March 7, 2006

Welcome To The Jungle

The astonishing fact for the morning is this - I'm wide awake. Now, that might not seem like a huge accomplishment but it should be noted that Mia spent half the night screaming. And when she wasn't screaming, I was having odd dreams about professional wrestling and NASCAR. Which is really fucked up because, well, I'm not exactly a professional wrestling or NASCAR kinda guy.

Because of The Tiredness, not to mention a plethora of paperwork I have to get done this morning, I recount last night's dinner conversation. Should you wish to recreate this conversation exactly as it occurred, find and commandeer the nearest baby, poking it occasionally for the appropriate sound effects and fling some mashed up avocado around the kitchen.

Not long ago, Beth and I tried to name all the real-life Monkees. From the sixties TV show. We didn't just throw down this challenge randomly. It was, instead, sparked by the presence of Mia's little monkey toy. We could only name three - Mike Nesmith, Peter Tork and Davy Jones. We'd forgotten about poor Mickey Dolenz.

Last night, we traveled down a similar albeit more bizarre road, once again inspired by the damn monkey toy.

Her: The Monkees! Starring Peter O'Toole.
Me: Peter O'Toole wasn't a Monkee. He was in A Monkey In Winter. Or was it Monkey of Arabia?
Her: All The President's Monkeys
Me: The famous war flick Monkeys Over The River Kwai.
Her: The Monkeys of Navarone
Me: Mr. Monkey's Navy
Her: Code Name: Monkey
Me: Guadalcanal Monkey
Her: The eighties classic Pretty In Monkey
Me: Sixteen Monkeys
Her: The Monkey Club
Me: St. Elmo's Monkey
Her: Can't Buy Me Monkey
Me: Bill And Ted's Excellent Monkey
Her: Say Monkeything
Me: The breakthrough filmaking of Citizen Monkey
Her: Wizard of Monkey
Me: Gone With The Monkey
Her: To Kill A Monkeybird
Me: Twelve Angry Monkeys
Her: A Monkey To Remember
Me: Bang A Monkey Slowly
Her: Monkey Gump
Me: Monkey Encounters of the Third Kind
Her: The Urban Monkey
Me: The Day The Monkey Stood Still
Her: Forbidden Monkey
Me: Soylent Monkey
Her: Dead Monkey's Society
Me: Monkey X
Her: Born on the Fourth of Monkey
Me: Hunt For The Red Monkey
Her: On Golden Monkey
Me: Saturday Night Monkey
Her: Saving Private Monkey
Me: The Grapes of Monkey
Her: Of Mice And Monkeys
Me: Natural Born Monkeys
Her: Monkey and Flow
Me: Brokeback Monkey
Her: The Man With Two Monkeys
Me: The Man From Snowy Monkey
Her: Monkey Night Lights
Me: Scent of a Monkey
Her: Goodmonkeys
Me: The Godmonkey Part One
Her: Apocalypse Monkey
Me: Full Metal Monkey
Her: 2001: A Monkey Odyssey
Me: Beverly Hills Monkey
Her: Lethal Monkey
Me: Boogie Monkey
Her: Office Monkey
Me: Good Monkey Hunting
Her: Fried Green Monkeys
Me: Harry Monkey and the Goblet of Poo
Her: Walk The Monkey
Me: A History of Monkey
Her: The Constant Monkey
Me: Memoirs of A Monkey
Her: March of the Monkeys
Me: Good Night and Good Monkey

Posted by Chris at March 7, 2006 7:31 AM

You forgot two of Woody Allen's Best: "Take the Monkey and Run" and "Monkeys Over Broadway". Oh and how could I forget? A Midsummer's Night Monkey!!!
This was hilarious :-)))

Posted by: JuJu's Mom Linda at March 7, 2006 7:38 AM

It took you a lot longer to get to Brokeback Monkey then I thought it would.

You know what this reminds me of? The dinner scene in While You Were Sleeping when they were discussing short/tall/Cuban actors....

Posted by: fauve at March 7, 2006 7:39 AM

OMG, Bang A Monkey Slowly??? Too Much.

