March 15, 2005

Doubt, Rockage, and Pictures

I've said it before and I'll for damn sure say it again - you guys really and truly rock.

Here's what happens with I know it. I spin and I throw. Plates and balls. I keep as many plates spinning and as many balls in the air as I know how. We all do. This is life. This is how its played. But, while I'm busy spinning and bouncing and catching and balancing, maybe one of the plates gets away from me. Or one of the balls hits the ground and rolls away. Or maybe not. What matters is the fear that its happened. Paranoia that we're letting something go. Like that fear you have when you think, just for an instant, you might have locked yourself out of the house. Like I'm forgetting something. Like I've lost the thread to a very important conversation, one of many but still very important. And when we do this - we, because I don't believe its just me - we prove our worst fears. We prove that we're not always able to simulatenously deal with each of the thousands of facets of the real world (not the show...we all know that they all sleep together except for one of the whiny gay guys who gets on everyone's nerves).

Blogging is odd. I have and always will maintain that I blog for me. But to say I blog only for me would be a terrible lie. I'd be bummed if no one dropped by. I'd still do it, but it would kinda suck. There's a certain amount of validation I get - and would assume others get - from sharing my thoughts and pieces of my life here and getting feedback from others. Its that, combined with the opportunity to meet some wonderful people, that appeal to me most. So, its like a relationship. And every relationship needs a bit of reassurance. I think that's what I was going for.

I'm a father-to-be, a husband, a worker drone and a regular guy. Each of these things comes with a requisite yet wholly disproportionate amount of self-doubt, headaches and challenges. And each comes with great rewards. Occasionally the balances between good and bad get out of whack, some plates shatter and balls roll away. But with the right people around you, you can generally always get things spinning again. So thank you.

...of course, some days you just wind up with a produce sticker on your face. For those of you who wanted pictures, I've started organizing everything from the old galleries using Flickr. Go check out what I've got so far...
Posted by Chris at March 15, 2005 6:41 PM


God, I'm shallow.

Posted by: Jason at March 15, 2005 6:49 PM

It's about time you got with Flickr! :)

Posted by: Carla at March 15, 2005 7:00 PM

Yay! Flickr!! Oh, how I love Flickr. It's like crack, man.

And hey, when a ball falls or a plate shatters, you know we'll all be here for you. Not just because you're a dead sexy mofo or because you put produce stickers on your nose (I totally do that too), but because we love you man.

Posted by: Halo at March 15, 2005 7:14 PM

hee! Nice shot.

Posted by: Bond Girl at March 15, 2005 7:26 PM

Hey thanks to you too man. That was a great post. I get the sense if I read it in frantic manner I get a better sense of the juggling and such. I love reading your blog.

Posted by: j.tonic at March 15, 2005 7:46 PM

Flickr is cool, but my server owner (my friend) keeps kicking me for not using my webspace for my photos, so I finally did. I'm so sorry I was out of commission these last few days and couldn't send you a hug during your moments of doubt. I agree with you about blogging; part of it is for you, but there is that sense of contact with others that makes blogging truly worthwhile. Hope you're feeling so much better, and so much loved. Oh, and if you rip that produce sticker off REAL FAST, it won't hurt... much.

Posted by: etherian at March 15, 2005 8:04 PM

dude, if there wasn't doubt there'd be no reason to better yourself.

Posted by: monique at March 15, 2005 8:26 PM

Wait ... is that a recent pic of you and Ms. Fish? Because WHERE IS THE BEAN!?!?

Don't tell me she's one of those teeny-tiny pregnant people, is she!?!? Because I will be jealous.

Posted by: Broad at March 15, 2005 8:40 PM

haha, produce face! that's one you didn't hear back in high school.

stress. i know the feeling. well, i'm not so much stressed as i am anxious and overwhelmed. the new job? rocks. but there's literally not enough time in the day to get done what i want to get done. i come home wanting to go back and finish, but i have to wait until the next day. it's painful. lol. i just wanna be the best department manager that i can, and i think i'm trying to do it all in one day. it's overwhelming. (yes, i said that already.) oh gosh...babbling...

Posted by: tiffanie at March 15, 2005 9:06 PM

I come by and read your blog quite often...usually from a link off Snidge.But I dont usually comment.Your funny!! And keep blogging!I like to know all about the baby and your wife too;)

Posted by: butterflies at March 15, 2005 9:42 PM

hee hee pictures, of cats? i will go look right now! nice sticker silly! yeah for real is that your PREGNANT wife, she be teeny tiny :)

Posted by: lizabetty at March 15, 2005 9:49 PM

ok, looked at pictures, you 2 r cute....only one pic of a cat, meow........and wow, you guys take some nice pictures, i just point shoot and DELETE a lot, lol. good night :)

Posted by: lizabetty at March 15, 2005 9:56 PM

Well put!

