December 14, 2005

The Whiner

If you read my wife's site (and you really should), you might recall that, for her birthday last month, I gave her The Clapper (please to be noting, I said "clapper" not "clap"). Beth had claimed she'd wanted one for years. I always suspected she was joking. She wasn't. This, apparently, was the greatest gift evah.

Beth had, I suspect, been trying The Clapper in various locations, seeking the ideal place for this As-Seen-On-TV marvel to shine. Yesterday, she found it. When I arrived home, Beth looked eager to show me something. She clapped twice and the Christmas tree sprang to life. The infomercial angels sang on-high! A true Christmas miracle. Like a three year old (surprise), I stood there clapping, tapping my foot on the hardwood floors and making random noises trying to get the tree to turn off and on. Of course - and also like a three year old - I eventually got bored. Until the tree started turning itself off an on.

As Beth, Mia and I were eating dinner, the tree would suddenly go dark, only to light up again moments later. Watching the news? Same deal. Eventually, Mia got tired and crabby...and the pieces all came together. Everytime Mia cried or whined, the tree would turn off or on. Funny. I didn't see that in the commercial.

Whine on *cry cry*
Whine off *cry cry*
Whine on, whine off
The Whiner!

Posted by Chris at December 14, 2005 7:53 AM

ROFL! I love it. Has Mia realized she can do this yet?

Posted by: Angelia at December 14, 2005 7:59 AM

It's a good thing there's no one else in the office yet, cuz that made me giggle out loud. a lot.

now the trick is seeing if mia has figured out that she has the power over the christmas tree lights.

Posted by: suze at December 14, 2005 8:12 AM

That's funny. Three cheers for Mia.

Posted by: cas at December 14, 2005 8:16 AM

That is way too funny! And totally made my morning! (It's been a rough start of the week here at work!)

Posted by: Michelle at December 14, 2005 8:20 AM

hahahh, too funny. it's the unexpected shit that's the funniest!

Posted by: wn at December 14, 2005 8:21 AM

Sign up your new patent now!!

Posted by: Dolly at December 14, 2005 8:34 AM

Hee. That's gonna be awesome if Mia figures out her new power.

Posted by: Fraulein N at December 14, 2005 8:54 AM

I've always wanted the clapper too, but I'm just afraid it would make me lazier than I already am. You know the thing I really, really want but just can't bring myself to buy? A chia pet. A friend almost bought one for me last year I was told. At the last minute, she just couldn't bring herself to put it on the counter and so I missed out. Why all the ridiculousness? I don't know. To make life fun I suppose.

Posted by: pea at December 14, 2005 8:55 AM

LOL - we have a remote control for our tree lights - the funny thing is we spend more time looking for that darn thing - it would be easier just to walk to the tree and unplug the lights!

Posted by: Marie at December 14, 2005 9:24 AM

Watch out! One day Mia will hook that sucker up to your nightstand lamp and wake you in the middle of the night when she needs a drink of water!

Posted by: Theresa at December 14, 2005 9:44 AM

heheheh.. my sister got one for Christmas last year, and it always turns on when she coughs really loud. so you can also call it the Cougher, I guess ;) lol.

Posted by: Manda at December 14, 2005 9:54 AM

That's funny. Now all Mia needs is to be able to sing, I've got the Power!

Posted by: lucy at December 14, 2005 10:14 AM

That has got to be such an ego-boost for a wee one who must rely on others for everything - "I may need you to feed and change me, but look what I can do all by myself! I control light and dark! Fear me!"

OK, maybe not that last part, but you get the idea.

Posted by: SpaceCase at December 14, 2005 10:22 AM

It was only a matter of time before Mia came into power. Soon you will have to put clappers on everything in the house so she can have total control over her domain!

Posted by: Jeff A at December 14, 2005 10:23 AM

Let's hope there's no classical conditioning going on here or you might have to keep the tree up all year. Remember Pavlov's dog? lol

Posted by: dragonlady474 at December 14, 2005 10:31 AM

That's priceless.

Posted by: A.K. at December 14, 2005 10:36 AM

That's pretty funny Chris, who would have thunk? If they showed that in a commercial, their sales would have skyrocketed.

Posted by: mrsmogul at December 14, 2005 10:44 AM

Giggles constantly for five minutes so everyone in the office looks at me like I'm insane - ok, well I am. Oh well.

Posted by: Heather at December 14, 2005 11:09 AM

Ha! That is too funny! I wondered how the baby would affect the Clapper. Now we know!

