July 17, 2006

Slap It On The Ass and Call It A New Week

What I didn't tell you all last week was how I was trapped in more meetings than I have fingers. I was in Maryland, D.C., and all kinds of places in between (although, Maryland is right next to D.C. so there's really nothing in between but I meant that more in a metaphorical sense) yet, instead of endless bitching about meetings, how much I hate meetings, and how much people who schedule meetings suck, I just kept a lid on it and blogged all normal-like. I think I pulled it off okay. But it's over, it was a hard week and I'm praying for a slightly more laid-back week this time around.

(I also didn't tell you about a really funny conversation Beth and I had. But I won't. Because it's completely inappropriate. All I can say is that it dealt with hard-hitting issues like pudding and fitted bed-sheets. And no, you sick bastards - not a combination of the two in any way, shape or form.)

The weekend? Good. But short. Saturday was nice and laid back. Not a heck of a lot went down. Except for the early morning head-bagging (Headbaggers Ball?). Sunday was quite the opposite. After a very early start, a friend from college visited along with his wife and their brand spankin' new son. I have a hard time believing that Mia was ever that small but I'm sure she was. Thank god the put on The Chub quickly. After they left, family descended upon us. My folks, Beth's parents and my brother-in-law all stopped by to see and play with Mia. At one perfect moment, all of us were sitting around in our living room watching Mia do something like point at the lights or take a step. It was pretty insane (in a good way) to see all the family you love and need in one room. It wasn't any revelation, just a moment in which something clicks and you smile.

Now, I have two very personal questions for you:

1. When you're getting your child to sleep, holding her in your arms, how do you not break out laughing (thus possibly waking her up through your hearty guffaws) when she lets a ginormous fart?

2. Without fear of reprisal or name calling, what do you guys think about the whole Israeli-Palestinian-Lebanese thing?

Posted by Chris at July 17, 2006 7:09 AM

The whole Lebanon-Israeli-Hezbollah thing just makes me sad. I remember studying Lebanon in college (ca. 1996) and being so impressed with their ability to power share among religious factions in their government. I was happy that the country was getting put back together and even considered a possible trip to Beirut as it became a tourist destination again.

Now I am just frustrated and depressed, and a bit pissed at the arrogance of both Hezbollah and Israel for escalating the conflict. Though I can't exactly say the US sets a good example with our policy, which makes me even more pissed. Then I have to have a drink.

Posted by: Nicole at July 17, 2006 7:29 AM

While it is always ok to laugh at your child (especially when they get older and it may result in therapy), you so at your own risk.

The consequence may simply be that a baby wakes up and takes a while to put back to sleep, or the consequence may be you living out your days in the state home because you pissed the kid off one too many times and they're not springing for a private home

It's such a fine line, really.

Posted by: Contrary at July 17, 2006 7:35 AM

AH! Gosh, you guys make me laugh...

I can picture you, rocking Mia, being calm, headed down the road to Dreamland and then all of a sudden, a big toot.

I'm not sure how you'd ever keep from laughing. Perhaps your desire to get her to sleep could help? I dunno. But it's pretty freaking funny...

Posted by: Emily at July 17, 2006 7:38 AM

1. I would laugh, I imagine. My kids sleep like rocks--it wouldn't wake them up. And that's hilarious.

2. I avoid political discussions at all costs. I'll just say the entire situation is scary, and leave it at that.

Posted by: Alissa at July 17, 2006 7:47 AM

1.) At least the fart itself didn't wake her up - that's what usually happens to my dog. Sleeping... FART. Then the dog is awake and looking around confused.

2.) Um... At least it's something new in the news? Meh - I have long drawn out theories and opinions, but am just not motivated enough to expound on them.

Posted by: Leah at July 17, 2006 7:56 AM

1. Mia is getting an early start on the toilet humor she will regale you with at the most inappropriate times.

2. Things fall apart; the center will not hold.

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
slouches toward Bethlem to be born.

Yeats was ahead of his time but he got it right.

The west created all these artificial countries without regard to religious belief or ethncity. We squandered what little good will we had with our posturing and bumbling. The cowboy in the White House attacked a sovereign nation and declared a glorious victory. (Not that I hold any great love for Saddam, but we put him there).

