May 16, 2006

Inappropriate Poopage


Look, I hate to spoil the mood I tried to set yesterday but I have a question. This inquiry is three-fold:

Who - in the name of all that is good and holy, like Ed McMahon, caramel apples and those pincher thingies that help you snag something really high - takes a dump in a urinal? And for god's sake why? WTF?

Sadly, this isn't theoretical. It's not a visionary flight of fancy or a, albeit disturbed, musing about the insanely frightening bathroom habits of others. No, were you to present yourselves before me right now, I could easily point you in the right direction and allow you, like Gil Grissom, to follow the evidence.

So why? Why has a crazy, deranged person fouled a urinal (not a stretch, I understand) when a more appropriate alternative existed less than two feet away? Why not go ahead and crap on the floor? It would be easier. I'm not going to get into the logistics but someone really had to make an effort to score a birdy in that particular hole.

Sometimes I feel like I work in a fucking frat house.

Posted by Chris at May 16, 2006 7:03 AM

Ew. Savages!

Posted by: Wicked H at May 16, 2006 7:25 AM

Wow, somebody's really on your shit list this morning.

No, seriously, that is NASTY.

Posted by: Contrary at May 16, 2006 7:36 AM

Um, yuck. Really. I pity your housekeeping staff.

I work in a professional environment. No children under the age of 16 are allowed in the building. Why, then, is there a toilet left unflushed in the ladies room at least once a day? And one time, there was a toilet with a sock in it. I mean, really. Didn't our mothers teach us better than that? When we were little kids?

Grow up.

Posted by: Alissa at May 16, 2006 7:50 AM

This is at your work? I was hoping that you saw this nastiness at the local train station or something... Do y'all have interns at your office? Blame them.

Posted by: Nic at May 16, 2006 7:58 AM

That happened where you work? Dude, that's gross. I would think adults in a workplace would act as adults. Sorry you obviously work with someone who doesn't agree.

Posted by: Jessie at May 16, 2006 8:40 AM

That's gross, man.

Was the urinal in a stall, or out in the open?

Posted by: Anne at May 16, 2006 8:42 AM

Wilst I agree this is disgusting, I can't help but be amused at visual the actaul 'act' of it happening has given me.

Twisted, just twisted!

Posted by: Amber at May 16, 2006 8:49 AM

ugh. just.... gross!!

Posted by: Judy at May 16, 2006 8:50 AM

It happened:
1. For some sense of cred. You get points for doing things incomprehensable, either by your social circle, or by your dwindling sense of identity.

2. Some people are worse than animals. I haven't ever figured it out, but some people... well, they just don't flush, hork into urinals before use like it's an essential part of relieving yourself, block up drains with paper towels, leave faucets running, and leave general messes everywhere just because they know don't need to clean them up. I agree with the above - people ought to just grow up.

The other option is that this person may have been drunk or otherwise intoxicated whereupon all bets are off.

First post for me... like your site.

Posted by: martin at May 16, 2006 8:54 AM

Oh. My. Damn. Who...? Like Amber, though, I can't help imagining the actual "act." I mean, wouldn't it be EASIER to just use a toilet? Who ARE these people?!

Posted by: Fraulein N at May 16, 2006 9:00 AM


Posted by: ann adams at May 16, 2006 9:03 AM

Wow. Just, wow. I could almost get it if it was at a McDonald's or something, but at work? Ew.

Posted by: Dawn at May 16, 2006 9:08 AM

this was at your OFFICE??? Wow. I figured maybe you stopped at a gas station or elementary school... but your office...WOW. Somebody must be pissed about getting passed up for a promotion.

Posted by: alfredsmom at May 16, 2006 9:12 AM

EEEWWWW!...That reminds me of a time when I managed a video store and found a pile in the video games section. The funny thing is the store was crowded, how could you do that undetected?

