February 21, 2007

Inquiring Minds: The Results Show

Good morning, world! Why is it such a fine morning?

  • It's actually above freezing for the first time in a billion years couple of weeks.
  • I have a hot cup of coffee and The Shins singing to me.
  • I'm not actually awake yet so I am, perhaps, seeing more promise in the day than is actually there. Shut up. Don't burst my bubble.
  • You have supplied me with wonderful fodder for a post and, therefore, I only have to use the small part of my brain actually designed to answer questions.

Without further ado, here's the first round of answers.

(Debbie) Since I know you love music - what would you want to have played at your funeral?
Sadness. Expired Cactus. I've actually given this a bit of thought but never come up with anything good. Basically, it's got to be a party. But if there needs to be an obligatory sad song, I'd go with Genesis' Open Door. Then, honestly, I think it's Guns N Roses the rest of the evening.

(Nanette) If you had to choose, would you rather be blind or deaf? elaborate, please :D
I think I'd rather be deaf. Sure, I'd sacrifice music and that would suck but honestly, I'd rather see my daughter grow up than hear her do it. And I'd still be able to read. And I'd also probably get out of the seventy gajillion conference calls I have this week.

(Edge) When you and Beth are having sex, what's one thing she does you really like?
Recite epic poems in the original Greek.

(Contrary) What is the average windspeed at the top of Mt. Washington (in New Hampshire) in a year? Also, what makes clouds look so fluffy and white? Also, how do you get coffee stains out of linen? Also, what time is it?
32 miles per hour. No shit. I looked it up. As for the clouds, every day angels descend from their celestial kingdom on high and fart into the clouds giving them that white puffy look. As for the white linen, try the following: Wrap the linen into a tight ball. Put the linen ball into a regular size kitchen garbage bag. Throw said bag into the trash, take to corner and allow kind garbage men to relocate linen to the local landfill. Sure, you've gotten rid of the linen but you've also gotten rid of the coffee stain. Oh, and it's around 7:00 here.

(Alissa) Have you ever colored your hair?
No, but that's not to say I haven't bleached it. I'm not going to lie - not hot.

(Ross) What's your favorite brand of brew-it-yourself coffee (beans or grinds)? Do you have a preference on which shoe you put on first?
When I'm at home, I brew coffee in my Senseo pod thingy (technical coffee-brewing term). The coffee is pretty darn good. At work or on the go, I tend to be a Starbucks kinda guy...especially now that I've completely abandoned Dunkin Donuts.

(Sharri) Since Beth has a celebrity boyfriend, do you have a celebrity girlfriend? If so, who is it?
I'm going to go with Kiera Knightley. She's neat.

(William) Don't you miss meat?
Sometimes. What I miss most is bacon. Yep. Pig ass. Every morning when I'm walking into my building, the bastards in the deli downstairs start frying up bacon. Fuckers.

(Phoenix) What kind of camera do you use? Is there one that you dream of owning?
I mostly use a Nikon D50. I caved last year and bought it. Before that I used a couple point-and-shoot Sony Cybershots. The Nikon is pretty much the camera I dreamed of owning. Now it's the camera I dream of knowing how to use to its full potential.

(Tulip) What is a book you remember from childhood that helped to shape your, obvious, love of reading?
I remember lots of them. My dad hooked me up with sci-fi books when I was a kid. Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke, and Robert Heinlein are probably the three guys, besides my dad, I should thank. I don't get back to those dudes or even that genre much anymore but I look fondly upon them.

(Steff) If you had to buy a house, would you buy a new house or an older house? The new house would have everything imaginable except a yard - that would have to be put in. The older house has a huge yard, pool, but needs new flooring and a kitchen update. Ok, give me your take, wise one! :=)
I'd go with the old place. I'd really like more of a yard now, a little land to do something cool with, to have Mia run around in. And the home improvement, while a pain, can also be a lot of fun. There's something nice about taking something old and making it truly yours.

(Fraulein N) And I don't remember if you've ever told us your middle name. Have you? Maybe you did and I just missed it.
My middle name is Mathew. Yes. With one "t". Why? I was born in a foreign land and my name had to be translatable into Spanish. My dad was pretty freaked out when I was born so he never added the second "t" in the translation from Mateo to Matthew. I still bug him about that.

(Maria) Was there one book you read many times as a child?
My parents and I had a grand tradition of reading to each other. We hit all the big ones - the Narnia books and the Wizard of Oz series. I think it was the many, many books that comprise Frank Baum's Oz that I still love the most and asked to re-read so often.

