December 5, 2006

This Day In History

On this day in history:

  • Christopher Columbus first set foot on Hispanola; cursed last guy who gave him directions.
  • The first fraternity (Phi Betta Kappa at William and Mary, in case you were curious) was founded; beer bongs invented later that evening.
  • President James Polk signaled the beginning of the California Gold Rush, followed shortly by the announcement that began the lesser-known Arkansas Thimble Rush.
  • Walt Disney, Strom Thurmond, Little Richard and Margaret Cho are born.
  • Prohibition ended; millions spread rampant debauchery and got first known cases of beer goggles.
  • Abbott and Costello Show gets the greenlight to combat television powerhouse Law & Order.
  • My mom ran up four flights of stairs and gives birth to yours truly twenty minutes later.

Yep, that's right - it's my birthday. I'm not telling you how old though. No, really. Well...okay...okay. I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with dirty whore.

Posted by Chris at December 5, 2006 6:59 AM

Happy happy! Enjoy your day :)

Posted by: Danielle at December 5, 2006 7:17 AM

Happy Birthday Dude!

Get the ladies at DD to put a candle on your birthday doughnut for ya!

Posted by: Kellie at December 5, 2006 7:19 AM

Happy Birthday!

Hope your day is kick-ass! :)

Posted by: Mel at December 5, 2006 7:22 AM

I've proudly been a "dirty whore" for 6 months now. Welcome to the club!

Hope you have a fun, happy birthday,day!

Posted by: nila at December 5, 2006 7:23 AM

Happy Birthday, Chris!

Posted by: Emily at December 5, 2006 7:25 AM

Happy Birthday! I'm closing in on "dirty" in a mere 7 days.

Posted by: Nicole at December 5, 2006 7:26 AM

Woah you're old (or did you call someone a dirty whore?) I'm confused.

Seriously though, where are the pictures of Beth's final outfit from Saturday's birthday dinner?

Enjoy your day, and please, please, please post a vid of Mia saying Happy Birthday Daddy!

Posted by: Jeff at December 5, 2006 7:31 AM

Happy B-day. I hope you enjoyed your night out w/Beth!!

Posted by: jodi at December 5, 2006 7:34 AM

Happy Birthday!

I'm still a little bit away from "dirty whore", but it's coming soon. A little too soon.

Posted by: amber at December 5, 2006 7:45 AM

Happy Birthday! Hope you have a great day!

Posted by: Lisa at December 5, 2006 7:47 AM

Heehee ... I have a few years left before i hit 'dirty whore' (as an age anyway :P ). But not many.

From one december baby to another. Happy Birthday!

Posted by: suze at December 5, 2006 7:49 AM

Beth's page updated first in my Bloglines so I visited her first this morning...and nearly spit my drink all over the computer screen. She made you a wonderful card over there, you know.

Happy Birthday, Chris! I hope it's a great one.

Posted by: Alissa at December 5, 2006 7:50 AM

Happy Happy Day!!!

Hope it's a great one (outside of work, that is)!


Posted by: Shash at December 5, 2006 8:15 AM

Happy birthday!!

Posted by: Jen at December 5, 2006 8:16 AM

Happy birthday!

Hope works not too long and you have a nice bday evening!

Posted by: mikkie at December 5, 2006 8:17 AM

Hey!! I'm 24 too!!! ^_~ Hope you have a great birthday!

Posted by: Michelle at December 5, 2006 8:17 AM

Haaa, have you been waiting to use that dirty whore line since a certain person's birthday confession last year?

Happy Birthday!

Posted by: Leah at December 5, 2006 8:19 AM

Happy Birthday, my brother.

Posted by: Mr. Big Dubya at December 5, 2006 8:20 AM

very happy birthday wishes to you, dear sir. i hope it is a great day full of sweet babygirl kisses and hugs from mommas with smoking asses. okay, just one one momma. don't be going overboard. it's your birthday, but there are limits!

