January 27, 2006

Pick A Winner

Yesterday, I asked for surprising facts about yourselves or the world you live in. And you guys came through for me again. I really don't want to have to choose a winner because they were all good...and I feel like I know you guys that much better now. I promised a winner and a prize, though, so here we go...

Third place, and winner of the Rude Cactus Zero Tolerance for Asshats coffee mug is Brooke who admitted to discovering a hidden talent. I thought it was a brave, bold admission.

I found out on a bet that I can lick my own nipple. But only one. And it's not all that it seems like it would be...

Second place, and maybe the person who sacrificed the most, the blogless Jennifer. Who called in sick to work, went sledding and ended having a little accident. For her pain and suffering - not to mention the great story that sprang from it - Jennifer walks away with the Rude Cactus t-shirt of her choice.

I once went sledding and hit a cement embankment at the bottom because I swerved to avoid taking out a kid. Lost my left kidney, spleen, part of my stomach and part of my small intestine...BUT...I did not break ANY bones. I did however end up in ICU for 3 weeks, out of work for 3 months, then part time for another 2 months. Kicker is...I called in sick to work that day...they read about me in the newspaper...I still work for that company.

The winner came through with one of the more unusual stories. Yes, it's That Girl who was investigated for her witchy ways. She walks away with her choice of Rude Cactus t-shirts for her and, of course, something from my exclusive Corruption of Youth line for Jake.

In my private Catholic high school our class went away for a retreat to cabins in the woods. We girls told ghost stories (I tell a mean story) and went to sleep. The next day the most popular girl in our class told our teacher that I had kept the girls up all night terrorizing them with stories of my witchcraft practises and stories of those I had killed. All the other girls except my best friend backed her up in the individual interviews then conducted by the headmistress. I was brought before a tribunal which accused me of practising witchcraft and began an investigation which would lead to ex-communication if I were found guilty. During the 3 week investigation into my life, friends, parents, etc., every room and hallway would fall silent wherever I walked. People I had known my whole life refused to talk to me. Or look at me. Luckily, popular girl made the mistake of bragging about her lies to her boyfriend, who was horrifed, told on her, and demanded they stop the tribunal.

Honorable mention goes to all...but especially Statia for the phrases liquid ass pee and ring sting.

Of course, no competition would be complete without music for the winners, so you'll also get what will probably be a bizarre collection of songs I've cobbled together between diaper changes and long days at work.

Thank you all for dropping by, commenting, telling me about yourselves and sharing the love. I've often said I'd write all this stuff even if no one was out there reading it, but I'm not so sure anymore. I know that it sure is more fun knowing you guys are out there.

Posted by Chris at January 27, 2006 3:14 PM

Dammit! I can TOTALLY lick my own nipples. Both of them! And if only I would have remembered in time I could have won.

Posted by: ~L. at January 27, 2006 3:43 PM

Um, you know Brooke's talent? Um, yeah me too.

And what I don't get points for kissing rock stars? HA HA HA HA HA

Posted by: amy at January 27, 2006 3:47 PM

crap, and I can lick both of my own nips.....

just didn't think this was jaw dropping...can't all girls do this?

Posted by: the speckledpup at January 27, 2006 3:47 PM

You like me??? You really like me???? I'm so excited...I never win anything!!!!

Posted by: jennifer at January 27, 2006 3:49 PM

I don't think all girls can, speckled pup, I think you have to be um, you know, um either well endowed or especially bendy. heh

Posted by: amy at January 27, 2006 3:49 PM

I would have so totally won!!! *balk, balk*
Amateurs... ;-)

Posted by: JuJu's Mom at January 27, 2006 4:05 PM

After reading Brooke's post I kind of figured she would win, and after an admission like that she deserved to. Alas...I am not "ENDOWED" with that ability.

Posted by: MrsJoseGoldbloom at January 27, 2006 4:09 PM

I can't do that. Always wondered what it would feel like.

Posted by: Autumn at January 27, 2006 4:13 PM

Great choices!

(and yeh, I thought all girls could do the nipple trick, too. Of course, I've never conducted an official survey...)

Posted by: at January 27, 2006 4:27 PM

Oh yeah? Well, I can lick my own lips! *Giggle*

Posted by: anonymous at January 27, 2006 4:35 PM

Good choices, I read over a lot of the comments and think you did great...there were so many!

Posted by: Kate at January 27, 2006 4:48 PM

Congrats to the winners!!

Posted by: Corinne at January 27, 2006 4:53 PM

i too can lick my nipple....haha. that witchcraft one is awful, what a BRAT that popular girl was!!

Posted by: lizabetty at January 27, 2006 5:08 PM

Yes and thatgirlie totally deserves the prize because I was there and she was REALLY scary.

Posted by: zeno at January 27, 2006 6:17 PM

I just tried the lick-my-own-nipple thing.

I think I seriously hurt myself.

Posted by: fauve at January 27, 2006 8:30 PM

Anyone who has been the subject of an actual tribunal deserves to win.

Posted by: Isabel at January 27, 2006 8:42 PM

I can do *that* too. All I have to do is pick them up off my knees and pop them in my mouth!

Great stories everyone thanks for the fun!

Posted by: Amber at January 27, 2006 9:23 PM

Holy crap a tribunal that is crazy. About that whole nipple licking thing not gonna happen over here. Not that I really want to anyways.

Posted by: beanhead at January 28, 2006 8:17 AM

I think you should combine the third and second place peoples and award a t-shirt-shaped coffee mug to both of them for being able to lick their own kidneys. Or I could just have another shot of vodka and we'll call it even.

Posted by: Kevin at January 28, 2006 10:15 AM

I can totally lick my own nipples too. Man, Jennifer's story was GREAT! and That Girl's story was TERRIFYING. Great responses!

Posted by: jen at January 28, 2006 12:38 PM

Good choices!

Oh, and tag!

Posted by: Kelley at January 28, 2006 6:33 PM

Do you realize that because of your blog, many many people have tried to lick their own nipples today.. It should be declared a holiday. Mark you calender for national nipple licking day!

Posted by: Ohhmama! at January 28, 2006 10:47 PM

Yeah I can see how the tribunal story would win. Yikes. Great idea for a contest. It was fun reading everyone's posts.

Posted by: Lisa B at January 29, 2006 7:15 PM

Wow, Ive never won anything before, this is so exciting! I'd like to thank the acadamy, His Royal Rudeness, Her Fishness, the Bean and the Catholic Church for being gonzo crazy even in the latter part of the century.

It all turned out fine in the end, and besides, who cares when I can lick my own nipples, right?

Posted by: That Girl at January 30, 2006 9:48 AM

Wow. I just tried to lick my nipple and I think I sprained my neck. I give that girl major credit.

That last story cracked me up - mainly because I was usually the brunt of similar heinous mean girl stories in high school. Girls are such bitches. I am glad that the popular girl got found out - I hope all the nuns and priests who put That Girl on tribunal felt guilty!

Posted by: Snickrsnack-Katie at January 31, 2006 2:48 AM