April 25, 2006

Eat Your Heart Out, Gilligan

I have a dream. No, not that one...

Pea and I were trading email yesterday morning and I think we stumbled upon something. See, we were talking about Mondays and how much Mondays suck and, as a result, how much we need a vacation. Then, I had an idea. Let's all chip in and buy our own private island. You're down with that, right?

This is where the Internet comes in, for it is a great and mighty tool when used correctly (and not for, you know, hardcore zoo porn or looking up crap that might be wrong with you on WebMD). I mean, take a look at this. It's even got a house. A four bedroom, two bathroom house with a private pier and 800 coconut trees. What more could you possibly want? Two houses, with an infinite pool and Internet access, you say? I think I can swing that. Sure, it was probably owned by a foreign dictator and there's a strong chance we might discover a mass grave next to the pool but still...it's kinda cheap for what you're getting. My only concern is that some of these are pretty far away. How about a heavily forested island off the Canadian coast?

One thing must be clear - I'm not envisioning some sort of bizarre commune out of the 60's. We won't be half-clothed, rolling around in the mud listening to Joan Baez or Country Joe and The Fish. No, what I've got in mind is a cool, inviting, fun hipster community with lots of smart, funny, cutting-edge people who just dig hanging out, being nice. No asshats allowed.

So, are you in? If so, we're going to have to think some things through. Before we spring for the island, we'll have to decide what we want on it - amenities, and so forth. And we'll probably need a name. You think about it and let me know what you come up with.

Posted by Chris at April 25, 2006 7:13 AM

I'm all for it, but it HAS to have bathrooms. I don't want tents and peeing in the woods. I want luxury damnit! =) Hrm, will have to think a bit on the name. =)

Posted by: Lauren at April 25, 2006 7:31 AM

You know I'm so in. And how warped is my mind that I saw the prices to all of those and thought, "Hey, that isn't bad!" Meanwhile I got like 2 dollars in my savings account. Details.

Name. You want a name...hmm. iIsland? Sorry. Couldn't help it. I'll get back to you.

Posted by: pea at April 25, 2006 7:41 AM

I'm in... all I ask is that there's a nice garden tub in the bathroom that I get to use...

Posted by: amber at April 25, 2006 7:47 AM

I'm in, I think. What about my kids? Is this going to be a child-friendly island? Because you know, after this morning I may just leave them here...

Posted by: Alissa at April 25, 2006 7:49 AM

I'll pass on the island in Canada. Too cold. I need a different climate than I live in now (MI). But I'd be happy to join you all on a warm island.

As for a name, I'll have to think on it.

Posted by: Carolyn at April 25, 2006 7:51 AM

I was in until you said, "We won't be half-clothed, rolling around in the mud listening to Joan Baez..." Why so many restrictions?

Posted by: Amber at April 25, 2006 7:55 AM

I don't know-- the Canadian one may be cold, but it is the most affordable. Hey, wait. Does that make me cheap???

But count me in. Definitely.

Posted by: jen at April 25, 2006 8:03 AM

I don't know. If there's Joan Baez, I'm not sure its going to be much fun. Can we at least be half-clothed? Not that its ever warm enough in Canada to be half-clothed.

Wait wait I have it! A bonfire! We all spend the year building giant wooden figures, like big statues only made of branches and paper. And then once a year, we bring them to the island and BURN them! And we all bring marshmallows, grahams, and chocolate to make smores too. Lots of smores. Until the fire burns out.

Posted by: Jon in Michigan at April 25, 2006 8:13 AM

I like the fact that the first one has 50 crabs in production. That's a money maker too, i'm thinking. And those essences... shudder!

The eletricity and water by Genatator - All the cool kids use Genatator!

Posted by: wlfldy at April 25, 2006 8:29 AM

Could there be a section of the island that was Adults Only? And I don't mean that in an X-rated way, I mean it in a "No Barneys or Crying" allowed way. If yes, then count me in.