Posted by: JuJu's Mom Linda at March 7, 2006 7:39 AM

Hysterical! How about the infamous 80's classic "The Last American Monkey" haha

Posted by: Kell at March 7, 2006 7:52 AM

And as always the controversial favorite

"The last temptation of monkey"

Posted by: Jeff A at March 7, 2006 8:07 AM

American Monkey in London
Andromeda Monkey
Seven Monkeys in May
Austin Powers: Goldmonkey
Austin Powers: International Monkey of Mystery
Austin Powers: The Monkey Who Shagged Me
And the Bill Murray classic - Monkeyshack

Posted by: Mr. Big Dubya at March 7, 2006 8:11 AM

Seven Brides for Seven Monkeys?

Posted by: william at March 7, 2006 8:29 AM

You have a lot more energy than you give yourself credit for - just reading the list makes me tired.

Posted by: That Girl at March 7, 2006 8:35 AM

Harry Monkey and the Goblet of Poo!!!

That one made me laugh loud enough to scare the cat!!

The scary thing is not so much that you HAD the conversation, and not even that you were able to RECOUNT it... but that it didn't end with 'I win!'

Posted by: Deepblue at March 7, 2006 8:50 AM

Wow. I think "Fried Green Monkeys" is my favorite. I'm guessing there was little sleep to be had the night before this conversation took place?

Posted by: Jessie at March 7, 2006 8:59 AM

The Seven Little Monkeys?

Posted by: ann adams at March 7, 2006 9:19 AM

"Driving Miss Monkey".
"To Kill a Monkey (bird)"
"One Flew over the Monkey's Nest"

Posted by: wordgirl at March 7, 2006 9:25 AM

How about "Monkey Sense"?

I see dead monkeys! LOL

Posted by: Red at March 7, 2006 9:28 AM

"Monkey Actually"

Posted by: Queen of Ass at March 7, 2006 9:49 AM

Oh..I really dislike monkeys. I certainly hope that I don't dream of this tonight. It will probably be similar to a really bad song that you can't get out of your head.

Posted by: Jamie at March 7, 2006 10:10 AM

Don't forget the classics, "Thirteen Monkeys". ;-D And many others like...

Lord of the Monkeys: The Fellowship of the Monkeys
Lord of the Monkeys: The Two Monkeys
Lord of the Monkeys: The Return of the Monkeys
Monkey Trek
Killer Monkeys from Outer Space
Monkey Flux

And, worst movie in history, Battlefield Monkey.

Posted by: Oakley at March 7, 2006 10:12 AM

My favorites: Harry Monkey and the Goblet of Poo, Full Metal Monkey and Say Monkeything.

Don't forget An American Monkey in London.

Posted by: bad penguin at March 7, 2006 10:15 AM

OMG! Lord of the Monkeys: The Two Monkeys,
Return of the Monkeys, and The Fellowship of the Monkey. And even better yet.... Battlefield Monkey!

I almost choked on my coffee......LMAO

Posted by: Red at March 7, 2006 10:31 AM

Oh, dear. I think you lied. Because you are definitely a monkey NASCAR and monkey wrestling kind of guy.

Posted by: bhd at March 7, 2006 10:34 AM

Oh my. This has to be the best thing I've read all day. Granted, it's still morning, but I don't think anything is going to top this.

A little homage to Peter Sellers:

The Monkey that Roared
The Pink Monkey
Dr. Monkey or: How I Learned to Stop Throwing Poop and Love the Banana
A Shot in the Monkey
There's a Monkey in My Soup
Revenge of the Pink Monkey

Is it strange that all of the monkey titles work, by the way? What fun I had playing in the cactus box today!! Wheeeee!

Posted by: Kristina at March 7, 2006 10:55 AM

Everything's better with Monkeys.

Posted by: Dawn at March 7, 2006 10:57 AM

And here I was thinking that you and Beth are sleep-deprived. Go figure!

Posted by: Theresa at March 7, 2006 10:58 AM

Oh stop with all these monkeyshines!!

Who could forget the classic

Monkey Galactica
Field of Monkeys
The Good, The Bad and The Monkey
With Monkey You Get Eggroll
Monkeyless in Seattle
The Princess Monkey (Or The Monkey Bride)

Stop. It hurts.

Monkey? MONKEY? The word is meaningless to me now.