Posted by: patricia at December 5, 2006 8:20 AM

Happy day to you. It is better than rhyming with thrifty dicks.

Posted by: William at December 5, 2006 8:22 AM

Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday, Sweetie! You know that you are one of my favorite people (and not just because you are Mia's Dad!).
Have some cake for me!!

Posted by: Maribeth at December 5, 2006 8:23 AM

Delurking to say Happy Birthday!

Posted by: KMum at December 5, 2006 8:24 AM

Happy Birthday Mr Thdirty Fwhore! Have a fantastic day! Who knew you could spontaneously procreate and then give birth after running up four flights of stairs in only twenty minutes? Does this mean you are the second coming of the messiah?

Ok I'll shut up now. I'm tired and verbally spewing shit. Just have a brilliant day and I hope you get lots of cool gifts.

Posted by: E :) at December 5, 2006 8:28 AM

Happy birthday Chris!

Posted by: Kris at December 5, 2006 8:31 AM

Happy Birthday Whipper Snapper! I hope you have a great day!

Posted by: erika at December 5, 2006 8:32 AM

Happy Birthday! Hope it's a great one!

Posted by: Jessie at December 5, 2006 8:33 AM

A Dirty Whore is way better than a Shorty Whore, which is what I am. I'm guessing you can command a better street price.

Enjoy your day!

Posted by: Karen at December 5, 2006 8:42 AM

go-go-gadget cactus-mom!

and happy 'dirty whore'-th bithday!

Posted by: meg at December 5, 2006 8:42 AM

4 flights? I hope you send her flowers every birthday!

Hope it is a very happy day for you.

Posted by: daisy at December 5, 2006 8:44 AM

Thank you for sharing your stories, opinions and mind ramblings with the blogoshere - I hope you have a tiny hint of a clue of how freaking cool you are. Happy Birthday!!!!!

Posted by: Betti at December 5, 2006 8:48 AM

(but not today!)


Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at December 5, 2006 8:53 AM

Happy Birthday you old dirty whore. ;)

Posted by: Traci at December 5, 2006 8:53 AM

Happy Birthday to you!!!
Happy Birthday to you Dude!!!!!

Posted by: Felicia at December 5, 2006 8:54 AM

Happy Birthday! And wow was your mom motivated to have you! Running up four flights of

Posted by: Jenn at December 5, 2006 8:56 AM

Happy Happy Birthday! It's my boyfriend's mom's birthday today, too. She's pretty historic, you could add that to your list.

Posted by: Dirka at December 5, 2006 8:56 AM

Happy birthday!

(I am totaally ripping off your rhyme when I turn what rhymes with dirty whore in twelve days.)

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at December 5, 2006 9:00 AM

Happy Birthday!!!!!

Posted by: That Girl at December 5, 2006 9:08 AM

Happy Happy Day!!!

Posted by: K at December 5, 2006 9:12 AM

Happy Birthday, you dirty whore, you! :D

Posted by: Hope at December 5, 2006 9:22 AM

Happy birthday!

Posted by: Katherine at December 5, 2006 9:22 AM

Aww, happy birthday, you dirty whore!

Ok, so you're not a dirty whore, but it was really fun saying it. Happy birthday anyway!

Posted by: Contrary at December 5, 2006 9:23 AM

Happy Birthday, Chris. I hope it is a good one!

Posted by: Jen at December 5, 2006 9:25 AM

Happy birthday! I hope it isn't full of meetings. Unless of course, they are meetings with people you love and adore.

Posted by: anna at December 5, 2006 9:27 AM

You dirty whore, you! (Juuuuuuust kidding.) Hope your day is grand. :)

Posted by: Zandria at December 5, 2006 9:28 AM

Happy birthday!

Posted by: kara marie at December 5, 2006 9:33 AM

Happy birthday!

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at December 5, 2006 9:33 AM

Enjoy it! Even if it's one year older, so what? It sounds way more interesting than dirty flea.

Posted by: kim at December 5, 2006 9:35 AM

Happy Birthday to you!

