June 15, 2005

Coughing (And The F-Bomb)

Jeez...10:00 and I'm just getting around to posting. Why? Well, I'm busy. And I'm still a little bit sick. I think it's allergies. But whatever it is, it needs to go the hell away toot-sweet! [Aside: Dictionary.com should not direct you to 'toot sweet' as an alternative to 'tootsweet' and then tell you that 'toot sweet' isn't a word found in their vast databases. Nor should it then refer you to 'toot-sweet' because that, apparently, is also not a word, thus causing you to chase your own morphological tail. So, its toot-fucking-sweet, okay?]

Over the past couple of days, I've been coughing like a champ. Each time, I seem to feel the need to follow it up with a few of my own feelings on the whole coughing thing. The process usually goes a bit like this:

*cough cough* Fuck!
*cough cough* Fuck!
*cough cough* Fuck!

In moments of extreme frustration, it gets worse, which is somewhat of a problem since I've noticed that I express myself aloud at times. Yesterday, I pulled into a local 7-11 for a fine beverage and, after a coughing fit, exclaimed "Oh fucking fuck!" Sadly for me, my car window was down. Sadly for the passenger in the car next to me, so was his.

Posted by Chris at June 15, 2005 10:27 AM

Feel better soon. And don't cough on the Momma.

Posted by: Jazzy at June 15, 2005 10:32 AM

That was you?? You coughed up a lung on me, man! Fuck!

Hehe. Hope you feel better soon, brutha.

Posted by: Buzz at June 15, 2005 10:48 AM

toot-sweet - what a great phrase! I'm going to try to work it into my vocabulary.

Here's hoping you feel better soon!

Posted by: samantha at June 15, 2005 10:51 AM

tout de suite. it's french for very quickly. if i remember correctly, you just sorta smoosh that d onto the end of tout. which is why it sounds like just two words to us.

sadly, or not, i am sure your neighbor in the parking lot has heard that word before. it's a pretty great word. just look, you were able to use it twice in one exclamation.

Posted by: jodi at June 15, 2005 11:05 AM

Chris, the doctor prescribes shit for that "fucking fuck", ya know. I know, because mine just prescribed me some yesterday....

Posted by: Queen Of Ass at June 15, 2005 11:27 AM

Wow, Jodi was very helpful with her knowledge of the toots and the sweets! :) Smart friends you got there.
I am a bad bad girl when it comes to the F word, it's my favorite word and I think one of the most unpopular ones. When I'm really mad, like if I burn myself on the stove for example, I take a cue from Eric Cartman and scream, Fuck Fuckity Fuck Fuck Fuck!

Posted by: Kate at June 15, 2005 11:27 AM

The worst is when you drop that f-bomb, then notice the little 3-year-old child standing next to you, and they are in a "copycat" phase. Oh, the dirty looks you get from the parents.

Not that this has ever happened to me. Oh no. ;)

Posted by: SpaceCase at June 15, 2005 11:49 AM

I wish I could cough enough to get this yuck out of my throat. I think it's from quitting smoking, that yuck that means my body is healing. It feels discusting and yet I can't seem to get it out. Share you coughs will ya please?

Posted by: angel at June 15, 2005 11:52 AM

Jodi's right about toute de suite. It means 'right now' and it sounds like tootsweet. My favorite f-bomb variations, which I've been using quite liberally lately: Fuckadoodledoo. Fuckity Fuck. Fucking Fuck. Penis Fuck (for certain people). Cheese and Fucking Rice. Fuck me. Fuck it. And of course, fuck fuckity fuck fuck, a la Eric Cartman, for really extreme situations! Like Kate, he's been an inspiration to me.

I seriously need to start taking my medication properly! Your search results should really take off now.

Posted by: Q at June 15, 2005 11:53 AM

tout(e) suite, c'est francais for NOW DAMNIT! (ok loose Amy translation, lol) Literal is, I believe, Quickly

Posted by: amy at June 15, 2005 12:16 PM

"fucking fuck" may just be the most beautiful and useful phrase in the English language.

Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) at June 15, 2005 1:31 PM

Next time, say "fuckety fuck"...
at least people will have a good laugh at your frustration.

Posted by: ava at June 15, 2005 1:53 PM

Hm, and entry liberraly interspersed with the F-bomb, and French. Now that's class ;) I'm sure you don't need it anymore, but I too can confirm the toute de suite meaning and spelling of the phrase.

Posted by: Heather at June 15, 2005 3:33 PM

its like coughing brings out torrettes in you.

Posted by: lizabetty at June 15, 2005 5:32 PM

A couple weeks ago I was loading groceries into my car and noticed that I had stepped in gum (it was very smushy and stringy because it had been baking on asphalt in the hot sun.) A very loud, "Ahhh! Son.Of.A.Bitch!" came out of me without my knowledge. As I looked around the parking lot sheepishly I noticed a small child in the car next to me - windows down. At least the dad was laughing.

Posted by: Gwen at June 15, 2005 5:48 PM

If all goes according to plan, "fuck" will be my kid's first word, hopefully uttered in front of either an elderly person or a member of the clergy. I'm so looking forward to the good cackle I will have.

My favorie variations on the f-bomb theme: Interjections: "Jesus Fuck!" and "Bullfuck!"
Nouns: "fuckwit" and "fucknut"

Posted by: Jason at June 15, 2005 6:06 PM

I was all set to jump in with my own tout de suite explanation, but I see 15 other people beat me to it...

Anyway, sometimes, you just have to say fuck. It is such a useful curse word. I'm a fan of "what the fucking fuck?!"

Posted by: bad penguin at June 15, 2005 6:32 PM

Dude, feel better soon, k?

Posted by: Jay at June 15, 2005 9:48 PM

Ya, it's funny about twice Jason. The kicker is that preschool teachers have no sense of humor.
What the fuck, Chris? Go to the doctor and get rid of it so you don't keep your wife up all night with that fucking snoring.

Posted by: vicki at June 15, 2005 9:52 PM

I was allergy free until a couple years ago. People claim it's something in the air down here. :(

Hope things clear up for you soon. Feel better!

Posted by: Mala at June 15, 2005 10:41 PM

oh man, me and the chuckle head (the boy) had this cough that lasted 2 months. But i was more like this:

*cough cough* jesus H!
*cough cough* For the love of all thats holy!
*cough cough* omg im dying!

Hope you you feel better soon.

Posted by: Krista at June 16, 2005 8:26 AM

That was laugh out loud funny, Chris!

(and I love it when Vicki swears online).

My son, at age four or five, was struggling mightily to open our back door and we heard him say, "God fuck!"

And I was like, "No, honey, it's God DAMN; you mean MOTHER fuck."

No, I didn't actually say that to him, but I've been saying it behind his back about that incident for years.

Posted by: jen at June 16, 2005 10:02 AM

I love that you looked up the definition of toot sweet. Along those lines, I looked up the definition of the phrase off the wall the other day. I'm contemplating starting a blog and thought it might be a good name. I decided it wouldn't work since I am not "Conspicuously or grossly unconventional or unusual". Might give spammers the wrong idea. :)

Posted by: Carolyn at June 16, 2005 4:28 PM

I know the embarrasment well. Everytime I sneeze I let out a 'Jeezus Christ'. I have know idea why but that's my ass off to hell.

Posted by: BIG Dipper at June 17, 2005 9:00 AM

I hope you are better!!! That damn cough can last awhile. It must be telling you to slow down a bit.

(Thanks for the laugh about the woman not wanting to ride in the elevator with you. It gave me a great laugh while waiting in an hour line at disneyland!!!)

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