October 17, 2006

The Post Of Non-Ideas

Ahhh, well ladies and gentlemen, kiss Monday goodbye. And what a day it was. I worked for a damn long time, holed up with the client, toiling away...and got everything resolved. So much so that I received a call from him thanking me for everything while I was on my way home. Granted, he wanted something else too but that's my job.

And now I have a terrible case of writer's block driven, no doubt, by the fact that I expended five work-days worth of braincells in one day. Once again, I'v got nothing. Except a few lame ideas, that is.

Here are some topics I've summarily rejected in the last 45 minutes:

  • A post all about bands I hate (the Grateful Dead, The Carpenters), don't understand (The Rolling Stones, Captain and Tannille) or like but have no idea why because they really suck (Van Halen).
  • An imaginary conversation between Ricardo Montalban and his ever-present sidekick Tattoo about the relative merits of Asian hookers.
  • The restaurant we used to visit with a Thai version of Seinfeld's Babu Bhatt.
  • My secret habit - playing with my belly button.
  • All the books I've read yet haven't told you about yet because I'm a lazy, lazy mofo. And for the record, those books are Love And Other Near Death Experiences (Mil Millington), Eleanor Rigby (Douglas Coupland), Velocity (Dean Koontz), Assassination Vacation (Sarah Vowell), Midnight Cab (James Nichol), The Stolen Child (Keith Donohue), Eats Shoots & Leaves (Lynne Truss), Pirate (Ted Bell), Caves of Steel (Isaac Asimov), Adverbs (Daniel Handler), No Country for Old Men (Cormac McCarthy), Lost Lake (Phillip Margolin), Dear Zoe (Phillip Beard), Naked Prey (John Sandford), The Ruins (Scott Smith), 18 Seconds (George Shuman), A Clean Kill (Mike Stewart), Dead Watch (John Sandford), Dispatches from the Edge (Anderson Cooper), Grab On To Me Tightly As If I Knew The Way (Bryan Charles), The Trudeau Vector (Juris Jurjevics), The Burning (Bentley Little), The Book of Fate (Brad Meltzer), A Dangerous Man (Charlie Huston)
  • A meditation on why Deal of No Deal is compelling despite the fact that it's a total no-skill game requiring approximately three brain cells to play and, judging by the hyper attitudes of the contestants, a dependency on meth.
  • How I learned that you should never allow your sleep-deprived wife to affix Halloween-themed stickers to, um, body parts that usually don't sport too much decoration. Or, how sticker manufacturers put way too much sticky stuff on stickers causing somewhat painful removal. They're really pretty much the same story.

So, uh, if you want me to expand on any of those or chime in yourself, just let me know. I'll be here trying to find my brain at the bottom of a cup of coffee.

Posted by Chris at October 17, 2006 7:25 AM
Comments

I think the internet, nay the world, would like to hear about that last one. Who it got stuck to. What it got stuck to. The cuss words that were used when it was removed. Little details like that.

Oh, and I can't watch Deal or No Deal, because frankly, Howie Mandel creeps me the hell out.

Posted by: Contrary at October 17, 2006 7:37 AM

I will second the vote for the last topic, although I'm wondering if there might be a bonus round where the sticker story melds nicely with the belly-button habit.

Posted by: Jeff at October 17, 2006 7:53 AM

i too vote for expansion on that last one...

although i would settle (reluctantly) for more on your thoughts on Eleanor Rigby...

Posted by: suze at October 17, 2006 8:02 AM

Wow...I'm so out of it I can't even comprehend what you're trying to comprehend to us. Yeah, I'll just go along with the last topic. Definitely time for more coffee...Oh, and did you do anything to your pumpkins you got? Carving? Paint them? Just curious! :)

Posted by: Michelle at October 17, 2006 8:14 AM

The voice of dissention, here...I'm not sure I want to hear any more about that last one.

Let's hear more on the books. I'm looking for new reading material, and I've only read 2 of the ones you listed.

Posted by: Alissa at October 17, 2006 8:18 AM

Is the Mil Millington one good? I really enjoy TMGAIHAA and could use a good read. Especially since his update emails are getting few and far between!

Posted by: Jeff A at October 17, 2006 8:30 AM

oooh I saw The Stolen Child (Keith Donohue) in a book store and REALLY wanted to read it. Is it horribly sad? Was it worth reading? Are you having nightmares about Mia now??

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at October 17, 2006 8:31 AM

oh my god I'm thinking of another book.
nevermind?