Posted by: MrsJoseGoldbloom at May 16, 2006 9:13 AM

Dude, you need to find a new job... This is like the 3rd post about bathroom habits of your co-workers. Maybe you should work at home all week, and only go in on one day. I have to admit, I too was trying to get past the visual of the act.

Men are pigs. Present company excluded, of course.

Posted by: Karen at May 16, 2006 9:14 AM

I was _not_ ready for that visual.

On a positive note, I just decided that cleaning the kitchen area at work doesn't seem so bad after all . . . .

Posted by: Betti at May 16, 2006 9:21 AM

This happened at where you work? I would not drink the coffee in the break room.

Posted by: Bill at May 16, 2006 9:23 AM

Like you said...using a urinal for that would really take more effort than anything else. That's pretty gross.

Posted by: wordgirl at May 16, 2006 9:26 AM


That said, having worked in Human Resources for years, I can't tell you how many gross "PeePee" meetings I've had to have with employees, but this one is a first for me.

So, they didn't tell you it was a frat house when they hired you? Just put a sign on the door to the john -Animal House. That's just disgusting.

Posted by: HR Mommy at May 16, 2006 9:27 AM

At my office, we'd probably get a memo the next day about appropriate use of the facilities. Maybe you should draft one. Anonymously, of course.

Gross gross gross.

Posted by: Julie at May 16, 2006 9:40 AM

At work? Gah
I will tell you some people have different habits, they come here and can't figure it out. I took my kids to the BEAUTIFUL beach in Sunny Santa Cruz, Ca. We are walking on the beach, and these savages let their kids relieve themselves ON THE BEACH...mind you there were bathrooms oh, a whole 3 minute walk away!!!! Ruined my day after I yelled at them they were disgusting and that they were in America who had bathrooms!!! All I could think of the rest of the day, did some one take a dump where I was sitting, or some other unspeakable thing?! Gah

Posted by: Gypsy at May 16, 2006 10:00 AM

I do believe you just made me throw up in my mouth a little.


Scarier thought? You should see the ladies' room. I won't even hint at what I've found in there, it's that disgusting.

Posted by: Sherry at May 16, 2006 10:01 AM

and so much for my breakfast....ew.

Posted by: Pammer at May 16, 2006 10:01 AM

yes, I was going to say that the who and the why are good questions, but my first thought was HOW? Ick.

Posted by: donna at May 16, 2006 10:11 AM

Wow. that's really disturbing. sounds like a very disgruntled employee.

Posted by: Pinky at May 16, 2006 10:11 AM


I mean, even if the stalls were all taken, isn't it still preferable to go up or downstairs a floor to another bathroom?? I just can't come up with a reason for that aside from having been raised in a barn.

That said, though, back in college, I used to work at a hotel where they had to put signs all over the employee restroom telling people to flush their used paper, rather than putting it in the trash... at least a lot of them had the excuse of coming from third world countries where the toilets didn't flush as well. I'm thinking that's probably not the problem at your office.

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at May 16, 2006 10:15 AM

Allow me to spin a quick tale about my times working at the truck-stop McDonald's. For some reason, though ALL of my friends worked there too, like Chaim Potok, I was always the chosen one to clean up after Ye Olde #2 in the stander. Not even joking, at least 4 times. Really frieking hot water works better than the rubber glove approach, at least for your stomach, I mean. That way you don't have to look. Not that you were all looking for that info, it just so happens that shit removal happens to be one of my specialitÚs. Shalom.

Posted by: andy at May 16, 2006 10:27 AM

I bet they thought the toilet was a handwashing station, or maybe a drinking bowl!

Maybe they were just a pig-slob-jerk who thought it was cool.

Or maybe the pointy haired boss was slumming it and didn't know!

Posted by: Jeff A at May 16, 2006 10:29 AM

At work? I don't know how large your complany is, but DAMN that's gross. People who do that stuff usually do it as a sign of aggression. Unless they were mad at the custodial crew, I think they missed the mark.

Posted by: kara at May 16, 2006 10:34 AM

I think I'll skip lunch today.

