November 11, 2004

Crunch Time

I've never guest blogged before. The power! THE POWER! Bwahahahahaha!
*head thrown back, shaking raised fists in the air*

Speaking of power - I've been busy in self-contemplation, and I think that I'm more likely to be a evil super power than a force for good. To wit:

1) I laugh when surrounded by chaos.
2) I unleash my hell-spawn on our community on a semi-frequent basis.
3) Save the world or watch Desperate Housewives? Not even a tough call.
4) I have about eight arms, which I use like a snake charmer and also? To shock and awe.
5) I like to dress like a bad girl.

Shortly after the birth of my second child, I ventured to the zoo for an outing with a friend. All was well until the baby had a diaper blowout of epic proportions, and my 18 month old took off for the playground while I was trying to change his diaper.

Crunch time. Baby with naked, poo-covered butt. Toddler heading for the hills. Stroller with purse and camera and video camera and enough supplies to survive a winter in the arctic plus run a triage unit in a major city hospital, resulting in a heavy load that required two hands to push.

Time's up. What do you do?

With a strangled aaaaaargh! I shouldered my month old son, slimy naked hiney displayed to God and Country, and abandoned the stroller as I sprinted after my fleeing, flapping daughter, who had the indecency to giggle and say "git you!" at me as I was closing in on her. In slow motion, I reached a hand out, and snagged her shoulder. I spun on my heel, long hair swinging in an arc, baby wailing, and toddler protesting. We made it back to the stroller and I held my daughter's torso snuggly between my knees while I wrangled the baby in to a clean diaper.

And then I began to laugh and cry at the same time.

That was the transforming moment, when I went from normal woman to Evil Mommy. I'm thinking the time has come for me to design an outfit. Probably would be a good idea to stick with poo-brown, though, to save on dry cleaning.


Posted by at November 11, 2004 12:50 PM

God, Jenny, the imagery is too much. For the outift, I'm thinking leather all the way....

Posted by: lu at November 11, 2004 3:08 PM

I'm getting a good visual on this and it scares the life out of've just reminded me of what is a head with my baby...thanks Jenny.

Posted by: maria at November 12, 2004 12:13 AM

My favorite was the slo-mo action. Life sometimes does focus in on a few nanoseconds that way. Your Super Power Name: The Terrible Tiara.

Posted by: Mellie Helen at November 12, 2004 12:42 AM

Hey! I dress like a bad girl, too!

Posted by: Mindy at November 12, 2004 6:15 PM

I have held all four of my children between my knees while I was peeing in a public restroom- because I couldn't stand the thought of them on the dirty floor. My God, I used to be somebody with dignity.

Posted by: Lisa at November 12, 2004 9:47 PM