August 25, 2006

Schadenfreude Friday: The Unprepared Edition

You know that thing I do every Friday? That thing where I point and laugh at the misery of others? Yeah, well, I'm not so much ready with that this week. The virtual dog ate it. Okay,, there were approximately 3,057 meetings I had to attend yesterday followed by a happy hour, a late dinner then an incredibly long-overdue horizontal reunion with my bed. Now, I'm happily still wearing my PJs, drinking coffee and working from home. So, it's adult swim time here in the Schadenfreude pool of misery. Here are my quick thoughts. Choose your favorite or post your own.

"I'm A Creep, I'm A Weirdo"
"From inside his dingy hotel, the American suspect in the killing of JonBenet Ramsey told The Associated Press in an exclusive interview Thursday that he loved the 6-year-old and is "very sorry for what happened" in the basement of her Colorado home nearly a decade ago.

John Mark Karr, a 41-year-old teacher arrested Wednesday, was escorted back to his hotel room Thursday to collect his belongings. Dressed in a baggy turquoise polo shirt and khaki trousers, he appeared ashen and stuttered occasionally as he spoke in a quiet voice.

"It's very important for me that everyone knows that I love her very much, and that her death was unintentional, and that it was an accident," said Karr, a clean-cut, slight man with steely blue eyes and brown hair."

Pluto, The Long-Forgotten Planet, Officially Forgotten
"Pluto, beloved by some as a cosmic underdog but scorned by astronomers who considered it too dinky and distant, was unceremoniously stripped of its status as a planet Thursday. The International Astronomical Union, dramatically reversing course just a week after floating the idea of reaffirming Pluto's planethood and adding three new planets to Earth's neighborhood, downgraded the ninth rock from the sun in historic new galactic guidelines."

Apple Goes Boom, Fruit Doesn't Fall Far From Tree
"Ten days after Dell's record-setting notebook battery recall, Apple Computer Inc. told its customers Thursday to return 1.8 million batteries that could cause their Mac laptops to overheat and catch fire. Both recalls involve lithium-ion batteries made by a Sony Corp (NYSE:SNE - news). subsidiary in Japan, where the manufacturing process introduced metal particles into battery cells. Makers of battery cells strive to minimize or eliminate the presence of such particles, which can cause computers to short circuit, or, in extreme situations, catch fire. In its recall announcement, Apple said it has received nine reports of lithium-ion battery packs overheating, including two cases in which users suffered minor burns and some involving minor property damage. The Apple recall only applies to older notebooks not the just-released MacBooks and MacBook Pros."

Pay At The Pump
"Cook County prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately didn't want her to know he'd packed a sexual aid for their trip to Turkey. So he told security it was a bomb, officials said. Madin Azad Amin was stopped by officials on Aug. 16 after guards found an object in his baggage that resembled a grenade, prosecutors said. When officers asked him to identify it, Amin said it was a bomb, said Cook County Assistant State's Attorney Lorraine Scaduto.He's been charged with felony disorderly conduct, said Andrew Conklin, a spokesman with the Cook County state's attorney's office. He later told officials he'd lied about the item because his mother was nearby and he didn't want her to hear that it was part of a penis pump, Scaduto said."

So, whatcha think?

Posted by Chris at August 25, 2006 6:27 AM

I think that perhaps this morning I am too tired to think.... basically I would title your Friday post Freaks, Geeks and Outer Space...
Have a good w/end.

Posted by: Stephanie at August 25, 2006 7:36 AM

I think that the world is a crazy place.

And that planet thing? That's not fair. I like our solar system the way it is (was). Poor Pluto. It did nothing wrong.

Posted by: Alissa at August 25, 2006 7:56 AM

My question is, how do you exactly just get rid of a planet? And what designates something being a planet? Pluto's not big enough? What a bunch of jerks, I've always liked Pluto :(

Posted by: Michelle at August 25, 2006 7:57 AM

I'm glad I'm not the only one that felt bad about Pluto. And since I tend to anthropomorphize things, I pictured it all alone, spinning out in space, crying in the ether, "I AM TOO A PLANET YOU BIG MEANIES!"