Posted by: Liberal Banana at April 25, 2006 8:34 AM

I am SO there.

As long as work is not allowed.

Posted by: Kellie at April 25, 2006 8:48 AM

The funny part is that you could probably totally pull this off. The sad part is that this reminded me that at my last job I actually knew people who OWNED islands...(sad because it reminds me how not-rich we are). :)

Posted by: Marilyn at April 25, 2006 8:48 AM

I'm in! Now let's see...how many people x 2 bathrooms...of course you do have the private pier with the coconut trees...that would probably help...

Posted by: daisy at April 25, 2006 8:58 AM

Thats always been my dream, to buy my own caribbean island...house is optional...if I can afford the island, I can afford a boat with all the ameneties to get me there....

thats the reason I play the lottery!

Posted by: Lisa at April 25, 2006 9:05 AM

Sure but I'll bring my own ipod so I can listen to Joan.

Posted by: ann adams at April 25, 2006 9:11 AM

Dude! You can buy an island off the coast of BC for less than my parents' house is worth? that's messed up.

And the BC one may not be as cold as everyone thinks...The West coast can have some pretty sweet temperatures...

i'm in. ;)

Posted by: suze at April 25, 2006 9:12 AM

I'm in.

But I need more coffee before I can try to think up a name for the place.

Posted by: Alison at April 25, 2006 9:16 AM

If I go to bed and get back up again, perhaps I'll be able to come up with an appropriate name. Maybe it the house could be on stilts. Beachouses sway in the wind ever so slightly and it's like being rocked to sleep at night.

Posted by: wordgirl at April 25, 2006 9:23 AM

I'm in! (That is, assuming that "no asshats allowed" means that the island dwelling doesn't involve lightshows, artcars, or strung-out-hippie-wannabes wandering around all dosed up in skanky costumes . . . bleeeeech, leave them to play in the desert)

Posted by: Betti at April 25, 2006 9:29 AM

indoor plumbing.
i'm steadfast on that.

beach access...no cliffs for me...

other than that....bring 'er on...

Posted by: speckledpup at April 25, 2006 9:32 AM

Sharing a tropical island with a bunch of super-cool people such as your readers? I'm in. I won't be able to afford the plane ticket to fly there, but I'm in.

Posted by: Beth in StL at April 25, 2006 9:35 AM

donuts. it must have donuts.

Posted by: Pammer at April 25, 2006 9:37 AM

Sounds good to me. Sign me up!

The loved the picture of the two horses that are included in the Granada Island deal. Hilarious!

Posted by: Pinky at April 25, 2006 9:38 AM

Is there free baby sitting? If there's free baby sitting, I'm going to go pack my bags right now.

Posted by: Sheryl at April 25, 2006 9:49 AM

I like hippie music. We don't have to listen to it all the time.

In any case, count me in.

Posted by: Allan at April 25, 2006 9:56 AM

count the buffalo family in. re: naming the island. the one in canada has to have both a french and english name (it's the law, you know) so here's the french name: īle sans chapeaux d'āne* depending on where we are in the caribbean, we need a name that's dutch:eiland van geen ezelshoeden* spanish:isla de ningunos sombreros del asno*or french: see above.

do i get a discount if you choose one of my names?
*roughly translates as "the island of no asshats"

Posted by: kara at April 25, 2006 10:01 AM

Oh, good, now I don't have to try to think of a name, because nothing could be better than "the island of no asshats."

I am so in.

Posted by: Julie at April 25, 2006 10:07 AM

Sounds good to me. Although I prefer Scottish islands, anywhere with no asshats and chilling out sounds good to me.

Blog Island of course!

Posted by: Katherine at April 25, 2006 10:12 AM

I am in. Just no Kool-Aid allowed please.

Posted by: Jamie at April 25, 2006 10:15 AM

I'm in. But the island must allow cats. Otherwise all bets are off.

