March 23, 2007

Schadenfreude Friday: The March (Sex) Madness Edition

March madness anyone? Oh, not that kind of madness...

How Do They Hit Those High Notes?

New Zealand opera star Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, who refused to perform with an Australian singer because his female fans threw underwear at him, on Wednesday won a lawsuit against her for pulling out of the concert.

Anyone noticed the use of the incorrect pronoun? Confused the hell of out me there for a second. Perhaps there's something we don't know about Mr. Dame Kanawa. Hrm?

Sex Ed.

A Rhode Island woman who routinely had sex with her boyfriend in front of her 9-year-old daughter to teach her about sex was sentenced to three years' probation, authorities said Tuesday.

Rebecca Arnold, 37, and David Prata, 33, who received the same sentence this week, told investigators they thought the practice would help the child to learn, prosecutors said.

"Basically, and I'm tempted to say idiotically, they believed it was helpful to the girl, Ms. Arnold's daughter; they believed it was helpful to her development to see them engaging in various sex acts in front of her," said Mike Healey, spokesman for state attorney general Patrick Lynch.

Do as I do, not as I say...not a phrase that should apply to sexual education. Duly noted.

Yes, Deer

20-year-old man received probation after he was convicted of having sexual contact with a dead deer. The sentence also requires Bryan James Hathaway to be evaluated as a sex offender and treated at the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health in Duluth, Minn.

"The state believes that particular place is the best to provide treatment for the individual," Assistant District Attorney Jim Boughner said.

Hathaway's probation will be served at the same time as a nine-month jail sentence he received in February for violating his extended supervision.

He was found guilty in April 2005 of felony mistreatment of an animal after he killed a horse with the intention of having sex with it. He was sentenced to 18 months in jail and two years of extended supervision on that charge as well as six years of probation for taking and driving a vehicle without the owner's consent.

Sweet jesus, what is wrong with people?! If you're that hard up, I have one word for you - hookers! I'll even spot ya $50. You'll end up with a pretty ugly-ass hooker for that kind of dough but hell, it's got to be better than a deer. Right?

Posted by Chris at March 23, 2007 8:15 AM

Yes...better than a deer...and and a dead one at that. I know it takes all kinds to make a world, but those people are part of a world I want nothing to do with.

Posted by: wordgirl at March 23, 2007 8:42 AM

I hate to point this out, but for some reason, I can't stop myself. If you ignore the who phrase, it makes perfect sense. Even if it is awkwardly phrased.

"New Zealand opera star Dame Kiri Te Kanawa (removed) on Wednesday won a lawsuit against her for pulling out of the concert."

and the deer thing? just sick.

Posted by: ktjrdn at March 23, 2007 8:45 AM

so what's the proper term for that last one? necrophiliac beastiality? beastial necrophilia? oh wait, I got it... fucked up.

and dare we ask how you know the going rate for prostitutes?


Posted by: SciFi Dad at March 23, 2007 9:04 AM

Ewww. Those last two items are really, really gross.

Posted by: Alison at March 23, 2007 9:04 AM

They should have written "New Zealand opera star Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, who refused to perform with an Australian singer *whose* female fans threw underwear at him." As in she's a girl who didn't want to share the stage with a Tom Jones wannabe.
For the others - I have no comments because, omg you just can't fix stupid that stupid.
I'm surprised you didn't mention the Anna Nicole judge who got busted for smoking pot. In the middle of the day. In a public park. Oops.

Posted by: Traci at March 23, 2007 9:05 AM

Holy shit, there's a lot of weirdos running around, and for once I'm not talking about me. And did he HAVE to kill the deer? Really? Not that it isn't also fucked up, but aren't there lots of (fucked up) people out there who get it on with LIVE animals?

Posted by: Fraulein N at March 23, 2007 9:14 AM

I could be wrong, but I think that someone who actually kills a horse in order to have sex with it, isn't doing so because he's hard up for chicks. He's obviously a psycho-path and I suppose we should be grateful that he likes animals, because it's not too much of a stretch to think he would kill a woman he wanted to have sex with.

Now, I don't know if he just likes to have sex with animals and it's easier (and safer!) if they're dead first, or if he specifically likes to have sex with dead animals, but either way, he's one crazy mo-fo.

Posted by: Contrary at March 23, 2007 9:19 AM

I wonder if Dame Kiri knows my two sons have a huge crush on her. They'd probably even throw underwear.

Have a great weekend.