Posted by: Nicole at August 25, 2006 8:01 AM

That last one takes the cake. Dumbass. So now you're in huge trouble and your mother STILL knows you packed a penis pump. Also, so does the rest of the world. Brilliant plan there, Madin.

Posted by: Fraulein N at August 25, 2006 8:38 AM

Yeah, I'm with the penis pump guy. How could he not realize that this would kind of sort of get out there for everyone to know in this day and age of ubersecurity and such?
Besides, when you're 29, aren't you kind of past that age of needing to pretend for your parents that you don't have sex??

Posted by: Traci at August 25, 2006 8:53 AM

That penis pump story is hysterical.

Posted by: Bill at August 25, 2006 9:01 AM

ah. yes. the pluto thing.
we were getting ready to publish a book called "the Tenth planet" about whether xena was a planet or not...and now we have to change the entire freakin' book. great...

Posted by: ali at August 25, 2006 9:05 AM

Here's another shameful tidbit: Bruce Springsteen and his wife have separated because he's taken up with a 9/11 widow. Don't you just hate it when that happens?

Posted by: wordgirl at August 25, 2006 9:07 AM

Okay I'm sort of sick of the Jonbenet story. I think the guy is a sicko, but I'm not sure he is the sicko who did this to her.
I love Pluto. And it will always be a planet to me! Have you seen the sicko planet guy who had decided that Pluto isn't a plant? Personally I think he may be the actual Jonbenet killer.
The last one, well, the man deserves all he gets for being that stupid.
And the battery thing. Pathetic when you can't trust Sony to make a good product! LOL What is the world coming to? Do you think they have gone off shore to North Korea or something to have these things made?

Posted by: Maribeth at August 25, 2006 9:11 AM

I hate to be just one of the pack but the whole "social expirement" thing happening with the next season of Survivor has annoyed the hell out of me and I don't even watch the stupid show.

Posted by: pea at August 25, 2006 9:26 AM

I can only stomach the Mac news because it's kinda funny. The rest makes me cranky.

Posted by: Brad at August 25, 2006 9:26 AM

My girls are upset about Pluto. One day a mighty planet, the next a lowly rock. After all that trouble they went to learning all the planets.

Posted by: ann adams at August 25, 2006 9:36 AM

"Mother Very Easily Made a Jam Sandwich Using No...", just doesn't have the same ring to it. "Using Nuts"? "Under Noodles"?

I think the JonBenet suspect is creepy as all get out, and needs to be locked away for all the other stuff, but don't think he did it. If his ex-wife is willing to vouch for the fact he wasn't even in Colorado then? Most of us with exes would happily send them up the river, given the chance.

The battery thing just worries me, given the amount of time I spend with laptop on lap.

For pure Schadenfreude, I think the last guy is the hands down winner. What kind of an idiot packs something like that in the first place? Did he not see Austin Powers? "Swedish-made penis enlargers are my bag, baby!"

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at August 25, 2006 10:29 AM

JonBenet - I've got a bad feeling that this guy is just a classic attention-mongering freakazoid who had nothing to do with this. On the other hand, he's also exactly what I'd imagine a pedophile to look and act like, too. To sum up -- Ewwwww

Pluto - I feel for the guy, I do, but I never really bought it anyway. It was like the nerd kid that hung out with the jocks but was never really part of the crowd. Now he can hang out with Xena, and who wouldn't want to do that?

Batteries - I don't know about you, but I think it would be pretty damn funny to sit next to a suit on an airplane when his laptop catches fire.

The Bomb - it could have been could have been powered by Sony lithium-ion battery. Talk about chestnuts roasting on an open fire...

Posted by: CroutonBoy at August 25, 2006 10:38 AM

1. His ex-wife has said that he was with her during the time period in question. Fishy, no?

2. Now we have to change The Planet Song that Steve from Blue's Clues taught us. I'm sad.

3. I wish I had a laptop. *sigh*

4. Brilliant. I know I shouldn't laugh at the poor guy, but....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Posted by: candace at August 25, 2006 11:06 AM

It was quite surreal to be in Bangkok, hearing about "a foreigner being arrested" and then turning to see a pictures of JonBenet on TV. Holy crap. And to think, if I was to have flown Thai Airways, I would've been on the same flight he was!

As for Pluto, I was more outraged that they were going to add more planets. Then they took Pluto away. Damn them uber astronomy geeks!

