October 27, 2006

Schadenfreude Friday: Three Schadenfreude Shanties

Model Citizen

COPS were quizzing supermodel Naomi Campbell over an alleged assault yesterday — her NINTH rap in eight years. She returned to a central London police station this morning but has been rebailed until December.

The volatile model has a long list of previous form for flying into a rage and attacking her aides. The latest claim from her drugs counsellor triggered Naomi’s arrest at her home in central London yesterday. The unnamed counsellor walked into a police station with scratches all over her face which she insisted were caused by Naomi, 36. A source said: “The marks were so red you could tell the attack had only recently happened.”

Cops immediately swooped on Naomi’s home and took her in for questioning on suspicion of causing actual bodily harm.

So, what do you think it is? Is it the lack of food making her cranky? Or the massive doses of cocaine? Talk amongst yourselves.

Lady Madonna

The father of the African baby Madonna wants to mother has appealed for an end to legal challenge to her adoption bid, fearing the singer could react by sending the boy back to his impoverished homeland.

Speaking on the eve of a hearing in Malawi's administrative capital Lilongwe, when rights groups will challenge an interim adoption order, Yohane Banda said Thursday the case should be dropped "for the sake of my child's future and health".

"I appeal to them to stop it because I don't want Madonna to get annoyed to the point of wanting to send back my David," 32-year-old Banda told AFP.

Banda said local rights groups were "on my neck every day to support the court action ... I am afraid if this is successful Madonna may send David back and I will have nowhere to go to fend for him."

The high court in Lilongwe will begin hearing the case, brought by a coalition of 67 rights groups, on Friday.

The groups say the government fast-tracked the process and broke its own laws by allowing 13-month-old David to be flown to the singer's London home before the adoption -- which usually takes 18 months -- gets final approval.

I don't fault anyone for adoption. I certainly can't fault Madonna. More people should be encouraged to use their resources to help out kids, whether it's sending food and aid or welcoming them into their own homes. But if you or I did this, we'd be accused of kidnapping, the kid would be taken away and we'd never have a shot in hell of adopting again.

Over the last thirty years, over 260,000 kids from other countries have been adopted by U.S. citizens. Only a few thousand of them were from Africa (most - nearly three times the next-highest percentage - are from Asia). Over 60% of these kids are girls and almost half of them are under a year old. So, really, Madonna did something remarkable here and bucked the trend. But there are people waiting patiently who want nothing more than to bring a child into their home, to welcome it into their family and love it. Very few of those people get laws passed to make it easier on them.

Raul And The King Of Spain

A Russian region has ordered an inquiry into a report that hunt organizers, keen to make the king of Spain's chances of killing a bear easier, provided a tame one drunk on vodka, a regional spokesman said Thursday.

National paper Kommersant carried a letter from Vologda's deputy chief of regional hunting resources management, Sergei Starostin, which accuses hunt organizers of plying a captive bear named “Mitrofan” with vodka-drenched honey and then forcing him from a cage to be shot by Spain's King Juan Carlos.

“His majesty Juan Carlos killed Mitrofan with a single shot,” Starostin wrote in his letter.

What a sportsman. Wonder if he slips the queen roofies every time he wants to get a little royal lovin'.

Thanks to the wonderful Elaine for the bear story. If you have something you'd like me to feature on Schadenfreude Fridays, just drop me a line at schadenwhatever@rudecactus.com and tell me about it.

Posted by Chris at October 27, 2006 6:27 AM

Its getting a law passed to help her adopt a child from Malawi a way she is using her resources to help her adopt a child, and quite possibly many other people to adopt children from this country? I really dont think its a negative thing???

Geesshh...and certainly not with the other two screw ups you mentioned. Didnt Bush have a news conference you could have made fun of????

Posted by: linda at October 27, 2006 6:50 AM

And to add to the schadenwhatever,today...Friday..is my Monday. Can I get a Haiku!?

Ahem, sorry.

Let's see here:

1) Crackhead

2) I don't like Madonna. I don't actually think she's a good person. But then, she's not sitting at her computer at 6:30am talking trash about me, so I guess I have no room to talk. Hope all ends up in the best interest of the kiddo.