Posted by: Liz at May 16, 2006 10:41 AM

I'm with the wondering how crowd. And what the hell does this person do if someone walks in while he is crapping in said urinal? Give a friendly wave and a shout out?
I. don't. get. people.

Posted by: Traci at May 16, 2006 10:46 AM

That's beyond gross. Just, beyond.

Posted by: Jay at May 16, 2006 10:52 AM

First off, ew.

Second, Gil Grissom is dreamy.

Posted by: statia at May 16, 2006 11:00 AM

That made me want to throw up..

So glad we don't have to deal with that, but Women's bathrooms can be just as pretty nasty too.

But THAT, my friend, defies all the Pooping at Work rules.


Posted by: molly at May 16, 2006 11:08 AM

YUCK, Yuck, YUCK! I don't know why. I guess is the person was a teenage kid that wanted to gross everyone out????

Posted by: Lisa B at May 16, 2006 11:11 AM

This is one of those stories that is so NOT funny when it happened but is really hilarious in the re-telling.

P.S. When I was in elementary a friend and I stayed after school one day and decided to be very risque and peek into the boys' bathroom. We could not figure out why the boys had sooooo many sinks in theirs. Especially, when everyone knows that boys don't even wash their hands.

Posted by: Debbie at May 16, 2006 11:17 AM

Yuck. That's pretty creepy. Plus, I feel bad for whoever has to clean up after that guy.

Posted by: Jenn at May 16, 2006 11:32 AM

i'm kind of glad i haven't eaten lunch yet.

Posted by: ali at May 16, 2006 11:45 AM

Um, at work?

Well it could have been worse-- you could have walked in on the culprit.

Wait. That might have stopped him from the disgusting habit for good. We can hope right?

Posted by: Bethany at May 16, 2006 11:53 AM

Well...ARE you working in a frat house?

Posted by: Queen of Ass at May 16, 2006 11:54 AM

It was me. My bad. Sorry.

Posted by: Jason at May 16, 2006 12:03 PM

Perhaps a bear stumbled through and wanted to make an attempt at being civilized, instead of shitting in a trash can and mauling a co-worker to death.

Seriously, though? Ew.

Posted by: marie b. at May 16, 2006 12:08 PM

Hmm. Probably the same person who takes a dump in a hotel shower AND the bed and also leaves an impressive amount of chunkage in the sink.


Posted by: Rhonda at May 16, 2006 12:11 PM

It's time to inform your employer's HR department, and start going through the psych profiles of your male co-workers. I wonder if somebody is about to go postal.

Don't be getting all paranoid, though. I'm sure the weapon won't have too many rounds in it.

Posted by: bhd at May 16, 2006 12:17 PM


Posted by: suze at May 16, 2006 12:21 PM

Do you work with the mentally handicapped?

The only non-crazy-but-still-stupid answer I can give you is that in Europe and Asia, some crappers are simply a hole in the floor with grips on either side so you don't slip. Maybe the crapper was foreign?

Posted by: Brad at May 16, 2006 12:30 PM

That's beyond disgusting. Ew. Can I guess that it's not because they're drunk?

Posted by: Meg at May 16, 2006 12:36 PM

That is truly disgusting and quite puzzling.
I know we are all close and stuff but some things just fall under the category of "over-share" That my friend, was one of them. ;) AHAHAHAHAHA!

Posted by: Kate at May 16, 2006 12:36 PM

I remember in college a professor talking about seeing a cigarette butt in a urinal once and he talked about how it represented such a lack of respect. SOMEONE was going to have to pick that OUT of the urinal and throw it where it belonged - in the trash. SOMEONE didn't put the cig there in the first place. The person who did has clearly never had to clean a urinal nor has the respect of someone who does.

I feel that respect is something that has gone by the wayside. If we had respect for each other, think of what this nation and this world might be like.

Posted by: Amy at May 16, 2006 12:47 PM

oh... you boys and your poop!

are you sure you don't work with monkeys?

