February 9, 2007

Schadenfreude Friday: Brought To You By The Letter "A"

Adios Anna Nicole

(from CNN.com...)
Anna Nicole Smith died Thursday at a South Florida hospital after being discovered unconscious in her hotel room. The reality TV star, Playboy Playmate and former Guess model was 39. She checked into the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Hollywood, Florida, on Monday with her lawyer and boyfriend Howard K. Stern. Smith's private nurse called hotel workers at 1:38 p.m. and security officials went to the room, Seminole Police Chief Charlie Tiger said. Before rescue workers arrived, Smith's bodyguard performed CPR on her, he said. She was taken to Memorial Regional Hospital in Hollywood at 2:10 p.m. where she died, Tiger said.

Know what? This isn't funny. For all the shit you can talk about Anna Nicole - she was all kinds of fucked up and this isn't anything we shouldn't have seen coming - she struck me as sad. And she's left behind a kid. Sure, perhaps there's a chance that kid won't grow up all fucked up like mom, but she won't know her mom.

Asshole Actor O'Neal's Aggravated Assault

(from the good-old Associated Press...)
O'Neal, 65, was arrested at his Malibu home Feb. 3 for investigation of assault with a deadly weapon and negligent discharge of a firearm. He was freed on a $50,000 bond. The actor has said he fired a warning shot to scare his 42-year-old son, Griffin, who had attacked him with a fireplace poker. He said his son lashed out at him during a fight but he ducked and the poker struck Griffin's pregnant girlfriend. Joanna Berry needed stitches for a facial cut, her attorney said at a Wednesday news conference that Griffin O'Neal also attended. Attorney Gloria Allred said her clients rejected the assertion that Ryan O'Neal acted in self-defense.

Maybe this Joanna Berry person was one of those mysterious pregnant assassins that can be resisted only with the use of ancient fireplace pokers. Seriously, have you read about these people? They're fucked up. It's quite possible that they should be banned from the gene pool altogether. They seem to be peeing in it.

Amorous Astronaut: Assassin?

(from the pages of USA Today...)
Police in Orlando say Nowak drove 900 miles from Houston, where the astronaut corps is based, to Orlando to confront Colleen Shipman, a 30-year-old Air Force officer. Disguised in a wig and a trench coat, Nowak pepper-sprayed Shipman early Monday morning and tried to enter her car, according to court documents. Shipman fled and called police.

Nowak had a bag containing a mallet, a BB gun and a folding knife, documents said. Prosecutors cited the array of weapons and Nowak's meticulous planning in charging her with attempted murder in addition to assault and attempted kidnapping.

Nowak, 43, has a son in high school and 5-year-old twin girls. She and her husband separated two weeks ago after 19 years of marriage, according to a statement from her family. Oefelein and his wife had two children before divorcing in 2005.

The nature of the two astronauts' relationship is unclear. In Nowak's car, police found a letter declaring her love for Oefelein. She told police they had "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship." Shipman filed a request for a restraining order on Nowak in which she called Oefelein her boyfriend.

Look, there are just so many things wrong with this story I don't know where to begin. Diapers...BB gun...knife...wig...trench coat? If I'm not mistaken those were all objects Tom Hanks Jim Lovell and Bill PaxtonFred Haise used to fix Apollo 13. Is it really a love triangle or was she racing to a rocket in jeopardy? I smell conspiracy.

Posted by Chris at February 9, 2007 7:03 AM

I always found Anna Nicole rather pathetic, but I think it is tragic because that poor little girl already has the vultures circling.

I've been snickering over the astronaut story since it broke. I'm juvenile and can't get passed the adult diapers.

Have a great weekend.

Posted by: Maria at February 9, 2007 7:18 AM

Re: the O'Neal saga. The best part of that story was the claim that Griffin and Joanna had locked Ryan's other son, Redmond, in the dog run. I guess dude's got a serious drug problem and they were afraid of him. LOCKED UP LIKE A DOG. Holy crap, these folks have no idea how to handle any situation.

Posted by: Nicole at February 9, 2007 7:37 AM

BTW, a real humdinger of a week for weird shit, huh?

Posted by: Nicole at February 9, 2007 7:38 AM

Anna Nicole Smith~ Absolutely tragic. Her poor baby girl is now left without a Mamma. Then again, maybe now she has a chance at some sort of normal life? Err prolly not.

Ryan O'Neal~ What.the.hell. Seriously. Just wth? Sheesh.

