July 27, 2006

Olive Oil And Magnetic Alphabets

Oh wait, I have to run up to the bedroom to get the olive oil spray. It's a simple sentence with a simple meaning yet one I'd never quite imagined myself saying. And I know the question you want the answer to the most - they make olive oil spray?. Indeed, they do. It's a wonderful thing. The other question you might just now be thinking of is why, exactly, did this fine, upstanding human being have olive oil spray in the bedroom?. A good question. You perverts who are mentally spinning all kinds of lurid explanations, take it easy. I was fixing our ceiling fan.

Really. We had a squeaky ceiling fan. I was out of trusty WD 40 and the next best thing I could think of? Olive oil. Don't laugh. It worked. And? It was perfectly innocent. But whatever you do, don't ask about that wheel of gouda I have on my bedside table.

Oh, and check out what happens when someone gives your child magnetic letters. If you're anything like me, you start brainstorming cool band names. Which is tough because you're really limited in what you can spell.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have five (yes, five!) meetings and I'm wearing a very uncomfortable undershirt. It's going to be a long day.

Posted by Chris at July 27, 2006 7:06 AM


"goat chips"
"weinrdog hut"

Did you eat a bad batch of garlic last night before you went to bed???

Posted by: kristen at July 27, 2006 8:34 AM

I'll have to remember that olive oil spray trick - we never remember to buy WD-40 and our ceiling fan squeaks from time to time. Although I usually just whine to my husband when it does it and he fixes it while I'm in the other room avoiding the annoying squeaking noise, so maybe he already knows the olive oil trick.

Posted by: Jessie at July 27, 2006 8:34 AM

Fried Thugs is already taken, sorry, Chris. That's the name of my rap group. We're working on our next album, "Ride Or Fry."

Posted by: Fraulein N at July 27, 2006 8:42 AM

Olive oil spray is the most fantastic thing. It's everywhere in Australia, but I can't find it anywhere in the US. Where did you get it?!?! Help me feed my addiction to it!

Posted by: E :) at July 27, 2006 8:44 AM

We've been having fun with our Magnetic Poetry Big Words.

But now I want a set of magnetic letters like that.

Posted by: Allan at July 27, 2006 9:10 AM

Our Magnetic Poetry words are not big, as in hoity-toity, they're words on BIGASS 1-inch wide magnets, by the way.

I can't decide if I prefer Itchy Burp or Jar Of Ducks.

Posted by: Alison at July 27, 2006 9:16 AM

I'm all for Jar of Ducks. In the words of Sebastian Bach (VH1 Supergroup, anyone?), "it just rolls off your tongue".

Good luck with your meetings!

Posted by: Oakley at July 27, 2006 9:28 AM

Geez - how do you get your letter to stay on the fridge? Between my daughter and the cats, most of ours are under the fridge... an area too scary to venture into.

Posted by: Kaz at July 27, 2006 9:29 AM

I'm pretty partial to Jar of Ducks and Foxy Zeus, myself.

On a boring-Mom aside, you'll want to double-check how well/if the little magnets are glued into the letters, as one of the first things B did with hers was to pry the magnets out and stick them in her mouth.

Have fun in your meetings; try not to wiggle too much, or they'll look at you funny.

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at July 27, 2006 9:32 AM

You wear undershirts?? I'm impressed!
My band name vote is for Impeach W. ;)

Posted by: Traci at July 27, 2006 9:46 AM

My GOd. Your fridge sports the word "Penis" on it? LMAO

Posted by: Queen of Ass at July 27, 2006 9:47 AM

Um hello? Doesn't everyone have cheese on their nightstand.

P.S. Cheez whiz. I'm just sayin'.

Posted by: statia at July 27, 2006 9:55 AM

Also, I sprayed a door hinge with pam, and while it worked, it worked a little too well because the damn door wouldn't stay open.

Posted by: statia at July 27, 2006 9:57 AM

Itchy burp?

How on earth am I supposed to get ready for BlogHer now that I know what to do with my magnets?

