January 25, 2007


Yesterday, you might have noticed that I managed to avoid commenting about the State of the Union address delivered by the President on Tuesday night. I bet some of you were expecting me to break out the proverbial can of whoop-ass and give Dubya what-fer. But I didn't. I didn't say a damn thing.

Specifically, I didn't talk about the fact that some of his smugness was gone, how he seemed slightly humbled, subdued, and even conciliatory on Tuesday night whilst waxing philosophic about the things that needed to get done in our fair nation all the while avoiding mention of the whole Iraq thing until the second half of the speech. I didn't mention the bold talk of fixing social security and health care or leaving no children behind, each of these initiatives left floundering while buckets full of cash are flushed directly down the toilet that is our foreign policy. Now that I think about it, I didn't mention immigration either. Nor did I rant about the commitment to discover and harness alternative energy sources. I especially didn't say anything about the reference to wind energy. If I had, I'd have mentioned that, under a somewhat obscure law invoked continuously since 9-11, the government has blocked construction of every single wind turbine project proposed.

What I find most surprising is the fact that I didn't mention Iraq at all. I didn't even cite the following quote which scared the bejesus out of me:

Every success against the terrorists is a reminder of the shoreless ambitions of this enemy. The evil that inspired and rejoiced in 9/11 is still at work in the world. And so long as that is the case, America is still a nation at war.

Because if I were to follow that type of logic, coupled with earlier statements about the continuous threat of terrorism, to it's terrible zenith I'd discover that we had a president who didn't envision a time at which we're not at war. And that might make me really, really nervous. I also didn't discuss this quote:
These men [terrorists] are not given to idle words, and they are just one camp in the Islamist radical movement. In recent times, it has also become clear that we face an escalating danger from Shia extremists who are just as hostile to America, and are also determined to dominate the Middle East.

If I had, I would have been quick to mention that, while these individuals and groups are certainly dangerous and constitute a threat of unbelievable proportions, terrorists know just as much about propaganda and spin as Bill O'Reilly and United States presidents. Everyone talks out of their asses sometimes. (In an Escher-like, circular reference, please see the State of the Union Address from January 22, 2007 for an example.)

I didn't mention that democracy, while a nice idea and my governmental style of choice, may not be for everyone. And that we ought not gallop through other parts of the world on our high horses until we realize that our democracy has survived a scant 200 years, a rather inconsequential grain of sand in a vast dune of civilization.

I didn't talk about the incessant masturbatory clapping that punctuated almost every sentence delivered from the rostrum. I didn't mention the competition between Dick and Nancy to see who could be the first to clap, the first to stand. Nor did I mention the half-smile half-sneer Dick gave the camera or the autograph signings that seemed to last forever. I didn't mention that, half an hour in, Dick and Dubya took a swig of water at the exact same time, their movements eerily similar in timing and duration. I didn't admit that, for just a split second, I wondered if Dubya, Muppet-like, had Dick's hand up his ass working the controls.

I didn't mention any of this because I am, after all, a model of self-restraint. I think you'll all agree.

Posted by Chris at January 25, 2007 7:22 AM

While I agree with everything you said, my appproach is just not to watch it. I do read the paper the next day and read the address and the response, so I'm not totally uninformed. He just makes me so sick I can't stomach watching him.

Posted by: jodi at January 25, 2007 7:37 AM

Did you notice how seldom Cheney blinked?

Pelosi blinked 40 times to every one time that Diamond Dick did.

It was creeptastic.

Posted by: Allan at January 25, 2007 7:40 AM

I'm impressed that you can stand to watch it at all. I'm with Jodi, I'll read the text of the speech, but I can't stomach watching him address the public. He's a painful public speaker, and I wouldn't be able to get a decent night's sleep afterward, what with the seething rage and all.

Posted by: Nicole at January 25, 2007 7:49 AM

"...Dick's hand up his ass working the controls." That just totally made my day!

Is it just me, or does it seem like this Presidential term is shaping up to be the longest four years in history?

Posted by: Amanda at January 25, 2007 8:04 AM

You show admirable restraint, sir. I really don't understand how so many of you Americans put up with a President you hate so much. It's rather amazing.

Posted by: Heather at January 25, 2007 8:26 AM

You know, it was on, but I didn't watch it much. I am just so sick of the same old crap being spewed out.
I know, you have now fainted because the one conservative of your readers now admits to being totally sick of all the blabbering tripe out of the White House.
I think I need some aspirin!

Posted by: Maribeth at January 25, 2007 8:28 AM

I didn't watch either. I've been reading about what he's said (and those issues he completley ignored) and I'm glad I didn't watch. I may have felt inclined to toss a shoe through my tv. And I really like my tv.