Posted by: SpaceCase at April 25, 2006 10:31 AM

What is it with men and islands? My husband proposes the "let's go live on an island somewhere" idea several times a year. He's never gone quite so far as to do research though, and I have to admit all three of those look pretty darn good. I love British Columbia, but the tropical islands have that whole warm and sunny year round thing going for them.

I'm jumping on the Island of No Asshats bandwagon.

Posted by: bad penguin at April 25, 2006 10:47 AM

I'm in. I've always dreamed of something like that...

All I need is a fire ring.

Posted by: Autumn at April 25, 2006 10:51 AM

Will $40 do? We're kind of poor over here. Heh.

Posted by: oakley at April 25, 2006 11:06 AM

I'm in too. But in much the same situation as Jen in St. Louis. So Jen, maybe all we have to do is save up for a plane ride down there and then we can work the coconut trees and harvest crabs (ok-that sounds weird) and not go back to the midwest?

Sheryl, I'll totally help watch your kids. Not like all the time, but a day a week or something.

As far as name goes - I'd like to propose a slight change: No Asshat Island. I think it rolls better off the tongue.

Posted by: hannah at April 25, 2006 11:14 AM

Okay, I'm in. And as an added service, I volunteer my services as a nanny to those with kids as long as I can live year round for free. We'll have wild kingdom lessons on the far side of the island. Any takers? Can we all run our computers off a generator? Will there be wireless?

Posted by: Nic at April 25, 2006 11:19 AM

An island? Woo hoo, I'm in! Just hook me up with my cat run along with my cats, and I'm happy.

Oh, yeah, and I guess I'd bring my husband along too, hahaha.

Posted by: Spring at April 25, 2006 11:34 AM

I'm in for the Island of No Asshats. It does sound nicer in French, though.

I vote for warm, with indoor plumbing, definitely. Let's see... broadband/wifi for TechDad. Large audience for Queen B is already included. I think we're set!

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at April 25, 2006 11:48 AM

I need a McDonald's on the island, but then there might have to be an exception to the "no asshat" rule because really, who's gonna work there?

Blogtation Island.

Posted by: mrsfortune at April 25, 2006 11:53 AM

I'll have to throw my chips in with Cowichan Lake; we have it pretty sweet up here in BC. It's not all eskimos and walruses, you know. The walruses leave for about two weeks in July. As per the name, perhaps something with a bit of style: Isla de Ningunos Sombreros del Asno (Island of No Ass Hats, as suggested).

And if it turns out that there's some sort of creature on the island already, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD leave the kid with the lizard out of it.

I'm a little strapped for cash myself, so I can offer twenty bucks (Canadian =( ) and my skills as Town Fool.

Posted by: Gavin at April 25, 2006 12:00 PM

ok first, i'm in. second, how is it possible that you can get a WHOLE island in the tropics for less than the 500 sq ft condos down the street? that's just wrong. i can conduct business from brazil. sign me up!

Posted by: colleen at April 25, 2006 12:22 PM

Even Better, let's take all the asshats to a special island so that the rest of the world will be good. And we'll call that island Ohio.

Oh wait, the losers are all already there.

Wha-BAM! Take that buckeyes......

Seriously though, it's too bad Guam's already taken cause that names the shit.

Posted by: andy at April 25, 2006 12:24 PM

Very very cool. We can get the island down south and get Jimmy Buffet to fly in and perform.

Since Rude Cactus started this venture, we can call it CactusPatch or Cactus Island. Or Island of Dr Cactus. Or Isla de Cactus. I'll stop now.

Posted by: Mike at April 25, 2006 12:24 PM

I think that is a fantastic idea! If you opt for Canada, I would be happy to act as a tour guide. Then again, I must confess that I got my ass outta Canada as soon as I could 'cuz it's just too damn cold!

Posted by: Jill at April 25, 2006 12:27 PM

Hmm, Isle of Lottabloggers....I like it. Tropical please.