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at October 17, 2006 8:31 AM

I've read three of the books. Eats, Shoots & Leaves and the two John Sandford books, because I usually get them the day they come out. He always starts his book tour in Minneapolis and he's usually at a couple of different bookstores on the first day.

Posted by: Robin at October 17, 2006 8:38 AM

Please please please tell the story about Richardo Montalban and the Asian hookers. Please?

Also, DAMN that's a lot of books.

Posted by: Fraulein N at October 17, 2006 8:41 AM

I'm kinda amazed that being the hardworking guy you are and father to wee Mia that you have time to read so many books!
And I have mixed feelings on details about the last one. But then, I always tend to imagine the worst.

Posted by: Heather at October 17, 2006 8:44 AM

Definitally interested in the last topic myself!

However, I do have to say with Deal or No Deal? That's exactly why I like it ~ you don't need any skill to win. Just being smart with your money and not being too greedy. It's not like Jepordy where you need like 3 PhD's just to do well.

Posted by: Sechakecha at October 17, 2006 8:47 AM

I can so relate to workdays like that, so congrats on making it through! I'll vote for giving you a pass on the topics, and letting your brain rest for a day.

Posted by: Jessie at October 17, 2006 8:48 AM

The last deserves to be told!! Stickers and body parts, what fun! I am sure beer was envolved.

Posted by: Josh at October 17, 2006 8:59 AM

If you're up for some fabulous dark humor (which I can only assume you are), check out A disorder peculiar to the country (Ken Kalfus); or if you need some Atheist brain food, pick up a copy of The End of Faith: Religion, Terror, and the Future of Reason (Sam Harris). Both great reads.

And yes. Stickers? Intriguing.

Posted by: Adam at October 17, 2006 9:04 AM

Deal or No Deal has sucked me in. There's no reason for it though. I, too, am perplexed as to why.

Is the Dean Koontz one any good? A lot of his stuff is crap lately. I never know what to expect.

Posted by: ktjrdn at October 17, 2006 9:06 AM

I did not read any of the comment but I have to assume that everyone is looking to hear about the last one.

Posted by: Bill at October 17, 2006 9:10 AM

Gotta hear why you don't like the Rolling Stones. Not liking Van Halen or the Grateful Dead are defensible positions. But the Stones? C'mon.

Posted by: Zorba at October 17, 2006 9:23 AM

Yes, do discuss the last topic. LOL

Posted by: Maribeth at October 17, 2006 9:23 AM

AAAAHHHHH!!!!!! Belly buttons are NOT made for touching! ew ew ew ew ew EW!

*puts hands on ears*

la la la la la la la la la...

Posted by: Pammer at October 17, 2006 9:25 AM

I hate Deal or No Deal so much. The few times I've seen it, I've not-so-secretly hoped that the contestant would lose, because, they are so greedy! They turn down thousands of dollars! On a whim!

I have to go shudder a lot now.

Posted by: kara marie at October 17, 2006 9:27 AM

And! And those women!

Disgusting.

Posted by: kara marie at October 17, 2006 9:28 AM

I guess a bunch of economists are fascinated by Deal or No Deal, because the people who play it go about it so illogically. Everyone is always holding out for the big prize, when they should be trying to maximize their profit. Even when there are two suitcases left, one with $100,000 and one with $0.01 in them, they hold out for the suitcases even if they have a 50% of walking away with only a penny.

I wish that I understood more about it, but I'm just a simple computer nerd and not an economist. I do plan to read "Freakonomics" when I finish my current book. Because, you know, complex economic principles are really easy understand after reading one book. :P

Posted by: Hope at October 17, 2006 9:32 AM

Damn those Halloween stickers!

(And apparently I'm not the only one who thinks that part of your post was the one that "stood out" the most. Maybe you were trying to bury it amongst other things in the hope that you wouldn't be called out?) :)

Posted by: Zandria at October 17, 2006 9:32 AM

We watched the same shows last night..
I can't believe that woman had a million in her case! I'm taking a statistics class right now, so I was um.. sorta geeking out on the odds of whether or not she should take the deal or not.

Oh and that episode of Sienfeld was on last night too..

Do you watch Hereos? Great show. Its on after DOND..

Can't really comment on much else.. I agree with the music, Don't know much about Asian hookers, my 2 year old likes to play with her belly button too.. and I have't been able to finish a book in years.

Posted by: molly at October 17, 2006 9:42 AM

I contemplate posts like this all the time.