Posted by: Lisa at January 25, 2007 8:47 AM


Posted by: Liz at January 25, 2007 8:54 AM

We noticed Cheney and Bush drinking at the same time. Did you see the look on Cheney's face when Bush mentioned reducing dependence on foreign oil? He was laughing, I swear to God.

Posted by: Alison at January 25, 2007 9:02 AM

I was going to skip it (as usual the past few years) and read it online but Elcie's teacher assigned it as homework. I taped it and we watched both it and Jim Webb's response (which wasn't part of the assignment).

To add insult to injury, Elcie had to watch the entire mess again the next day because only she and one other kid watched it. Cruel and unusual punishment so far as I'm concerned.

Posted by: ann adams at January 25, 2007 9:13 AM

excellent display of self-restraint.

also an excellent anaylsis...

Posted by: suze at January 25, 2007 9:27 AM

Jim Henson just flipped over in his grave ;)

I heart Rude Cactus!

Posted by: Nanette at January 25, 2007 9:30 AM

Spot on, as always. I did watch the address - of all of his speeches it's usually the most bearable because he can't ad lib. The thing that really struck me was his talk of balancing the budget by slashing taxes and increasing spending - bass-ackwards if you ask me. And, yes, if he has his way the war will never end. Yeah, he really needs to just go away.

Posted by: Beth in StL at January 25, 2007 10:02 AM

Like Jodi, I chose to avoid the rise in heart-rate and blood pressure over something I could not change. I saved it for a next-morning read.

Bush is in my town today, a few miles from my house. He's begun his "don't look over there" campaign, an attempt at playing down Iraq talk instead of playing it up. I hope he hates it in my town, because I never want him to come back.

Posted by: Brad at January 25, 2007 10:04 AM

Dude, there's a war going on?

Posted by: andy at January 25, 2007 10:17 AM

Yes, what Rude Cactus said. Like just about everyone else, I couldn't stand to watch it. The rage becomes too overpowering.

Posted by: Kelly at January 25, 2007 10:33 AM

I noticed the Cheney non-blinking too... the man IS the Dark Lord...

Posted by: Sue R. at January 25, 2007 10:54 AM

your restraint is zen-like, grasshopper.

Posted by: Pammer at January 25, 2007 11:41 AM

No I didn't watch him either, as was mentioned above it is just too painful to watch him speak. Especially when you try to jump through the T.V.screen to throttle him.

Did you happen to catch the Tonight Show last night. Leno had a Bush impersonator on, it was hilarious!

BTW the only reason I caught the Leno segment was it was on at work as I was leaving. I don't really care for Leno either as he just seems a little too fake for my taste. There was a time when I theorized the he and Bush had the same writer which was why Bush said so many things that were easy to bash.

Posted by: Jeff A at January 25, 2007 1:15 PM

The masturbatory applaud is the reason why I don't watch the state of the union live. I just pick up the transcript the next day.

At this point, I'm just praying for you guys to have a more level headed, less of a puppet president next.

Posted by: oakley at January 25, 2007 1:30 PM

Hear hear, right on, and ditto.

I didn't watch because I prefer to avoid being angry if at all possible, and watching Bush makes my blood boil with white-hot...heat. I did read the transcript, which merely made my blood simmer. Reading Webb's response made me feel a lot better - it's about time a Democrat grew some balls and called Bush on his shit. Bravo!

Posted by: FW Sunshine at January 25, 2007 4:42 PM

I didn't watch it. What I did watch was that stupid PeTA video featuring a semi-decent looking chick taking off her clothes in an attempt to gain more attention for PeTA's over-reaching, militant crackpot ideas.

The chick would have been better looking if she didn't have these weird love handles on an otherwise in-shape body. I think they stuck out past her hips.

We live in a sad and confused world.

Posted by: Debra at January 25, 2007 5:49 PM

Wow. You really did show amazing restraint! You must teach me your ninja ways of self control.

Posted by: Elaine at January 25, 2007 8:26 PM

Your self-restraint really is remarkable.

I don't watch SOTUs even if I *like* the president; it's all crap. I'd rather chew tinfoil than sit there and watch Dubya blink his beady little eyes for an hour.

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at January 26, 2007 10:39 AM

Or maybe it just took you an extra day to be able to formulate your thoughts after watching such a speech? I wouldn't blame you there.

I noticed that Cheney/Bush water-sip thing, too. You're right -- pretty creepy.

Posted by: Zandria at January 26, 2007 2:15 PM

I feel exactly the same way.
Couldn't stand to watch it on TV. I have enough migraines as it is.

Posted by: Janna at January 28, 2007 12:41 AM