June 6, 2006

Four Conversations

Conversations 1 & 2: Where Everybody Knows Your Name...Kinda
Last week, during the Vacationless Vacation of '06 Beth and I were walking somewhere, Mia in her stroller, and discussing random things.

Me: So last night while I was rocking her to sleep, I came up with a new game to keep myself amused.
Her: What was that?
Me: I tried to come up with the full names of all the Cheers characters.
Her: How did you do?
Me: I did pretty well. I got stuck on Rebecca's last name.
Her: Howe.
Me: And Shelly Long's character.
Her: Diane Chambers.
Me: Oh, and Coach's name. But no one knows that.

At one point last evening, Mia awoke and I did my best to get her back to bed. Successfully, no less. I emerged from her room, victorious, to find a relieved Beth on the other side of the door. I broke out a rather unfamiliar greeting in an enthusiastic whisper.

Me: Ernie Pantusso!
Her: What?
Me: Ernie Pantusso.
Her: I don't get it.
Me: Coach's name. On Cheers.
Her: Ok. Feel better?
Me: Much.

Conversation 3: A Perfect Pear
Whilst feeding Mia yesterday evening, we were both doing our best to convince her that pears were really good. We were all about convincing her to open up and try some of them but it was pretty much a no-go. Still, we weren't beyond a little parental pressure.

Me: If you try some, maybe you'll grow up to be a cool super-secret spy or at least play one in the movies!
Her: What are you talking about?
Me: Pears Brosnan.
Her: ...
Me: Oh, come on. That was good stuff.
Her: ...
Me: Then we won't even start talking about her favorite Olympic event.
Her: Pears figure skating?
Me: Damn. Yeah.

Conversation 4: PooPooh Brushing
Yesterday, Beth bought Mia a teensy baby toothbrush. She (Mia) was thrilled (Beth was pretty excited too). So thrilled that she (Mia, again, not Beth as that would be completely inappropriate) screamed at us when we took it away.

Her (to Mia): Do you like your Pooh brush? And I mean Pooh as in Winnie The with the H, not the other kind.
Me: That would be much less effective in fighting plaque and gum disease.
Her: True.
Me: Nine out of 10 dentists would not recommend that as an effective dental treatment.
Her: I could see why that wouldn't be popular.
Me: And that tenth one is one sick son of a bitch.

Posted by Chris at June 6, 2006 6:54 AM

Well, great! You two made me snort coffee through my nose. Hope you're happy!

I'm just glad you thought of the Coach's name..that would have bugged me all day.

Posted by: Contrary at June 6, 2006 7:28 AM

First Elmo, now Pooh. Awesome! You're one step from the purple dinosaur, my friend. It's okay. He's annoying, but effective as hell. Embrace the power! :D

Posted by: pea at June 6, 2006 7:48 AM

i love your conversations. They remind me of what couple-banter is like. right now, with mike's and my schedule the most verbose we get is either late at night when he's getting home and i'm half-asleep, or when i'm leaving for work in the morning and he's still half-asleep.

Posted by: suze at June 6, 2006 8:03 AM

Before she retired, my mother was a teacher. Anywhere from K to 3rd, but most of her career in 2nd. When I was younger, I used to wonder why her sense of humor was so juvinile. Must be from hanging with little kids all day.

Now that I am a parent, I understand. Our conversations often wind up like this. And we have fun.

Of course, I am now getting pressue from my wife to stop with the comments (such as, since we are on the topic of pears, "there's nothing I like better than a nice pear", or "that's what she said!" comments), since our daughter is at the age (almost 2 years) where she understands a lot of what we say more than we realize...

Posted by: Kaz at June 6, 2006 8:25 AM

Ha! I think that Pears Brosnan is pretty funny - good job Beth!

Posted by: Jessie at June 6, 2006 8:34 AM

Allan is leaving a comment right now, too. Can't wait to see what he has to say.

Posted by: Alison at June 6, 2006 8:38 AM

That tenth dentist scares the sh*t outta me.

And I'm a dentist. I should know.

You'd think he would have lost his license by now.

Posted by: Allan at June 6, 2006 8:38 AM

I always worry about what goes through that tenth dentist's head.

Posted by: Fraulein N at June 6, 2006 8:49 AM

*wipes drink off laptop screen*

Here's one for ya:

Me to Swimmy: Want some orange juice?
Husband: Hey, what did one orange say to another?
Swimmy: What, Daddy?
Husband: Some of my best friends are juice.
Me: ...