Posted by: Shelly at December 5, 2006 9:38 AM

Wait- is dirty whore is your age or your birthday present?

Happy b-day!

Posted by: Liz at December 5, 2006 9:41 AM


Posted by: raine at December 5, 2006 9:41 AM

Happy Day! Have a great one!

Posted by: Laurie at December 5, 2006 9:42 AM

Happy birthday! Hope it's fantastic!

Posted by: Kim at December 5, 2006 9:46 AM

Dude, I'm so looking forward to that age now because it rhymes with dirty whore. That's awesome.

Happy Birthday, Chris. Tell us if you get any cool toys for your birthday.

Posted by: Brad at December 5, 2006 9:48 AM

Happy birthday, you dirty whore.
And four flights of stairs? I had some vague idea that your mother was amazing, but DANG.

Posted by: Heather at December 5, 2006 9:53 AM

Happy Birthday! I hope you have a great day. And watch out for those Thimble Rush re-enactors. I hear they are a rough bunch.

Posted by: bad penguin at December 5, 2006 10:01 AM

Happy Birthday! Have a GREAT day! :)

Posted by: Tomika at December 5, 2006 10:04 AM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS!! I hope you have an awesome day!

Posted by: Heather J at December 5, 2006 10:04 AM

LOL! Happy birthday to you!!!!

Posted by: lmooney at December 5, 2006 10:10 AM

happy birthday from me and The Tot!

Posted by: b. at December 5, 2006 10:12 AM

Happy dirty whoreth birthday! Have a good one.

Posted by: Kelly at December 5, 2006 10:17 AM

Dirty whore for the dirty whore. Damn you're freaking OLD.

Happy Birthday.

Posted by: statia at December 5, 2006 10:19 AM

Happy birthday!

Posted by: mdv at December 5, 2006 10:20 AM

Happy Dirty Whoreth Birthday!

Posted by: donna at December 5, 2006 10:22 AM

happy b-day! love the hair in the pic on beth's blog!

so wait, you're a whore?

Posted by: nikki at December 5, 2006 10:23 AM

okay I literally *just* woke up so the dirty whore thing made me laugh waaay too hard. happy birthday!

Posted by: kate at December 5, 2006 10:26 AM

Happy Birthday!!!!! :)

Posted by: Manda at December 5, 2006 10:33 AM

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear chris, Happy Birthday to you :) have a great one :)

Posted by: Jodie at December 5, 2006 10:34 AM

Happiest of Birthdays to you!

Posted by: Kelly M. at December 5, 2006 10:34 AM

Happy birthday!

Posted by: erin at December 5, 2006 10:35 AM

A person can't have too many birthday wishes, now can they??

So, Happy Birthday from me, too!

Posted by: Melanie at December 5, 2006 10:37 AM

Happy Birthday you dirty whore you.

Posted by: Hannah at December 5, 2006 10:39 AM

Happy Berfday! I was a dirty whore three years ago! Enjoy it!

Posted by: Gwen at December 5, 2006 10:39 AM

Happy Birthday!

Posted by: fauve at December 5, 2006 10:41 AM

Well, hot damn! Happy birthday -- enjoy being a 'dirty whore'.

I'm quite enjoying 'dirty sex' (36 for those of you NOT following along)

Posted by: Pammer at December 5, 2006 10:43 AM

Well, Happy Dirty WHore birthday! :)

Posted by: alfredsmom at December 5, 2006 10:46 AM

Happy Birthday!

Posted by: dee at December 5, 2006 10:47 AM


Posted by: Chris at December 5, 2006 10:49 AM

I didn't get tired of the "dirty whore" jokes for an entire year. Hee!

Happy birthday!

Posted by: SpaceCase at December 5, 2006 10:58 AM

It's also Frankie Muniz's birthday. You know, since you're collecting celebrities.

And HAPPY dirty whore-th BIRTHDAY!

Posted by: Karen at December 5, 2006 11:04 AM

Holy shit, 80 comments. Son of a bitch. Your birthday seems more interesting. All I've got is Olivia Newton John.

