January 12, 2006

Delurking Week Confessions

Since it's still Delurking Week and I have absolutely nothing worthwhile to say today (I'm sneezing my ass off and have a report to start and finish by noon - somehow those two things are related in my head), I'm going to turn it over to you. It's confession time once again here at Rude Cactus. Tell me something no one knows or would suspect.

Mine? It's a little one. In first grade, I got busted for stealing paper. Blank, white drawing paper. I'm not talking a page here and a page there. No, I had reams of the stuff by the end of the year. I had to return it all and apologize. Thus my life of crime began and quickly ended.

Your turn!

Posted by Chris at January 12, 2006 7:24 AM

My senior year of high school, I wrote someone else's senior thesis for $75. She got an A-. I pretty sure she was willing to give more for it (wink wink), but I was such a prude. Stupid!

Posted by: thisbiochemicallife at January 12, 2006 8:11 AM

i LOVE sneezing.

Posted by: Angie at January 12, 2006 8:22 AM

C'mon people... let's REALLY confess! I remember that time I waited until my ex-husband was asleep and chopped his... no wait... that was Lorena Bobbitt. Nevermind.

Posted by: mooalex at January 12, 2006 8:26 AM

When I was in 5th grade, everyone kept asking me if I was "Bobby H____'s Little Sister"... I had no idea who that was (I'm an only child), but just to keep from getting into that conversation I kept saying that I was.

Posted by: amber at January 12, 2006 8:40 AM

I was kicked out of the Episcopalian church when I was five for fighting with a boy and winning. It wasn't my last fight, but it was the last time I went to church!

Posted by: heels at January 12, 2006 8:43 AM

I once saw a kid steal paper and I told on him and he got into trouble.

Posted by: Bill at January 12, 2006 8:59 AM

I have Clay Aiken on my iPod.

I'll see myself out now.

Posted by: Fraulein N at January 12, 2006 9:02 AM

I've stayed up all night watching Friends Season 1 on VHS. I should really go to bed...but I work in an hour, so what's the point?

Posted by: Heather at January 12, 2006 9:14 AM

I live in Phoenix, AZ and we didn't have a pool. When running through the sprinklers got boring, my siblings and I would get large garbage bags (the type for yard waste) and fill them with water and sit in them, gathering the sides up with our arms so the water wouldn't spill out. We thought it was a blast! Who am I kidding, I'd still do it and I'm almost 30!

Posted by: kim at January 12, 2006 9:23 AM

I shop at Walmart.

There. I said it.

I'm so ashamed.


Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) at January 12, 2006 9:28 AM

Once, when I was steaming mad at my EX husband, I took his favorite coffee cup and smashed it against the woodpile outside our kitchen door. It made me feel better.

Posted by: cas at January 12, 2006 9:53 AM

Sometimes I count to 4 over and over again in my head. I don't know why.

Posted by: Queen of Ass at January 12, 2006 9:59 AM

In kindergarten, I was almost held back a year, because my "cutting and pasting skills" were below average.

Posted by: Dawn at January 12, 2006 10:07 AM

In a similar thieving vein, the object of my desire when I was seven was gum. Chewing gum, bubble gum, shredded gum in an envelope (remember Big League Chew?). I'd swipe it from the check out aisle and put it in my little red pocketbook. Sometimes I would even put quarters in the machines by the door and get a little treat from there. My parents strictly forbid gum but I thought I would be more popular at school if I could give it out to all and sundry. I was wrong on that count, though the kids did snatch up the profferred candy. And when I was finally caught (a pack slipped out when I was getting in the car one day) did I ever get in trouble... It was really a sad testament to my wish for popularity that I would go to the extent I did just so other kids would like me. Sad sad sad.

Posted by: Laura GF at January 12, 2006 10:17 AM

I fell asleep during my AP English exam in high school. Amazingly enough, I passed and received credit for 6 hours of History in college for it. :) Best 30 minutes of sleep in my life... it got me out of two semesters of history!!! :)

Posted by: Corinne at January 12, 2006 10:20 AM

I had a paper route when I was a kid and would sneak peaks at the Playboys in the drug store on my route. I'm pretty sure they knew what I was doing, but oh well.

