April 11, 2005

When Coins Go Bad

Here's another geeky thing about me you didn't know - I dig coins. I mean, I don't collect them or anything but I think they're interesting. And when I said I don't collect them just a few seconds ago, I guess I kinda lied because I do have one of those books in which you can keep all fifty of those new state quarters. So, I thought it was really cool when, over the weekend, someone handed me one of the new nickels. Then I looked at it closely and it kinda freaked me out.

Am I the only one who sees the giant bison penis? And if that isn't a giant bison penis, just what the hell is it? And if it is, is it in the right place?

While I've never given it any thought before now, I'm all for accuracy in coinage. But isn't it a little odd that Janet Jackson can't slip a tit on television without the world erupting in a sinister display of moral decency and begin advocating censorship willy-nilly while the government - the same one that levied fines against each of the outlets that broadcast said nipple slippage (nippage? slipple?) - is minting coinage emblazoned with giant bison dicks? And even if, somehow, that's not a giant bison dick but some other bizarre hitherto unknown bison appendage, people are going to look at it and think boy, that bison sure is happy to be on the nickel because, frankly, we all have dirty minds.

Word to the government, yo - be consistent. Oh, and one suggestion to make that silver dollar thing work should you ever try it again - Susan B. Anthony...topless.

Posted by Chris at April 11, 2005 9:27 AM

Aaaack, anatomically correct coins!

Posted by: Amanda at April 11, 2005 9:47 AM

Did you see the other nickels with the boat on the back? It looks like a Viking ship!! What the hell do Vikings have to do with nickels?!

Posted by: Michelle at April 11, 2005 9:50 AM

Clearly, it's okay if it is a phallic symbol, a symbol of our patriarchal government asserting its male authority.

I am not at all surprised.

Posted by: jenorama at April 11, 2005 10:09 AM

I google'd bison pictures and it seems they all have that appendage there! I didn't investigate to find out exactly what it is (yet) but, yep, they're being anatomically correct. Scary!

Posted by: Empress at April 11, 2005 10:10 AM

seriously, you crack me up, you are weird but funny! lol. "i dont collect coins" & "oh wait, i do have one of those dorky books that you put them in". its ok, we all know you are a bit dorky, it really is ok ;)

Posted by: lizabetty at April 11, 2005 10:10 AM

Maybe it's just a subliminal message for all of us to get busy and procreate so that the government has lots more tax money to work with later?

Posted by: Queen of Ass at April 11, 2005 10:35 AM

*shhhh* I have one of those books, too. All my cool points start flying out the window.

Thankfully, I haven't gotten one of those new nickels yet, but I know that I'll keep my eye out for it now.

Posted by: amber at April 11, 2005 10:36 AM

Why exactly were you looking at the bisons crotch area anyway?

And considering how large bison are if that is in the right spot he has one hell of a long schlong!

Posted by: Jeff A at April 11, 2005 11:19 AM


Posted by: GS at April 11, 2005 11:30 AM

Whenever I see one of those deer crossing signs I think they're just screaming for a little spray paint graffiti in the right place. Bahamian coins are the absolute best- all sea creatures- dolphins, starfish, etc. But no parts.

Posted by: Vicki at April 11, 2005 11:40 AM

Dude...warn me before you say stuff like that! I'm sitting here on a conference call when I read this and had to fight VERY hard to keep myself from cracking up in the middle of the call.

Damn you, Cactus!!!

Posted by: JP at April 11, 2005 11:49 AM

That's bizarre! I think that could scar someone for life seeing a bison wank that big. Hide all your nickels from your kids! We don't need to be 'splainin' penises to them yet!

I really like the Susan B. Anthony suggestion, though. Just a tiny nip slip would be fine.

Happy Monday!

Posted by: Ms. Q at April 11, 2005 11:56 AM

I'm almost positive the female buffalo/bison have them, too. Mainly because I lived in Buffalo, and we have herds of them around. I think it's just a tuft at the end of their sternum, or something. So, not dirty. I also base this on other animals and where their "anatomy" is, from doing a lot of bio courses.

Chris, the kid is going to watch nature shows and horrify you with her questions.