(I honestly love you.....)

Posted by: andy at December 5, 2006 11:07 AM

Happy Birthday!!

Posted by: mac at December 5, 2006 11:07 AM


Posted by: mamatulip at December 5, 2006 11:21 AM

I guess I would run up four flights of stairs too, if I thought I might have the baby at the bottom of them instead. Good mom. Happy birthday! Today is my daughter's birthday too, so it's a special day around here.

Posted by: Helen at December 5, 2006 11:33 AM

Happy Dirty Whoreth! (Or, as I generally prefer to say, twenty-fourteenth ... but let's not quibble on your special day.)

Hope it's a great day and a fabulous year, Chris!

Posted by: shelley at December 5, 2006 11:37 AM

Excuse me, Happy 9th Anniversary of your 25th birthday!!


Posted by: Wicked H at December 5, 2006 11:43 AM

I hope your birthday is awesome. Happy birthday! You know that once you turn dirty whore you never want to be anything else. I've been a dirty whore for 4 years now! :P

Posted by: anita at December 5, 2006 11:53 AM

Happy Birthday!

Posted by: Fraulein N at December 5, 2006 11:58 AM

Hmm... if you're a dirty whore, does that make me whore-ty hon? ;)

Hope it's a great day!

Posted by: Karen at December 5, 2006 11:59 AM

Happy birthday, Chris! I hope your day absolutely rocks. Also, December birthday people RULE. My birthday is next Friday :D

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at December 5, 2006 12:00 PM

Happy Birthday to you. I hope your day kicks ass.

Posted by: Isabel at December 5, 2006 12:19 PM

Happy Haps, Oldy!

Hope you get a nice backrub tonight. Or whatever.

Posted by: melati at December 5, 2006 12:23 PM

Happy 34, I beatcha to it though! :)

Birthday, again? I swear it seems like you JUST had one. Crazy how time flies.

Happy Happy!

Posted by: VirgoJen at December 5, 2006 12:26 PM

Hope it's a great day, Chris. You deserve it for all of the happiness and laughter you've brought so many people through this blog. :)

Posted by: Keri at December 5, 2006 12:33 PM

Happy Birthday!

I thought you were Beth's age! How did you guys happen to be in the same dorm?

Have a great day!

Posted by: Jen at December 5, 2006 12:35 PM

Hey, happy birthday. Hope you had a great day!

Posted by: starrynite at December 5, 2006 12:42 PM

Happy Happy Birthday!

Posted by: Steff at December 5, 2006 12:47 PM

happy birthday (to join the uninspired chorus)

Posted by: s@bd at December 5, 2006 12:49 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Have a wonderful day today Chris.

Posted by: Ava at December 5, 2006 12:58 PM

Another birthday already?! Can't believe this is the 3rd time I get to tell you "Happy, happy"!

Posted by: Granola Spice at December 5, 2006 1:06 PM

bwah. dirty whore. nice one.

happy birthday

Posted by: ali at December 5, 2006 1:18 PM

Happy Birthday! Hope all the brightness you share with the web world shines back on you today!

Posted by: Vaguely Urban at December 5, 2006 1:26 PM

happy birthday, dirty whore!

Posted by: jodi at December 5, 2006 1:40 PM

happy birthday!

Posted by: Denise at December 5, 2006 1:46 PM

Wishing you a very Happy Birthday! Hope you have a great day :)

Posted by: Michelle at December 5, 2006 1:55 PM

I'm dirty whore too...wait, that didn't sound right.

Happy birfday! And wouldn't it be cool and fucked up if you had dinner with Disney, Thurmond, Cho, and Little Richard??? Awesome.

Posted by: Librarian Girl at December 5, 2006 2:10 PM

Happy birthday Mr. Cactus sir. I hope that it is wholly fulfilling and brings you many cool toys!

Posted by: Jeff A at December 5, 2006 2:10 PM

Happy Birthday, Chris!

