May 6, 2004

Games People Play

I really don't want to write about work, and there are a couple reasons. There's the Dooce Factor then there's the fact that it would bore you out of your skulls. But there are certain situations and personalities with which everyone can identify. Here's what's been driving me absolutely bat-shit over the past couple of days.

First, there's Random IMing Junior Obnoxious Boy (RIMJOB). RIMJOB walks around the floor and if we've left our machines unlocked and have our IM applications on, he sends random messages to people on our buddylists. The other day he jumped on a co-workers IM and asked a friend of his out on a date. Not bright. He didn't pick his target well. And he wonders why he didn't land a promotion.

Next we have Defensive Uber-Manipulative Bitch from Hell On Wheels (DUMBHO). DUMBHO continually ducks her client responsibilities and takes random figurative craps on the desks of others. We all get to clean up her shit. It doesn't help that her attitude is that of a queen - as in monarchy, not fab five. Yet she's completely clueless. My only revenge is that she's ultimately a joke.

After DUMBHO comes The Remarkably Amenable If Too Overly Relaxed (TRAITOR) employee who I do very much like. Sadly she's moving. And guess who's expected to do her job? And guess who doesn't want her job?

All this is capped off by Perpetually Really Off-the-meds Zoned-out Asshole Client (PROZAC). PROZAC's not too realistic and he expects that every whim will be appropriately acted upon. The scary thing? They usually are. So, when one of his other 27 personalities shows up and asks why we're doing whatever it is we're doing, he tends to forget that its something he asked us to do to begin with. Then he yells. And tell us to fuck off. Really.

Posted by Chris at May 6, 2004 11:33 AM

Who doesn't have these people in their office? But I totally understand about not writing about work, in this day and age, it is too dangerous and I never do it. I don't think it would be wise to give my boss any additional ammunition in case she needed to be rid of me!

Posted by: goodsnake at May 6, 2004 3:20 PM

It took me 3 reads to realize the names were acronyms. Yeah - at my office I'm "Doesnt Understand Much Brilliance, Because It Tendsto Confuse Her" {DUMBBITCH}

That was a really funny post though (once I "got it") - sorry its at the expensive of your workday.

Posted by: Zoot at May 6, 2004 3:30 PM

LMAO :) I SO have to make names up for my collegues now. I already have one for my boss, I only have to add 4 letters to his last name and you get a word that means asshole.

Posted by: Sweety at May 6, 2004 3:50 PM

Those acronyms are frigging brilliant as all get-out.

Posted by: Fraulein N at May 6, 2004 4:33 PM

hahahaha, how the hell did you come up with those? They're friggin' funny as all hell :)

Posted by: tisha at May 6, 2004 4:44 PM

Dan Savage would be proud ;)

Posted by: Mel at May 6, 2004 7:20 PM

I once worked for PROZAC. Interestingly, one of his personalities also thought he was our Dad and would frequently hand out unsolicited advice and talk to us as if we were his children. One of his sons actually worked with us, MIS guy. Before I really got to know PROZAC boss, I always thought MIS Guy was strange and too quiet. Once I got to know his Dad aka PROZAC, I completely understood why MIS Guy was a little off. If that guy were my Dad I'd be nuts too.

Posted by: HR Lady at May 6, 2004 9:17 PM

I'm so lucky I don't have any of those people in my office. although rimjob is kinda funny.

Posted by: liz at May 7, 2004 1:30 PM

you're brilliant.

Posted by: leah at May 7, 2004 2:34 PM

Mr. Cactus, Mr. Cactus. Why did I not visit earlier to get my laugh-out-loud moment of the day? You always bring out things that I haven't seen anywhere else. :)

Posted by: Zandria at May 7, 2004 10:37 PM