March 3, 2006

Answers! Get Your Fresh Hot Answers (Part Two) promised, more answers to more of your questions...

[Jessie] What CD in your (apparently expansive) collection would you be embarrassed about owning if we found out about it?
Probably the most objectionable CD I own is called Eat Me In St. Louis by It Bites. Now, there's truth in advertising. Surprisingly, they're actually a well-respected British band attempting something of a reunion right now. Aside from that, I'm not really ashamed of anything I own. Yes, I have a TON of hair metal, not to mention some very bad examples of stuff created in the 80's. But I'm ready and willing to admit that some of it's crap. I guess the worst are the William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy albums from the late 60's. God are those terrible.

[Jay Wilkins] If you could do one thing before you die (and if money were not an object) what would you do?
As much as I'd like to rebel against the saintly, good-guy answer that wants to break free and expose itself, I can't. Here's my idea. I put together a band and a world tour. Mia, Beth and I travel the world, I play music and - since money is no object - we provide food and cash to people without around the globe. Sure, that's a tad idealistic. I'd just settle for making sure that, somehow, no one goes to bed hungry for a day.

[Alice] What was Mr. Zzwxys your client for? What colour are the pants, and do Beth and Mia agree with you?
I have no clue although I have the sneaking suspicion that was the name we assigned to the guy who dropped dead in front of us while mowing his lawn. No shit. We were out in my friend's front yard and, boom, dude goes down. We called an ambulance but it was too late. He'd had a heart attack. Of course, our investigation yielded foul play. I mean, what fun was a naturally dead guy? The pants? They were camel colored pleated slacks. Beth didn't have a chance to see me in them much and Mia currently lacks the language skills to express any sort of opinion regarding my pants or just about anything else.

[Sunshine] What is the one thing (besides your daughter, your cats, and your wife pretty much anything not breathing) that you would save in a fire?
Most everything we have is replicable. There's some stuff in a fire safe I might try to grab (yes, I know it's a fire safe and, therefore, should be safe in a fire but still). I think I'd also grab the computer and toss it out a window or something. I back things up pretty regularly but I wouldn't want to take any chances with all the pictures of Mia. You know, this is a question I used to worry about the answer to a lot. Now, I don't. I've come to realize that the only things that matter are Mia, Beth and the cats. As long as they're okay, the world is alright.

[Bethany] If you could have one day without any family obligations (pretend Beth and Mia went away on a little mommy-daughter holiday)--what would you do?
A day alone? I don't think I understand the question. That's not possible, is it? Seriously, I don't have a hard time entertaining myself. I was an only child. I'm happy with a book and a comfy chair. I'd probably hang out in bed for a while, read a book or two, maybe watch a movie. Most likely, after a couple hours, I'd just end up staring at the clock waiting for Beth and Mia to come back home. Because I'm lovably pathetic like that.

[Sarcomical] Have you ever colored your hair?
No. Although to be completely honest with you guys, I have used that Sun-In crap at the beach. Now that I'm going gray, I've realized I just don't give a damn anymore. Hair is hair. At least I've got some.

[Melissa] What do you hope your daughter will grow up to be?
I don't want to be a pushy parent. I want Mia to do whatever makes her happy. That said, there are some professions that I hope she steers clear of. I mean, the world needs strippers and porn stars. My daughter just doesn't need to be one of them.

[Nic] When you're driving and someone cuts you off in traffic, do you right off look at their plate to see where they're from? And having done that do you excuse the people from out of state (cause they don't know how to drive here) or do you growl and mentally wish them back to whatever backwoods state they oozed from?
I try and wave and shoot them a smile because I'm convinced that pisses people off more. Of course, while I'm waving at them I'm usually calling them bitch-ass motherfuckers or some other, equally nonsensical combination of expletives.

[Lisa B] If Beth has ever asked you, "Do I look fat in these pants?" (I can't imagine she'd look anything else but gorgeous but women tend to ask things like that anyway...) What was your answer?
The answer (both the standard and accurate answer, mind you) is always no. Anything less than an emphatic and immediate no would be a deviation from the Committed Man's Rules For Modern Living, the secret handbook all men are given when they get hitched or otherwise involved with the opposite sex. Of course, now that I just admitted to its existence, who knows what'll happen to me.

[Melati] Have you ever really hated someone? I mean that really deep seeded hate, pure, straight, stemming from your toes kind of hate. If so, why? And have you gotten over it?
I pride myself on being open-minded and even-tempered but the answer to this? A resounding yes. I once worked for this horrid bitch. All she had to do was gaze in my general direction and I'd get pissed. She's really the only person I'd ever describe by dropping the C-bomb. The funny thing is that I really don't know why she was able to push my buttons so effectively. We worked for a non-profit, with too few employees to cover the work and no budget whatsoever. Yet, she'd strut in wearing her furs over a fantastic outfit from Holier Than Thou of Paris, completely self-important and indulgent. To say there wasn't a fit between her style and our business would be an understatement. One day, I'd completely had it. I walked out of her office and someone stopped my just outside her door. "Why are you so pissed?" he asked. Knowing I was still within earshot of her, I raised my voice. "Because she's such a fucking bitch" I responded." I didn't give a damn what happened. Nothing did. Except for the fact that she quit a few weeks later. I did a happiness dance the likes of which the world had never quite seen.

[Gavin] Okay, what's your favourite time of day?
Late night or early morning. Now, I don't get to see much of the night anymore, but I still dig being up early, before the sun rises. I feel like it's my little chunk of day before everyone else wakes up and starts needing stuff from me.