We've engaged in behind the scenes manipulation, setting nation against nation. We've put dictators in power when it's been to our advantage and then been publicly appalled at the results.

Now, having sown the wind, we are reaping the whirlwind and the fluttering sounds you hear are our chickens coming home to roost.

(Cliches become cliches for a reason). I am very afraid.

I am very afraid.

Posted by: ann adams at July 17, 2006 8:33 AM

But not so afraid that I repeat myself. That was sloppy proofreading.

Posted by: ann adams at July 17, 2006 8:36 AM

#1. Farts are always funny and if you are holding a sleeping Mia when she does fart you should wake her so she can enjoy the laugh.

#2.I think there is far more to this than meets the eye right now and without all the facts I cannot express my opinion on this. It is sad really for wahtever side people may take there are still lives being lost.

Posted by: Bill at July 17, 2006 8:43 AM

I love those perfect moments.

2. I'm sad and worried. And, it makes me angrier at Our government.

Posted by: Autumn at July 17, 2006 9:00 AM

1. I have actually woken a sleeping child with uncontained laughter (not for that reason...cause YOU ARE SO GROSS!) And then had to rock rock rock him back to sleep.

2. I am glad I'm Canadian!

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at July 17, 2006 9:14 AM

Oy - I don't know how you can suppress that sometimes!

As far as #2 - scary, scary, scary. I have a friend assigned in Lebanon right now. We also have family that live in Israel. Their safety is pretty much all I can think about at the moment so I'm a little myopic on the point.

Posted by: Sue at July 17, 2006 9:57 AM

1. you gotta let out a chuckle for that, it's worth the threat of waking up the child.

2. we can only hope they blow themselves up completely. and we (meaning the US) should stay the hell out of it. i'm tired of this country feeling we need to take care of everyone else.

Posted by: monique at July 17, 2006 9:58 AM

1. I can't help it. I laugh. And I wake him up when I do, and he kind of cries because I've scared him, and then I blow a big slobbery raspberry on his belly and he laughs too and then I rock him to sleep some more and hope he doesn't fart again.

2. I think it's sad, and scary. To be honest I really don't know a lot of the details surrounding the situation -- it all kind of makes my head hurt -- but it's scary.

Posted by: mamatulip at July 17, 2006 10:17 AM

#1 The smell may well stop my laughter. But farts are funny, so until the smell kicks in you're on your own.

#2 Very sad. I don't subscribe to the "artificially created country" theory, because when you think about it all borders are artificially drawn by human beings whether it be a few months ago (as in the case of Montenegro), sixty years ago (as in the case of Israel and many of the European nations post-WWII) or more than that. In this day and age it never ceases to amaze me that it took me (an Aussie) 5 months to get a US visa. All that aside, the situation is tragic for both the Israelis and the Lebanese especially, and the whole world should be worried about it.

P.S. You'll probably like the following which I think summarises the world's ills quite well: http://www.slick.com/dmd/dancemonkeysdance.htm

Posted by: E :) at July 17, 2006 10:24 AM

1. Sometimes you just gotta laugh and then deal with it later.

(That's why I'm no good at disciplining my daughter (age 6) when she says unexpected things like "What the hell?" I laugh too much.)

2. It's very scary and sad.

Posted by: Traci at July 17, 2006 10:26 AM

1. Laugh quietly. Nothing is worth waking up a kid you've just gotten to sleep.

2. It shows me that the threat of bigger guns, stonger military or a threat of escallating violence is not a deterant to violence. Every country in that area knows that Isreal will retalliate 100 fold to anything they consider a threat yet that has not stopped the Palestinians. Now Lebanon's getting dragged back into it.

Posted by: wendy at July 17, 2006 10:54 AM

1. I would laugh. How could you not?

2. The whole Israeli/Palestinian/Lebanese thing has me sad and worried. It keeps escalating, it doesn't seem like there is a voice of reason for anyone to listen to, and all of the sides involved are being way too absolutist and aggressive. The U.S., "great superpower" that we are, isn't doing anything to stop the violence. I feel terrible for the innocent civilians on all sides who are the ones who are doing all the suffering and dying.

