August 22, 2006

An Announcement (And Then Some Other Crap)

First, a brief, annoying-as-hell announcement. Over the past couple of weeks, I've had some issues with the server my site is hosted on. It's been repeatedly given a big old case of Internet VD because, apparently, it's incredibly slutty. My hosting provider swears they're working on it and it has now been fixed - again. If you hit my site and are prompted to download something, don't. If, for some reason, the site catches VD again, your browser may crash but that's the worst that'll happen. I'm trying to stay on top of it but I can't monitor the site all day. Rest assured, this is really pissing me off. I sincerely hope it doesn't change your willingness to drop by.

Now...on to better things...

It's that time once again. No, not that time...or that, sicko. Instead, it's time to dredge through the site stats and see wht all the fine people on the Internet have been poking around for.

I need some rude comments. Dammit! Hold on. Can't you see I'm working on that now?
Friday is the spice of life. Um, okay but you're boring. Next time, try cumin.
Strong sex machine. You called?
Is Stone Phillips sick? Few people know about his obsession with midget clowns. Naked midget clowns. Three terrifying words - full body paint.
Can you play freebird? Only if you're drunk, holding a lighter and shouting like a freak.
Most entertaining parking lots once called cactus. I don't even know what that means!
Is it okay not to wear hose to work? I find people actually take me more seriously when I'm not wearing hose.
Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Amen.
Disturbing children's books. Stone Phillips and the Midget Clowns.
Sweet mullet. I finally found someone who understands my genius.
Trim ass hair. Damn. You skip a week and people start talking.
Very short attention span - what could be the cause? I'd suspect it's probably...wait...Seinfeld's on so lets...lets ooohhh...chicken!
Scary gross freak fetish. You're into naked nose blowing too, huh?
Pain and misery in the air people dying everywhere happy birthday. You were the life of the party, weren't you?
How to lower your expectations. You've come to the right place!
Rude retirement shirts. "You're old! Now get the fuck out!"
Bloggers are rude. Fuck off.

Posted by Chris at August 22, 2006 6:58 AM

first rockstar mommy and now you?

Posted by: ali at August 22, 2006 7:06 AM

I used to have an autographed photo of stone phillips, pre-crappy buzz haircut. Maybe that's why people think he's sick? It's kind of post-chemo-esque.

Posted by: Nicole at August 22, 2006 7:29 AM

Strong sex machine. That one's the greatest!

Posted by: Emily at August 22, 2006 7:47 AM

I especially like the "ass hair" one..

Posted by: cmhl at August 22, 2006 7:50 AM

My favorite one was "Pain and misery in the air people dying everywhere happy birthday." That's my favorite song! I think the Insane Clown Posse sings it? No?

Posted by: Liberal Banana at August 22, 2006 7:57 AM

I need some rude comments, too. There are people in my life that deserve to hear them. Work a little faster on that, Chris!

Posted by: Alissa at August 22, 2006 8:00 AM

"Most entertaining parking lots once called cactus." - What the hell is that all about?? Like a parking lot that used to be full of cacti? Try Arizona.

Posted by: Michelle at August 22, 2006 8:22 AM

Stone Phillips sick? Well...there's sick and then there's sick. I think a fascination with midget clowns classifies him as the kind of sick for which there is no cure...unless it comes with a big red nose.

Posted by: wordgirl at August 22, 2006 8:28 AM

"Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck" is my favourite. That kind of sums it all up.

Posted by: mamatulip at August 22, 2006 8:29 AM

That "happy birthday" one is a little disturbing. I really hope no one ever sings that version to me!

Posted by: Jessie at August 22, 2006 8:30 AM

One of the most pleasant surprises of starting a blog is going through the list of search engine terms that brought people to my blog. They aren't as great as your's, but I it is something I aspire to :)

Posted by: Kaz at August 22, 2006 8:30 AM

I just did my first one of these posts the other day. Nowhere NEAR as good as yours. You humble me.


Posted by: Much More Than A Mom at August 22, 2006 8:47 AM

I love your search strings, man. One of those people got it wrong, though. The song actually goes, "Pain and misery in the air/ people dying everywhere/ happy birthday, bitches." .

Posted by: Fraulein N at August 22, 2006 9:05 AM

i love the crazy things that people will search for...

Posted by: suze at August 22, 2006 9:21 AM

"Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck & Trim ass hairs" Those two made me Laugh like a fool...what does that say about me?