Posted by: Jaycie at April 25, 2006 12:36 PM

Thyme...or tyme.... So you can say you are on Island Thyme/Time/Tyme... Ha. Bad pun, but so true... you know when someone asks where you are, what you are doing...

Posted by: Sue at April 25, 2006 12:44 PM

This shouldn't be that hard to do. I mean heck if that one guy can trade a paper clip for a house, then I am sure sombody has an iPod or even a laptop computer they would be willing to trade for a private island.

Posted by: Latte Man at April 25, 2006 12:52 PM

I have to say nay to the Canadian Island since it comes sans even one house and, thus, sans indoor plumbing. Otherwise, count me in. I'll be happy to do my one day a week as a nanny in exchange for free rent for me and kitty. Oh, and I do like the idea of a place on the island where Barney and crying are prohibited. Also, then, we could have a place for rolling around in the mud half-naked while listening to Joan Baez.

This sounds seriously awesome. I've got about $50 to pitch in. That oughtta help a lot, right?

Posted by: shelley at April 25, 2006 12:56 PM

i like the one in canada. it's very convenient for me. sure, we'd have to build the house and such, but that way we can plan it from the ground up, right?

Posted by: jodi at April 25, 2006 1:09 PM

I'm totally in, as long as you don't go all Heart of Darkness on us.

Posted by: Vaguely Urban at April 25, 2006 1:17 PM

Hmmmm...I'm totally with you on the whole island thing. I don't care if we have to sleep in grass huts, but there must be heated,running water for showers AND there must be flush toilets. If you can swing that in a grass hut, good on ya, count me in.
The Bahia, Brazil Island looks promising, but I couldn't afford to travel there. The one in BC is much closer and BC is beautiful so I'm all about that one, however the grass hut thing wouldn't work so well here. Some lovely rustic cabins with fireplaces and with showers and toilets would be divine.

Cowichan is 30Km long. That's a lot of room. But I vote no McDonalds. Only Starbucks and you don't have to be an asshat to work there.

As for a name - how about CactusFish Island?

Posted by: Doula Amy at April 25, 2006 1:22 PM

holy crap. I am IN. $440K for an ISLAND? I can't get a CONDO in LA for that!

Posted by: amy at April 25, 2006 1:36 PM

Ok... I'd like to be in on the island thing... but I wanna buy another one too... Anybody else got an ex-idiot they want to send to the one we don't use? Let's give them the one with no shelter or amenities...

Ok, I don't think I have anything useful to contribute... Just that I wanna come to the island... I know how to make flower necklaces.

Posted by: Karen at April 25, 2006 1:37 PM

I'm in, too! I will take care of all housekeeping & meals. My hubby is very handy & can collect the food, fix anything around the house, and keep that generator going (maybe even convert it to biodiesel, so it will run on coconut milk)! I vote for a very scary name: The Pits of Fire, Devil's Armpit, etc... to keep away the paparazzi & unwelcome visitors.

Posted by: Celina at April 25, 2006 2:03 PM

Three words.

Sign. Me. Up!

Posted by: Emily at April 25, 2006 2:14 PM

I'm in for sure.

I have one requirement: Swim Up Bar and a rotating bar tending schedule. I'll take the first day.

The Island could be an extension of the Web 2.0 concept. BL'Island2.0.com (?)

Think About it.

Posted by: chantel at April 25, 2006 2:36 PM

Those islands are cheaper than a decent 5 bedroom house in Anchorage. Hmmm, maybe I'm living in the wrong place.

Posted by: Mary at April 25, 2006 3:29 PM

My fiance and I are in. He has often told me he wants to buy a private island and live all by ourselves. My only concern is the lack of DSL on remote uninhabited islands. :)

Posted by: Laura at April 25, 2006 3:35 PM

It's no snobby island, but there's a quaint town near where I live that's currently up for auction on eBay you might want to consider.

You could be the mayor, Chris! Just think of the parades...