Posted by: Heather at January 12, 2006 10:23 AM

I got pulled over for speeding the other night - my kid was in the car with me and I'd had a few glasses of wine. The cop let me off with a warning (I was going 57 in a 50). Luckilly he must not have noticed any alcohol effects but it has completed freaked me out to the point that I'm going on the wagon. Because a couple glasses of wine + driving with my child + speeding = really, really bad judgement.

Whew. I might have broke a bit of a sweat admitting that.

Posted by: anonymous at January 12, 2006 10:36 AM

I still like to chew Bubble Yum bubble gum (yes, they still sell it). AND the kind with all the sugar too. Never had a cavity yet. Go me.

Posted by: Michelle at January 12, 2006 10:50 AM

I once cut half of my cat's whiskers off.

Yes, yes, cruel I know, but I was eight, it was raining, I was bored, and for some reason that escapes me now it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dad wents nuts when he saw that the poor animal only had whiskers on one side of his face and I was grounded for two weeks, as well as having all pocket money cancelled until the whiskers grew back.

The cat didn't seem to mind.
Kept walking into doorframes, though, as I recall.

And yes. You may all hate me now...

Posted by: Alice at January 12, 2006 10:53 AM

When I was in the 10th grade, we watched the OJ Simpson trial in our gym/health class. Everyone thought one of the lawyer's was related to me because our last name was the same, so I told everyone he was my uncle!

Posted by: Dana at January 12, 2006 10:55 AM

Hahaha!! Really??? I got busted for stealing crayons!! it was in kindergarden, my mom caught me and told my dad, the day after they both took me back to the teacher to apologize. I never stole anything again.
Oh, and I have a hidden tatoo.

Posted by: ava at January 12, 2006 10:58 AM

I used to scrape gum off the sidewalk and chew it. It was crunchy.

Posted by: meghan at January 12, 2006 10:59 AM

Not to many people know this about me, but I'm fat!

Happy you didn't get any papercuts Chris!

Posted by: Rockchild at January 12, 2006 11:01 AM

To Preface: My mom made me wear skirts to school four days a week until I was 8. I was an androgynous looking tomboy who didn't begin to grow scalp hair 'till I was two. Mom became gender-paranoid (and started dying her hair) after a stranger told her what a gorgeous grandson she had.

One freezing cold and windy day in 1987, I hid inside the Kindergarten-house instead of going outside for recess with my classmates. My teachers eventually freaked out because they thought I had wandered off - um duh. . . it was COLD out? I just so happened to help myself to some of my teacher's stickers while I was unsupervised. The glossy pastel easter egg stickers were so beautiful that I just could not control myself. I thought I was SO STEALTH: they were stuck on the BACK of my paper, so I'd look innocent with my handwriting exercise in front of me. I was busted when another kid knocked the paper off our table. I remember being given an IQ test shortly after that day! I'm still friends with my teacher, and asked her about it -she swears she doesn't remember my score and is sure she destroyed the paperwork long ago. Hrmph.

Posted by: Betti at January 12, 2006 11:07 AM

Let's see ... when I was in Kindergarten, one day I pursuaded a cute little blonde girl, who's name now escapes me, to skip school and to come to my house where we played games all day. Boy did I get in trouble for that one. And she was forbidden from spending time with me anymore. I was a bad influence. That continues to this day (although sadly it doesn't involve cute blonde girls)

Posted by: Mike at January 12, 2006 11:10 AM

This one time, I was reading in bed and my husband was dead asleep and the baby was starting to fuss so I quick turned off my book light and laid down before hubby woke up so he would take care of the baby. He never knew I had been awake! Heh...

I never drive less than 70mph on the freeway, unless traffic won't let me go that fast.

See..I live my life on the edge, people!

Posted by: doula Amy at January 12, 2006 11:13 AM

My first year as a stay at home mom, I dvr'd every episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and watched every season start to finish. Worst? I was really bummed after I watched the finale.

Posted by: A.K. at January 12, 2006 11:25 AM

I used to have 7 body piercings - two on each earlobe, a tragus piercing, and upper ear cartilage piercing and a belly button piercing. My students would NEVER suspect I'd had anything other than the regular little one on each ear.