Posted by: Doula Amy at December 14, 2005 11:16 AM


Hmm, I should get me one of those clappers and attach it to MY tree!!! Where do you get clappers?

Posted by: Colleen at December 14, 2005 11:30 AM

Hee. That's really funny.

Posted by: Heather at December 14, 2005 11:33 AM

yeah, i used to have one of those. whenever i laughed at whatever was on tv, it would turn off and on. pretty annoying.

Posted by: Denise at December 14, 2005 11:39 AM

That's hilarious! I would love to get one of those for my tree! I can see it now, everytime I bang my knee on the coffee table and yell 'fuck!' really loudly the tree would turn on or off!

Behold the power of Mia! She's like the wizard now. Pay no attention to that baby behind the curtain, or in the baby seat either!

Posted by: Ms. Q at December 14, 2005 11:52 AM

By the way, thank you for clarifying "clapper" vs. "clap"!! Somehow, I doubt Beth would be bragging about it on the internets if you gave her the "clap" for her birthday. Although, I did see her breastmilk the other day, so I guess anything is possible!!

Posted by: Ms. Q at December 14, 2005 12:01 PM

LOL! thats too funny. My daughter got one of those a while back and she returned it because everytime they shut the bedroom door, the lights would go on or off HAHA

Posted by: soniclibra at December 14, 2005 12:19 PM

Sounds SOOO romantic, Chris! LOL

Posted by: Queen of Ass at December 14, 2005 12:25 PM

Why is everything that happens to you so funny? Or are you just amazingly talented at making it all SOUND as if it were funny?

Anyways, that was hilarious (as usual) :)

Posted by: nina at December 14, 2005 12:31 PM


That is precious, and hysterical at the same time! I love that she tried it in various places before settling on the tree! LOL

Could you imagine if she'd hooked it up to the vacuum cleaner??

Posted by: Jade at December 14, 2005 12:57 PM

See? there's your Christmas spirit!!! :)

Posted by: ava at December 14, 2005 1:05 PM

That's great...If your tree is by a window can you imagine what the neighbors were thinking!

Maybe they thought you were trying to send an s.o.s. with your christmas lights.

Posted by: MrsJoseGoldbloom at December 14, 2005 1:36 PM

That is Classic.

I really enjoy reading your stuff.

Posted by: william at December 14, 2005 1:58 PM

Interesting. I didn't see that on the commercial either.

My little brother has the clapper at his house and I couldn't ever get it to work. I just couldn't clap loud enough. Buy the end of the night, I swear my palms were bleeding from tying so hard.


Posted by: Isabel at December 14, 2005 2:25 PM

LOL! That's awesome. I've actually never been that interested in getting a clapper--but I dunno. Maybe now I want one.

Posted by: Ginny at December 14, 2005 2:27 PM

Good thing we don't have The Clapper (or the clap) here though! With four whiny kids, it would look like an electrical storm in our house!

Posted by: angela marie at December 14, 2005 3:53 PM

rude, dude.
have you read your wife's blog today.
I'm going to make her a baby's first christmas ornament tonight.
email me somewhere to send it to.

Posted by: speckledpup at December 14, 2005 5:02 PM

You are right. Beth site is great. And her using her clapper powers for good and for Christmas is a great story.

Posted by: Lisa B at December 14, 2005 5:16 PM

Go But, seriously,it's almost Christmas, how are you gonna out do the greatest gift 'evah'?

Posted by: Jaycie at December 14, 2005 5:25 PM

that's so cute! you should write a letter to them letting them know. if you could catch it on camera that would be even better! they could make it a commercial marketed towards moms & kids... the kid can cry or whine when they're tired... lights out. want to wake up and get the tit... whine... lights on. it's perfect especially if the baby sleeps in the parents room and are sensitive to lights. heheh nice laugh for the day thanks i've been stressed.

Posted by: angel at December 14, 2005 5:35 PM

haha, gotta love that clapper, i suppose you guys wanta chia pet too??? lol.

Posted by: lizabetty at December 14, 2005 6:06 PM

Mia's got power! My husband has our Christmas tree lights hooked up to our X-10 system. They go on at dusk and then can be turned off with the remote. Most of the time.

Posted by: Kelley at December 14, 2005 6:43 PM

sometimes? You totally scare me.
I have ALWAYS wanted a clapper (but never the clap...though my friend Tracy GAVE her hubby the clap..heh...such a funny story)!

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at December 14, 2005 7:40 PM

That's so funny Chris!! Glad the mystery didn't take too long to discover. Very cute outcome!

Posted by: Tammy at December 19, 2005 1:43 PM