February 21, 2006

Stand Up, Sit Down, Salute

My brain is blank today. It's like an old-school Etch-A-Sketch (please tell me you remember what those are) and someone shook it clean overnight. There were several things I wanted to mention but, well, I barely remember my own name. You'll just have to settle for the highlights.

Weekends. Since becoming a parent, the very nature of weekends has changed. They used to be quiet, relaxing days during which I could put my feet up, hang out on the couch and read a book for two days straight if that's what I wanted to do. Beth and I could go out to dinner, see a movie or just stare blankly at the ceiling. No longer. Weekends aren't relaxing anymore. Don't get me wrong - they're great. But relaxing? Not so much.

Photographer (and Pee). Yesterday, Beth and I took Mia to see a professional photographer. Now, normally, I would have been a little upset by this since I take most of the pictures and I feel a little territorial about that. But I guess I'm no professional and said professional is also a friend of ours. So, the set up is Beth and I holding a naked Mia. Cool. Except Mia decides, as any good baby would, to pee. Again, nothing out of the ordinary and par for the baby course. But we're convinced she knew what was coming and held it all morning. The dam broke, pee was everywhere and Beth was soaked. I, of course, laughed. I'm not so sure that was appreciated.

Olympics. We're catching up! We're most of the way through Thursday night's broadcast. Thank god for TiVo. Also? There are a surprising number of sports that are actually more fun to watch in fast-forward - figure skating, the really long-ass speed skating races and snowboarding to name a few. Curling? No, that's boring regardless of speed.

Nice Guy At Dunkin Donuts. I was in line this morning picking up my coffee. The guy behind me turns to everyone in the store and says, "hey, does anyone drink those latte drinks 'cos I got a book of coupons that you can use here." No one did but I thanked him for the offer. "I wouldn't know how to drink one of those fancy things," he informed me in a gruff, manly southern accent. "I wouldn't know whether to sit down, stand up or salute." I laughed. Then I realized, I have no idea what that means.

Posted by Chris at February 21, 2006 7:27 AM

I would give anything for an Etch-a-Sketch brain! You know when you can't go to sleep because your brain is thinking about seventy-two different things? Oh, to just throw your head over the bed and shake it back and forth a few times!!! How great would that be ?!
I think the appeal of Golf would definitely increase with a Fast Forward button. Oh, and Fishing. Yeah, I realize those are not Olympic events...

Posted by: JuJu's Mom Linda at February 21, 2006 7:37 AM

Stand up, Sit down, or salute--that's how I feel most of the time when I'm in uniform. I've got terrible officer etiquette...

Blech. I don't do lattes either. Too much of that milk stuff. ;-)

Posted by: Ginny at February 21, 2006 7:38 AM

Oooooh. That's cool. Never paid much attention to the time diff. before. Right now for me it's 5:45 a.m.....

Posted by: Ginny at February 21, 2006 7:39 AM


This was a funny post! And I have no idea what it means either, but I would have scored one of those coupons. I like a little coffee with my milk.

Poor Beth-- having a baby is often one humiliation after another, isn't it?

Posted by: jen at February 21, 2006 7:53 AM

Just be thankful you had a girl. Bad things happen when baby boys pee naked.

Posted by: fauve at February 21, 2006 7:56 AM

I think weekends are more stressful with kids. During the week we have a more consistent routine. The free time throws them off.

Posted by: Sarah at February 21, 2006 8:21 AM

Wait, is there a 'new-school' Etch-a-Sketch now? Jeez, maybe I'm even more hopelessly out of the loop than I thought... My 3-day weekend was a BLUR...a bloggity blur...you cannot imagine how many blogs I caught up on, man! (I'm surprised I even opened Bloglines this morning...ha!)

Posted by: Marilyn at February 21, 2006 8:22 AM

'New-school' Etch-a-sketch? Isn't that more commonly referred to as a 'laptop'? I know I'd like some of MY email to go away when I pick the thing up and shake it!!

Posted by: Deepblue at February 21, 2006 8:46 AM

Etch-A-Sketch. We've had many of those in our house through the years.

So, did you take a couple of clothing changes, or did you just take the photos "as is"?

Posted by: cas at February 21, 2006 8:47 AM

"I wouldn't know whether to sit down, stand up or salute."
I felt that way the first time I attended a Catholic church service!

