February 8, 2005

String Theory (Again)

I finally got around to checking my site states yesterday afternoon and thought it was about time to check out the latest search strings that have brought people here. Its always a scary but amusing exercise. But first, thanks to all of you who visit! I've had to upgrade my account yet again to increase my bandwidth and capacity and the stats are truly amazing. Now, onto the strings...

Monday sucks Mickey Mouse:
I think I’ve seen this one crop up before. And still, I couldn’t have said it any better myself.

How cute is Beth?
Pretty damn cute, I gotta tell ya.

Titty tassel:
Hey, what I do on my own time is none of your business.

Bob Barker freak:
The dude’s ancient…and he’s got more sexual harassment suits pending than any other man in showbiz. Freak? Yep.

Gross zit popping pics:
I'm sorry, I just had to take that gallery down. It was just killing my bandwidth with its popularity.

Baby picture of Neil Armstrong:
Can I just ask why you need a baby picture of Neil Armstrong? Only after you give me a good enough reason, will I dive into my super-secret archives of famous astronauts and their baby pictures.

Lose my ass:
The secret's out. One really bad habit I've got is forgetting my ass. Restaurants, bars, work...at least once a week I'm forgetting my ass somewhere. I’ve started putting my name and phone number on it with a Sharpie. That’s helped.

Is it rude to ask someone if they are gay?
Yes. Haven’t you ever heard of ‘don’t ask don’t tell?’ Cos you know that's really worked out well for the military.

How can I tell if my cactus is dead?
There will be a very long streak during which there are no posts. No explanation will be immediately given. But certain people “in the know” will eventually break the news to you.

Gnome liberator:
Ahhh, the Braveheart for, well, little people in red and green costumes who hang out in your garden.

Should you wear socks with deck shoes?
Absolutely not. What kind of freak are you? Hey...is this Bob Barker?

Why did Anthony Kiedis cut his hair ?
Because I told him to. But don’t hold me responsible. I wasn’t the one with the scissors.

How to hand wax a table:
Is this a euphemism for something or do you really need to be walked through the elaborate table waxing process?

Tell your pants its rude to stare:
“Pants, its rude to stare.”

Bendy sex:
Is there any other kind?

Posted by Chris at February 8, 2005 7:53 AM

Just this morning I was checking mine... here are my favorites:

"You came and you gave without taking"
"Kelly Ripa porn"
"total weird things"
"What to do with your dead hooker"

All hail Google!

Posted by: Stacy at February 8, 2005 8:01 AM

The weirdest one I got was for hair ornaments, you have me beat in the weird requests categories LOL

Posted by: Nina at February 8, 2005 8:17 AM

Haha I love them...especially the pants one.

Posted by: judy at February 8, 2005 8:22 AM

on my old blog I once got a hits for:

fucking me mother
sexy fairie pics
pictures of kittens having sex

What I wonder is who are these people? and who let them have internet access?

Posted by: Autumn at February 8, 2005 8:22 AM

Heh, heh. Those are very nice. :)

Just yesterday I got "chocolate water by the naked pat"

Apparently, I'm #6 on Google's list.

Uh, next to you now, ofcourse. :)

Posted by: Jon in Michigan at February 8, 2005 8:32 AM

How do you find this stuff out? IT'S AWESOME.

Posted by: alektra at February 8, 2005 8:46 AM

Like Autumn, I get "I fuck my Mother" searches daily.

I also get all the foot fetish freaks in the world asking for pictures of not just my bare feet, but also for the bare feet of Mandy Moore, Britney Spears, Diane Lane, and Angelina Jolie - most not wanting just BARE feet, but pics of bare feet with different kinds of bodily fluids on them.

And I got a "Mandy Moore bare boob feet" once - still have yet to figure that one out.

Posted by: RockStar Mommy at February 8, 2005 10:18 AM

heh - the searches were funny, your responses were priceless. you have no idea how much i needed a good laugh this dumb tuesday morning. THANKS :)

Posted by: zalary at February 8, 2005 10:46 AM

Hehehe. I never realized you had so many freaks finding you through these topics...

Oh and RSM, your feet comment reminds me of a King of the Hill episode - Peggy ends up finding a foot fetish site about her. It's pretty funny. And gross.

Posted by: Kitty at February 8, 2005 10:47 AM

Bendy sex... *giggles*
Those are great. Gotta go see what I can find in my stats lol!!

Posted by: jen at February 8, 2005 11:08 AM

"How to hand wax a table". That sounds totally, totally dirty.

Posted by: Heather at February 8, 2005 12:33 PM

since i do not have my own site, i have no clue how one gets these site stats. so pardon the ignorance! but it sure sounds interesting (if not scary)...does it just list them out, what level of detail do you get - like what search engines they used? when they searched etc.?

Posted by: Priscilla at February 8, 2005 1:07 PM

Gnome liberator!!! Glad to know that someone out there cares about the plight of garden statuary. Now, who's gonna take up the cause for emancipating lawn 'mingoes?!

Posted by: Amanda at February 8, 2005 2:21 PM

Titty Tassel is totally going to be the name of my new book. Whenever I write it.

And wait a second, where is my ass? Damn. I lost it again. I think I left it at the dry cleaners.

Haha. Great list.

Posted by: smartjuice at February 8, 2005 2:55 PM

That's too funny! I love the "How to hand wax a table" *My first instinct was to look away to give it it's privacy* ;)

Posted by: Sashinka at February 8, 2005 3:07 PM

I'm sorry, you...had a gallery of zit-popping photos? I...what? Crikey. Always the last to know.

Posted by: supine at February 8, 2005 3:45 PM

You guys are kidding right? People don't really search for some of that stuff, right? I think this whole "internet is the information highway" is getting WAY out of hand.

Posted by: Lori at February 8, 2005 4:38 PM

"Gross zip popping pics" nearly made me lose my lunch. And my ass.

Posted by: Mirella at February 8, 2005 4:53 PM

Those are hilarious - I haven't checked my referrals sonce I started my blog - I think we've found a blog topic for tonight :)

Posted by: Marie at February 8, 2005 6:19 PM

Oh yes....the things you find in your referrer list.
My personal favorite "Viagra AND Blueberries"... (for some reason I seem to remember a comment made recently about little blue pills and little blue fruit....nah, must be the influence of Krispy Kremes *G*)

Posted by: Kellie at February 8, 2005 7:14 PM

someone searched for zit popping pics?

uh, ok.

weirdos. ;)

Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) at February 8, 2005 9:15 PM

dir, online pharmacy, software

Posted by: soft at February 17, 2005 2:37 AM