Posted by: Suzy at December 5, 2006 2:12 PM

Happy, Happy Birthday! Enjoy your night out tonight.

My husband just turned one more year older than "dirty whore." Sure wish I would have thought to have called him that over the last year. "Dirty jive" just doesn't have the same sound.

Posted by: bb at December 5, 2006 2:25 PM

Happy Birthday!

Posted by: halloweenlover at December 5, 2006 2:41 PM

Thirty-four you dirty whore! Wow, such an old man (we won't mention my age, suffice it to say it's more than you, oh well.) Have an absolutely fabulous one!

Posted by: Heather at December 5, 2006 2:45 PM

Happy birthday sir. I agree, that age does make you feel like a dirty whore, I hate being this age!! :) (And I love the pic on Beth's blog, such awesome hair action going on!)

Posted by: Teenuh at December 5, 2006 2:45 PM

Happy Birthday! Enjoy the day!

Posted by: Laura at December 5, 2006 2:51 PM

Happy Birthday. I know your girls will spoil you rotten...if they haven't started already.

Posted by: Krush at December 5, 2006 2:52 PM

Dude, Happy Birthday! BTW..its Frankie Muniz bday too...oh and also Johnny Rzeznik. just an fyi. millions spread rampant debauchery and got first known cases of beer goggles.....isnt 'debauchery' a fun word?? enjoy the day ;)

Posted by: Mad Mom at December 5, 2006 3:07 PM

Happy 34th Birthday, Chris. Good luck with the rock star thing. :-)

Posted by: utenzi at December 5, 2006 3:09 PM

Happy birthday double 17!!!!

Posted by: jeanie at December 5, 2006 3:47 PM

Only you would say your age rhymes with dirty whore. Silly man. Happy Birthday. Did your mom run up four flights on purpose to start labor or for another reason?

Posted by: Melissa at December 5, 2006 3:48 PM

4 flights of stairs huh? Guess that's the ticket to a quick delivery.
Happy Birthday!!

Posted by: Amaya at December 5, 2006 3:57 PM

Happy Birthday to my favorite blogger! 34!

Posted by: Dee at December 5, 2006 4:06 PM

Many happy returns on your fantabulous birthday!!! Hope it has been a good one. I thought it would be declared a national holiday by now. Oh well there is just no figuring some people. Well Happy 34 Chris!
Big Birthday Hugs!!

Posted by: Pat (Trish) at December 5, 2006 4:36 PM

Wow! I woulda never known! The Arkansas thimble rush huh? The things you learn at Rude Cactus. Oh and Happy Birthday you dirty whore. Mine is early next month (still close enough to get screwed by Christmas) and I will be ... er, whorty live! I need to work on that I guess. Well, not everyone can be as witty and rythmic as you Chris.

Posted by: Tommy at December 5, 2006 4:44 PM

Happy Birthday!!

I'm sure you could convince Mia to jump out of a cake for you. :)

Posted by: Tink at December 5, 2006 4:46 PM

Wow, your mom must be some kinda woman! Either that, or you were one seriously impatient kid!
Happy Birthday!

Posted by: Jaycie at December 5, 2006 5:09 PM

HA! Dirty Whore. Nice. Happy, Happy Birthday.

Posted by: Cartwheels At Midnight at December 5, 2006 5:15 PM

Happy birthday, Chris! :)

Posted by: Lisa at December 5, 2006 5:24 PM

Happy birthday, Chris! :)

Posted by: Lisa at December 5, 2006 5:27 PM

Sorry for the double post! My connection dropped while I was submitting the comment.

Posted by: Lisa at December 5, 2006 5:27 PM

Many happy returns!!! Hope your day was great!

Posted by: ironic1 at December 5, 2006 5:32 PM

Let me be the 129th blogger to wish you a happy birthday. And I must say, you get younger looking every day!