Posted by: MrsJoseGoldbloom at August 22, 2006 10:11 AM

The last is my favorite. Mostly, because I'm feeling pretty snarkish today.

Posted by: Queen of Ass at August 22, 2006 10:18 AM

the fuckity fuck?? that was me. :)

Posted by: b. at August 22, 2006 10:22 AM

Have you talked to your server about the importance of using condoms?

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at August 22, 2006 10:25 AM

A small orange hosting. Love.them.

Posted by: statia at August 22, 2006 10:25 AM

Yeah, about that ass hair, I wasn't gonna say anything, but, well, I'm glad you know now. Just try not to miss another week. Gotta stay on top of that stuff you know.

And that disturbing childrens' book? I thought that was the alternative title to the next in the Stone Phillips series. You may recall the first one was Stone Phillips and the Philosopher's errrmmm Stone.

Posted by: Jacqueline at August 22, 2006 10:52 AM

Trim ass hair.

Damn, I didn't think you'd see that...

Posted by: RSM at August 22, 2006 11:24 AM

Sadly I know what song the birthday person was looking for, and know most of the words. I get treated to it every year on my birthday because my dad thinks it's funny.

Posted by: Judy at August 22, 2006 11:57 AM

the mullet was sweet. sign o'the times. at least you styled it.

and i am with the fuckity fuck. but i usually dumb it down for the toddler, blah blahbitty blah blahbitty blah blah blah.

keep em laughing. and dont forget the spongey red ball for your knows.. nose...


Posted by: melanie at August 22, 2006 2:01 PM

These crack me up!

Posted by: Steph at August 22, 2006 2:05 PM

Ok well I may have mentioned this before but that is my most favorite feature of your space here. You are so hilarious when it comes to these. I told you I have a bunch saved up, but I can't be like you. Anyway...

I did get sick from your site once, it was right after I got sick from RockStar Mommy...figured it was going around. I forgive you, it's my fault, I sought you out, I asked for it. HAHAHAHAHA! No worries, I would never leave you no matter how many germs I get. ;)

Posted by: Kate at August 22, 2006 3:51 PM

See, the only search I ever get is people looking for Opposocks. It'd make for a very boring entry, no?

Posted by: Heather at August 22, 2006 4:25 PM

You got me there, Jethro. I have NO idea where this one is headed.?????????
I have a headache. Pass the cactus juice, sil vous plait?

My best to Beth and Mia Bean.

Anni :-)

Posted by: Anni at August 22, 2006 6:57 PM

"Pain and misery in the air people dying everywhere happy birthday.", I love that one. Shit, I need a drink.

Think of the ones you will get now that you've been discussing VD.

Posted by: Melissa at August 22, 2006 7:22 PM

Maybe thats why your site is blocked by my office servers. They dont wanna do it with your VD-ed site.
Hilarious searches BTW, you strong sex machine you! :P

Posted by: Dee at August 22, 2006 7:47 PM

All so very funny! No...wait...the best part is when your loyal readers admit when it was them that sought it!

And what does it mean when someone is feeling "snarkish"? 'Cause I love the word so much that I wanna be that!

Posted by: kristen at August 22, 2006 8:15 PM

Ahhh, I miss doing posts like this - top ten weord referrers was a monthly LOVE for me. Then my blog went all "professional" - thus why I'm a running a "poll" there right now on whether to go back to personal blogging. :(

Posted by: Rae at August 22, 2006 9:53 PM

Classic list! Totally fascinating to see what people search for. I get "monkey" searches all the time....Wierd monkey searches....I really should keep track of all of em and post it. Nutty stuff. ;)

Posted by: haley-o at August 22, 2006 10:45 PM

I adore seeing what leads people to my blog. It was fun to see yours, too--especially with your comments.

Posted by: Caryn at August 22, 2006 11:28 PM

trim ass hair.

...someone actually typed in "trim ass hair" because they wanted what? some sort of diagram?

Posted by: Sarcomical at August 23, 2006 12:25 AM


This one..."Very short attention span - what could be the cause? I'd suspect it's probably...wait...Seinfeld's on so lets...lets ooohhh...chicken!"


This one... "Bloggers are rude. Fuck off."

Those are my absolute FAVES!!! LMAO!! People sure hit site with some weird serch strings. Flippin weirdo's

Posted by: Tammy at August 23, 2006 10:12 AM

I was not aware of Stoned Phillips' involvement with midgets. I knew about the Clowns.

Posted by: OneEar at August 24, 2006 11:58 AM