Astronut~ Yah, this is just funny! I mean seriously what a freaking riot. She didn't want to stop so she peed ::errr at least I hope all she did was pee:: in adult diapers. Come ON! You have to love all the jokes that are coming to come about because of it. Lust in Space? Armagetyou, come on! InDEPENDSdence day.

You know I am funny!! Oh shuddup. =)

Posted by: Lauren at February 9, 2007 7:53 AM

All kinds of weird going on this week.
I feel for Anna Nicole's daughter. She's lost so much already. The court battles that ensue should be interesting.

Posted by: nila at February 9, 2007 7:57 AM

You know... for as much of a mess as Anna Nicole was... part of me feels sad for her too.
I tend to question why the bodyguard administered CPR and not the Private Nurse who "Found" her... ??? Ponder that...

Posted by: Stephanie at February 9, 2007 8:03 AM

I just Googled Howard K. Stern, and his bio said that Anna Nicole was his wife. Your article referred to him as boyfriend. hmmm

Ryan O'Neal doesn't look too good. And I guess he isn't thinking too clearly these days.

And your last - about Nowak - good grief. I think she reads too many detective stories.

Have a great weekend.

Posted by: cassie-b at February 9, 2007 8:08 AM

What a long, strange week it's been.

I, too, feel torn between being sorry that her daughter won't have her mother, and wondering if she might not end up better adjusted because of it, considering the downward spiral Anna's been on. Is having no mom worse than having a junkie-mom? I don't know.

The whole O'Neal thing is just bizarre, as is the astronaut. I guess if you've been in space you're used to peeing in your space diapers, but... really... how long does it take to pull off the Interstate and use the bathroom at McDonalds?

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at February 9, 2007 8:16 AM

Very tragic about Anna Nicole, but not surprising really...with woman obviously had some serious drug problems, was she ever shown on tv where she wasn't wasted out of her mind? It's awful that her daughter wont ever know her mother but, and this is really mean and awful...considering who her mother was, maybe its not such a bad thing either...I hope they can resolve what is sure to be an ugly custody dispute and let the little girl have as much of a normal life as she can.

Posted by: Lisa at February 9, 2007 8:22 AM

The Anna Nicole Smith story is sad. And how weird is it that she had a private nurse? I mean, who has a private nurse? All the news reports say her baby was still in the Bahamas, so it wasn't for the baby - very strange. Last night on CNN the talking heads were salivating over the details of the story - who's the father, and how much money this child will come into, and oh yeah, Anna Nicole's all time highest weight. Let me tell you, being famous sucks if when you die, they discuss your top weight. Ridiculous.

Posted by: Sam at February 9, 2007 8:22 AM

Yep, Anna Nicole - trying too hard to be too much like Marilyn in the end. Sad.

Astronaut - bizarre. I just love how every story HAD to mention she was wearing diapers. And how did she NOT get pulled over for speeding on the way. It's at least 14 hours to Florida from Houston - a hell of a lot longer than a plane flight.

Posted by: Heather at February 9, 2007 8:32 AM

The astronaut thing is weird. What is "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship"? Blow jobs in the copy room?

Posted by: William at February 9, 2007 8:36 AM

i just can't get past the fact that she was wearing depends...i am still giggling about it...

Posted by: ali at February 9, 2007 8:52 AM

What happened to Anna Nicole is sad. I feel bad for her daughter. I doubt she'll be able to have a "normal" life even now.

And that astronaut is totally unhinged. Not saying she shouldn't be held completely accountable, but ... god damn, lady. I wonder what the next phase of her great scheme looked like?

Posted by: Fraulein N at February 9, 2007 9:00 AM

The whole week has been bizarre, hasn't it.

The media has a short attention span. CNN is at this moment featuring stories about a skateboarding bulldog (TX I think) and another dog who ate a $5,000 wedding ring.

Now they're back on Anna Nicole. No trash talk from me; I feel so bad about the whole thing.

Unrelated - my camera came back. Long story.

Have a good weekend.

Posted by: ann adams at February 9, 2007 9:03 AM

no, that's her urine soaked diaper you smell.


Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at February 9, 2007 9:16 AM

I feel very sad about her passing. I think the pain of losing her son was just too much for her.

Posted by: Katherine at February 9, 2007 9:27 AM

I find the astronaut-love-triangle story to be seriously disturbing. Yes, she was wearing a diaper, hahaha. Okay. But she had rubber tubing and a knife and a mallet and trash bags -- wtf?? That sounds like a serial killer's toolkit to me. If I were Shipman, I'd be thanking my lucky stars I got out of that situation alive and with all my body parts still attached.

