January 6, 2006

The Internet is Freaky

It's Friday (yay!) and time for something decidedly less serious than yesterday's post. So, I bring you, once again, some of the freaky searches that bring people to my site.

Vote for the ass. I didn't realize this was up for a vote. But I can get behind the ass. Uh...you know what I mean.

Asshat PM. "Are you one of the millions of asshats experiencing problems falling or staying asleep? Try Asshat PM!"

Warp eleven. Ahh, one of the technological developments debuting in Spinal Tap: The Next Generation.

Christening having sex. What kind of freaky-ass church do you go to?

Cipro coughing. SARS! SARS! Danger Will Robinson! Everyone clear out!

No shirt week. Well, alright, but my boss won't be happy.

Start smoking Italy. It's gonna be a bitch to light.

I came home this afternoon after picking up my copy of gta and i smelled something funny from my neighbors house. I went over there and the door was unlocked so i went right in. Sure eno... WTF?

Rufus Hallelujah piano note. Middle C. Other than that, it's unclear. Try E?

Tits pants mother-in-law embarrass bulge. These words, individually, scare me enough. Combine them and you're in freak territory.

Pharmaceutical drug nicknamed blueberry pancakes. Another fine product by IHOP-SmithKline.

I need some information first. You know, just the basic facts. Can you show me where it hurts?

Can cable companies tell when you are stealing cable. Yes. You're fucked.

How to tell if you are having a boy or girl from sonogram pictures? There's this thing called a penis. You should really be familiar with it, having become or gotten someone pregnant.

Weather snow where are those eight inches you promised me last week? I'm not a weatherman. I just play one on the Internet.

Rude nubbins. I swear, if I ever form a band again, I'm going to call it Rude Nubbins.

I cough and pee. Well, I sneeze and burp. So there!

Having a child is wonderful. Damn straight, my friend. Damn straight.

Posted by Chris at January 6, 2006 7:10 AM

ROFL! :-)

Posted by: Jess at January 6, 2006 7:19 AM

You know, Asshat PM could be the Prime Minister of Asshat..... :) And those other ones? Simply hilarious!

Posted by: Corinne at January 6, 2006 7:25 AM

That's quite an eclectic blog you have there.

Have a great weekend. And I hope your Friday goes by quickly.

Posted by: cas at January 6, 2006 7:59 AM

Oh man - I could use some of that Asshat PM, Nyquil just isn't cutting it anymore.

Posted by: Marie at January 6, 2006 8:09 AM

LOL, thanks for a pre-coffee smile :)

Posted by: Kris at January 6, 2006 8:26 AM

Wow, that is quite a collection. Those search words are usually funny, but I keep getting the ones that say 'pamela anderson's boobs'. I mean, I only mentioned it once! They won't let it go! :)

Posted by: angela marie at January 6, 2006 8:31 AM

that's fantastic.
and with the canadian election going on, my first thought with Asshat PM was not a sleep aid, but our lovely prime minister...i could totally see someone calling him an asshat. stephen harper perhaps?

Posted by: suze at January 6, 2006 8:38 AM

"...where are those eight inches you promised me last week?...

Yes gentlemen, THAT is the question.

Posted by: mooalex at January 6, 2006 8:42 AM

You get all the cool searches..
I get strange ones from wierd places, but somehow, they are more sick than funny.

Posted by: Angelia at January 6, 2006 9:01 AM

Heee. I want "Start smoking Italy" on a T-shirt. I don't have anything against Italy, I just think it's hilarious. C'mon: "Start smoking Italy." On a shirt. That's comedy gold!

Posted by: Fraulein N at January 6, 2006 9:15 AM

LOL! I LOVE when you do these posts! Makes me feel better that I'm the only one getting weird searches!

Posted by: Theresa at January 6, 2006 9:26 AM

If the next batch of swag says "Start Smoking Italy," my friends and family are SOOOOO going to hate all my Christmas and birthday gifts this year. But who could resist!?

Posted by: Julie at January 6, 2006 9:26 AM

"Tits pants mother-in-law embarrass bulge"? I want to know what happened at THEIR Holiday get-together to cause that search!