And the pump, there are a few reasons why I don't take my vibrator with me when I travel--and definitely not in my carry-on...

Posted by: oakley at August 25, 2006 11:12 AM

the whole pluto thing. i was watching the news and someone brought up the fact that all the science books that list pluto as a planet are now obsolete. weird.

Posted by: Denise at August 25, 2006 11:31 AM

How does that mnemonic device work to remember the planets? Something like My Very Elegant Mother... Anyway, that's gonna get a lot more complicated with the demise of Pluto and all these new planet pretenders.

I think Mr. Amin needs a copy of the Austin Powers bestseller, "Swedish-made Penis Enlargers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby."

Posted by: Julie at August 25, 2006 11:46 AM

Oops -- didn't read all the other comments. I guess Kate got there before I did. :)

Posted by: Julie at August 25, 2006 11:47 AM

The penis pump. Definitely a winner. Although my 13 year old son was PISSED about Pluto. He is a "bit" of an astronomy buff.

Posted by: Jamie at August 25, 2006 12:03 PM

I think my head may explode. :)

Posted by: Kate at August 25, 2006 12:11 PM

Pay at the Pump gets my vote for today. Doesn't he know you are supposed to pack your sex toys in your checked baggage? They go right next to the suspect hair gel and toothpaste.

Posted by: Annie at August 25, 2006 12:25 PM

that dude is lying about killing the kid...

poor poor pluto. always a bridesmaid never a bride.

giggles. doesn't everyone know that parts is parts? could see that one coming just like we saw katrina hitting new orleans.

wonder why a 29 year old man would still so afraid of his mother he would risk a federal offense!

dude, get some sleep. because when she can start wandering around the house and grabbing stuff? you have another job on your hands.

much good vibes for a peaceful weekend to all. namaste.

Posted by: melanie at August 25, 2006 1:37 PM

oh that penis pump guy is an idiot! he'd risk federal charges just so his mom didn't know he was fascinated by his own penis?

Posted by: jodi at August 25, 2006 2:23 PM

What about Tom Cruise being fired by Paramount? That was my schadenfreude Friday.

1. Dude is a sicko, but didn't kill her.

2. Bummer about Pluto - it's just not strong enough!

3. Meh.

4. Heh.

Posted by: MLE at August 25, 2006 2:34 PM

As for #4, I would be pissed if my gov't was going to pay to prosecute such a goddamn idiotic "crime". IMO, the security agent is just too embarrassed to admit she misunderstood the man and made a big deal out of nothing. And you know what? Even if she legitimately thought she heard him say 'bomb' rather than 'pump'? It's *still* not something I want to prosecuted. I was agitated when I read the article on this. Can you tell? ;-P

Posted by: Polichick at August 25, 2006 3:19 PM

Hard choice....I think I'll go with the bomb guy. What a freaking moron. Although I will say I thought a penis pump was a joke. I never thought one really exsisted.

Posted by: Melissa at August 25, 2006 5:29 PM

Hehehahaha...The penis pump story rocks! Its just SOOOOOO funny...Man twhat did that guy think of when he packed it? That he and his mom would travel by different airlines?

Posted by: Dee at August 25, 2006 8:09 PM

Great. Now I effin' have to reprogram my brain and how I teach the planets to elementary kids. Dammit all to hell.

And, maybe it's just me, but if I really REALLY needed a penis pump and I was traveling, I just might look into finding one to purchase at my destination... or perhaps work things out with Mr. Hand...

Posted by: ironic1 at August 25, 2006 10:21 PM

I'm devastated about Pluto. Devastated. It's my favourite "planet"! Wahhhhhh!

Posted by: haley-o at August 25, 2006 10:47 PM

Oh man, I've got to go with the penis pump dude. That's freaking hilarious! Although, poor Pluto! Our mnemonic device was "My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizza-pies." I was thinking of changing it to "My Very Educated Mother Just Showed Us Nipples" but I don't think I could teach that to any kids.

Posted by: Beth in StL at August 27, 2006 10:48 PM

I'm going with the Pay At The Pump story as my favorite with Pluto coming in second. Poor Pluto!

Posted by: Colleen at August 29, 2006 8:19 PM