Posted by: Kelly at February 9, 2007 9:29 AM

Anna's passing is so tragic and so, so sad. Having lost my own daughter some years ago, I know the anguish a parents feels. And yes, Anna was totally fucked up, so that compounds the sadness.
Let's hope that the baby ends up with someone who loves her, but that sure seems doubtful as the cast of characters in this drama are all pretty bad.

Posted by: Maribeth at February 9, 2007 9:31 AM

I feel badly for Anna Nicole's baby because you know there's going to be a huge battle over who that baby winds up with. Poor thing.
Ryan O'Neal = celebrity white trash! Yee hah!
Sadly, I'm afraid this whole astronaut assualt issue has shaken my opinion of NASA. I thought you had to be SMART to become an astronaut, but apparently any old whack job can do it.

Posted by: Traci at February 9, 2007 9:43 AM

Anna Nicole Smith's death is just so sad because she was so messed up, and it was beginning to look like things might be getting better for her soon. And her daughter? She'll never know her real mom, just the caraicature she was in the media. I'm sad for her daughter.

Hey, I hope that the Astronaut thing won't change your mind about coming down to Orlando some day. I'd hate to think it was... :)

Have a good weekend. Stay warm.


Posted by: Shash at February 9, 2007 10:08 AM

While I am not totally surprised by Anna Nicole's death, it's still sad, and that poor little girl will now be fought over like a piece of property.

Guess it's not just childhood stars that go whacky, huh?

Don't they check ID's to get onto NASA property? You mean I have avoided stealing a shuttle because I thought they checked ID and all I really needed was a wig and a trench coat? And yeah, "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship"? Isn't she a little old for "friends with benefits"? Well, ok, maybe you're never really too old for that, but still...

Posted by: Karen at February 9, 2007 10:10 AM

It's definitely been a week of weird shit.

The whole Anna Nicole story is beyond sad. I felt really horrible for her when her son died. I can't imagine anything more heartwrenching. So when I heard she'd passed away I wasn't really surprised. In the last televised interview that I saw -- can't remember who was interviewing her -- but gosh she seemed soooo high/loaded. I'm going out on a limb and betting that she died from a combo of antidepressants and methodone -- same thing that killed her son.

Re: Ryan O'Neal -- that whole family has been a cluster for ages. Sort of like the Hemingway's and the Brando's. Same-o, same-o.

Gotta love the astronaut story -- if there is a God, he will put this trial on Court TV! Woo hoo! Now THAT will be good television! *snicker*

Posted by: coolchick at February 9, 2007 10:19 AM

I feel sad for Anna Nicole's little girl too. The lawyer guy who says he's her dad is creepy, and the other guy who says he's her dad is creepy as well. I hope I'm wrong and they all are fighting over paternity because they truly care about her.

Ryan O'Neal = crazy. Astronaut lady (a Rockville native, no less) obviously went 'round the bend. Perhaps she has been taken over by a space alien! Now that would be a good conspiracy.

Posted by: bad penguin at February 9, 2007 10:21 AM

I think Anna Nicole's death is very sad too... I never had an opinion one way or another about her, but started to read about all the events leading up to her death... it's just sad.

Posted by: catraggedy at February 9, 2007 10:31 AM

I wrote about this stuff too today...CRAZY STUFF..SAD!

Posted by: mrsmogul at February 9, 2007 11:20 AM

The whole Anna Nicole thing is sad. Sad and tradgic. Losing her son and the way her last few months played out in the media. And her little girl. That is so sad. i think a lot of people are like 'whatever, she was probably a junkie and the kid is better off without her'. its easy to pass judgement. the whole thing is sad and you're right, not funny at all.
as for the astronaut....so weird. very strange.
have a good weekend :)

Posted by: mad mom at February 9, 2007 11:48 AM

I can't say I LIKED Anna Nicole, but damn if I don't think her death is incredibly tragic.

I thought this article on yahoo summed it up pretty well: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/anna_nicole_why_we_cared

Why did we care about Anna Nicole? Versus Paris Hilton, for example?

Posted by: Noelle at February 9, 2007 1:28 PM

All three stories make me glad that I'm not famous. Not that I would lead a tragic, druggy life, lock my son in the dog run, or wear adult diapers whilst speeding across the country in a crazed and misguided attempt to...gosh, what did she think she could achieve again??

