May 11, 2005

Taking It To The Max

The other day, I posted about my love of office supplies. Getting that off my chest felt good. But I never would have known so many people shared my passion. In looking through the comments (thank you all!), I noticed an interesting trackback. Sadly, it didn't take me anywhere good. In fact, what I found really just pissed me off. So I commented on, essentially, my own entry. I have no idea if it'll ever acutually be posted (I doubt it) so here it is:

To: Office-Max
From: Chris

Hi there. I've been reading your site for, oh, about 0.947 seconds and I've gotta say, I love what I see so far...because its mine. Not only is it mine but my readers as well. You didn't even differentiate between the original post and some of the many fine comments from my readers. That makes you about as smart as your average head of lettuce as well as an asshat. I take this blogging thing fairly serious so I was less than pleased when I found the trackback yoursorryspammingass left linked to this clusterfuck of a site. Now, if your parents were cruel enough to grace you with the unfortunate moniker of Office Max, and you have, quite understandably, ended up with such a massive fixation on office supplies that you felt the need to share this condition with the world in blog form, well, for that I'm sorry on so many different levels. If, however, you're just a tool for the corporate man, then please - and I mean this with all due respect - fuck yourself and the shopping cart and color toner cartriges you rode in on.

You see, Max, I, like many of my fellow bloggers, have had, over the last couple years, to turn myself into a one man, spam fighting machine with powers usually reserved for superheroes. Granted, that would make for a really lame comic book but its the truth. I am battling the forces of spam on all sides. So, on that level, what you're doing here really just flat-out pisses me off. But there's a whole other level, my little penthouse of pissedoffitude. How does one reach that level? Well, you take someone's work and attempt to make it your own. That's just wrong, like a 500 pound transgendered hooker. There's no way there's anything right about that.

I'd suggest you remove my entry from your site. Although I'm willing to make compromise. You leave my comment up here and you can hang onto my little ride through the amusement park of my personal neuroses I posted about your precious office supplies.

Cactus, Out!

Posted by Chris at May 11, 2005 7:22 AM

And the Asshat Of The Year Award goes to.... Office Max! We should all blacklist him! Yeah - that's right - Bloggers of the World unite - let's all add Office Max to our Blacklists!

Posted by: Marie at May 11, 2005 7:44 AM

Asshat says it all! It never fails to amaze me how ballsy people are. If someone plagiarizes a book, they can be sued. What happens if someone steals blog content? Will we have to start copyrighting our blogs? I'm sure the courts will be debating this all in a few years. Hey, at least he gave you good blogging material :)

Posted by: Kris at May 11, 2005 7:47 AM

i will say this: that's how interesting your posts are. so smile and know that the week is half over. hugs.

Posted by: alektra at May 11, 2005 8:20 AM

I like how you are still polite even when you are insulting an evil spammer, that shows great restraint and makes for a GREAT post!! You GO Super Spamm Fighter Chris!!!

Posted by: Nina at May 11, 2005 8:27 AM

Maybe when I live closer to Cactus land I will gain the ability to write such wonderful things and have them stolen, then write such a great response!

Posted by: goodsnake at May 11, 2005 8:38 AM

yeah yeah. someone stole your words. bfd, my friend. meanwhile nobody's ever bothered to plagiarize my stuff. what's up with that? that's the real question. i write good. at least that's what my friends tell me. i'm sick and tired of reading about other people's words getting ripped off while my just sit around, dejected and unloved. it's just a crying shame i tell you. anyway, moving on....

he took your entry down and your comment. good thing you saved it.

Posted by: pea at May 11, 2005 8:47 AM


Posted by: verucaamish at May 11, 2005 9:25 AM

Kick his ass, Chris!!! (BTW, I love office supplies, too. Used to love back-to-school shopping for them!)

And now for shameless self-promotion...
I hope you'll vote for me ( in the Blogette awards! Just go to

Thanks for your continued entertainment!