Posted by: azzy at March 15, 2005 11:30 PM

I understand craving validation and writing without comments. While I do not write anything as interesting or as eloquent as you do, I'd love the validation that I was a wee bit interesting. Ha! I'm so not the happening blogger. Heh....

Onto better things.....I see Beth's HOT ASS!!! *wink*

Posted by: Tricia at March 15, 2005 11:36 PM

Yeah, I have to say that if people stopped commenting, I'd probably just switch to a paper journal or something. I used to have a group of friends that all blogged with me, so we were keeping up on each other. Now they all faded away. So I say what I want. But the idea of just shouting randomly into a void doesn't thrill me much.

Posted by: alektra at March 16, 2005 1:24 AM

i love seeing comments on my blog's a whopper of a comment for ya:

i love that pic of the produce reminds me of the time i thought it would be funny to put a "ripe and ready to eat tonight" sticker on a ahem...delicate area.....yeah, i guess the heat leading up to the unveiling was a tad too much, cause the damn thing melted and we spent the next 10 minutes trying to get all the sticker off me....and not in a fun way....

Posted by: miss macy at March 16, 2005 3:41 AM

I agree with you, I read some people's blogs and they have like all 0 comments and they still write. I couldn't do's all about ME ME ME!! LOL. Actually, I have the inquisitive side and love reading other's people's life stories.
Like I like your story...

so you better read mine!:)

Posted by: mrsmogul at March 16, 2005 4:04 AM

Some feedback definitely gives validation of some kind. Knowing that there may be the remotest chance you are interesting to other people. Especially when in the case of blogging, everyone is from all over the world.
I find it particulary cool that despite all the crap going on in the world, people can still stop by the blog of someone they enjoy, and let them know they care and are there, or share a laugh. Race, geography, religion etc etc doesn't necesarily matter a bit. It kinda restores my faith in people.
A bit corny, huh?

Posted by: DaFFy at March 16, 2005 6:46 AM

I think everyone likes a little validation now and again.
Oh, and the produce sticker? I do that too. You have to be silly at least once a week or you'll go crazy. It's a proven fact.

Posted by: Kitty at March 16, 2005 9:42 AM

No, thank you, Chris :o)

I once kept a sticker from a Chiquita banana on the inside pocket of my denim jacket when I was in college...don't ask why, I just did.

Posted by: Milly at March 16, 2005 10:12 AM

Great pics, I love love love the one of the day you found out. So far, I think your little space in the blog world is great.

Posted by: Krista at March 16, 2005 10:47 AM

I know those fears, well, except for the father-to-be thing, and I have dropped many plates. This weekend was spent mostly picking up broken plates and I have much more work to do. Wanna borrow some glue from me? I've got extra plate glue to share!

Posted by: Gweny at March 16, 2005 10:51 AM

I am insanely jealous of your picture taking ability. We recently just got a digital camera and enthralled with trying to take good pictures. What kind of camera do you use?

Posted by: alfredsmom at March 16, 2005 11:12 AM

Coupla nice posts these past two days. Thanks! It's reassuring to know I'm not the only one out there filled with self-doubt. Or the only one who puts produce stickers on her face ('cept I usually do my forehead).

Posted by: Alison at March 16, 2005 12:40 PM

Love the Flickr photos!

Posted by: becky at March 16, 2005 2:59 PM

Yup. I have to admit there are friendships I've made through blogging that are special to me and I wouldn't trade for the world. Even though it's nice that people comment, I'm not bothered if people don't. I either connect with someone on something or I don't, much like everyday life and it doesn't bother me. Lol love the pic as usual! It's witty & whacky and something the Lima Bean will enjoy seeing when she's older. :)

Posted by: groovebunny at March 16, 2005 5:13 PM

Great post and absolutly on the nose (pun intended). We do blog for ourselves, but the validation or acceptance that we get from other people is why we keep coming back.

Posted by: Jazzy at March 16, 2005 5:47 PM

Hey I just got around to checking the pics out, great! I got nostalgic looking at the NYC pics, I grew up in Long Island NY and used to go to the city all the time. I recognised almost everything! Then I moved to CT and had a child, well this year I plan on taking her, she's finally old enough yay!

Posted by: Nina at March 16, 2005 10:38 PM

This comment is probably going on the wrong entry, but I'm sure you won't mind. :)

It's the introspection, Cactus. You say deep things that make a lot of sense, you care about things...and you come up with funny, random stories from your past that are simply insane. Plus, the pictures. Pictures are always good. :)

Posted by: Zandria at March 16, 2005 10:57 PM

umm you forgot that you are one kick ass friend

Posted by: stinkerbell at March 21, 2005 10:49 AM