Posted by: Betti at February 21, 2006 8:48 AM

Oh. No. I'm convinced babies pee on purpose at the most inconvenient times. Yes, please say you guys brought a change of clothes to the photo shoot.

Posted by: Fraulein N at February 21, 2006 8:53 AM

I usually feel more like a weeble-wobble most of the time.
Don't worry about the pee business. Wait until they are teenagers-then you can embarrass them back a bit. Hell, your very existance will embarass, you don't even need to try! Ha!

Posted by: Jamie at February 21, 2006 8:59 AM

We actually bought Noah an etch-a-sketch, it came with a magna-doodle. And he was all...umm it only makes straight line mom..that totally sucks.
But he enjoy the shakey shakey part

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at February 21, 2006 10:11 AM

That totally happened to me, too. The Swimmy and I were set to take some lovely B&W Mommy & Me pics when she was a baby. Everything was going perfectly... I was even having a good hair day.

And THEN... whoosh. The only recovery at that point was to do some naked pics and move on.

(Her. Not me. Those cost extra.)

Posted by: Pammer at February 21, 2006 11:16 AM

Captain Stinky NEVER pee'd on me. I'm thrilled, because I think that's a parental record.

Posted by: Queen of Ass at February 21, 2006 11:31 AM

I have a little, working etch-a-scetch keychain. I know youre so jealous.

Posted by: That Girl at February 21, 2006 11:41 AM

Hee! That's funny.

Guess what I did this weekend? I read for two days straight and stared at the ceiling for a while. I took two walks on the beach yesterday and went out for coffee later. I knitted a hat. I played PS2. Then my husband came home and we went out to dinner.

For the first time in my entire life, I was soooo happy to be bored! 20 years of raising kids gives one a whole new outlook on boredom!! Yay, for having nothing to do. It was so relaxing.

Don't worry, you'll get to do it again. In about 20 years. =)

Posted by: Ms. Q at February 21, 2006 11:54 AM

Who cares what it means. You got a deal on one of them fancy drinks. Yay for caffeine.

Posted by: Heather at February 21, 2006 11:57 AM

Yeah, don't know what that means either.

You have such a talent for photography. I would love to have you take photos of my little guy -- over a "professional" anyday! You are great at capturing personality.

Posted by: Lisa B at February 21, 2006 12:33 PM

Quick comment on the pee thing. My wife and I were in the Dominican Republic last week and Sunday night was our last chance to catch the supposedly amazing sunset (which it was) so we stayed down at the beach to watch. There were two adorable little French boys and their harried mother nearby. The older boy was taunting the younger boy by running around their beach chairs so he couldn't be caught. The younger boy finally gave up and started crying and plunked down on the beach. The mother picked him up and realized he was covered in sand. so she took his swim trunks down a little more than she planned as she wiped sand from his behind and, you guessed it, the boy started peeing on the beach. The boy was still crying, the mother was embarrassed but let the boy finish anyway. The rest of us were laughing at how cute this all was. And over the fact that it wasn't us.

Posted by: Mike at February 21, 2006 12:50 PM

The first time I tried to have a naked picture done of Maya, she peed all over, luckily not on me. The "sit down, stand up or salute" comment was very funny, it reminded me of my grandpa.

Posted by: Melissa at February 21, 2006 1:27 PM

Of course I remember Etch-a-Sketch. It was one of my favorites, but not nearly as cool as the Spirograph (which my sister found for me for Christmas - I love it!).

Posted by: Jessie at February 21, 2006 1:46 PM

The pee thing is always funny to the victim a lot later...a lot later. When my son was 2 he whipped his dong out while sitting in his carseat and proceeded to pee on his father's head (who was driving) all the way from the third row of the van. I instantly thought it was funny and made a mental note of it as an amusing story to tell at his wedding. My husband? Didn't think it was funny until last year...my son is now 8.

Posted by: Vicky (Desperate to be a Housewife) at February 21, 2006 2:06 PM

Hey, don't knock curling - it's a fabulous sport! And your men's team is doing great!

Posted by: Jodi at February 21, 2006 2:18 PM

Nice! I think it's programmed into all babies to pee at their first professional photo session.