Posted by: LJ at May 11, 2005 9:33 AM

All of the entries posted there are ripped off from other sites and the only thing I can give to that asshat [which i really still don't understand that word, its a hat for an ass?] is that s/he does link to the original blog in which s/he stole thei blogging material. S/He could actually just have copy & pasted it into their own pathetic blogging location. I'm not saying s/he's right or anything but as the Triple Libra that sees things from every angle, I have to mention that particular part. S/He is completely wrong for not giving specific credit & making a distinction from their own unoriginal thoughtless asshat [is that proper usage for that word?] words from those of an absolute poetic genius [you]. S/He should say upfront that "the following words have been provided by...." and of course s/he should ask permission to post something from someone's site before hand.

okay I'm done. I did notice that there were no comments on that page too... did you post that there & s/he deleted it? that's sad. so sad.

Posted by: angel at May 11, 2005 9:48 AM

Well said Chris.

Posted by: kimberlee at May 11, 2005 10:03 AM

ooh- that's scary. Yow-they just ripped it off. ouch! Your response is great. I did post a comment over at Office Max- but it's not there...

Posted by: vicki at May 11, 2005 10:09 AM

I am going to blacklist Office Max right now. I guess I missed the original post but I could tell you about the one foot cube I keep in a closet full of pens and pencils.

Posted by: j.tonic at May 11, 2005 10:11 AM

he is such a dipshit. no freakin imnagination and individuality.i told him that he was a thief, cos he is.

you go Chris

Posted by: aurelia at May 11, 2005 10:14 AM

I swear, where did the points for originality go?

Posted by: Queen of Ass at May 11, 2005 10:28 AM

Oh man, I will remove my blog "Rude Cacti". In which I copy and paste your entries and name them my own!

Of course I jest, and this totally sucks asshat but good job showing the Max that he's really Minimum.

Posted by: Lori at May 11, 2005 11:04 AM

YEAH!!! get 'em!! matrix those mo-fos!

you want to have some real fun? wear a cape and wrist bands next time you write a comment like that. and some spiky red paten leather boots too, if you have them. and i'm sure you do.

Posted by: jodi at May 11, 2005 11:21 AM

Max truly is an asshat of the lowest form. Way to rip some verbal carnage on his ass.

Posted by: Heather at May 11, 2005 11:38 AM

rrroowwrrr... oh, Chris, you are just too sexy when you are angry.

Posted by: lu at May 11, 2005 11:40 AM

What's an asshat?

Posted by: David at May 11, 2005 12:01 PM

Pea- You write WELL.

Posted by: vicki at May 11, 2005 12:28 PM

Like real life, the "internets" is full of losers and asshats. I've never been for segregation of any kind before, but I think we need an internet for asshats and an internet for the rest of us. I know I am making a huge assumption that I would be on the non-asshat internet (hey that has a nice ring to it, don't you think?) but I figure I'm pretty cool since I comment often and never steal your material. Your ideas, maybe! But never your material.

Posted by: Q at May 11, 2005 12:53 PM

Craziness! What a *$%@#&!!! :)

Posted by: Zandria at May 11, 2005 2:03 PM

Okay... now, I am NOT defending Mr. Max in anyway but this is how I'm seeing it:

Yes, your words are on his blog but the "read more" link points here to your blog. I'm also not seeing anything that says he's saying HE wrote the words since it's (your stuff) in a quote box.

Now, I don't agree with someone posting someone else's words without permission but yeah... I'm not seeing where he's taking credit either. Taking credit would be far worse.

Posted by: Halo at May 11, 2005 2:18 PM

thats just weird.

Posted by: lizabetty at May 11, 2005 4:58 PM

wait, i went to his site and it brings me to yours.

Posted by: lizabetty at May 11, 2005 5:00 PM

Bad juju, Office Max. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAD juju.

Posted by: Jason at May 11, 2005 5:17 PM

*applause* Oooh! You do snark sooooo well! I have a few letters I need written, do you contract yourself out?

Posted by: Amber at May 12, 2005 1:35 AM

I was just going to say what Halo did. It doesn't look like he's taking credit for your writing at all - in fact, he's (?) pointing people your way.

Posted by: Lauren at May 14, 2005 1:31 PM