Can you tell I've been thinking about this a lot for the past few days? I'll stop taking up your entire comment section now.

Posted by: bad penguin at July 17, 2006 10:57 AM

1) I always laughed when out kids farted as babies. Now...given the fact that two of them are over 6' tall, the content is enough to make me run the other way.

2)As for the Middle East thing I just have to ask why it is that the U.S. thinks it can solve every damn thing. We've only been around since--what--yesterday? The Middle East and all of its traditions/idiosyncrasies/troubles is OLD. When you mix religion and culture (which is what the ME is made of), you've got something so strong that our flimsy graspy of Democracy is hardly a match for it. And bombing small mud huts and killing innocent families is hardly the way to go about getting them to listen to us.

The ways of the ME (even in a peaceful discussion) are complicated. We've stuck our hand in too many times and when the result is untenable (like Saddam) we suddenly decide to upend the cart and start over. For the same reason a doctor won't necessarily remove a mole just because it's there, we shouldn't have invaded Iraq. Because now...it's like we've released tiny cancer cells everywhere. We'll never get out...and that....is ALL our fault.

Posted by: wordgirl at July 17, 2006 11:15 AM

I have on more than one occasion woken the sleeping child because of laughing at diaper vibrating farts, or funny faces while dreaming.

As for your second question, I don't know enough to make an intelligent statement, except for the one that says, I always worry about that ripple effect. It's very scary.

Posted by: Karen at July 17, 2006 11:32 AM

1. Farts are funny, even if they wake you up. You should laugh out loud no matter who's sleeping.
2. I wish I were Canadian like pamalamadingdong, even though it wouldn't change the horrible situation in the Middle East even a tiny bit. Otherwise, I agree with wordgirl entirely. I should add that I'm a Jew and I neither condone nor support the actions of the Israeli government. In fact, if being a Jew meant that I had to (a) support the Israeli government blindly and/or (b) be a Zionist to the exclusion of all other notions, then I would renounce my religion entirely. Fortunately, those are NOT requirements of being a Jew so, at least for the time being, I'm sticking with it. :-)

Posted by: shelley at July 17, 2006 11:48 AM

1) You have to learn how to stiffle the laugh and save it for later or how to laugh on the inside without showing even the slightest smile. The reason for bottling it up? As Mia gets older and does more and more things that need to be laughed at, eventually you will need to reprimand her for that Oh so funny thing. A child never takes a scolding seriously if you are laughing and snorting your way through it. This is probably one of the hardest parts of being a parent. No one ever warns you about this. :)

2) Very sad and very scared

Posted by: Kim at July 17, 2006 12:18 PM

1) I don't know, considering just reading this question made me guffaw (what a great word!). Also considering I don't have kids.

2) I'm scared stiff. Well, I'm a little less scared than I was Thursday and Friday. Right now I'm just kind of pissed. I mean, God might strike me down for saying this but Israel really needs to stop pretending it never does anything wrong. Ever. It's just annoying. Sure the Hezzwhatever is bad and that whole region has its issues but seriously y'all. How many Palestinian babies have you killed over the years?

But I am worried. Worried that we'll do something stupid again, especially in light of Squinty McGee's comments about taking care of Syria to fix the entire situation. I just imagine us going in there, guns blazing, and then that's it. We're dead.

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at July 17, 2006 12:35 PM

1. You don't, there is no way. You just hope she eventually learns to sleep through your laughter.
2. It is way to fucking early for me to talk or think about this, therfore I will have to come back.

Chris, when you have a chance come and see what I made for Mia.

Posted by: Melissa at July 17, 2006 1:07 PM

1) Mine was such a terrible sleeper I would rather have exploded than risked laughing and waking her back up if she'd actually fallen asleep.

2) I wish we could just put them all in time out until they're ready to play nicely with each other.

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at July 17, 2006 1:18 PM

I think it's okay to laugh one's ass off when one's spouse lets one fly while in one's arms. It's also okay to laugh one's ass off with a friend the morning after having eaten a boatload of pakoras, which caused major seismic activity in the general direction of the sleeping areas the night before.