3) Sickens me. I'm naive enough to hold out hope that King Juan Carlos didn't know it was a canned hunt. But then, I was sure O.J. was inoocent at first too.

Posted by: Contrary at October 27, 2006 7:41 AM

I think with the Madonna issue the media has been the one to cause any problems. I swear they are evil at times.
I feel for all involved.

Posted by: jenn at October 27, 2006 7:41 AM

Chris, people have no shame: Naomi (I couldn't scratch someone's eyes out even after only one time of doing it before, let alone nine time!)...Madonna (Is there a reason why you had to make a personal display of "choosing" the right child--I don't remember Angelina doing that!)...King Juan-the-cross-eyed-and-couldn't-hit-the-broad-side-of-a-barn Carlos (He had press there I'm sure to capture his keen hunting abilitites on film!).

Here's the deal, if I have difficulties dealing with people I do not get physical because I'd hate it if people thought I couldn't talk things through respectfully--not publicize it to say, "I am the most beautiful woman in the world!"

If I wanted to adopt a baby, what is the important thing is that I'm going to raise a baby in my family with love and respect--and not publicize it to say, "I am the greatest human being in the world!"

And if I wanted to track down an animal, I'd do it respectfully with no tools or aids--and not publicize it to say, "I am the greatest hunter in the world!"

Posted by: kristen at October 27, 2006 8:45 AM

naomi campbell just can't keep her ass out of the news, can she?

Posted by: ali at October 27, 2006 9:01 AM

Naomi Campbell -- drug fuelled rage.

Madonna -- yep, special treatment for celebrities does piss me off. At the same time, I'm all for anything to encourage adoptions. Now if only they could raise awareness and find a way to not make adoptions cost $20,000 to $40,000.

That beat story is so sad. Yes, I'm a vegetarian and not sympathetic with hunters, particularly ones who I'm pretty sure aren't going to eat what they kill. But I also think there's something extra sad about taking a tamed bear (meaning he trusted his humans) getting him drunk, and sending him out to die. Bears are among the most fearsome predators in the world. It should be hard to kill them.

Posted by: bad penguin at October 27, 2006 9:03 AM

Y'know good for Madonna. Using her celebrity to save a baby. GO MADDY.
For once I'm on the side of the ultra inflated severly over paid & over worshipped celebrity.

So there.

Naomi Campbell?
Fucking loon.

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at October 27, 2006 9:12 AM

I look forward to Fridays just to learn what stupid idiots there out there. Yesterday's Rush was just a bonus.

Posted by: Heather at October 27, 2006 9:14 AM

I do not follow the celebrity adoption too closley but I am always curios as to why they do not adopt U.S. babies.

Posted by: Bill at October 27, 2006 9:15 AM

Model Citizen: I hate to judge (BA HAHAHAHAH), but what's making her cranky is that she's a horrible person.

Lady Madonna: why don't celebrities, who obviously have the power to do so, help other people adopt?

Raul & The King Of Spain: now that's just wrong. (And I come from a looooong line o' hunters.)

Posted by: s@bd at October 27, 2006 9:17 AM

I've been thinking about the Madonna thing for a few days and actually posted my thoughts on it on my own site today.

While I do agree that adoption is a noble cause, I think she could have chosen a more apropriate child to adopt, or could have done other things (donated money) to improve the lives of a whole town.

Posted by: Adam at October 27, 2006 9:19 AM

Why didn't Madonna adopt a child that didn't have any parents? It seems really wierd to me for someone to say "I love my child, here, Madonna, you take him."

Posted by: Hope at October 27, 2006 9:25 AM

Naomi and Raul have nothing on Madonna. Whatever people's personal opinions of her (which I am not sure how people can have personal opinions of any celebrity since...we don't know them!) she has donated lots of money to help other children in the area, and has the approval of the father. I just don't see how that is a bad thing. It seems that people are upset that money changes the rules, but since when has that NOT been the case?!

Posted by: Megan at October 27, 2006 9:31 AM

Dear God! Is Juan Carlos' self-esteem at such an all time low that he must stoop to a "canned hunt" in order to save it. What in the name of all that is holy is he doing killing a bear anyway? I must find a place to be ill now.