Posted by: alektra at April 11, 2005 12:18 PM

Im sure its a bison penis.
But its in the wrong place..not that Ive ever seen a bison penis....

Posted by: butterflies at April 11, 2005 12:18 PM

it's obvious i am going to have to start a group. to lobby to keep nickels out of the hands of our IMPRESSIONABLE CHILDREN!!! they already know about boobies! i don't think they are ready for the penis!!

Posted by: jodi at April 11, 2005 12:58 PM

Buffalo peen won't you come out tonight, come out tonight, come out tonight...

Posted by: bmh at April 11, 2005 2:29 PM

Why do I feel so dirty for wanting the new nickel now? Its the fact that I'm interested over alleged bison dick, that's why. You should be ashamed. Corrupting minds one by one, starting with mine.

Posted by: myllissa at April 11, 2005 2:46 PM

Well, what can I really say about Chris except that I have known since I first started reading him what a stand up guy he is.

But talk about above and beyond.

I asked him this morning to look at a website I've been working on, and he recommended I punch up the logo because it's a text-heavy site. He asked me if I had any ideas.


I had no idea where to begin.

Well, he did.

A picture is worth a 1000 words-- go look at my site now: http://editrx.com.

And then come tell Chris how fabulous he is!!!!

Posted by: jenorama at April 11, 2005 3:09 PM

That's a definate willy, but take a look at the bison's face. I swear, it looks like Spiro T. Agnew!

Posted by: etherian at April 11, 2005 3:36 PM

The only thing I liked about working as a cashier all those many years were the foreign coins people would try to pass off as US currency. They always thought they were pulling something over me because, yeah mister, the six-sided coin with the hole in the middle does resemble a nickel! Silly me. Anyway. I would pocket the foreign currency and slip in the correct change into the register. I managed to get coins from 35 countries that way. I don't know what I'm gonna do with them, if anything, but I like knowing that I have these things that were once in locations I'll most likely never visit.

Posted by: patricia at April 11, 2005 3:38 PM

Eeew!! bunches of buffalo peni!! wait, is more then one penis called peni or penises? hot topic for the day. =)

Posted by: angel at April 11, 2005 4:08 PM

ROFLMAO!!!! I think your right Chris... This is just yet another example of how screwed up our goverment is, LOL!!

Posted by: Tammy at April 11, 2005 4:57 PM

lol! Yeah, I see it. Frankly, I've seen better.

Posted by: lu at April 11, 2005 5:09 PM

Wait...hold on... there are new nickels???

I feel so out-of-touch... like when I didn't know they were changing the color of the 20 dollar bills... and I got all squealy when I saw one for the first time last year when I went home to visit.


And yes I do see the buffalo penis and I'm greatly disturbed.

I need to have my parents mail me a nickel now.

Posted by: Tjej at April 11, 2005 5:43 PM

Ok, I saw that nickel a while ago and did not notice any bison penis.

Who's the perv now?!?!?

Posted by: :: jozjozjoz :: at April 11, 2005 6:38 PM

dude, i could have gone my whole life without knowing about the bison penis...but what i'm really here to tell you is what a GREAT job you did on the editrx.com header banner for jen-o. that was mighty swell of you.

Posted by: jen at April 11, 2005 6:52 PM

Interesting sight on the new nickel. Can't say I like it. But it's... interesting. And Chris? You did an awesome job on Jenorama's new consulting site at editrx.com - the header banner totally rocks.

Posted by: Keri at April 11, 2005 7:25 PM

If they had chosen to use a female bison in the first place. Then again, perhaps a penis is better than tassels. Wait, do girl buffalo have tassels?

(This must be a ROFL blog day. Everyone seems to have something funny going on. Must be Monday madness...)

Posted by: Oakley at April 11, 2005 7:49 PM

Can you believe my second blog entry, ever, was about one of the new Louisiana Purchase nickels I mistook for a quarter? Weird.

I got one of these buffalo nickels the other day, but I admit I was more fascinated with the new Jefferson profile - it's very GQ. But now, I'm riveted by the buffalo penis. Hmmm... I think I could have phrased that last sentence better...