Posted by: Kestrel at January 12, 2006 11:36 AM

I won't tell you the very worst thing I have ever done, because no one would believe. I am a woman who is very slow to anger. You really have to push me up against the wall (over and over and over...) to raise my frustration. Well, the last time I got really angry I was 7 months pregnant with my 2nd/last child. My son's father was being an ignorant ass sitting across from me at the kitchen table. Very snide, a real dick for quite some time. Finally I just got tired of it. I lunged over, picked him up off the ground by his throat (about 4"). It seemed to get his attention. I wasn't holding on to his neck to hurt him, just get his attention.
He started flailing his arms (like R.E.M) and screaming "Get your hands off me...get your hands off me". He looked like such a girly man that I started to chuckle and dropped him.
I certainly don't condone such actions.
I walked out about 1 week later to never see him nor child support ever.
I think he kinda deserved it.

Posted by: anonymous at January 12, 2006 11:37 AM

Under the "eew" factor, I love popping zits.

Posted by: Kristi at January 12, 2006 12:14 PM

This one time, at band camp...

Posted by: Elaine at January 12, 2006 12:17 PM

I am sure everyone knows this or suspects this, but I pick my nose when I think no one is looking.

Posted by: Ms. Q at January 12, 2006 12:19 PM

Mrs. Q:
Doesn't everyone?

Posted by: Alice at January 12, 2006 12:24 PM

Hmmmmm, that's a toughie. Only because I am not that secretive a person...everyone knows about my twistedness. But I will tell you something that I don't volunteer to everyone (but my family and friends do know about) Ready??? Here goes: I have had this security blanket for years, and it is old now, and getting all tattered and now it is pretty much been reduced to a strip of fabric. I still can't give it up. I can't sleep without it. I bundle it all up and hold it in my hand. There you have it, I sleep with a long strip of fabric. Riveting, I know :) And strange...quite strange.

Posted by: Kate at January 12, 2006 12:29 PM

I see hippies. They're everywhere. And they don't even know they're hippies.

Posted by: bhd at January 12, 2006 12:33 PM

Great~you ask me to de-lurk, and now I have to confess....when I was in the process of divorcing my ex, I burned all his club colors (he was a biker), and when he moved out and was looking for his stuff, I played dumb. I love me.

Posted by: Dawn at January 12, 2006 12:40 PM

I've given up on corporate America. Yeah, yesterday was a bad day in cubicle land. And I've had enough. Any suggestions?

Posted by: Bethany at January 12, 2006 12:48 PM

One night I went to bed without brushing my teeth. So there. :P

Posted by: nina at January 12, 2006 12:52 PM

Oh I can't share cause it would be a watershed and ALL KINDS of bad deeds would roll out. No no-- must keep it all buried.

Posted by: Elizabeth at January 12, 2006 1:04 PM

I've no confessions that wouldn't get me arrested, so I just thought I'd delurk a tad. Thanks! :)

Posted by: Jade at January 12, 2006 1:48 PM

I've become one of those people. One of those dog people. You know... the ones who don't freak out when a little dog urine gets on their hands or when their dogs lick them on their face and mouth?

Also, I like to fart really loud when I'm alone.

Posted by: melati at January 12, 2006 1:59 PM

I actually like George Michael... oh, and Barry Manilow. (Don't tell, 'kay?)

Posted by: sue at January 12, 2006 2:04 PM

i love used books more then new.

Posted by: ash at January 12, 2006 2:14 PM

No one who knows me knows this except maybe my parents, if they even remember.

When I was in first grade, I beat up a boy in my class. More than once. And he got in trouble for it.

Posted by: Jen at January 12, 2006 2:17 PM

I'm a 26 years old college grad, and I dont know all of my multiplication tables.

Posted by: Nik at January 12, 2006 2:44 PM

I cheated my way through 11th grade geometry. I tried, I really did, but I just didn't get it. The boy in front of me sure did though.

Posted by: R*Belle at January 12, 2006 2:55 PM

When my husband and I started dating I used to sneak a peak at the call log on his phone. I was sure he was seeing someone else too!

Posted by: at January 12, 2006 3:12 PM

I'd love to reveal something so twistedly cool, but the best I can do today is...

I'm pregnant.

Yep. That oughta do it for today. :)

Posted by: Pammer at January 12, 2006 3:21 PM

Hi there, it's me delurking and confessing. I once punched a guy in the face for touching my ass, only to find out 5 seconds later that I punched the wrong guy.