Writers block is a bitch.

Posted by: Jonathon at October 17, 2006 10:07 AM

I just finished re-reading Assassination Vacation last night! Have you already read The Partly Cloudy Patriot?

Good luck finding your brain in the coffee. Let me know if you find mine in there, too.

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at October 17, 2006 10:18 AM

See? A sleep deprived wife makes life so much more interesting...

Would LOVE to hear that conversation between Ricardo and Tatoo.

Posted by: Lisa B at October 17, 2006 10:22 AM

Tell me about the books... then the belly button... then I guess if you have to, you can share the stickers story.

hey, that would make a great band name... Tattoo and the Asian Hookers. hehehe...

Posted by: Karen at October 17, 2006 10:23 AM

Dude. THANK YOU. Fucking hell. Why is Deal or No Deal on? I love Fred Armisen's impression of Howie Mandel.

Also, the stickers? They hurt. They especially hurt on nipples that are sensitive due to pregnancy.

Not that I know that first hand or anything. Nope, not at all.

Posted by: statia at October 17, 2006 10:32 AM

Okay, the Deal or No Deal thing...yeah, we watch it religiously. It's bad because it is a borderline addiction. And just so we didn't feel like bad parents to our 13.5-month-old daughter last night, we involved her in the mindless tv watching by cheering whenever a case was opened. So, she toddled around the living room, breaking into random applause and having the time of her life while we watched Deal or No Deal...

Posted by: T at October 17, 2006 10:46 AM

You had me at Assassination Vacation. More on that please. I'm wondering if it's worth the read. 'Course, I'm so behind with my class that I won't get to it until mid-December. And if you've got others in that batch that you would recommend.

Posted by: Hannah at October 17, 2006 10:47 AM

We got sucked in to Deal or No Deal last night. I think it's interesting that the whole premise of the show is to see if the contestant is getting a "good deal" as they sell their case. In my mind, anything is a good deal, seeing as they didn't own the case before coming on the show. The poor lady last night was so crushed about having the $1M case even though she left the shoe $186K richer. Fascinating.

Assination Vacation is in my to-read-pile. Can't wait to get to it.

Hope Tuesday doesn't require as many brain cells as Monday did.

Posted by: bb at October 17, 2006 11:21 AM

I agree with Pammer that belly buttons are not for amusement purposes, but maybe you could persuade me otherwise.

I'd be interested to find out. =)

Posted by: Heather at October 17, 2006 11:23 AM

Spill it!!! We have to hear about the stickers, even though I'm pretty sure we already know all that we really need to know!

:D Just the thought of it makes me laugh. An evil, evil laugh! mwahahahaha!

Posted by: anita at October 17, 2006 11:26 AM

Admot it. You have Halloween sticker adhesive in your belly button.

Posted by: Alison at October 17, 2006 11:27 AM

Dammit, I hate when I make typos in comments. Where's my brain? Oh yeah, somewhere at the bottom of the coffee POT.

Posted by: Alison at October 17, 2006 11:28 AM

yesterday, i met a woman who named her daughter tenille after captain and tenille. i also have a friend whose named after her.
also, how exactly can you hate the grateful dead? did you ever go to a show? hating jerry garcia is like hating santa!

Posted by: kimblahg at October 17, 2006 11:28 AM

I vote for a review of Eleanor Rigby - on my to read list - I love Coupland. (And I'll also take the sticker story too!)

Posted by: Heather at October 17, 2006 11:31 AM

also, which book out of those you listed, was your favorite?

Posted by: kimblahg at October 17, 2006 11:32 AM

Well let's see, that last one, yeah, with the stickers, I got a really interesting mental picture of that, why don't you take a picture of what it really looked like and let's see if they match! Ahahahaha!

Posted by: Kate at October 17, 2006 11:56 AM

I think we need to hear about the stickers.

Posted by: Dawn at October 17, 2006 12:15 PM

One of the subjects of my own I rejected a few weeks ago was a long ode to my favorite iTunes playlists. I rejected it because I really like to babble about things no one cares about :D

I, however, would love to hear your take on those bands you listed. I for one like the Carpenters, but only at Christmas. I am foolishly addicted to Van Halen. VH was my first concert. And um...hmm. Anyway.

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at October 17, 2006 12:17 PM

Edward is the shit, even if he was drunk off his ass everytime I saw them live (6 times). To me, they epitomize good time rock and roll. Listen to the crap on the radio today - so much anger... What happened to bands willing to have a little fun? Ice Cream Man! Big Bad Bill! Hot For Teacher....