Posted by: cassie-b at December 5, 2006 5:40 PM

wow! it's good to know that at your age you can still do that rock-star would be horrible to be a dirty whore with a bum hip!

happy birthday

Posted by: jason at December 5, 2006 5:51 PM

Happy Birthday! :)

Posted by: Mary at December 5, 2006 5:57 PM

Happy birthday, dirty whore!

(wait until your in dirty heaven like me HA)

Posted by: Anna at December 5, 2006 6:17 PM

Happy Birthday you!

Posted by: Snapper at December 5, 2006 7:06 PM

Sero sed serio.

Happy birthday, dirty whore!

Posted by: Alison at December 5, 2006 7:33 PM

Happy Birthday!

Posted by: Bunny at December 5, 2006 7:37 PM

Happy Birthday, you dirty whore. I'm dirty jive.

Posted by: Sharri at December 5, 2006 7:52 PM

Happy Birthday Chris!

Posted by: jenn at December 5, 2006 8:46 PM

Happy Birthday!! Hope it was a great one.

Posted by: Adi at December 5, 2006 9:32 PM

Happy birthday, you dirty, dirty whore! :)

Posted by: Oakley at December 5, 2006 9:45 PM

Hey, I was dirty whore last year. Your turn!

Posted by: Sphincter at December 5, 2006 10:00 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHRIS!! Hope it was a good one.

Posted by: Milly at December 5, 2006 10:10 PM

A happy birthday haiku for you!

Happy Birthday to
you Chris, father of Mia,
husband of Beth/Fish!

Posted by: coolchick at December 5, 2006 10:31 PM

Happy birthday, Mr. Cactus! I hope your dirty whore year involves more sleeping in than this year. And eighty thousand wonderful pictures!

Posted by: Sam at December 5, 2006 10:47 PM

Dirty Whore! Happy Birthday to you!

Posted by: wordgirl at December 5, 2006 10:49 PM

Well, since it's only a half an hour away from not being your birthday any more (where you live anyway, I've got another hour and a half left to today), hope you had a great birthday!

Posted by: Beth in StL at December 5, 2006 11:29 PM

Happy Birthday!

Posted by: Chag at December 5, 2006 11:53 PM

Ah, a December birthday. You know all about my own private hell. My b-day is the 10th. There was nothing worse growing up with your big day that close to Christmas. You never got more toys, you just got your toys split in two... Oh, how I dreamed for a birthday in July!

Have a good one. Yea to no Prohibition!

Posted by: L.A. Daddy at December 6, 2006 12:53 AM

LOLOLOLOLOL -- or should I say ROTFLMFAO! Dirty whore! You're hilarious. Happy Birthday!!!

Posted by: Haley-O at December 6, 2006 1:31 AM

I was so trying to come up with something clever here, but um, you just trumped me with the dirty whore. And it's your birthday so I'm just going to let you be the coolest kid on the block. ;)

Happy Birthday!

Posted by: Elaine at December 6, 2006 2:08 AM

I've got you beat. I turned 36 two weeks ago. November 17....celebrated it on Turkey day since my work days are Friday through Monday. There was much eating of

Posted by: Lisa Eggleston at December 6, 2006 6:52 AM

Happy Belated Birthday! :-D And way to be a twenty-minute labor... You were charming women right from the beginning. Heh.

Posted by: becca at December 6, 2006 12:03 PM

Dangit I'm late. Happy Happy Birthday! (even though it's a belated wish)

Posted by: erica at December 6, 2006 5:47 PM

Happy Belated Birthday!!

Posted by: Colleen at December 6, 2006 7:45 PM

Happy Belated Birthday!

Posted by: Scarlet at December 6, 2006 11:08 PM

So I maybe forgot to come by and wish you happy birthday because you happen to have the same birthday as my husband... and well.. he trumps you. Sorry.

Happy 34th! He turned 39. He's not so happy about that.

Posted by: Carrisa at December 7, 2006 11:52 AM

Well dang, I missed it. Sorry about that.

Happy Belated Birthday.

Posted by: Latte Man at December 7, 2006 2:22 PM