I'm just happy that when I DO do something stupid - which happens on a regular basis - I don't have to share my humilation with the rest of the world.

Posted by: FW Sunshine at February 9, 2007 1:44 PM

I think Nowak has read too many romance novels and seen too many noir movies.

(What does "less than romantice, more than working" mean?? I think it means "stalker".)

Happy Friday.

Posted by: Isabel at February 9, 2007 2:15 PM

Totally agree about Anna Nicole Smith. She always seemed so incredibly stoned that I wondered how she was making it through her day.

And the astronaut? That is going to be a Lifetime Original Movie before the week is out. Sponsored by Depends. Mark my words.

Posted by: Librarian Girl at February 9, 2007 2:56 PM

Anna Nicloe has always struck me as a bit of a train wreck. The poor baby girl has just become more of a pawn with no one looking out for her.

And why do we still care about the O'Neals?

Really, why do we care about any of these celebrities?

The NASA saga is interesting is that even bright successful people can become completely unhinged. I feel sorry for all of the people who are going to be pulled under by her madness.

Posted by: Annie at February 9, 2007 2:56 PM

why does your blog update 4,876 times a day on bloglines, every time someone adds a comment? Just curious.

Posted by: This Chick at February 9, 2007 3:12 PM

The saddest thing about Anna Nicole's death is absolutely the tragedy that that precious little baby will now grow up in the world without her mother. But I must admit that I had to laugh today when I saw the headlines that Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband claim of the 10 year affair with Anna Nicole and that he may be the baby's father.

The astronaut thing is highly amusing to me for some weird reason. Maybe it's the trailer park trash police arrest photos.. although it probably is just the fact that she was arrested wearing depends. (wtf!)

The O'Neal family thing is just crazy. I don't know that I have anything more to say than that!

Oh, and my pic for the put funny stuff on your head day will come this weekend. The pic was taken at the right time but I just didn't get around to downloading it. Yes, I have been lazy.

Posted by: Teenuh at February 9, 2007 3:52 PM

Second to the last sentence is prize winning!

Posted by: Kristy at February 9, 2007 4:17 PM

Here's a hint - they both happened in Florida.

It's in the water - better stay away for a while.

Posted by: Jen, South Florida at February 9, 2007 4:30 PM

Anna Nicole's story is sad....

Astronaut - she looks very "Runaway Bride"-ish

O'Neal clan - WTF???

Posted by: Sue at February 9, 2007 6:38 PM

Anna Nicole Smith was the center of conversation at lunch today - not because of her centerfold spreads but because of the suicide speculation. We all feel sad for her if she did, in fact, over dose, because she's leaving behind a 5 month old baby who will unfortunately never know her mother.

For that baby, I feel so sorry.

Posted by: Emily at February 9, 2007 7:03 PM

You know what, the news from this week actually makes me feel pretty good about my life. I'm not nearly as fucked up as these people are!

Posted by: Beth in StL at February 9, 2007 11:10 PM

And just to add to the craziness surrounding the Anna Nicole thing... now Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband of 20 years, Prince-something-or-another, claims the baby is his! WTF? Mind you, Zsa Zsa is 90, and this cat is anywhere from 59 to 63, depending on what you read, and he PURCHASED his title via adoption a few years back. He says he and Anna Nicole have been having an affair for 10 years.

Holy moly. Just gets better and better.

Posted by: coolchick at February 9, 2007 11:20 PM

The Anna Nicole thing is sad... I think she had some problems all along though and they were either hidden or ignored. Most people don't behave the way she appeared to when in good mental health. Add in that that baby is only a few months old, and the death of her son, I have an idea she was probably suffering some nasty postpartum depression.

The astronaut thing... I don't even know what to say.

Oh wait. Some people have problems.

Posted by: Debra at February 10, 2007 1:44 AM

Sorta makes my dysfunctional family seem kind of normal.

Posted by: MammaLoves at February 10, 2007 9:08 PM

I dunno, it sounds cold but I sort of look at the Anna Nicole thing as natural selection if you know what I mean. I do feel sad about her daughter though, it's still very possible she will be the heir to a 400+ million fortune. She's got three guys claiming to be her daddy -- and sadly I don't think it's because they love her and want to be the nurturing parent she deserves.

The astronaut... crazy. My theory? When she tried to kidnap her, the diaper was surprisingly heavier on Earth than it is in zero gravity. LOL

WTF was the mallet for? I'm imagining a Donkey Kong like chasing and smashing here...

Posted by: krystyn at February 11, 2007 8:23 PM