Posted by: JMo at October 17, 2006 12:33 PM

lmao...i feel fortunate that Deal Or No Deal bores me to tears. :D and you're right, I think they get those contestants from a crack house or something.

Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) at October 17, 2006 12:36 PM

oh puh-lease consider going on a full-fledged anti Greatful Dead tangent. . . I'd be thrilled to help out . . . no amount of anything can make that crap sound tolerable!

Posted by: Betti at October 17, 2006 1:30 PM

you may not like them, but in no way should the Grateful Dead and the Carpenters ever be included in the same sentence or thought.

Jerry did more with 9 fingers than most guitarist could ever dream of.

Posted by: Chris at October 17, 2006 1:38 PM

More about the stickers, please.

Posted by: wordgirl at October 17, 2006 1:44 PM

Am I the only one here who already feels like she has waaaaaaay too much information on that last topic already?

I want to know about the bands you hate/don't understand/and like even though they suck.

Make it a meme.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at October 17, 2006 2:03 PM

I'll watch Deal or No Deal if there's nothing else on and I have nothing on the TiVo. It's okay - it's nice sometimes to have some mindless fun. But you know, I really want to hear about the Halloween stickers!

Posted by: Beth in StL at October 17, 2006 3:20 PM

I've never seen this Deal Or No Deal business. Am I missing out on a crucial piece of American history? Do I need to DVR said show?

Anything with any adhesive on anywhere on my body is bound to cause me acute shocks of pain. I can certainly empathize, but as I carry conversations with Ricardo Montalban myself, I'm curious about how what his take on the merits of saying "me love you long time" is. Expound at will. Cheers.

Posted by: O at October 17, 2006 4:06 PM

Your button huh? Is it an innie or an outie? Sorry about your sticker situation. Sounds painful.

Posted by: Amaya at October 17, 2006 4:14 PM

I'm with you on the whole Van Halen thing. Let's hear more about that.

(And now I'm off to Google one of those books that sounded good to me. But first I must just accept the fact that I have no time to read. And then I must feel bad that I odn't have time to read.)

Posted by: Isabel at October 17, 2006 4:33 PM

Yeah, gonna need more details on the sticker episode.

First album (vinyl!) I ever bought was the Captain and Tennille. I even had her haircut. LOL

Karen Carpenter had the voice of an angel.

That is all.

Posted by: Anna at October 17, 2006 5:28 PM

You forgot to mention the music review post you told me about but haven't posted yet. Take your time, I'll be right here. :)

Posted by: Dee at October 17, 2006 6:27 PM

You know I've actually tried the last one myself and um...heard about the difficulties in removing said stickers.

The Deal or no deal show is so weird, but I ahve seen it. Starangely fascinating. I saw one last week and the woman knew half the pretty ladies names. Isn't it a new show? Are their names published somewhere? WHo is the guy on the phone? Once I figure these things out, I think I will stop "pausing" on it.

Posted by: Melissa at October 17, 2006 7:04 PM

Okay - so I gotta know what you thought about Dispatches from the Edge...

Personally, I think the man is amazing, but has a bit of a deathwish.

And he's hot too.

Curious as to your thoughts?

Posted by: Melissa at October 17, 2006 7:15 PM

First of all, that's why they call it "sticker" rather than "fall-off-er". Duh.

And "Deal or No Deal" is a big fat "no deal" for me. Howie just strikes me as a person that has huge issues...creepy. Not sure why...just creepy.

Oh, any discussion about Fantasy Island would be fun! Who is the actor that has made the most guest appearances on that show?--could it be Charro?

Posted by: kristen at October 17, 2006 9:13 PM

At least you got the call back saying "Thanks." :)

Posted by: DMM at October 18, 2006 12:25 AM

I vote for the belly button. You could go a lot of directions there. Innie? Outie? Save the lint? Really. Loads of great stuff there.

Posted by: Debbie at October 18, 2006 3:55 AM

I am SOOOO with you on The Grateful Dead, Rolling Stones, and Van Halen. I'd also like to add The Doors if that's okay with you! ;P

Posted by: rsm at October 18, 2006 11:54 PM

I love all these ideas. you certainly don't have idea-block! And, finally! Someone who doesn't like the Dead, and admits it! In writing! And, the Rolling Stones! Here here!

Is it okay if I use this wee space to say that I don't like U2 (*ducks to dodge tomatoes*).

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