Must be a guy thing. ;)

Posted by: Pammer at June 6, 2006 8:52 AM


Posted by: Dolly at June 6, 2006 9:19 AM

Ernie Pantusso....oh you already figured it out.

The Poohth brushing.

Posted by: Bill at June 6, 2006 9:37 AM

Now I'm going to be singing that damn Cheers theme song all day long. Good stuff!

Posted by: Beth in StL at June 6, 2006 9:53 AM

"And that tenth one is one sick son of a bitch."

Yesterday you were being so beautiful I wanted to tear up. Today you're so funny I'm desperately trying not to crack up and laugh loudly enough for my colleague next door to hear.

He might get suspicious, then.

After all, database cleansing can't really be classed as particularly hilarious...

Posted by: Alice at June 6, 2006 9:54 AM

"Her: What are you talking about?
Me: Pears Brosnan." Omg. You clever clever clever DORK.

You guys crack me up.

That's just the pick-me-up I needed for this morning.

Posted by: Tink at June 6, 2006 10:11 AM

"Her: What are you talking about?
Me: Pears Brosnan." Omg. You clever clever clever DORK.

You guys crack me up.

That's just the pick-me-up I needed for this morning.

Posted by: Tink at June 6, 2006 10:11 AM

Awww. Your site likes me so much it decided to duplicate my comment. How sweet.

That or it stutters.... Not so cute.

Posted by: Tink at June 6, 2006 10:13 AM

OMG... I thought the Hubby and I were the only one that had these stupid conversations that everyone else in the world would think were crazy! You would so totally understand them!

Posted by: Karen at June 6, 2006 10:26 AM

Did you know your archives cant be opened? I generally read your archives anytime I need a break at work, but today no such luck!

Posted by: Dee at June 6, 2006 10:42 AM

Okay. The Pears Brosnan totally got me to choke on yogurt. You suck, Cactus.

Happy Tuesday. Glad you guys had wonderful vacation!

Posted by: oakley at June 6, 2006 10:53 AM

Those sound like the conversations we end up having around our house.

I'm worried about that 10th dentist, too. I've got to find a new one, and now I need to make sure I get one of the 9. Wonder how I pre-screen that...

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at June 6, 2006 11:06 AM

Aahhh, to be a fly on the wall at your house. But would probably be hard to stick to the wall instead of falling off from laughing so hard at these conversations. ;)

Posted by: Traci at June 6, 2006 11:11 AM

OMG! That was ridiculously funny. I am dying over the Pears Brosnan thing. But unlike some of your other readers, I know not to consume anything when I read you. Otherwise I would projectile stuff all over my screen, and I hate to clean! ;)

Posted by: Kate at June 6, 2006 11:42 AM

She could also grow up to be a pearsamedic. Of course, this would be after her rebellious teens, where she would get her nose pearsed, and her adventurous twenties, when she takes up pearsachuting.

Posted by: Gavin at June 6, 2006 11:49 AM

Don't you hate it when you can't remember a name? And you know you can't stop thinking about it, no matter how hard you try. I usually remember at the weirdest moments. My husband's favorite was when i told him I had watched an E True Hollywood Story (we were in Japan, my viewing options were limited)about a porn star and I couldn't remember her name. Sometime the next day, while riding in the car, I shout "Traci Lords!" He had already forgotten the other conversation and gave me the strangest look.

...Pears Bronson. Bah.

Posted by: Annie at June 6, 2006 1:50 PM

Too funny. I love you guys's conversations. You should start your own sitcom.

Posted by: Melissa at June 6, 2006 2:56 PM

careful with those food promises... my stepmother always told me that no boy would date me if i didn't eat my vegetables. and did i go to my prom? NO I DID NOT!!

Posted by: jodi at June 6, 2006 4:10 PM

You guys are so silly!!

Posted by: Emily at June 6, 2006 5:39 PM

Well, chris. I guess that you could tell five things that are in your pocket. If your anything like my husband you probably have more in there than I do in my purse!

Posted by: Bethany at June 6, 2006 5:47 PM

Well, chris. I guess that you could tell five things that are in your pocket. If your anything like my husband you probably have more in there than I do in my purse!

Posted by: Bethany at June 6, 2006 5:47 PM