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at July 27, 2006 9:59 AM

Hey, take care of your nipples. Chafed nipples are the worst.

Posted by: Brad at July 27, 2006 10:02 AM

FIVE meetings? Sounds like someone rewinded your week back to Monday -not a friendly thing to do.

Posted by: HR Mommy at July 27, 2006 10:16 AM

I'm no expert
And I'm just going by the letters

Buuuut ...
Do you have something against George W?

heh heh

Posted by: s@bd at July 27, 2006 10:17 AM


Gods fart horny gimp

go together? If so, I'm all for that one.

Posted by: Much More Than A Mom at July 27, 2006 10:36 AM

At least there were enough Ws in your alphabet!! I kinda like Godmart though - here in the red red midwest I could see it - a full-on Godly condoned WalMart for the masses.

Posted by: Heather at July 27, 2006 10:41 AM

i only have three meetings. in a row. 8-11. but i am wearing very comfortable underwear, so i shall surive the morning intact.

Posted by: jodi at July 27, 2006 10:51 AM

5 meetings. you must be important.
(no meetings for me today. no underwear for that matter, either...okay...too much information i see...must get coffee...)

Posted by: ali at July 27, 2006 10:59 AM

"But whatever you do, don't ask about that wheel of gouda I have on my bedside table."

That made me wince.

And I don't even know what "gouda" is.

My favourites are "WONKY MUSTARD" and "GODS FART".

Beware though. Considering He's the creator of the universe and the biggest, baddest and best thing in existence; that must be one HELL of a fart...

Posted by: Alice at July 27, 2006 11:03 AM

Spritz some of that olive oil spray up your undershirt and you'll be fine.

Posted by: fauve at July 27, 2006 11:24 AM

I'm digging "wardonkey" and "jar of ducks"... awesome!

Posted by: Sue at July 27, 2006 11:25 AM

my vote is with Jar of Ducks. for the record.

Posted by: b. at July 27, 2006 11:32 AM

I like "bard stew" - you could rap things from Shakespeare's sonnets - SWEET!

Posted by: carrster at July 27, 2006 11:42 AM

Little know fact - olive oil was used by the ancient Greeks and the Romans as a formaldehyde-like preservative; military leaders would pack the heads of their slain enemies in olive oil filled jars and bring them back from campaigns as proof of success. Tasty!

Posted by: Jason at July 27, 2006 11:47 AM

Jar of Ducks. Made me laugh.

Throw that undershirt away when you get home so it doesn't bother you again.

Posted by: Alissa at July 27, 2006 11:47 AM

I went nuts a couple of years ago and bought a gallon tin of WD-40. What in the world was I thinking!!

Posted by: ann adams at July 27, 2006 11:49 AM

I'm kind of partial to Itchy Burp and Wonky Mustard. Athough, Gods Fart made me giggle. I'm 12.

Posted by: RSM at July 27, 2006 11:56 AM

My son has 2 sets... one we bought him, like what you have, and a set they gave him at school. We had them all jumbled on the fridge and hubby and I would make bad phrases, like "fuck the dog" and wait to see how long it would take the kids to notice. DOes that make us bad parents?

Posted by: Karen at July 27, 2006 12:37 PM

Well, "Uberstank" might be a little too close to "Hoobastank" to get away with, bit I'm kinda likin' the feel of "WarDonkey" Don't ask me why!

Posted by: Erin at July 27, 2006 12:47 PM

Jar of Ducks is a very very cool Band name.

Posted by: Bill at July 27, 2006 1:04 PM

That shirt is called a "hairshirt". It's the kind that tortures people...and its a symbol of sacrifice and physical discomfort. Sort like work.

Posted by: wordgirl at July 27, 2006 1:16 PM

OMG. Mia's first attempt at reading is going to result in "uberstank". Look out, world.