(Maria) If money wasn't an issue, what would you do for a living?
I'd probably teach, history or English. No, scratch that. There's this great little bookstore in the Outer Banks we visit once a year that I'd buy and run in an instant. Yeah. That's it.

(Maria) What is the most embarrassing question you've been asked? How did you respond?
You saw Edge's up there right?

(Maria) Have you ever been present when someone was asked a rude question and you thought their response was priceless? Question and response, please.
You know, I'm absolutely 100% sure that I have but I'll be damned if I can come up with an example. I'll be on the lookout though. Wherever rude questions are asked, I shall be there reporting from the front.

(Maria) Tell us about something you said or did as a child that your family won't let you forget.
There was this one time that, instead of finding the correct instrument with which to scoop ice cream, I used a table knife and ended up in the hospital with a severed tendon in one of my fingers. I wish I could tell you I was a dumb kid but I think I was probably 25. I got so damn many ice cream scoops from people...

(Maria) What is your secret, comfort food that you are embarrassed to admit because some may find it disgusting?
The ultimate comfort food for me is pasta. I doubt anyone would find that disgusting. I also love green olives and can eat an entire jar in one sitting, which my wife does indeed find somewhat gross.

(b.) Do you wish you traveled more? And where would you most like to go, in the US? (i mean, everyone wants to go abroad so that's a no-brainer.)
As a kid, I traveled all over the place, within the US and overseas. And most of the time when we were staying in the country, we drove. There's a handful of places in the US I haven't seen including the Pacific Northwest. I'd also like to travel more throughout the South.

(Dawnie) Ummmm.... if you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
See the aforementioned pasta. Remember that shrimp dude in Forrest Gump? I could be that guy only with pasta. Although I have nothing against shrimp...shrimp scampi...shrimp cocktail...barbecued shrimp...

(Carrster) What's your favorite movie? Ever thought of checking out the flick made by a fellow blogger in Duluth? Just curious....:) I'd be very interested in your comments.
I have two answers. If I wanted to sound all cultured and crap, I'd say Avalon directed by Barry Levinson. It is, perhaps, one of the single best movies ever made (and stars a very young Elijah Wood). There are scenes in that movie that single-handedly show the brilliance of cinema in this country. Of course, I'd also have to admit that I can't turn off The Three Amigos when it's on and that, despite seeing it hundreds of times, I still can't keep my shit together through a screening. Apparently, I'm a very complex, mysterious person.

(Ali) Biggest pet peeve?
People who don't know the difference between your and you're.

(Sparkle Pants) Congrats! You have discovered an easy, non-particle screwing-uppy way to time travel. But before you share this new-found wisdom with the general public, you want to try it out for yourself. What historic (or not historic) event(s) would you want to witness first-hand? Why?
I really want to see what happened to Jimmy Hoffa. Think of the bets I could win. Seriously? I have no idea. I studied history when I was in college and there's nothing I learned about that I wouldn't want to see. From the building of the Great Wall of China to the true stories that are unfolding in Iraq now, I'd be truly humbled to see it all laid out before me.

(ktjrdn) IF you decide to have more kids, would you want a boy (to experience both raising a girl and boy/pass on your name, etc) or another girl (familiarity, playmate for Mia, etc). Yeah, yeah, I know you just want the kid to be healthy, but all that aside, boy or girl?
You're right - I really don't care. But if I was forced to voice a preference, I'd be forced to admit I'd hope for another girl. I'm not sure why. I've so enjoyed my experience with Mia thus far.

(Phil) Do you like movies about Gladiators?
How many do you suppose there are? I only recall one.

(Laura) Why haven't you gone to see Butch Walker yet?
He never calls me to let me know he's going to be in town!

(Zandria) If you won a huge jackpot tomorrow, big enough that you could quit your job and never have to worry about working again, what would you do? Would you continue working at your job anyway? Would you pack up your family and move somewhere else, or stay in this area?
I'd probably keep working. At least for now. You shouldn't make any immediate decisions, you know? Plus, I like what I do. I'd also prefer to stay around here. Of course, I'd also dig buying a few hundred acres out in the country and letting the world go on without me. With Beth and Mia, of course.

(Sandra) You work at a job which you find satisfying, and for which you're compensated accordingly. One day, there's a management change. The new big cheese gives everyone a 10% raise. NOTHING about your job will change except for the fact that there's a new dress code. From now on, women have to work in formal wear -- either ball gowns or prom-ish dresses -- and men have to wear tuxedos (with tails), although three-piece suits are permitted on casual Fridays. Would you look for a new job?
You have to love Chuck Klosterman. I wear suits a lot. A tie everyday. The whole formal thing wouldn't be that much of a change. Of course, we'd look pretty funky to the clients but if they're good with it, I'd be fine too.