The Israeli-Palestinian-Lebanese thing? Huh. While it's quite fashionable to be anti-Arab and anti-Islam, daring to criticize anything about the actions of the Israeli military or government is the high-speed lane to being branded anti-Semitic. Kinda like the "if you don't support the war, you are shitting on our troops" conundrum. So I'll just pass on that.

Posted by: bhd at July 17, 2006 1:44 PM

Hu-whaaa??? Did I just write "graspy of Democracy"??
Great...just great.

Posted by: wordgirl at July 17, 2006 2:18 PM

1.Absolutely ok to laugh. Giggle away.

2. The whole Israel/ Lebanon thing saddens and scares me. I am appalled at Stephen Harper's (Canadian PM) reation to it -- he called Israel response "measured" -- call me naive but there is nothing measured about it. I am appalled with him and his government being unable to get Canadians out -- I think they've taken a page from FEMA's manual. in fact I'm so appalled I can't figure out how to blog about it withouth sounding stupid.


Posted by: Nat at July 17, 2006 2:38 PM

1. If it doesn't wake them up, surely a little laughter won't hurt.

2. I've been telling everyone who will listen, this has been going on about 5,000 years...it's nothing new and no one should rack their brain to try and figure it out.

Posted by: Phil at July 17, 2006 2:47 PM

1. Thank god dogs go back to sleep easily because my four fart all the time and I always tease them about it.

2. Israel, etc. - My take - we (western world) all felt guilty about the holocaust and all, so supporting the country of Israel seemed to satisfy our consciences somehow. Now we've gotten ourselves into a mess because the country we supported creating is just as pissy as the people we stole the land from to create said country (and who wouldn't blame them for being pissy). Whatever happened to minding our own business and not getting the rest of the world pissed off at us for playing Big Brother?

Off soapbox now. PS - That pic of Mia in the headbagging post is adorable - have the boys started calling her yet?

Posted by: Heather at July 17, 2006 2:49 PM

Ohh...I can never not laugh when the monkey farts. Usually the laughing doesn't wake her up, though--especially since I've perfected my quiet laugh for just this purpose.

Re. the middle east: I'm Jewish, so I'm most certainly biased. I feel I need to support Israel because it's supposed to be my protector and "safe" harbour. Whatever they decide to do, I have to support. It's the least I can do--seeing that I do little else for it. There's been so much anti-Israel propaganda and rhetoric in the media. Call me naive--I won't care--I just feel it's necessary for me to support their actions. And, I really believe they're doing what they need to do--surrounded as they are by territories that hate them and wish them (us) dead and gone.

Posted by: haley-o at July 17, 2006 3:16 PM

1. Think about question 2.
2. Think about question 1.

Posted by: Brad at July 17, 2006 3:26 PM

When Capt Stinky lets out a ginormous fart, I always laugh, whether he's asleep or not. There's a REASON he has his nickname!

Posted by: Queen of Ass at July 17, 2006 4:15 PM

1. I don't have children, but I imagine I would laugh too. Isn't that part of the fun when they are that little?

2. I'm saddened, disappointed and afraid by the recent events in the middle east. When will "we" (the global community, G-8, whatever) give up nation building and tring to make everyone fit the way we want them to fit?

I have to go watch the news now.

Posted by: JJ at July 17, 2006 6:29 PM

1. It's okay to laugh but I'd stifle it the best I can to avoid waking said child.
2. Can't we all just get along? Compromise is key, and let's give peace a chance!

Posted by: Beth in StL at July 17, 2006 6:46 PM

#1) I do laugh and most of the time he sleeps through it but sometimes... he looks at me as if I'm completely unschooled in infant etiquette.

#2) I am actually proud to say that I'm rather ignorant on the topic. You see, I gave up news a while back because it was depressing me so. Now I pretty much only watch Food Network or the Weather Channel. Boy what a loser I am.

Posted by: Heather at July 18, 2006 1:40 AM

I think Mia is wise and she has the right take on #2 with #1.

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