Posted by: jodi at May 16, 2006 12:50 PM

Ugggh. At work?

I was surprised and saddened at the signs all over the women's restrooms in the small college where I'm taking classes. In each stall, there's an imperative to FLUSH! and lots of admonitions by the sinks not to throw trash on the floor but place in the receptacle.

Now I'm wondering what kind of signs they have posted in the men's rooms.....Urinals are for liquid waste only?

Posted by: KathyK at May 16, 2006 1:01 PM

Speaking of monkeys, if you find out who it was you can always fling their poop at them...

Posted by: Kristina at May 16, 2006 1:01 PM

Yuck...and here I always thought that the name "urinal" was sufficient to let people know it was for urine. Guess not. Seems more like something that might occur at a concert than at work. But, gotta admit that after six years at a university where the toilets are usually unflushed, paper and assorted "things that should be in the proper receptacle" are on the floor, soap and water flood the sinktop and paper towels are ON the trash can instead on IN it, I can't say I am surprised. Grossed out, but not surprised!

Posted by: Jaycie at May 16, 2006 1:17 PM

That is so wrong. And you are making me so glad today that I am a woman.

Posted by: Melissa at May 16, 2006 1:30 PM

Perhaps it was a sociological experiment. You know, to see how people would react to it.

That's the only explanation I can think of. And then there's that logistics thing. I mean, how?

Posted by: Alison at May 16, 2006 1:36 PM

I think if I had discovered that, I would be forced to seek employment elsewhere.


Posted by: Allan at May 16, 2006 1:39 PM

He should be drawn, quartered and shot... after he has to clean it up with his own toothbrush. :)

Posted by: laura at May 16, 2006 2:07 PM

A friend of mine has a floor crapper in her office. Yes they are supposedly adults, it's a securities trading business.

Posted by: chantel at May 16, 2006 2:43 PM


Chris, I'm sorry you work with a "moron in hiding"

Posted by: Tammy at May 16, 2006 2:57 PM

Too much info! Too much info!

Posted by: fauve at May 16, 2006 3:57 PM

Just have to agree with everyone else and ewww. That is some kind of twisted.

Posted by: Heather at May 16, 2006 4:16 PM

Not at all uncommon in my work place, I should mention that I work in a school for the mentally challenged. Thats the kind of gem I get to deal with daily, and FYI it is easier to clean of the floor than the urinal.

Posted by: Shannon at May 16, 2006 5:07 PM

This world is fool of NASTY, disgusting and crazy people that you shouldn't even try to understand. But hey, I'm sorry you had to see/smell that. GROSS!

Posted by: Ava at May 16, 2006 5:11 PM

there is just so very much wrong with that, though I suspect they may be related to the person who repeatedly tries to flush the maxi pad ....

Posted by: Kathryn at May 16, 2006 6:16 PM

Think about this for just a second...someone else in that building HAD to be a witness...the logistics of a men's room clearly implies this took aiming, talent, and a bit of insanity.

My three year old coherced three of his friends to pee on the playground at daycare today. They ALL got caught with their pants down by the teacher! I told her, we do not have indoor plumbing. She thought I was serious...OMG!!

Posted by: Steff at May 16, 2006 6:35 PM

oh wait...hold on a second...

you're saying this happened AT WORK?!?

oh gag.

Posted by: Sarcomical at May 16, 2006 8:46 PM

WTF! This is a place of work, correct? Are your restrooms open to the public? Or is this for sure a co-worker who defiled the restroom? Unreal.

Posted by: Beth in StL at May 16, 2006 8:51 PM

This happened at the gas station I worked at years ago. I just shut the door and pretended like I didn't see it. That way I didn't have to clean it up.


Posted by: Isabel at May 17, 2006 1:25 AM

You have NO IDEA how much I needed a laugh today. I have 3 minutes to spare and thought I might be able to find a laugh and a cute baby in one place... ;)

Posted by: Jaime at May 17, 2006 4:10 PM