(Donna) Not that you don't love and adore Mia, but what do you miss most about being a double income, no kids (DINK) couple?
I miss the bling, yo. I need some spinners for my ride and some new threads.

(MommaLoves) I see you're a Nats fan from your hat in the pictures. Do you REALLY love baseball or is it a fun pastime? Along the same line, how do you feel about the Yankees?
I hate to admit this - yeah, I do dig the fact that Washington DC has a nice shiny new baseball team. But I don't care that much about baseball. I just dig the hat. As for the Yankees, I have no feelings one way or the other.

(Anna) Have you ever had to have any stitches? If so, how many and where?
Yes! Several. In addition to the ice cream incident described earlier, I decided it would be a neat idea to crack my chin on the side of a swimming pool when I was 10. It hurt. You can still see where the stitches were.

(Anna) Which characteristic of Mia's do you look at and say, "Oh man, that's me"?
She cracks up when she burps or farts. That just screams me.

Posted by Chris at February 21, 2007 7:34 AM

The Senseo? Really? I found the coffee from that really weak and rather bitter. We've since abandoned that and gone with the Keurig - much better coffee, better selection and easier clean-up.

I need to get me one of those Nats hats - a big W will let everyone know who I am.

Posted by: Mr. Big Dubya at February 21, 2007 8:11 AM

I could go with running a bookstore and eating pasta or shrimp.

Posted by: wordgirl at February 21, 2007 8:15 AM

You ought to clarify that I really can do that Greek thing - short sections at least. It's hott. Also, she's too skinny and too young for you.

Posted by: Mrs. Cactus at February 21, 2007 8:33 AM

Try Peet's coffee. Used to be only available at stores (mostly west coast) or on-line. Now we can find it at our local grocery store.

Doesn't work in the Senseo, though.

And, dude, really, when are you gonna get around to trying to morningstar farms fake bacon?

Posted by: Kaz at February 21, 2007 8:41 AM

how come you ask for questions and you get 147? i ask for questions and get three. there is no justice in this world...

also...the your and you're thing bothers the crap out of me. maybe it's because i am an editor.

Posted by: ali at February 21, 2007 8:45 AM

She cracks up when she burps or farts. That just screams me.

LOL! Great questions, great answers...can't wait to read the rest.

Posted by: mamatulip at February 21, 2007 9:02 AM

Note to self: always use appropriate utensil to scoop ice cream. No, seriously, I should probably write this down.

Posted by: Fraulein N at February 21, 2007 9:04 AM

I would miss bacaon too. Just typing the word makes my mouth water.

Ouch on the ice cream.

I could eat olives every day. They are that good and not disgusting. ;-)

Posted by: Maria at February 21, 2007 9:14 AM

Mmm, I think I might go have some bacon....

Posted by: Leah at February 21, 2007 9:16 AM

Great answers, you son of a motherless goat.

Posted by: angela marie at February 21, 2007 9:25 AM

YAY! Glad you guys have nice weather too. We're at like 36, with a promise of over 40, maybe 50 later today. It's nice not wearing a jacket. :D

Now, off to read some answers...

Posted by: Phoenix at February 21, 2007 9:43 AM

Your vs. you're is annoying. However, people who mix up everyday vs. every day bug me more. Argh!! This is my PSA for the day: Learn the difference!!

Lots of good answers, Chris. We're really into epic Greek poems, too.

Posted by: Kelly at February 21, 2007 9:46 AM

That's kind of what I thought you would say. So I guess you'd continue to work at least until you were able to buy up that little bookstore in the Outer Banks, and get an old house there with room for Mia to run around. :)

Posted by: Zandria at February 21, 2007 10:14 AM

Dude, I know you love how I always pick only one tiny thing out, but I am SO with you on the green olives thing.

This hankering was only heightened when I discovered Gin and that fancy places stuck Bleu Cheese in the damn things. I now know what heaven will be like.

Posted by: andy at February 21, 2007 10:29 AM

Mar 24 2007
The Norva, Norfolk, Virginia

Mar 25 2007
9:30 Club, Washington DC

Mar 27 2007
Sonar, Baltimore, Maryland

Consider yourself called!

Posted by: laura at February 21, 2007 10:50 AM

I did the same thing with a pairing knife to my hand trying to turn a globe into a bank! I have never since seen blood spurt so far! You are not alone!

