June 13, 2005

Simile and the World Similies With You

This weekend was a hodgepodge of illness and home improvement. I mentioned earlier that I had a cold. Sadly, I still do but its better. I’m at work partially because I’m an idiot and partially because, after today, I have a truly hellish week. But, despite the whole illness thing, Beth and I actually got a few things done. For instance, all the cheap, builder’s basic light fixtures in our house have now been replaced. I also augmented my existing suit supply with a couple of others – and I hate suit shopping. Oh, and we bought a Sonicare electric toothbrush thingy. The only reason I mention that last thing, is because it came into play in a discussion Beth and I had last night.

First off, calling a Sonicare thingy an “electric toothbrush” is like calling a Ferrari “transportation.” To paraphrase Sonicare’s own literature…

Sonicare is a doctor-approved dental care system which harnesses the power of a billion suns and your hyperactive mother in order to focus twenty-second century sonic technology on the elimination of plaque and tartar. While it knocks dogs and some species of birds unconscious within a half-mile radius, Sonicare’s tiny nuclear reactor targets the molecules comprising dental bacteria and beams them to the star system Ceti Alpha 3...
Obviously, impressive technology. Beth and I were talking about it, and my past dental negligence, over dinner last night.

Her: So, maybe this will keep you from having any more cavities.
Me: I haven’t had any for four straight visits. Mind you, I had, like, a hundred before that. Oh, and the root canal thing.
Her: That was because of your extended dentist vacation.
Me: It was more like Spring Break. Teeth Gone Wild. You know, it was like they went to the beach, got really drunk and flashed unsuspecting tourists.
Her: Yes. What I said. An extended dentist vacation.
Me: Yes, but that’s the literal truth. I was striving for a metaphor that conveyed the wild abandon I felt flaunting my freedom in the face of good dental sense.
Her: So, like a bender with rocky road and a spoon?
Me: Yeah, but I still like the spring break thing.
Her: But its really more like the part when you deal with the consequences of spring break.
Me: Okay. So, my break from the dentist…my teeth were like coeds on spring break, binge drinking, participating in vast orgies. And all that transcended time until spring break had lasted, what, six years, at which time they realized they needed to get their shit together, fly home and arrange to get tested for a number of rampant STDs.
Her: Exactly.

Posted by Chris at June 13, 2005 10:18 AM

Hey! Don't talk about teeth that way! They are allowed to be drunken coeds on spring break once in awhile. Let them "Flash".

I might get an electric toothbrush though someone told me they were bad for you (it was probably the dentist who wanted to do more dental work)

Posted by: mrsmogul at June 13, 2005 10:25 AM

Both mine and Chris' dentists have recommended we get a Sonicare toothbrush. Is this some scary dental conspiracy or something? You'll have to let us know if it's worth it ;)

Posted by: Mel at June 13, 2005 10:38 AM

good choice on toothbrushes. 3 out of 3 dental hygienists in my family chose sonicare for their patients that brush their teeth. plus, it just feels good... like a party in your mouth.

dental hygienist's daughter tip for avoiding cavities? use ACT mouthwash, as it has fluoride in it.

Posted by: jodi at June 13, 2005 10:41 AM

HAHA!! I am still on academic probation following my extended Spring Break. Basically at least one filling per visit to the dentist. It's amazing what happens when you off your parents dental insurance and don't get any of your own for five or six years...

Posted by: Rbelle at June 13, 2005 11:05 AM

i've been on a dentist vacation lately too... almost 2 years? or more, i forget my teeth have horrible memory problem due to all the binging and partying

Posted by: angel at June 13, 2005 11:11 AM

it's almost like your mouth went on a killing spree... like just snapped one day and went over the edge, then after some years they came to their senses and turned themselves over to the authorities.

Posted by: monique at June 13, 2005 11:17 AM

We have one of those too and I swear it works wonders.

But my mouth feels dirty now after the idea of Teeth Gone Wild.....

Posted by: donna at June 13, 2005 11:22 AM

My teeth are on a dental vacation right now, could be due to the fact that I have no dental coverage. But my teeth should be ok after they vacation due to the fact that they use protection.

I go through a tooth brush in about a month and a half.

Posted by: Adi at June 13, 2005 12:07 PM

I'm not really sure my teeth have every participated in orgies....I mean, the wild abandon thing, yes. But orgies? Maybe I should ask...

Posted by: Queen of Ass at June 13, 2005 12:41 PM

I LOVE my Sonicare tooth brush! It makes my teeth feel so very clean.. Just watch out for the tickles hehe oh! and the vibration all thru-out your brain! LOL!


Posted by: soniclibra at June 13, 2005 1:33 PM

My teeth had so much fun on their extended spring break that it's allowing my dentist to build a new vacation home or new boat or whatever else he wishes to do with the pile of dough he's now raking in from me.

Posted by: wendy at June 13, 2005 1:37 PM

Hee..dental vacations...Glad you are feeling better Chris!!

Posted by: Sue at June 13, 2005 2:17 PM

Your teeth have so much more fun than mine. I have 'stay at home and study over spring break' teeth.

Posted by: noodge at June 13, 2005 2:18 PM

Teeth on Spring Break may party, but I bet they still wear floss.

Okay, never mind, lame attempt at BAD joke.

Posted by: Alison at June 13, 2005 3:36 PM

I love my sonicare, too. But the first month or so? Yeah, I thought I was going to give myself a concussion. That thing is wicked powerful.

Posted by: Keri at June 13, 2005 9:03 PM

I love the day-to-day nitty gritty of your every day life. Calms me down. Just think- the beanette, with regular visits, will probably be cavity free. It's one of the more amazing things about children these days. The miracle of flouride!

Posted by: Vicki at June 13, 2005 10:47 PM

yeah I think my teeth joined you on that "vacation"
on the plus side, root canal shmoot canal it aint no big deal... even when it is done in Norwegian

Posted by: stinkerbell at June 14, 2005 1:04 PM