Posted by: Beth in StL at January 6, 2006 9:43 AM

I love this shit. The GTA one sounds like the intro to Penthouse Forum. And damn if I won't have second thoughts the next time my wife offers to make blueberry pancakes.

The Italy and Floyd references were genius, BTW

Posted by: CroutonBoy at January 6, 2006 10:18 AM

Thanks for the laugh--gotta love these weird searches.

Posted by: Liz at January 6, 2006 10:19 AM

What's really scary is these freaks might eventually *find* what they're looking for!

Posted by: Chag at January 6, 2006 11:02 AM

rude nubbins... damn, that's funny! thanks for making my morning a little easier to get through.

Posted by: misi at January 6, 2006 11:11 AM

"Tits pants mother-in-law embarrass bulge"... that was me. Imagine my surprise when I got directed here!

Also, I cough and pee and you sneeze and burp made me laugh out loud and I never ever do that here. Especially when you talk about dead wives and the husbands left behind. Sad Frown.

Posted by: melati at January 6, 2006 11:21 AM

"I came home this afternoon after picking up my copy of gta and i smelled something funny from my neighbors house. I went over there and the door was unlocked so i went right in. Sure eno..."

So when I tried a search of this... your #1! hahaha

Posted by: Mary Jo at January 6, 2006 11:26 AM

Where are the 8 inches you promised me.... That is so funny! Too great.

Posted by: Lisa B at January 6, 2006 11:27 AM

Another classic! These searches never cease to amaze and your side comments ALWAYS crack me up. I'm lucky I wasn't drinking my coffee yet or it would have totally been spit out all over my monitor. Yes, I'm classy like that! Try not to fall in love with me! HAHAHAHA,...Happy Friday, Freak!

Posted by: Kate at January 6, 2006 11:46 AM

I love the "I came home and the neighbors door was unlocked and I walked right in..." the only other thing it needs is "Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me..."

Also this makes me wonder how stupid is the average web user if this is what they put into search engines?

Posted by: Eeek at January 6, 2006 12:13 PM

Its always entertaining to check out the referral log. You really have some crazy ones.

Posted by: Bradley Erdosi at January 6, 2006 1:04 PM

I can't come up with a snappy comment, but if I could, it would be about your search strings being made of ENTIRE SENTENCES.

Posted by: Alison at January 6, 2006 1:31 PM

Thanks for the laugh. I always look forward to these entries!

Posted by: Jessie at January 6, 2006 1:43 PM

HAHAHAHAHA! That's awesome. I think last time my husband looked it up my number one search hit was "Ginny nekkid." (don't ask me)

Posted by: Ginny at January 6, 2006 1:48 PM

every time i think i have freaky deaky searches, you post yours and completely blow mine out of the water.


Posted by: ali at January 6, 2006 2:13 PM

LOL I thought my searches were funny, yours are hilarious! Thanks for the good laugh.

Posted by: Emily at January 6, 2006 2:35 PM

Really, REALLY funny material! Perfect for a Friday :-)

Posted by: JuJu's Mom at January 6, 2006 4:15 PM

Hey, Cacti Man. Just stopped in to say happy new year, and holy cow is that Mia a little doll, and oh, I so second the Rude Nubbins as a band name. Heh!

Posted by: sawni at January 6, 2006 5:33 PM

I love these. They always make me wonder why that person is searching for that. Odd.

Happy Friday!

Posted by: Isabel at January 6, 2006 6:36 PM

HA! You slay me. You see what kind of wackos you attract?

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at January 6, 2006 6:47 PM

Hahaha ;) you are too funny, thanks for making me laugh. I needed it. Have a nice weekend!!

Posted by: ava at January 6, 2006 7:28 PM

Your readers creep me out!



Posted by: Queen Of Ass at January 6, 2006 10:33 PM

Love it! I came across your link on a blogroll and I'm glad I did...Congratulations! You and your wife are the newest additions to my blogroll and my daily reading list.
Can you share your wisdom with me on how to get that google search info, please? I simply must see how people are finding me but am too dumb and lazy to figure it out myself. (I tried, I really did - too dumb...)

Thanks for the entertainment!

Posted by: Nicole at January 8, 2006 12:41 PM

Just me...testing...

Posted by: Chris at January 11, 2006 7:42 AM