Posted by: wordgirl at October 27, 2006 9:35 AM

I just get sick and tired of celebrities being ABOVE the law, like Madonna. Yes, in a certain way I admire her for just doing it. But, like you, I think of all these other people going through the system because they don't have millions at their disposal and a press ready to plaster their picture and plight.

Naomi Campbell. Is she still a celebrity? She needs to be spanked and sent to bed without any supper.

I hope that King is proud of his kill. That took iron ones to face down that poor bear. What's next? Drowning kittens?

Have a great weekend, Chris!

Posted by: Debbie at October 27, 2006 10:25 AM

I am thoroughly tired of Naomi Campbell.

Ditto Madonna. I think she has finally run out of ways to reincarnate herself to stay interesting. I think adoption is a great thing, but the whole "find me 12 little boys to audition for 'Son #2'" thing fairly tacky.

I am not fond of hunting, generally, unless it's for subsistence. I think canned hunting should be punishable by something really painful and humiliating. Nude public flogging, maybe.

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at October 27, 2006 10:36 AM

1) Lack of food, plus the crazies.

2) Aren't we all supposed to adopt people that don't already have parents?

3) What a tough guy. I hope he has trouble sleeping at night.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at October 27, 2006 10:42 AM

Just a general adoption comment: it's very difficult to adopt domestically. It can take years and years. Foster-to-adopt takes less time but not many people are willing to take older children or children with special needs (those are the types most likely to be in foster care). I'm not saying it's right, that's just the way it is. It's much, much easier to adopt internationally. We should try to overhaul the system here before we go trashing someone who is trying, as far as I can tell (and I'm not privy to all the information in the case so I will not make a judgement), to bring a child into her home to make him part of her family.

Now, if she broke laws, she should be punished. And yes, celebrities have an easier time with this, because they have more money and they have connections. I seriously doubt that anyone would reject those options if they had them, if the ultimate goal was to add to one's family. Is it right? I don't know.

Posted by: candace at October 27, 2006 11:29 AM

The part detailing yet another NC public cock up made me laugh out loud.

The part about Madonna and the possibly illegal adoption made me bite my lip and decide I needed more a) info and b) time to think before commenting on it.

The part about the bear, both pissed me off AND upset me. I do not condone the mindless slaughter and killing of animals for sport. For food, sure - I'm a meat eater myself - hunting can be justified; but to show off, and to kill an innocent and TAME (as in trusting and probably affectionate of and towards humans) bear that was DRUGGED to make it easier is repulsive.

I mean, I don't have all the info about that, either, but I'm betting that poor bear won't end up as a side dish: I'm pretty much betting it was killed just BECAUSE. And that sickens me.

Once again. End rant.

Posted by: Alice at October 27, 2006 12:05 PM

I think Juan Carlos should spend an afternoon in a cage with Naomie.

Where does a bear go for rehab? same place as Noamie?

Posted by: DavidR at October 27, 2006 1:51 PM

The vodka feels a bit like overkill to me. I would have used a picnic basket. Much cheaper.

Posted by: Tink at October 27, 2006 2:21 PM

I don't know. I think I'm pro-madonna on this one. I don't think it's fair that celebrities get special treatment, but the bottom line is the welfare of the child. Yes, she's famous, yes, they broke their own law, but at the same time, it was probably easier for them to guarantee he's going to a good home. Who hasn't heard of Madonna? Bottom line: this child was spared a year and a half of waiting for a family. I can't find it in my heart to argue with that.

Posted by: Noelle at October 27, 2006 2:30 PM

Oh and one more thing... some celebs DO help "regular" people adopt. Love her or hate her, Rosie O'Donnell is a big champion of that cause.

Posted by: Noelle at October 27, 2006 2:31 PM

Naomi - spoiled brat who has had everything handed to her because she's beautiful. Now that she's too old to model she can't handle it and has flipped.

Madonna - I'm really torn on this one. Part of me says she's riding on Angelina's coattails, part of me says she's helping a kid who needs it.

King - I'm not really surprised, but I am saddened. It's not just the king of Spain that does this though - some country music stars do it too.

Posted by: Beth in StL at October 27, 2006 3:32 PM

I don't know what Naomi's problem is, but I'd pay big bucks to see someone beat the living tar out of that bitch.

Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) at October 27, 2006 3:35 PM

1 and 2, nuff said.

The bear thing just made me super sad, though. I'm gonna go hug a furry critter now.

Posted by: Sassy at October 27, 2006 3:51 PM

Wow...3 in one week!! What is this world coming to that there are so many things to talk about?!! Gasp.

I hope you and your sweet little family have a lovely weekend.

Posted by: Isabel at October 27, 2006 6:53 PM

1) Naomi Campbell? Absolutely drug-crazed and a high and mighty complex. Somebody throw her in the cell already.

2) Madonna? No opinion. though I do feel that rules always get bent for "special" people. Just that some are targetted and made a fuss of.

3) The bear thing? Just so sad and pathetic. Makes me feel like I have atleast one up on the KING of Spain. Or some king atleast.

Posted by: Dee at October 27, 2006 7:33 PM

Did you know I didn't know what Schadenfreude was before I started reading your blog?

This world is one crazy place full of crazy celebs with whom it is obsessed... ;)

Posted by: Haley-O at October 27, 2006 10:09 PM

Naomi Campbell needs to eat. Like a big cheeseburger or something. Comfort foods might help with the crazies.

The Madonna thing has been so blown out of proportion by the media. As usual. Bottom line is that a kid with a not so good home is getting a good home. How can anyone argue with that?

Sounds like King Juan Carlos is one big pussy. Sorry, I usually don't use that type of language, but that's the only thing that comes to mind when reading this. It makes me so angry. Grrrrrr.

Posted by: Nila at October 28, 2006 4:12 AM

Sorry to go off-topic, but may I ask what happened to Beth's site? I read through Bloglines, but when I went to click through to the rest of the site today... Well, you probably know. I'm just curious, I really love reading both of your sites.

Posted by: Amanda at October 28, 2006 5:12 PM

Naomi really needs to have a bowl of ice cream and lay off the cocaine.

And I'm sooo not a Madonna fan, but I'd never say anything against adopting a child and giving it a better life. Maybe she's betting on the side of karma, eh?

Posted by: Evil Genius at October 29, 2006 8:39 PM

I don't condone the king's hunting methodology whatsoever, but I'll just point out that there is a long history of such methods being used. One in particular is rather interesting. If you go to your local liquor emporium, you might find a bottle of Bärenjäger (gnarly stuff). The following is taken from their website: Hundreds of years ago, farmers and beekeepers in Europe created a drink called “meschkinnes,” which is similar to mead, the potent potable favored by knights and warriors of yesteryear. Each farmer had his own secret recipe. The Bärenjäger recipe was created by the old Königsberg, Teucke & König Bear Trap Company. In fact, Bärenjäger means “Bear Hunter.” Today, Teucke & König no longer make bear traps, but the label on their Bärenjäger Honey Liqueur portrays a hunter using the ancient device to snare a bear using honey as bait.

Posted by: JMo at October 30, 2006 2:21 PM

On the adoption thing. I've flopped on this actually. Initially, I thought it was a whole celebrity thing. I know that she was on Oprah to get good press but it sounds like the adoption was in the process for two or three years at least. She saw a picture of David and was really taken with him. Not that she was necessarily planning to adopt him. But when she got to Malawi to talk with folks about setting up the whole charity deal it was him. And, she still has to go through the 18 month deal, just like anyone else adopting a kid would have to do. They did a homestudy and all that.

A word about international adoption. It is actually easier to adopt children that have a surviving parent because they can give their consent. That's how bad it is in Africa, people are giving up their children because they can't care for them. I have friends trying to adopt two kids from Africa but from a country that doesn't have international adoption legislation and it is brutal. They've been waiting for several years. Essentially, they would need special legislation specifically for the adoption of their kids until broader adoption legislation is passed.

Posted by: Hannah at October 30, 2006 3:05 PM

I have no great insights into Madonna's character. I do think that there are plenty of kids in Malawi who do not have a living dad and grandmother and could be offered a life through adoption. Maybe concern for David could have been expressed by offering some ongoing support for the family. It seems graceless and not well thought out. I don't feel a lot of surprize that a celebrity can receive special treatment. What really matters is the child, but no one is speaking for him.

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