[Wordgirl] If you had your own tv channel one night a week and it played only OLD shows that were in syndication, what would be your line-up from 6-10 p.m.?
Are you trying to kill my brain? That's tough. Let's see, that's four hours of television. I know I'm going to have 20 other ideas once I post this but here it goes.

6:00 - 6:30: I Love Lucy Call me light in the loafers but that show never gets old.
6:30 - 7:00: Dick Van Dyke Show Another classic that never gets old.
7:00 - 7:30: Are You Being Served
7:30 - 8:00: Soap I'm not sure how many people remember this one but it was one of the single oddest and funniest shows on television.
8:00 - 8:30: Cheers Norm!
8:30 - 9:00: Friends
9:00 - 10:00: Law & Order

[Beth in STL] I know you're a musician so I'll ask you this. Which band/musical artist do you think has had the biggest influence--good or bad--on the music industry in the U.S. and why?
Great question. Although my immediate response is to stress that I think it's the music industry that has a bad influence on artists and bands, not the other way around. Frankly, I think the Beatles had the most lasting influence on the music industry and the artists that followed. In addition, the bands who followed in the immediate aftermath of the British invasion - Cream, Zeppelin, Deep Purple, Black Sabbath and progressive rock bands like early Genesis, Yes and ELP - had substantial influence as well. While the Beatles crafted pop and rock, their successors took disparate elements - blues, jazz, classical - and formed one giant, complex sound. I'd argue that Zeppelin single-handedly set the stage for contemporary rock and metal while, at the same time, cultivated a new appreciation for traditional American blues.

Posted by Chris at March 3, 2006 2:16 PM

I LOVE YOU for saying Are You Being Served.

Posted by: stinkerbell at March 3, 2006 3:00 PM

LOVED Are you being served (speaking of light in the loafers)
And also...soap.
HA! I am giggling just thinking about it.

And I love lucy..DOES infact get old...when your older brother tapes re-runs and watches them incessantly ALL THROUGH YOUR HIGHSCHOOL YEARS. old...well..dead really but that's not the point

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at March 3, 2006 3:08 PM

Soap is awesome. I love Soap.

Also, you called your boss a horrid bitch, and not only did you NOT get fired, she quit a short while later? I bow in awe. Use your powers for good, my friend.

Posted by: Dawn at March 3, 2006 3:16 PM tv channel lineup would be fairly similar!

Posted by: Amy at March 3, 2006 4:13 PM

Dude - love....looooovvvvveeeee... Soap. Absolutely one of the funniest sitcoms ever

Posted by: Mr. Big Dubya at March 3, 2006 4:31 PM

"Soap" was great. My first year of college was actually spent at UNT (then it was NTSU) and it seemed that every time I walked into the Pi Kappa Alpha house, it was on.

I asked the tv question because it's an idea I ponder quite a lot. When the TVLand Awards come on, I'm always reminded of shows I watched as a kid.

Ditto for "I Love Lucy" and "Dick Van Dyke". I own the first four seasons of both shows.

Posted by: wordgirl at March 3, 2006 4:33 PM

I used to work for the guy who produced "Soap." At a non-profit. Where the HR VP drove a Jag. See how much we have in common?

Wait...I thought you were the Brady Bunch guy. Where's the Brady Bunch in your lineup?

Posted by: kalisah at March 3, 2006 4:50 PM

Vitameatavegiman! I really do love Lucy.

And, I've had a crush on Dick Van Dyke since the 70's. (Lord, that last sentence made me sound old)

Posted by: Contrary at March 3, 2006 5:35 PM

Love that you included Law & Order in your fake lineup. I love that show like a fat kid loves cake.

About saving stuff from a fire: if you chucked the computer out the window, wouldn't that be bad for it too? Seriously, I know you're the computer guy. I'm just asking.

Posted by: Fraulein N at March 3, 2006 5:42 PM

Thanks for taking my question, and I must agree with your answer. I don't think Zeppelin gets nearly the credit they deserve.

This is the story of two sisters, Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell. These are the Tates, and these are the Campbells. And this is...Soap. Such a great show - one of my absolute favorites!!! Do they show this on Nick at Nite?

Posted by: Beth in StL at March 3, 2006 8:03 PM

Damn, I don't think I received that handbook! Do you know what I can get a copy? Is there one for kids?

Posted by: Chris at March 3, 2006 10:38 PM

your tv lineup goes to prove how young i am, lol. never heard of soap or are you being served! but throw in some "wonder years" and i am ALL there, haha!

Posted by: tiffanie at March 4, 2006 9:54 AM

Okay, I want your TV channel.

Posted by: Jenn at March 4, 2006 3:14 PM

I can't believe you picked Are You Being Served, but you are seriously now? My hero.

Posted by: Queen Of Ass at March 4, 2006 5:45 PM

I've looked all over the place for that handbook. I don't think my hubby got a copy -- which would explain some of the things he blurts out. heehee.

Posted by: Lisa B at March 4, 2006 7:36 PM

The whole waving and smiling at people who cut you off and dont know how to drive...yeah I do that too! I dont flip them off or honk my horn, I simply smile and wave really happily at them! I totally agree with you on that one!

Posted by: Dawn at March 5, 2006 11:58 PM

I'm sure you've heard this before, but Chris Rock did a routine a few years ago, where he said his biggest job as a father was to keep his daughter off the poll. It still cracks me up.

Posted by: Melissa at March 6, 2006 12:27 AM