Posted by: Kristen at July 27, 2006 1:32 PM

I also love Jar of Ducks!
I am a big fan of the olive oil spray, but I didn't even think to use it for a creaky fan. We just got tired of the damn thing and bought a new one! Your solution would've been cheaper though. :)

Posted by: Kitty at July 27, 2006 1:36 PM

Doesn't the fan start smelling like popcorn when you use it now?

Posted by: ku nkiko at July 27, 2006 1:58 PM

I shouldn't but I like "Godmart." I'm envisioning a huge super-church where if you pay enough money you can buy your way into heaven. Or a huge Christian store. Either way is freakin' scary.

Posted by: Beth in StL at July 27, 2006 3:01 PM

I have those magnet poetry things, but mine are all dirty words. The single most fun thing to do in the universe is to watch an 8 year old try to make a sentence out of them. My neighbor had an 8 year old. She loved to come play with the magnets. One day, she asked, "Mr. Lady, what's fow-war-play"? My reply? "Foreplay? Oh, honey, don't worry about that one. It's just a myth."

Posted by: mr lady at July 27, 2006 3:01 PM

I have those magnet poetry things, but mine are all dirty words. The single most fun thing to do in the universe is to watch an 8 year old try to make a sentence out of them. My neighbor had an 8 year old. She loved to come play with the magnets. One day, she asked, "Mr. Lady, what's fow-war-play"? My reply? "Foreplay? Oh, honey, don't worry about that one. It's just a myth."

Posted by: mr lady at July 27, 2006 3:01 PM

I want to know what one would do with a jar of ducks?

Posted by: molly at July 27, 2006 4:17 PM

My vote goes to "Goat Chips" but the others are quite interesting as well. Hope you survived those FIVE meetings. And as for the undershirt...Take it off baby!

Posted by: Kate at July 27, 2006 7:30 PM

You could also use Funk Gods and Moxy Fart...

Posted by: molly at July 27, 2006 7:32 PM

My vote's for Jar of Ducks.

Posted by: Jenny at July 27, 2006 7:41 PM

I just discovered the wonders of olive oil spray a few months ago, and I LOVE it! I especially love deluding myself into thinking it's good for me, despite the chemicals they must add to make it function properly.

Posted by: Caryn at July 27, 2006 9:09 PM

Quick! Change your undershirt! You see how I'm just full of good ideas?

(I'm full of something, all right...)

Posted by: Spring at July 27, 2006 11:44 PM

too funny! Your creativity is da bomb, chris! :)

Posted by: haley-o at July 28, 2006 12:07 AM

You're reading Assassination Vacation? I so very badly want to read that book. Let me know if it's any good at all, okay? If it is I'll think about trying to spend money on a used copy somewhere. :)

Posted by: ku nkiko at July 28, 2006 12:08 AM

I love those magnetic letters. And it looks as if you put them to good use.

I knew olive oil had many uses, but fan maintenance was one I didn't think of.

I hope the meetings went well. You have my sympathies - 5 is a lot!

Enjoy the weekend!

Posted by: cas at July 28, 2006 7:06 AM

I think Angry Ho is my favorite, but Jar of Ducks and Wonky Mustard were a close second.

Posted by: Kestrel at July 28, 2006 11:09 AM

IMPEACH W is definitely my fave.

Posted by: Liz at July 28, 2006 12:11 PM

I'm diggin' "Itchy Burp," "Angry Ho," and "Jar of Ducks" just rocks.

And is it wrong that I initially read it as "Jar of DICKS"??? Yeah, I don't know what was on MY mind... but I digress...

Posted by: ironic1 at July 28, 2006 8:06 PM

I think Goatchips and Jar of Ducks are my favorites.

Posted by: Annie at July 28, 2006 10:57 PM

Yes, olive oil spray is awesome.
Olive oil makes an awesome massage oil, btw. (I know this because I'm a massage therapist).
And I'm glad to see that people still choose to spell out words such as fart on their fridge. Seriously. That type of humor is underrated.

Posted by: Jessica at July 29, 2006 2:45 AM

I personally really like WarDonkey and Bard Stew. I would consider being in those bands.

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