Posted by: JaG at January 12, 2006 3:30 PM

Whew man I am glad to see you are still blogging. I came by a couple weeks ago when I starting blogging again but got an error on both your page and your wife's page. I was pretty distressed about it. I tried again today and there you are in all your cactus goodness! BTW this is SwtGAHunnyB from the ole Hunny Hive.

Posted by: Just Me1issa at January 12, 2006 3:35 PM

I have been listening to Roses by Outkast on repeat for the past half-hour and having a one-person "Roses" dance-party.

Posted by: Denise at January 12, 2006 3:38 PM

I'm sleeping with someone I'm not married to.
Been going on for three years.
Friends with benefits.
He's unmarried, I'm married.
I do not plan to break the relationship.
I do not plan to get a divorce.
Best sex I've ever, ever had.
I'm no longer attracted to my husband.
The thought of sex with him is beyond comprehension.
It feels so good to tell someone.
No one knows.
We've told no one.
No one but you.

Posted by: olivia at January 12, 2006 4:04 PM

I used to break into buildings and steal things. I also used to break into buildings and destroy things. Sometimes I would light fires and have the fire dept come down to scream at me (I would always hang around and wait for them)

I used to make prank calls to people after 2am, and when they answered the phone, I would scream the song "I'm Henry the 8th I am" at them. All but one guy hung up on me, and I ended up talking to him for a solid hour.

I was once raped and then fired by one of my ex-bosses because I would not sleep with him and his wife. I never did anything about that, and have regretted it ever since.

And I think that's about it. :)

Posted by: e at January 12, 2006 4:09 PM

I am totally freaked out about becoming a 25 year-old divorcee. The whole stigma attached to word scares me. I feel like such a failure!

Posted by: Mel at January 12, 2006 4:13 PM

I actually liked the Claire Danes series of "MY SO CALLED LIFE"!!! I still watch it in reruns!

Posted by: Dawn at January 12, 2006 4:18 PM

When I was little, I was at day care one day being bored during nap time. Napping didn't sound appealing. And then I found a rock on the floor. Logically, I dropped the rock into my ear and told the room monitor so she would call my mom and I would get to go home.

Mom came and took me to the doctor. The doctor hadn't entered my plan, but we went anyway. And then we went home.


Posted by: Emily at January 12, 2006 4:34 PM

I was mad at my then ex and used his toothbrush to clean the toilet and put it back. It made me feel good - he had ocb, too bad he never did find out ;)

Posted by: Chrissie at January 12, 2006 5:32 PM

Not only am I coming out as a lurker today, but I am also admitting that I watch Dr. Phil, regularly...That is just as embarrassing to type as it is to say.

Posted by: Shannon at January 12, 2006 5:33 PM

ummmmmm, i ate some veg lentil soup yesteday and it gave me GAS, BIG time! whoa!!

Posted by: lizabetty at January 12, 2006 8:00 PM

i may have forgotten to return a few french dictionaries after high school graduation. =( they were falling apart anyway.

Posted by: ro at January 12, 2006 8:49 PM

I convinced several people that my brother was adopted. When we were kids he looked almost exactly like one of my cousins, so I told people that they were really brothers and when my aunt and uncle adopted my cousin we felt so sad that two brothers should be separated that we adopted Bro.

Posted by: Beth in StL at January 12, 2006 9:12 PM

I just completely finished reading "the about me section" in one sitting. You are the first blog that was worthy of as much time for my first time visit. I really got to know you.
You are more a warm fuzzy than a cold prickly (cactus, that is).
I also enjoy "the fish" and "the bean". Two cool gals ...
Will visit often...
Photography is "da bomb"!



Posted by: anni at January 12, 2006 9:45 PM

umm...darn typo...
I'll try again...

Posted by: anni at January 12, 2006 9:47 PM

dear rudecactus- you are very funny and creative. I've been enjoying reading your posts everyday for over 10 months now, and I'm happy to finally de-lurk. Hello! Enthusiastically waves hand!

semi-confession: No one knows why I insisted on going to Livorno, Italy when I was Eurail-passing it through Europe. Juicy story too!

Posted by: Pomme Granite at January 12, 2006 9:50 PM

I was so excited to be starting kindergarten that I pooped in the bath tub during my bath the night before. Poor mom had to clean turds out of the tub. But I got to go to school (outside of pre-school) for the first time the next day!