Posted by: SpaceCase at April 11, 2005 8:01 PM

I will never look at another nickel the same.

Posted by: Pink Sun Drops at April 11, 2005 10:01 PM

Angel -- I believe the plural is "penises." I once had a debate about this, thinking it was "peni" as it has a latin-esque ending. However, my roomate was dating a guy with a Masters in English at the time and so we took his word on it and settled the deabate.

However, when in doubt, go with what you think is right. Linguistic competence (the sense a native speaker has for what's right and what's not) should win out in these sorts of arguments. Using bmh as an example, he said peen, which I would think is wrong, but could also be a "you say pop, I say soda" sort of thing.

Chris -- I am so glad you pointed that out because now I'm going to get a bunch of them and show everyone I know the bison penis. It will no longer be safe to walk the streets with me and my pocketful of nickels around to accost people with. Thank you for giving meaning to my sad, boring life.

Posted by: Sepra at April 11, 2005 11:23 PM

I kind of can't believe it's there, but I am also glad it is. Accuracy is great for coins and, uh, something else that's supposed to be accurate.

Seriously, that's awesome. I'm glad you pointed it out, because I would not have noticed the "giant" penis. (By "giant," I'm assuming you meant "tiny"?)

Posted by: DeAnn at April 12, 2005 12:03 AM

OK One who was the dumb fuck that let them take Lincoln off for a freaking Bison- what teh fuck is it with a Bison that we tried to push tehm to extinction?? And EWWWW CHRIS I DO NOT need to notice things like that. Thank god teh euro-trash have a 5center that has a map on it and is worth more than some freak as bison nickel...

Posted by: stinkerbell at April 12, 2005 6:20 AM

Stand aside, stand aside, people, authentic farmer here ...

Now what in the heck are y'all talking about? Do you mean the little thingy sticking down from the bison's belly? That's his sheath, I believe. It's the bit of skin that coveres the opening where his willy comes out. (You all knew that cattle, goats, sheep, etc had extendable penises, right? They shoot right out when erect and extend as far up as their chests. They can even tap 'em on their belly to masturbate ...)

So, erm ... now that you know WAY more about bovine penises than you ever wanted to know...

-Blue (penis expert)

Posted by: -Blue at April 12, 2005 7:00 AM

That is so true. I completely agree. I would say something about our male-driven power culture, but since you're a male I will refrain. :)

Posted by: Zandria at April 12, 2005 12:36 PM

I don't know why I know this, but I am pretty sure the bison penis is in the right place.
But I have a dumb question - why did "they" (whoever that is) choose a bison?

Posted by: Jessica at April 12, 2005 2:22 PM

Mmmmmmm ... I love it when you talk dirty.

Posted by: Broad at April 12, 2005 5:01 PM

its not THAT large. =)

Posted by: Maureen at April 12, 2005 5:51 PM

Eeeeewwwwwww!!!! Bison peenie! I looked at the one new nickel I have and DAMN... it's there! Eeeewww!!

And dude, Blue (Mr. Farmer), just uhhh, EEEEWWW!!! TMI! TMI! TMI!!!

Posted by: ironic1 at April 12, 2005 10:54 PM

don't feel geeky about the book with the quarters, because I did one for Turtle and have it in his room.

I love coins. I have a few left from my trips to Italy and england. I think they are cool.

Posted by: Snidget at April 13, 2005 3:52 PM

Okay, after skimming all the comments, I'm surprised no one got it quite right, not completely. And trust me, I'm not being a "know-it-all" but in this particular case, I know it all. Well, enough anyway. It is not the penis, nor the sheath. Females have it too. It is a tuft of hair, as someone mentioned. It forms there like that because that's where the umbilical cord was, which remains bald. If you could get one to cooperate with you and be still long enough, you could look in the center of that tuft of hair and find a bald spot. Trust me, I've been around bovine most of my life.

Posted by: Wildcat at April 15, 2005 2:44 PM

I think it's been made to commemorate the fact that G W Bush is a little dick.

Posted by: bogwart at April 18, 2005 4:55 PM