September 29, 2004

The Most Horrible Song I Own

You know how I've mentioned I have some bad stuff in my CD collection? Yeah. Well, I think I found the worst. I mean, really. The. Worst. Ever. So bad, in fact, that I had to rip a copy of the song and share it with you all. It'll be good for a laugh this morning - trust me.

Do you remember Emerson Lake and Palmer? Keith Emerson used to set his keyboards on fire and play like a maniac, Carl Palmer had an 82 bazillion piece drum kit, and Greg Lake? Well, no one could quite figure him out. They released their biggest turd in 1978 and called it Love Beach from which this single entendre-laden track was taken. I mean, look at the cover, people. You know its going to be bad when you see three guys with wide collars and hairy chests under the words "love beach."

Why is this the worst thing in my collection? Even Spinal Tap couldn't have come up with worse...and remember, they were trying to suck! Hint to all you musicians out there - if you ever start writing crap like this, please sell your instruments and get a job as a bank teller or something.

Without further ado...Taste Of My Love! Please right-click and Save As. And yes, I realize the sound quality isn't great but I was going for a small file size. You certainly don't need this to sound'll get the idea.

Posted by Chris at September 29, 2004 8:11 AM

Besides the badness that is this song, I have to mention, just since it is quite odd, that my friends and I were discussing bands Monday night and Emerson Palmer & Lake came into the conversation. How weird is it that a band, never heard from today, gets mentioned to me within the span of three days?

Posted by: Oliquig at September 29, 2004 8:36 AM

I'm going to take a break from laughing uproariously (not AT you, I swear) to ask one question: Why?

Posted by: Fraulein N at September 29, 2004 8:36 AM

That is the suckiest suck that ever sucked.

Posted by: LOUP at September 29, 2004 8:46 AM

oh man that's bad... when i first saw the album cover i thought it was the Bee-Gees! i can't recall ever connecting ELP and the BG before...

Posted by: monique at September 29, 2004 9:07 AM

"I like my dessert first if you know what I mean...tasty tasty tasty."

Oh my god. Are these guys for real? They got paid for this shit?

Btw...started the dog book!!

Posted by: jujubee at September 29, 2004 9:14 AM

That? That was special. Like the short bus.

Posted by: myllissa at September 29, 2004 9:18 AM

Chris, that was so bad. And so funny. Thanks for giving me my first big laugh for today!

Posted by: samantha at September 29, 2004 9:19 AM

LMOA! I'm thinking they must have written those lyrics while on the can cause crap! Morning giggles are good! :)

Posted by: groovebunny at September 29, 2004 9:49 AM

Pleasure to the heaps of pain...GAH ~ and no I won't be taking any of your love thank you! You have horrified me this morning ... and made me laugh!

Posted by: gypsy at September 29, 2004 10:13 AM

I can't even listen to it, because my love for ELP is just and true. Synthesizers make me HOTT.

Posted by: Coleen at September 29, 2004 10:15 AM

Oh my... I have now words.

That is so very awfully bad, that it's funny. Oy.

Posted by: Dawnie at September 29, 2004 10:53 AM

OMG! This song is a scream and a half! Were they SERIOUS?

Here's a link to a review of that album with the partial lyrics to the song:

Thanks for the good laugh!

Posted by: doulazanie at September 29, 2004 11:30 AM

Here's a link to the lyrics for the whole album:

I think my brain hurts now.

Posted by: Sue at September 29, 2004 11:46 AM

Dear lord! I had to stop after a minute because my ears were starting to bleed.

Posted by: Kelley at September 29, 2004 11:49 AM

Wow. Just, wow. That is shameful. But I'm totally not judging you! We've all made mistakes in our CD collection, it's just that most of us aren't brave enough to go public. I say bravo to you!

Posted by: Heather at September 29, 2004 11:54 AM

Wow, they suck worse than Stryper!! How can this be?!

Posted by: RockStar Mommy at September 29, 2004 12:21 PM

I don't know this one and I'm happy about it!!

Posted by: JustAgirl at September 29, 2004 12:27 PM

Holy crap, that is horrid! Thanks for sharing. I just know that chorus is going to pop into my head at an inappropriate moment and get me in trouble!

Posted by: Jeff A at September 29, 2004 2:44 PM

oh, for the love of...

Made me think of that joke (can't recall who delivered it) about Emerson Lake and Palmer being a law firm. Criminal, indeed.

Posted by: Sawni at September 29, 2004 3:21 PM

oh my god- stud game here I come!

that is REALLY BAD...

Posted by: stinkerbell at September 29, 2004 3:52 PM

Ok, so this is like horrible Harlequin music...climb on my stallion? *runs away screaming*

Posted by: Heather at September 29, 2004 4:28 PM

Gack, it contains the line "Down on your kneeees! Something something something..." (I don't know. I blacked out.)

Chris, is this the song that made you buy the album??!

Posted by: supine at September 29, 2004 5:01 PM

"I wanna dynamite your mind with my love tonight?" WTF? Wait a minute wait a minute. Let me spell that out. What the FUCK? Man, that was hands-down the best song I have ever heard. Now I know what to play my sweetheart while were driving to the county fair. Then I'm gonna score a bug fucking teddy bear at that pop-gun stand and sing it to her as we walk off into the sunset. I've got just enough chest hair to pull it off too.

Posted by: Colby at September 29, 2004 6:36 PM

If that song were to be dedicated in any fashion to me, I think I would have to don my helmet, find the neartest short bus, and jump in front of it. What the hell were they thinking? More importantly, however, what in god's name was the production company thinking!?

Posted by: Jade at September 29, 2004 6:40 PM

I'm pretty sure this qualifies to be a sound track for some 70's porn.

Posted by: wlfldy at September 30, 2004 7:43 AM