Posted by: ironic1 at January 12, 2006 9:58 PM

I once stole a huge paper banana from an IHOP because I thought it was cool, the banana that is. I was with my best friend and her mother- I did not tell them when the idea hit to rip the giant paper banana from the wall. When I did it, they turned around in shock and then we all ran out the door laughing hysterically. I still have it, tucked into my pack-rat closet of nothingness.

Posted by: Angela at January 12, 2006 10:38 PM

I stole an advertisement from a subway car while away in Toronto when I was 12. I brought it back and hung it on the wall and felt bad ass. I told my parents that a friend gave it to me and I didn't know how she got it.

Posted by: Sari Olsen at January 12, 2006 10:48 PM

When I was in second grade, I would cheat on my math tests. I would get up and get a kleenex and while walking back to my desk I would look at other kids' papers. LOL.

Posted by: Colleen at January 12, 2006 11:48 PM

i find the works of plato and aristotle strangely erotic. also- the most listened to song on my computer is justin timberlake's 'cry me a river.'

there- i've confessed and de-lurked all at once. strangely liberating.

Posted by: meg at January 13, 2006 12:26 AM

After doing #2, I always have to look at it before flushing.

Posted by: Nessa at January 13, 2006 1:09 AM

When I was like 10 my friend and I used to dare each other to say curse words at recess.. We liked it. It made us feel cool and bad. Now I just do it because I have no self-control!

Posted by: Bethany at January 13, 2006 1:13 AM

During this pregnancy I ate at least 3kg of chocolate. At least!

Posted by: Sweety at January 13, 2006 1:23 AM

Lego is my deepest shame. When I was a kid I used to secretly thieve away the bits of my brother's lego that I wanted, a few at a time so he wouldn't notice, until my lego armada FAR outgunned his.

I'm a friend of Jessica's, by the way. I got her addicted to your wife's blog and now she's getting me addicted to your blog. There's probably some sort of ancient Chinese lesson in there about balance... or grasshoppers...

Posted by: Gavin at January 13, 2006 5:19 AM

Wow, all these other people have WAY bigger confessions than just lego. Either a) nineteen years just don't cut the mustard when it comes to bad situations, or b) my poor, childlike mind has shut out all the more horrifying incidents in my life.

Posted by: Gavin at January 13, 2006 5:30 AM

I finally thought of something not to horrible to share -a day late! When we moved to Germany we stayed in a long term hotel/apartment thing - very nice, down comforters all around - and after watched Old Yeller for the 18th time, we were pretty bored. I ended up locking my brother (3 at the time!) in the closet and not being able to get him out for at least ten minutes.

Posted by: samantha at January 13, 2006 9:01 AM

My children are not baptized.

Posted by: jen at January 13, 2006 5:11 PM

I was bad when I was little. I used to stand on the toilet in our bathroom and reach up on a shelf and get the candy coated vitamins (at least I think that's what they were). I would suck the cherry flavor coating off and spit the rest in the garbage. Sometimes I would eat the baby aspirin too. And I would "read" the Playboy magazines that were under the bathtub. Once I peed behind the neighbor's garage. And I cut my doll's hair and flushed it and clogged the toilet. I also sneaked into my grandma's neighbor's house and ate some of those silver ball cookie decorations that I found in a cupboard. I should have been better supervised I think. Don't let JuJu read this ;-) I suppose you'll give me my penance now, Father...

Posted by: JuJu's Mom at January 14, 2006 12:41 AM

I stole a Berenstain's Bears book from my second grade teacher's bookcase. And ironically, I got it home and read it, only to find that it was a book about correcting your mistakes. I remember reading Mama Bear saying "It's never too late to correct a mistake". I felt so guilty I brought the stupid book back to school.

Posted by: Snickrsnack Katie at January 14, 2006 3:07 AM

De-lurking a little late :)...My friends and I once stole a ski patrol sled at a ski resort after hours at night...dragged it Waaaay up and began sliding down... After a bit of uncontrolled hurtling descent, it ocurred to us that these things are usually controlled by 2 skiiers and WE had no such means of stopping ourselves. We all screamed for bail out, hit the snow at about 25 mph and then watched that thing slammed into the deck along the bottom of the slope WHERE OUR PARENTS WERE WATCHING! It took a huge gouge out of the deck and broke the sled...our parents blamed it on some local hoods when security came running though ;)

Posted by: Sue R. at January 16, 2006 10:33 AM