October 19, 2004

Captain Obvious and the Coffee Caper

I was in my local Dunkin Donuts this morning (as I am every freaking morning and yes, thank you, I know I have a problem and there might be some intervention necessary in the future but for now I think I have a handle on my caffeine and vanilla frosted addiction) and there was a guy next to me at the counter buying a dozen donuts. As I was being helped, the guy next to me let loose with what I thought was one of the day's more astonishing discoveries. "Hey, look at that! Donuts have holes!" he exclaimed. It got stranger.

Captain Obvious: I'd like a large coffee.
Helpful Donut Lady: Cream and sugar?
Captain Obvious: I don't want coffee.
Helpful Donut Lady: No coffee?
Captain Obvious: Oh, yes, coffee please.
Helpful Donut Lady: What size?
Captain Obvious: Coffee? I don't need any coffee thanks.
Helpful Donut Lady: No coffee? Just donuts?
Captain Obvious: That's what I said.

Its going to be one of those days, isn't it?

Posted by Chris at October 19, 2004 7:26 AM

Woooo boy. Yeah, it's definitely going to be one of those days.... Good luck.

Posted by: Fae at October 19, 2004 8:04 AM

Oh come on-- you forgot to explain Captain Obvious had just swallowed two tabs of LSD . . geez----

Posted by: bluepoppy at October 19, 2004 8:37 AM

I don't think you're the one that needs the intervention....

Posted by: myllissa at October 19, 2004 8:41 AM

I wonder if he could be related to psychofannypackgal?

Posted by: LOUP at October 19, 2004 8:49 AM

Maybe it'll actually take him eating his whole dozen donuts with "holes" before his brain cells start working properly. lol

Posted by: charm at October 19, 2004 10:30 AM

That's just scary. Wow.

Posted by: Beth at October 19, 2004 10:36 AM

I really am having trouble luhving you, Cactus Man, because Dunkin Donuts seems to think that it is too good for the South, and I LOVE THEIR COFFEE. But that guy? Was definitely either coming down from something or well on his way there.

Posted by: samantha at October 19, 2004 10:51 AM

Ya. I live that story every day. Doesn't really mean your whole day will be, off....his will though.
"I'd like a pick and a powerball."
"One pick and powerball, that's two dollars."
"I only wanted one! What is this?"
"A pick and a powerball, ma'am."
"Oh for pete's sake, don't you listen! I wanted a quick pick on the powerball."
"Forgive me, ma'am. The voices were getting loud for a minute, I must not have heard you."

Posted by: Jade at October 19, 2004 10:57 AM

So, did he leave his crack pipe outside? Or did he bring it in with him. BTW, next time you see Mr. Marion Berry, please get his autograph for me. Thanks.

Posted by: Mike at October 19, 2004 11:06 AM

Perhaps that guy had one too many doughnuts?!? ;)

Posted by: Amelia at October 19, 2004 11:27 AM

wow. that is scary and creepy.
how do you find these people? lol

Posted by: Manda at October 19, 2004 11:54 AM

Maybe the clerk at DD should have addressed each of his personalities individually. By the way, Dunkin' Donuts coffee rules.

Posted by: Strode at October 19, 2004 12:12 PM

Its very possible that he was a projection from the future. Didn't think of that did you? Nooooo, you just want to go on criticizing people before hearing their side of the story, Mr-I'm-so-perfect-and-I-want-my-coffee-with-vanilla-thankyou.

Maybe, if you stepped outside of your little womb of a world for one minute, you might realize that he is most likely from 50+ years in the future where there are no longer holes in doughnuts. OBVIOUSLY, he was caught in a temporary, and quite isolated, temporal fissure that projected his image back into our present. Hearing only his side of the conversation (much like hearing half a phone conversation), you completely misunderstood what was going on.

Next time, try to be a little more understanding of the CIRCUMSTANCES surrounding things before blaming poor people caught in a situation beyond their control. Dammit.

Posted by: Jon in Michigan at October 19, 2004 12:51 PM

You know what's even better? That guy probably isn't going to remember ANY of that later today. Because he? Was still asleep. I know, I've done things like that before. That's why my friends love me so, because I'm amusing to have around.

Posted by: Kerry at October 19, 2004 1:30 PM

Based on your commentary from Captian Obvious, I doubt that you are the one in need of intervention. May the Gods of Ignorance stop smiling on that poor soul so much!

Keep smilin' Chris, it does get better. :)

Posted by: Desiree' at October 19, 2004 2:32 PM

Yeah, there's a crack dealer missing some of his inventory right now.

Posted by: Kimmer at October 19, 2004 3:02 PM

Run away. No more sugar for that guy and get off the crack dude.

Posted by: Jazzy at October 19, 2004 3:10 PM

It has been one of those days all damn day long with no signs of slowing....

Posted by: RockStar Mommy at October 19, 2004 3:35 PM

It sounds like you had one fo those Twilight Zone moments.
Sorry man, that's scary!

Posted by: Jen at October 19, 2004 4:12 PM

Where I live, Starbucks put Dunkin' Donuts out of business.

You might die here.

Posted by: DeAnn at October 20, 2004 4:12 AM

"Hey look! Donuts have holes!" ?? WHAT THE HELL?!

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Posted by: Kristin19Tu at February 5, 2010 7:39 AM