November 11, 2004

The Meaning of Home

Well do I keep it light or go for the deep story? A little bit of both. Most people consider the place where they grew up as their home. Not me. I moved around a lot as a small child and finally stuck in Houston about the time I was in 5th grade. I grew up mostly in small towns before moving to H Town. I finished out high school living in the same house and going to one school for all of high school. I still never felt at home. Having divorced parents with very different views on parenting and me being a complete people pleaser, I was constantly in a play, acting out a character, whoever I thought everyone wanted me to be.

I left Houston as soon as I possible could for college in Austin. University of Texas here I come. Freedom here I come. I spent the next 6 years finding myself. My true self, not the one I thought other people wanted me to be. I learned who I was and what I stood for. I made my home. Austin is a very open minded, liberal town (ironically being the State Capital of a very non liberal state) and enjoyed being comfortable in any sort of setting. People watching in Austin is a wonderful experience. It is a melting pot as I am a melting pot of sorts. A mix of old soul hippie chick with a little bit of Jewish American Princess (a very little bit) mixed in.

After graduating in 1999, I moved back to the city I said I would never come back to. Oh, the things love makes us do. As I moved back, I morphed yet again and slowly took on a new persona. Due in part to starting a career, due in part to being back in close proximity to my overbearing, manipulative parents, and due in part to dating a man that I worshipped more than I should have. I moved back to a place where I had no friends, only a boyfriend that worked all the time and a family that needed more than I could give. I changed yet again.

I found my knight in shining armor a couple of years ago and in 3 weeks we will celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary. I have built a home with him here in Houston and my heart will always be with him. I work in an area that is full of Stepford Families. I entertain these people. I work with these people. I am not these people. I am an actress with these people to some extent. They know I am different, that I don't really belong. When I visit Austin, another persona lives. I don't have to be an actress. I am me there. The true me. I can let it all hang out. I am comfortable in the aura that is Austin. I know these people and they know me. I am the hippie chick with the expensive hang bag. And no one looks at me strange. I am home.


Posted by at November 11, 2004 1:37 PM

no worries.. you aren't alone..
i had a similar childhood.. and the acting thing for sure.. along with some damn good blocking out techniques..
but i too found a wonderful man and his family seem so strangely "normal" compared to mine..loving, thoughtful and kind and i love them so much..though they constantly stun me with their sincerity.

Posted by: andrea at November 12, 2004 11:30 AM