March 14, 2005

Keeping My Dumbassness To Myself


Beth and I logged some time at a friend's baby shower on Saturday. Not only did it provide a preview of things to come for us but it also showcased my stunning ability to be, well, stupid. Unusually, I was stupid in silence. So I give you my inner dialogue:

Okay. There's Fred. Shake hands and don't forget to ask how life in Illinois is treating him. Ahhh...funny comment about ball and chain. What witty repartee...such bullshit macho manly stuff. Gah. Oh, and there's Ethel. She's a little underdressed for the occasion but she's pregnant. My is she pregnant! I don't quite remember her being that cute though. Go Fred! Clearly the pregnancy thing is treating her well. Shake more hands. Yes, yes, we're pregnant too...thank you very much...20 weeks...July 31st. More hands...more congratulations. Food! Mmmm...pasta! Why is it that I don't drink again? And there's Ethel again sitting in the corner. I keep smiling at her but I'm getting nothing! Hopefully she doesn't teach her kid to be as stuck up as she is. Main attraction - time to open the presents. Hey, what's that heavy girl doing up there with Fred opening presents? Oh shit...that's Ethel. I'm such a dumbass.

You see, while I've known Fred for a while, I'd only met Ethel once. And while I usually remember names and faces pretty well, clearly this one didn't stick. Thank god I kept my mouth shut. Unusual for me.

Posted by Chris at March 14, 2005 8:48 AM

as long as you didn't say anything...
maybe next time you know you'll find yourself in these situations you could cram beforehand... you know, put pictures of them around the house with labels so you'll be familiar with them. there's nothing worse than confusing Ethel for Harriet and Fred for Ozzy. hate that.

Posted by: monique at March 14, 2005 10:15 AM


Posted by: kalisah at March 14, 2005 10:18 AM

I had a baby shower for my sister (it's her third baby) yesterday. I bet everyone at your friend's shower was "oohing and ahhing" everytime she unwrapped a cute baby outfit or some tiny socks. Babies rock!

Posted by: Milly at March 14, 2005 10:19 AM

Let me just share with you my dialogue with my Beth re: her suggestion that we have a "couples" baby shower.

Beth: "Should we do a couples baby shower? You know - invite the husbands?"

Jay: " Sure. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go have myself neutered."

Posted by: Jason at March 14, 2005 11:03 AM

Wow, Ricky-- what'd Lucy say when you told her what you'd been thinking?

Posted by: bmh at March 14, 2005 11:20 AM

Ah, but the stories become even better when you do actually open your mouth. Nothing beats a foot in the mouth story. Glad you survived the shower though.

Posted by: smartjuice at March 14, 2005 12:04 PM

I've never heard of men being invited to a baby shower. Is this some new trend that we don't know about yet in Oregon?

Posted by: DeAnn at March 14, 2005 1:08 PM

fun times, we have like three baby showeres coming up, my husband can't wait, NOT!!!! so is he gonna be checking out women in his mind while we are there, is that what you guys do?!?! lol!

Posted by: lizabetty at March 14, 2005 3:25 PM

Hahahahaha!!!I'm sorry, but that's just too funny!

Posted by: Sweety at March 15, 2005 4:08 AM

D'oh! Ok I'll share too. I was in the elevator with a girl from one of my classes. She had a bit of a tummy and looked at me as she gave out a loud sigh, rubbed her stomach and said "man, will I be glad when this is over." I said "Oh really? When are you due?" The look she gave me next is burned into my memory forever. She wasn't pregnant. Ouch! I'm an open-mouthed dumbass. She actually was talking about her aerobics class.

Posted by: Gweny at March 15, 2005 1:31 PM