August 11, 2004

Hump Day WTF?

Rarely do I delve into the headlines anymore. I've grown narcissistic and made this thing all about me! But I got into work this morning, pulled up CNN and I'm just sitting here scratching my head and thinking what the fuck?

Your Xbox or Your Life. First off, if any of you out there have the sudden urge to murder six people over an Xbox, I'll spot you the $100, okay? And how many times do we have to hear he was a good kid, he just got with the wrong crowd? I mean, its both a gramatically incorrect and stupid statement. Kill someone over an Xbox? I think that pretty much invalidates good kid status.

The Wedding Cost How Much A Head? Forgive me for going all Martha Stewart on your asses but I saw this article and thought that I'd share three very easy steps to creating the most disgusting wedding ever.
Step One: Take a relatively simple accident - "At the July 17 wedding of his daughter, Eladio Baule got angry with his cousin Benjie Ganay who tripped and accidentally touched the bride's bottom."
Step Two: Overreact like a mofo - "A few hours later, Baule, his son Gerald, another cousin Junnie Buyot and a nephew, Sabtuari Pique, allegedly confronted Ganay, then drove him to a secluded place where they stabbed him to death"
Step Three: Heat and serve - "The group returned to the party and served some of Ganay's cooked remains to guests who were still celebrating the wedding."

Gone In Sixty Minutes. Is it wrong that I take some sort of bizarre satisfaction from thearrest of 86 year old Mike Wallace recently? Probably. But hey, at least it wasn't Andy Rooney. Dude looks like he can rumble.

Posted by Chris at August 11, 2004 7:33 AM

1. He was a good kid? Now, if they'd said "he was so quiet"? That, I could understand. That's what they always say.

2. Gah. What is this, a Greek tragedy?

3. Hee. Mike Wallace. That's kind of funny, really.

Posted by: Fraulein N at August 11, 2004 8:25 AM

Just wait until you stumble upon the articles on the big news sights about the craze of "Cuddle Parties" - - - thats freaking me out.

Posted by: Zoot at August 11, 2004 8:30 AM

Oh, ew ew ew ew ew.

It's too early for me to contemplate things like that. Especially that wedding thing. I need to go lie down.

Posted by: Dawnie at August 11, 2004 8:31 AM

Ewwww..going to a wedding in a couple of weeks. Better make sure Laura keeps her hands off the bride's bottom this time...

Posted by: debby at August 11, 2004 8:41 AM

Zoot! You can't tease us like that! Link please.

Posted by: Diana at August 11, 2004 9:03 AM

Ok, this cuddle party thing is really strange... and they are paying $35 to participate! heh. I was born in the wrong era.

Posted by: wlfldy at August 11, 2004 9:45 AM

My favorite thing about the cuddle parties is how they have all these ground rules so it doesn't get too weird. Yeah, 'cause it wasn't weird or anything in the first place.

Posted by: Fraulein N at August 11, 2004 9:50 AM

Chris, I figured it out, I'm a moron. But the email link works now.

Everyone today keeps sending me the wedding link and asking if I've already planned my reception. No, that's ok. If someone touches my ass at my wedding, my uncles can just beat them up and kick them out.

Unless, say, it's the groom. And then it's encouraged as soon as the old folks go home. :)

Posted by: alektra at August 11, 2004 10:25 AM

I read about the Cuddle Parties! That's too much for me. There's Love, and then there's Loave, and then there's Downright Fucking Creepy.

Also, What in the holy fucking FUCK is that Wedding story all about? I think you made it up, since there is no link for us to gross out our friends.

Posted by: Coleen at August 11, 2004 10:35 AM

OMG I just read that whole eating of the uncle story on CNN. Hopefully that wasn't one of my uncles! /me runs to phone dad to see if there are any Ganays in the family.

Posted by: groovebunny at August 11, 2004 11:59 AM

I love these headlines - I mean the concept, not the stories. The Xbox killings? People get crazy over the Xbox. And the wedding story? Yipes!! I will distrust all reception food from now on.

Posted by: samantha at August 11, 2004 12:02 PM

The second one is just nasty beyond words. EEWWWW!!!

Posted by: Pixie at August 11, 2004 12:14 PM

The funniest thing about the whole Mike Wallace thing is that he was cited for "DISORDERLY CONDUCT"!!!!!!!!!!! THAT has to be one of the funniest things I've heard in a long while!


Posted by: Scarlett Cyn at August 11, 2004 1:01 PM

I'm thinking the wedding guy should have gone to a cuddle party instead. For that matter, perhaps Mike Wallace could use a little cuddle-with-a-stranger-in-pajamas time, too. But he's 86 and that would make him look like a perv.

Unlike me.

Hey, have you seen The List?

Posted by: ben at August 11, 2004 1:30 PM

The thing is, Mike Wallace may have deserved it, but look how old he is? Shouldn't we cut him some slack? He's OLD, really OLD. Most people are dead by that age. Give him a break. How much damage could someone that OLD do? Disrespectful to a police officer? Well, he's got like 50 years on them what do they want from him? Old people should be able to get away with a little double parking. If you were that old, you'd be a grumpy too. Disrespectful. whatever. He's OLD.

Posted by: myllissa at August 11, 2004 1:59 PM

Mike Wallace, that disruptive mother effer, he LUNGED at people. He should know better than that!!!!!

Posted by: yvonne at August 11, 2004 2:13 PM

OH. MY . GAWD. I am NEVER attending ANY social functions again! Eating the uncle?! Gack! Can you imagine being one of the people who had some? eeeewwwww! I think I would have to pour acid on my tongue! That is just wrong!

But on the x-box thing I am so surprised they actually took action (besides sweeping under rug) and FIRED 4 PO's! That is great! And what is up with that guys head? Tan by baseball cap? Lovely! You know ... I am speechless about the actual crime... What? people have no clue when they are raising psychopathic personality people? Shaking head! Denial is a great thing...

Posted by: Gypsy at August 11, 2004 2:25 PM

with my wedding in like a month.. and i'm already so paranoid of some sort of family dispute..what is it with weddings? jim and i.. so laidback.. but already weird family differences are coming out of nowhere..
i'm sure i'll just add that one to my series of nightmares.

Posted by: andrea at August 11, 2004 2:59 PM

what's really funny is that on E Online the headline reads, "Mike 'Rowdy' Wallace Arrested..." priceless!

Posted by: samantha at August 11, 2004 5:05 PM

On the Xbox thing, I heard last night on CNN where one of the victims called 911 repeatedly before they were killed. Like seven times repeatedly.

Gotta love The System!

(and this is why I play PS2, those Xbox types take it a little too seriously)

Posted by: ben at August 12, 2004 9:20 AM