Posted by: Amy at March 7, 2006 11:02 AM

Monkeys, Monkeys, Ted & Alice

Have you seen Kicking & Screaming? Not the Will Farrell one, the one with Eric Stoltz, Chris Eigeman, Parker Posey...? They have this same conversation. Hilarious! I think yours went on a lot longer though.

One night my husband & I were so bored we made porn names out of all of our movies. This, of course, was pre-baby. Bored? Now? You've got to be kidding.

Posted by: MelissaS at March 7, 2006 11:03 AM

Poor Mickey Dolenz! If you changed his name to Monkey Dolenz, you might remember it better!

I have a monkey on my desk, a stuffed one, and now when I look at it, I'm going to think of you and Beth and the Monkey from Alcatraz. Or Peter O'Toole. I haven't decided which.

Posted by: Ms. Q at March 7, 2006 12:07 PM

Am Crying. Full Metal Monkey. Good Night and Good Monkey. (and I keep thinking of how someone said monkey in the Peter Sellers version of the Pink Panther movies for some reason- meenkey) ROTFL - it hurts.

Posted by: Sue at March 7, 2006 12:08 PM

...and then my head exploded.

Posted by: Pammer at March 7, 2006 12:16 PM

To Kill A Monkeybird is my absolute favorite. Have you seen that TV show Monkey Idol. Sorry, best I could do, I wanted to do Harry Potter but whoever did it above hit gold. We once got so bored we tried to come up with all the shrimp combos that Forrest Gump said, you know Shrinp Gumbo, Shrimp Kabobs, Shrimp Oatmeal....

Posted by: Melissa at March 7, 2006 1:09 PM

You forgot:

Planet of the Monkies
Space Monkey 2001
20,000 Monkies under the Sea
A Tale of Two Monkies
A Christmas Monkey
Seven Brides for Seven Monkies

And my personal favorite:

Hello Monkey - Starring the one and only Carol Channing!

Posted by: laura at March 7, 2006 1:53 PM

Monkey is now one of those words that if you see it often and long enough, it totally starts to look weird. Thanks for the giggles!

Posted by: magpie at March 7, 2006 1:57 PM

damn this was so much fun!!! You forgot Hunt for Red Monkey.

Posted by: linda at March 7, 2006 2:35 PM

Monkey really does start to look weird...looking at titles on my shelf?
My Big Fat Greek Monkey
How to Lose A Guy in 10 Monkeys
The Wedding Monkey (or The Monkey Singer)
Sweet Monkey Alabama
And I believe "The Monkey Bride" was already taken. ;)

Posted by: Heather at March 7, 2006 6:16 PM

back to the monkey [parts one, two AND three]
monkey club
lock, stock, and two smoking monkies
bridget jones' monkey
monkey is illuminated [or everything is monkey]
and, a history of monkey

sick thing is i have about eight million more.

Posted by: meg at March 7, 2006 6:26 PM

M for Monketta
Eternal Poopflinging of the Monkey Mind
The Silence of the Monkeys
One Flew Over the Monkey's Nest

And who could forget Hayao Miyazaki's epic animated story, Princess Monkeynoke?

Posted by: Gavin at March 7, 2006 6:28 PM

or my perpetual favourites from my childhood:

three men and a monkey
monkey dancing
who framed roger monkey

Posted by: suze at March 7, 2006 9:14 PM

The Monkeys of Katie Elder
The Cheyenne Monkey Club
Dial M for Monkey
It's a Wonderful Monkey
Monkeys on a Train
Arsenic and Old Monkeys

Stop me...

Posted by: wordgirl at March 7, 2006 11:00 PM

That conversation was hysterial. ANd these comments are making me laugh out loud too. Thanks I need that.

Posted by: Lisa B at March 8, 2006 12:39 AM

Never Been Monkeyed
Pulp Monkey
Monkey Times at Ridgmont High

It is sad how well monkey fits. Does anyone alse get the monkey from the Dexter's Laboratory stuck in their head?

Posted by: the weirdgirl at March 8, 2006 1:24 AM

Eternal Poopflinging of the Monkey Mind....

This has got to be the best one yet! ROFLMAO

*laughing so hard she fell out of her cubicle*

Posted by: Red at March 8, 2006 8:51 AM