Posted by: ann adams at March 23, 2007 9:22 AM

I don't know where you find this stuff. The two sex items are horrid. I would like to think they are jokes, but think they are not.

And the rest of the world gets upset if our child walks in on an intimate moment.

Posted by: cassie-b at March 23, 2007 9:29 AM

It's shit like that, plus the completely uncalled-for meanness that I encountered multiple times on the road this morning, that makes me feel so pessimistic about our world.

I'll snap out of it eventually, but man.

Posted by: liz at March 23, 2007 9:41 AM

oh dear god. remind me not to drink my coffee while reading your schadenfreude friday posts. I almost spit vanilla latte all over the monitor when I got to that last one about the deer....

Posted by: suze at March 23, 2007 9:48 AM

Okay, Dame Kiri,I can understand. Would you really want to have to fend off "used" female undies while you were trying to sing those high notes?
The sex thing? GROSS.
The deer thing? GROSS
That's all I got to say.

Posted by: Maribeth at March 23, 2007 10:09 AM

Ew. Really, what is wrong with people?

Posted by: bad penguin at March 23, 2007 10:22 AM

Ewww.Ewww.Ewwww. That's all I can think right now. What a way to wake up to THIS? Ewww...

Posted by: sue at March 23, 2007 10:25 AM

Ugh... I heard about the deer thing but didn't actually read anything about it. Sad thing is, I think I remember the horse case. That is one effed up dude.

What's up with all the crazed sex stories lately? I just heard of the band director at the high school 5 minutes from where I live (not where I went, thank god) got arrested for having a year long relationship with a 16 yr old, and he's suppose to plead guilty to molesting another student.

Sad thing is, you are suppose to be able to trust teachers. Especially ones who host after school activities like that.

Posted by: Secha at March 23, 2007 10:30 AM

I gues you can use this as further vindication your choice to be vegetarian is the correct one. :-)

Posted by: Jacqueline at March 23, 2007 11:09 AM

I *KNEW* you were going to cover the dead deer guy!

Was this in Oregon? Because you know, bestiality is not illegal in Oregon...I think. But wait. The deer is dead. So that makes a necrobestiality?

Posted by: oakley at March 23, 2007 11:27 AM

OK, it took me a while to process the grammar on the first one, but it's a sad state when people can't write well anymore. The other two - no wonder people can't write - they just don't have brains at all. Sick.

Posted by: Heather at March 23, 2007 11:33 AM

Holy hell... that's a spicy schadenfreude!

Posted by: Brad at March 23, 2007 11:51 AM

Sex with the dead deer thing...

I think it's funny that he has to register as a sex offender....I am sure there will be aclause in his paper work that will make sure he satys at least 100 yards from any petting Zoo.

Posted by: William at March 23, 2007 12:50 PM

I am speechless after the last two items. (Though I am laughing pretty hard!)

Posted by: Teenuh at March 23, 2007 1:27 PM

I don't know why you are so surprised by the dead deer guy. This is just after all the effects of "San Francisco values" being spread across our nature because of that Pelosi woman!

Rick Santorum told us, this would happen if we allowed "Teh Gays" to overrun this country didn't he, who knows what sort of macaca these people will pull.


Posted by: JayMonster at March 23, 2007 1:32 PM

I would dare say that NOT HAVING SEX is better then HAVING SEX WITH A DEAD DEER.

(and out here in Washington it was rumored a few years ago that there was a ranch you could stay at that was all about sex with [live] animals. Dude, what in the hell??!)

Posted by: Isabel at March 23, 2007 4:06 PM

Ewwwww! What is wrong with those people? At some time their brain stopped working.

Posted by: Nadine at March 23, 2007 4:29 PM

Oh man, WHERE do you find this stuff? It's crrazy! And nasty gross. *shudder*

Posted by: Heather at March 23, 2007 5:31 PM


Posted by: Sphincter at March 23, 2007 8:04 PM

I, too, had to read hte first one several times before I figured out what was who was where. Don't they require any English courses to write for news agencies anymore?

And the last two? Weren't those two of the signs of the Apocolypse?

Posted by: Annie at March 25, 2007 11:37 PM

For that kind of dough, you might even be able to find a ho that looks like a horse or a deer. Wow there are some sick fucks out there.

Posted by: Carrie Jo at March 26, 2007 11:54 AM

Just for the record (since I'm from Duluth!) that deer-lovin' dude was from Wisconsin.

Had to make sure that was clear. Whew.


Posted by: carrster at March 26, 2007 12:20 PM