Posted by: Regina at February 21, 2007 10:56 AM

LMAO @ that last answer about Mia! Priceless!

I'm a Melitta 1:1 pod brewer thingy person. I love their Creme Brulee pods. Yummm.

Posted by: coolchick at February 21, 2007 11:31 AM

I'm still cracking up about Edge's question.

I used to be a vegetarian for nearly five years, I missed bacon and a good REAL hamburger the most. I came back to meat, I just wasn't getting enough Iron in my very anemic body despite the enormous amount of beans I ate. I don't eat tons of meat now, mostly chicken and sushi.

Posted by: Michele at February 21, 2007 12:01 PM

I'm a Starbucks addict. My Senseo sits on my counter collecting dust and is rarely used.

Posted by: Diane at February 21, 2007 1:02 PM

The "your" "you're" thing bugs me too. I mentally quote Ross Geller. And my orthodontist had a scar from cracking his chin open as a kid- it gave me something to look at when I was in the chair.

Posted by: Judy at February 21, 2007 1:17 PM

Oh I'm hurt, I didn't make the cut. Dam it. ;)

Posted by: Melissa at February 21, 2007 2:59 PM

Ack! I totally had to type in all my info! Anyway, your answers made me laugh, as did the questions. They also made me want to comment a lot, so I did.

haha Right now, my hair is almost platinum blonde. It scares the shit out of me to look in the mirror, but I'm thinking of just toning it and leaving it be as it'll scare the shit out of everyone else too. hehe

Ice cream scoops. Don't ever mention them again, please? My family refuses to allow me to use an ice cream scoop because every one we've bought in the last two years (literally dozens) has broken the first time I tried to use it... A knife might be safer.

Elijah Wood and I have the same birthday. I think he's a year older or younger or something though.

I'm now envisioning myself in a ball gown... with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. And a cell phone poking out of my cleavage. Oh wait... no I'm not. I'm pretending to be a ballerina and breaking my ankle. That's actually more believable. :)

Posted by: Debra at February 21, 2007 4:29 PM

Kiera Knightley? Really? Don't you want someone with a little more... cushion?

Posted by: Liz at February 21, 2007 4:42 PM

I applaud your choice on Kiera. She's on the top five chicks I'd do list. She IS a little thin for my taste, but she's still got that cute thing about her.

Posted by: statia at February 21, 2007 5:18 PM

I just have to say that these answers are priceless. And I meant to comment on this a few days ago, but the Shins are just freaking awesome. They have been in my constant CD rotation for the past nearly 2 years, and they really don't get old...

Posted by: susannah at February 21, 2007 5:38 PM

I loved the Oz books when I was growing up. I'm collecting them now when I can find the hardcovers for sale.

Posted by: hannita at February 21, 2007 5:50 PM

Always looking for good books to read to the kids. I forgot all about Oz stories.

Last week it was below freezing, today it got up to 80 degrees and was beautifully sunny. Crazy weather.

Posted by: anna at February 21, 2007 7:02 PM

I cracked up all through your answers. Except for the edge question, that was weird. You're freaking adorable.

Posted by: Bridget at February 21, 2007 9:30 PM

Enjoyed reading these. After a long time I must say you did this whole "ask me qsts" thing. Also I'm right there with you on the whole "your" and "you're" pet peeve.
Also, I see that you haven't got as many sex-qsts as Beth did. Or is it just that you filtered them?

Posted by: Dee at February 21, 2007 10:38 PM

Ice cream scoop? One time my friend took care of our cats when my family went on vacation. When we came back we discovered that she had used one of our ice cream scoops to pick out the poop and sift out the litter (the scoop had holes and was sort of flat). Hmm. My parents still have that scoop but I haven't been able to bring myself to use it whenever I go over there and eat ice cream.

Posted by: Sijbrich at February 22, 2007 4:08 AM

You missed an easy one. If I could time travel and see any event first hand it would be tough to choose but there are a few at the top of my list:

The conception of Anna Nicole's children
The assassination of JFK
Each of Michael Jackson's nose-jobs

Posted by: Adam at February 22, 2007 10:06 AM

i'm with you on the your/you're thing. Also, when people use him/her incorrectly. As in "him and me" for godsakes, it's "he and me" and usually, it's "he and I". drives me nuts.

of course, i usually can't be bothered to capitalize at the beginning of my sentences, so who am i to judge...

also, I'm with Mrs. Cactus on the Kira Knightly thing. She's far too skinny and young. You deserve someone with more maturity and curves.

Posted by: suze at February 22, 2007 10:37 AM