

Posted by: amber at April 9, 2004 3:19 PM

you have an absolutely brilliant site! this is one of the funniest posts i've seen. i'll never be able to see the word "junk" again with laughing out loud :) cheers.

p/s: thank krush for listing it at her site.

Posted by: tigerbear007 at April 11, 2004 2:41 AM

I like tall girls. And I'm happy to report that one way or the other, our junk always lined up quite nicely thank you very much.
s.g.

Posted by: short guy at April 11, 2004 3:21 AM


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