July 15, 2004

Eeyore At Work

I've got a coworker who I'll call Eeyore - he's got the tired voice and is about as charasmatic. Despite this, Eeyore has a surprisingly loud phone voice so I get to hear everything he says. For your entertainment, I give you the following recent Quotes from Eyeore.

"Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah."

"How're you doing mom? How are your bowels?"

"I've always told my boss, if there's ever a help wanted sign hanging in the window of World of Beer, I'm turning in my resignation."

"Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeahj yeah yeah yeah."

"So, I had the colonoscopy and it wasn't too bad. They knocked me out and afterwards when I woke up I could definitely feel where that snake thingy went but really it wasn't too terrible."

"Hi Mom! How's the pain today? You couldn't walk so someone had to go with you to the bathroom?"

"Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeahj yeah yeah yeah."

"We went down to the Outer Banks for a week and I got crabs!"

Posted by Chris at July 15, 2004 11:54 AM

I think a lot of people believe that since they are talking to someone who's far away, they must speak loudly. Even though the speaker on the phone is there so you don't HAVE to yell. But you know, whatever.

Posted by: Tjej at July 15, 2004 12:01 PM

at least he has to ASK his mom about her bowels. My mom just offers the information unsolicited and OFTEN.

Posted by: yvonne at July 15, 2004 12:10 PM

Gads. What is his obsession with sphincter function?!

Posted by: QC at July 15, 2004 12:20 PM

Feces? Not so much. Thanks.

Posted by: Amalah at July 15, 2004 12:21 PM

I am still trying to figure why the older you get the more obsessed you get with your bowels again....back to the childhood again perhaps. I can tell you adults do revert to playing in it just as toddlers do why just something for inquiring minds to ponder.

Posted by: Sweet N Sassy at July 15, 2004 12:22 PM

The woman in the cube across from me is the same way. Very personal conversations at top volume all day long.

But the worst is that she's a surreptitious farter.

Posted by: pie at July 15, 2004 12:35 PM

I think this post should be labeled "Now enhanced with more fecal focus!"

Posted by: feisty girl at July 15, 2004 12:44 PM

"Hi Mom, how are your bowels?"

I hope this is a phrase I never, ever, ever have to say out loud. At least not in any sort of seriousness.

Posted by: Dawnie at July 15, 2004 12:47 PM

I think I will call my kids now and tell them about my bowels... thanks, I was wondering what to do this afternoon.

Posted by: debby at July 15, 2004 12:57 PM

Freud would have a field day with this guy. Very classy too! Why must people have LOUD personal conversations in cubicle world?

Posted by: Amy at July 15, 2004 1:11 PM

At one job I had, one of my co-workers -- a ragingly incompetent, fairly obese middle-aged sad sack knowitall -- was forEVER using our phone, which unfortunately happened to be on my desk. (One phone for three people = Not so good, Al.) Mainly it was to call his kids every afternoon at 3:30 so he could be all fatherly and shit. I guess I applaud the effort in retrospect, but at the time I was too busy hating him for a bunch of other shit.

Posted by: briantologist at July 15, 2004 1:13 PM

Whoever invented the entire cubicle system should be taken out and shot. People deserve to have walls and a door!

And whoever decided that it was a good idea for me to share a cube with 3 other people? Yeah, I'm coming for that guy too.

Posted by: Kerry at July 15, 2004 1:42 PM

Gee, I really miss working.

Well, I tried to type that with a straight face....

Posted by: Mir at July 15, 2004 1:48 PM

That is hilarious. Sounds like quite the character....or not!

Posted by: Kimmie at July 15, 2004 1:51 PM

That reminds me, I need to call my mom!

Posted by: Jeff A at July 15, 2004 1:58 PM

Put music to that dude.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
How're you doing mom?
How are your bowels?

I smell a top 10 hit there !!! Maybe have avril lavigne do it, hahahahahaha

Posted by: shaners at July 15, 2004 2:09 PM

We had a guy like that in my old office - except you always heard him in the restroom, "Haghnnnnnnnnnn OUCH! Haghnnnnnnnnnn OUCH!"

Maybe that colonoscopy helped that.

Posted by: Lee at July 15, 2004 2:24 PM


If I ever met that person in real life, I expect I would flee.

Posted by: Tara at July 15, 2004 3:41 PM

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...bowels. *grin*

Posted by: mac at July 15, 2004 4:09 PM

Oh. Wow. I'm guessing bad bowels run in Eeyore's family. Also? I'm biting my lip so as not to bust out laughing at those "lyrics."

Posted by: Fraulein N at July 15, 2004 4:29 PM

OMG - I work with that guy! His name is Steve, right?

Posted by: Princess at July 15, 2004 6:07 PM

I am hoping that the Outer Banks is a body of water/crab habitat, not a Country Western bar. (Do they have paper potty covers in the men's room?)

Posted by: Sheryl at July 16, 2004 12:26 AM

I'm sorry to hear that he caught crabs down there! My brother catches crabs everytime he goes to Red Lobster, but it's his fault since he does not chew them good enough to make sure they are dead. My mom has a remedy for that, it's hot sauce with garlic, and it works, just you smell like a Pizza!

Posted by: Rockchild at July 16, 2004 2:11 AM

If I ever see a help wanted sign at the Godiva shop I am turning in my resignation. = )

Posted by: LOUP at July 16, 2004 2:04 PM