Posted by: Oakley at February 21, 2006 2:39 PM

The "salute" guy reminds me of those unsung heroes who leave coupons on the shelves of grocery stores, tucked under the very product for which they provide a discount. I love those people, and if I had my shit together, I would be one.

Posted by: Vaguely Urban at February 21, 2006 3:15 PM

Heh...I can't even remember what I did this weekend.

Posted by: dragonlady474 at February 21, 2006 3:36 PM

Yeah, my daughter peed on me once, but not in front of a professional photographer.

And the latté thing? Made me laugh.

Posted by: Alison at February 21, 2006 4:22 PM

Mia is so smart! Already she doesn't like to have her picture taken.

Will we get to see said photos?

Posted by: DeAnn at February 21, 2006 4:44 PM

Just be careful when guys you don't know start saluting... in public... with things other than what is attached at the end of an arm. LOL

And Curling? Only in Canada, dude. What were they thinking? Oh, right. They weren't. (I have a handful of Canadian friends, and even they don't have an explanation for Curling.)

Posted by: ironic1 at February 21, 2006 5:18 PM

I laugh. Hysterically. At the thought of Beth. Covered in pee. Because it's SO FUNNY! In a not very funny sort of way.

Posted by: Emily at February 21, 2006 5:45 PM

Ummm, yea, that I've got that creativity drought thing going on over here too. I WANT to write, but I can't and it's a big drag.

Did the photographer, um, get pictures of the yellow dam bursting?

And did Beth bring a spare pair of clothes?

Posted by: Colleen at February 21, 2006 6:42 PM

It's stories like your weekend story and the pee story that make me realize I have no idea what I'm getting into with this whole trying to conceive thing. Thanks for keeping it real.

And when you don't know whether to stand, sit or salute, always go with sit. At least then you can fly under the radar.

Posted by: TB at February 21, 2006 7:40 PM

One guy lectures about taxes, another offers free coupons. Give and take. Your karma account is clear, it seems; well done.

Curling is so a real sport! It may be a genetic predisposition, however: have you any Scottish blood?

...Golf, on the other hand, is our great shame. In my defense, that was the other Scots. The Scots that us Scots always fought, you know.

Posted by: Gavin at February 22, 2006 1:18 AM

"It's like an old-school Etch-A-Sketch (please tell me you remember what those are) and someone shook it clean overnight"

Of course I know what they are! I used to LOVE using mine when I was little. It broke, eventually, and I was heartbroken because I used to be fond of showing everyone I met (it went everywhere with me: it was mum's 'keep my kid busy and stop her screaming for attention' tool) my masterpieces.
- The fact that I was (and am) crap at drawing was neither here nor there. I was five, I had drawn a cow or whatever, and by God, people where going to look at it and say 'ooh, pretty'.

Anyhow, great post, I'd have laughed about the pee too, sounds like a great way to spice up the more boring parts of TV, and last but not least, I had a similar experience recently involving not coffee but coupons for sports equipment in schools (spend £10 at supermarkets and you get a coupon to put with other coupons towards a football or whatever) when the guy in front of me spent over £100 on shopping (I was spending £5) and didn't want the coupons because he had no contact with schools, but offered them to the next person if he/she wanted them which in this instance was me, and of course being the daughter of a teacher I did.

Nice guy. Really nice guy.

Posted by: Alice at February 22, 2006 4:31 AM

I am conviced that there is something about the fresh air coming in to contact with babies' nether regions that induces free flow!

I still marvel at how one little body can hold THAT much fluid....

Posted by: Nynke at February 22, 2006 6:01 AM

Damn it. I would have LOVED those coupons... Dunkin Donuts lattes have become the sole reason I persevere every day. And with a coupon?!? That's like manna from heaven.

And I'm not really clear on what that means, either.

Posted by: Bonanza Jellybean at February 22, 2006 12:48 PM

'I don't know whether to sit down, stand up or salute' just means not knowing enough about something to know how to deal with it.

I'm quite sure it's a military reference.

My kids have all had etch-a-sketch's and the littlest one (3 years) even has a mini one to take in the car.

Posted by: Contary at February 22, 2006 7:58 PM

As a Southerner, I would have to say that it means that the guy doesn't know what the latte is all about, and he's never had anything so "fancy" ... so he wouldn't know how to act. I don't know.

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