August 13, 2004

Bootie Call

I have this habit of not sitting correctly in chairs, especially at work. I lean all the way back and pull the keyboard tray into my lap (one coworker commented as she walked by, "You look like you should be driving a pimped-out low-rider or something"). Or I just cross my legs Indian style. Its that second thing that confuses people the most. But its comfortable!

The other day my office mate looked over while I was sitting that way.

Her: How do you do that?
Me: Do what?
Her: Sit like that.
Me: I don't know. I just do. I'm not exactly the biggest guy in the world.
Her: You just have a small bootie.
Me: Apparently.
Her: And I have a big one.

Now, here was my critical mistake (you should be able to see this coming a mile away and in my defense I'd already turned around and was responding to an IM from a coworker and was not paying full attention).

Me: Yep.

See what I did there? Not good. I almost immediately realized what I'd said and made my excuses. She wasn't offended because she's the perfect office mate and we both have equally silly senses of humor. But of course, its come back to bite me in the bootie ever since. Like yesterday.

Her: So, you still think I have a big bootie?
Me: No, you don't have a big bootie! You know that!
Her: So you've been looking at my bootie?

Lesson to all men: when bootie, butt, ass, rear end, whatever, is mentioned, pay full attention to the conversation. Its a trap. You will - repeat, will - suffer the consequences if you're not paying attention.

Posted by Chris at August 13, 2004 7:32 AM

According to my Kindergatener, it's no longer socially acceptable to call the position, "Indian style". It's now known as "criss-cross applesuace". I crap you negatory.

Which leaves one to say, WTF?

Posted by: Lee at August 13, 2004 7:45 AM

AHAHAHA see that's what you get! *snort*

Posted by: Lauren at August 13, 2004 8:02 AM

Totally, totally amused.

Can I have officemates as cool as you two? Cos, yeah, my cubicle is LONELY.

Posted by: alektra at August 13, 2004 8:15 AM

Why have you been looking at her bootie? You like her bootie better than my bootie, don't you? Just admit it, you think I'm fat. I can't believe you just told the whole internet that you think I'm fat.

Posted by: Mrs. Cactus at August 13, 2004 8:21 AM

Question...Can you fit BOTH feet in your mouth at the same time or do you have to take one out and replace it with the other one? Just askin...

Posted by: debby at August 13, 2004 8:43 AM

criss cross applesauce? That is too many words for a seating position.
yeah, it even hurts when people google 'jlo booty' and they find your site. It's bad when the entire Internet knows you have a a big booty. ;)

Posted by: samantha at August 13, 2004 8:50 AM

whenever any woman asks/says anything regarding the size/shape of any body part you respond with "Your hair looks really good. Did you just get it cut?"

Posted by: Sheryl at August 13, 2004 9:13 AM

hhahaha. that's great. i agree with you on sitting cross-legged, though! it IS comfortable.

Posted by: Manda at August 13, 2004 9:47 AM

.. and here I thought everyone sits india... criss-cross applesauce in their office chairs.

I just had no idea it was booty-relative :P

Posted by: Tonya at August 13, 2004 9:47 AM

I sit all criss-cross applesauce, uh, indian style, and people say the same thing to me. "My what a small ass you have!"

Posted by: myllissa at August 13, 2004 10:00 AM

HA HA HA! That's all I can say!

And, HA HA HA to Mrs.Cactus! You two brought the funny today, and I SO needed it. Thanks!

(Seriously, I don't need a reply to this one Chris... :) )

Posted by: Kim at August 13, 2004 10:05 AM

i used to sit that way so when people walked by my cube they wouldn't see me... i got out of so much work that way! stayin' below the radar, baby.

and as far as bad bootie comments go... a simple "have you been working out?" seems to go far.

Posted by: monique at August 13, 2004 10:16 AM

Dude, I totally have a fat ass. I'm bootylicious and shit. That being said, my coworkers would never comment on my person at all unless I demanded that they tell me how pretty I am. Which I think I have done, but only after several Happy Hour drinks, and even then they sort of drifted away quickly.

Posted by: Coleen at August 13, 2004 10:30 AM

Also, Criss Cross Applesauce has been around FOREVER. And I'm very jealous that you can sit like that, Chris. I would love to put my keyboard in my lap, but then it's all hard to type and stuff.

Posted by: Coleen at August 13, 2004 10:30 AM

wait a damn minute - i've been sitting cross-cross applesause for years and i've never been accused of having a small bootie. what the eff?

Posted by: type a at August 13, 2004 10:39 AM

Bootie vs. Booty

Indian Style vs. Criss-Cross Applesauce

The debate rages on.

Posted by: Amalah at August 13, 2004 10:40 AM

Hey Chris, would you like fries to go with that foot you just swallowed?

I thought you were a vegetarian.... but now you're eating the OTHER white meat!

Posted by: Scarlett Cyn at August 13, 2004 11:22 AM

There isn't quite anyway out of that one safely now is there. Damn I hate those kind of questions.

Posted by: Mike at August 13, 2004 11:43 AM

*tsk* IM-ing at work? NOT paying attention to coworkers? For shame. FOR. SHAAAAAME.

Posted by: Granola Spice at August 13, 2004 12:02 PM


Posted by: Nicole at August 13, 2004 12:03 PM

just be grateful it wasn't the "LIST" chick ... how horrible would that have been. = )

Posted by: LOUP at August 13, 2004 1:22 PM

*falls off office chair laughing while sitting Indian style*

Posted by: Princess at August 13, 2004 2:05 PM

Hee. Y'know, when the conversation turned to body parts, I did kind of assume it was Creepy McList chick. I didn't know you needed a small bootie to sit cross-legged. Wait a minute. It hurts my knees when I sit like that! Oh crap, that means I have a big ass, doesn't it?

Posted by: Fraulein N at August 13, 2004 3:26 PM

just another example of a man trying to multi-task and failing. stick to one job at a time boys and you'll do just fine.
women can multi task brilliantly. must be why theres always more than one in a porno.

Posted by: minnow at August 13, 2004 5:04 PM

Booties booties
the magical fruit
the more you you eat...
ah what am I saying

all I can say is BURNED DUDE
what you should really have said (beth close your eyes) is SPANKALICIOUS BABY YEAH !!!!!

Posted by: Shaners at August 13, 2004 7:32 PM

"yep" hahaha!

Posted by: Sweety at August 14, 2004 7:33 AM