Posted by: nrp at April 25, 2006 4:25 PM

Does it have broadband and electricity? That is all I need to know. :-)

Posted by: Bethany at April 25, 2006 4:36 PM

I like that the price is "Negotiable"...because that makes it affordable, as far as I'm concerned.

Has the name 'Utopia' been used? Oh, right.

Posted by: angela marie at April 25, 2006 4:41 PM

Lol, where do you come up with this stuff?! Really, who knew there were islands listed online? The price isn't bad either, the 2nd is less then I paid for my house and it is only on an acre. As for a name I will think about it and get back to you.

Posted by: Emily at April 25, 2006 4:48 PM

Oh my god- count me in. I've always dreamed of running away to a tropical island to get away from it all, and since that will never happen on my own, a collaborative effort sounds splendid! Just think, if we all pool our change together...

Kristi (the former Incoherent Babbler)

Posted by: Kristi at April 25, 2006 5:02 PM

Dude. We can barely get a 2 bed townhome for 680k.
we seriously live in the wrong part of the world.

Posted by: HipMamaB at April 25, 2006 5:15 PM

Dude. We can barely get a 2 bed townhome for 680k.
we seriously live in the wrong part of the world.

Posted by: HipMamaB at April 25, 2006 5:15 PM

I'm in.

I'll need satelite, with TiVo.

and Coffee.

Posted by: Shash at April 25, 2006 5:15 PM

I'm down with this. And I'm thrilled that I'm not the only one who knows who Country Joe and the Fish are... a friend recently gave me the stink eye when I made an offhanded comment about them, as though I could make that shit up.

Can the island have it's own Starbucks?

Posted by: Elaine at April 25, 2006 5:28 PM

I am so in, but there must be a Starbucks. ;)

Posted by: Melissa at April 25, 2006 5:37 PM

Hey - thanks for the tip! I just put a down payment on that island; it will be the perfect place to construct my Hidden Supervillain Lair.

Posted by: Jason at April 25, 2006 5:55 PM

Sheesh, I never knew that islands could be so affordable! I'll do a day of nanny duty, since all you bloggers seem to have the cutest kids in the world anyway...

Posted by: Heather at April 25, 2006 6:23 PM

860k is a steal, but really, 4 bedrooms for all of us? I mean, I don't want to be fighting over who gets the top bunk.

Posted by: statia at April 25, 2006 6:42 PM

Whoa--Outstanding idea!

Please...I wanna be a part of this too! Would just like to have electricity, coffee, and chocolate. Glaze-ed donuts would be good if possible. In fact, I think it should be called "Glaze-ed Island", makes it sound more "bling-bling".

Posted by: kristen at April 25, 2006 8:50 PM

I am so very down wit dat!

Posted by: Lisa B at April 25, 2006 10:13 PM

I'm SO in.

Posted by: carrster at April 26, 2006 12:14 AM

Hahaha! Does it have an airport? I mean, how do we even get there? Don't tell me we have to fly those little planes to get there!

Posted by: Sweety at April 26, 2006 6:06 AM

OMG, what a coincidence this post is. Last night at work, a girl I call my Little Buddy started calling me Gilligan. Yesterday I had a friend over for breakfast and a large portion of our conversation centered on how cool it would be to start a commune. We decided Canada would be the best place.
I think you (we!) should call it something deceiving that sounds crappy so no one (else) will want to come there, like Nuclear Waste Depot.

Posted by: JuJu's Mom Linda at April 26, 2006 10:36 AM

Well,thats freakin' spooky....not only do I already live on a remote island in BC but I know where your little (canadian) gem is too...perhaps you'd like me to check it out next time I'm on a jaunt down south to Victoria ?

For those not in the know, it's pretty civilised around there even if it's an island on an island (Vancouver Island) which is probably just weird enough for "Club Cactus" .... and by the way it gets quite balmy in the summer months (my british skins often pinks) and has often gorgeous Septembers.

Sold ? I'll bring the beer.

Posted by: english thorn at April 27, 2006 7:08 PM