March 9, 2007

Schadenfreude Friday: Schadenfreude Aplenty

There's more schadenfreude than I can shake a stick at this week. My golden goblet of fresh-squeezed schadenfreude (not from concentrate) runneth over. Allow me to illustrate.

In the world of and emo freakshow Jared Leto, frontman for the insanely mediocre band 30 Seconds To Mars, headed into a crowd of fans whilst performing and suffered a broken nose as thousands of teens inexplicably wanted to get closer to the dude. Perhaps Jared should have been a little more paranoid about his fans. Like Blues Traveler's John Popper. See, he was arrested in Washington state doing 111 miles an hour (sadly, not in a 110 mph zone). One pulled over, police found pot, four rifles, nine handguns, a taser, a knife and a pair of night-vision goggles. The vehicle itself, a Mercedes SUV, was also outfitted with flashing lights, a siren and a public address system. According to cops on the scene, he was concerned about being left behind in the apocalypse. I'm not making that up. I swear.

And of course there's Ann Coulter. Ann is like the Energizer bunny (if the Energizer bunny was a skinny, blonde, venemous, loudmouth bitch who is teetering on the edge of sanity in the same way that Mussolini did back in the day). She keeps giving, and giving and giving...

At least two more daily newspapers -- The Oakland Press of Michigan and The Mountain Press of Sevierville, Tenn. -- have dropped Ann Coulter's column. A daily in Pennsylvania had dropped the column two days ago. Meanwhile, the Human Rights Campaign gay-rights organization announced a campaign late this afternoon to get other Coulter newspaper clients to drop the columnist. This comes a day after HRC started a letter-writing effort that resulted in what it said were more than 20,000 messages urging Universal Press Syndicate to stop distributing Coulter. Coulter's exact words Friday were: "I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you use the word 'faggot,' so I -- so kind of an impasse, can't really talk about Edwards."
Also in the world of politics, good old Scooter Libby was finally convicted of several crimes, among them having a name fitting an animated mouse better than a political figure of some stature, obstruction of justice and perjury. He revealed the name of an undercover CIA agent. Shouldn't do that, dude. A guilty verdict should not have been a shock. Being hung out to dry by the Bush administration? Also, not a shock.

Of course, there are always the freaky crimes that make me feel uncomfortable just reading about. Like the lady who used her kid as a weapon. Yeah, she used her four year old as a bat. Unfortunately, she connected with her husband, injuring him and the kid. Worse, however, was the Indiana pilot who deliberately crashed a plane carrying himself and his daughter into his mother-in-law's house. The ultimate losers in this world are the ones who take innocent people down with them. The most amusing losers, though, are the ones who self destruct in such an impressive way. Like NASA astronaut Lisa Nowak. NASA finally canned her ass. Well, that took long enough.

You know who I miss? Lenny. Jerry Orbach on Law and Order. The guy was a great actor and the character he created was brilliant. So I don't blame his widow for wanting a NYC street corner named after him. Apparently the city's got an issue naming the corner of 53rd and Eighth after the man. Personally, I think Manhattan Community Board #5, responsible for making this decision, could use a little talking to. If, maybe, you wanted to do the talking, they can be reached at

See...more than you can shake a stick at. Certainly a bunch of stupid cocksuckers in the world (come on, I've wanted to do that since Wednesday).

Posted by Chris at March 9, 2007 7:23 AM

As soon as I saw the Coulter quote I knew it was coming today (no seriously).

And I hadn't heard about the woman using her kid as a baton; that's fucked up.

Posted by: SciFi Dad at March 9, 2007 7:52 AM

I would just like to state for the record that not all Christians are nuttier than a pecan log, just the ones who make the news, oh and that Bush guy.

Scooter? I thought names like that went out with the eighties? I think I'll go tell Biff and Muffy about this one!

Posted by: Jeff A at March 9, 2007 7:59 AM

Certainly the shameful things that have littered this week's headlines (and the same ones FOX chooses to spin, discount as liberal or just not address)are enough to make me want to head to Canada and never come back. You simply said what needed to be said. I salute you.

Posted by: wordgirl at March 9, 2007 8:05 AM

EVERYONE should head to Canada!!

oh wait. then y'all'd (look how I can use that word! just look!!!) be up here schadenfreuding around the place.



Posted by: s@bd at March 9, 2007 8:09 AM

My fave part about the Libby verdict is seeing the screen capture of Fox News, which apparently decided to focus on the one NOT guilty verdict and had "Libby found not guilty" at the bottom of their screen (actually, it was a lower third, but I don't know what people not in the TV industry call those things).

Posted by: Kaz at March 9, 2007 8:27 AM

Coulter is so full of herself. She's simply out to sell books, so by creating a stir, she thinks she won. Duh... even die-hard Repubs are distancing themselves from her daily. Good thinking since she's a fruitloop.

John Popper? What the hell drug was he on? Wow. I'm pretty sure that takes the cake.

Posted by: coolchick at March 9, 2007 8:39 AM

Do you think John Popper's lapriscopy made him nutty?

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at March 9, 2007 8:51 AM

I think Coulter is already over the edge :-)

Funny! The city didn't have a problem accpeting his donations or fund raising time. Nor do they have trouble collecting advertising money for the ads that are all over the city announcing he donated his eyes. Asshats!

Posted by: Maria at March 9, 2007 9:05 AM

I get very discombobulated when I hear about parents hurting their kids. Yes, I get that the world isn't perfect, but what kind of idiot not only wants to ruin his life, but also the life that will carry his genes on in the future?

It's like the ultimate Darwin award.

Posted by: Heather at March 9, 2007 9:11 AM

Love 'em all. Is it sad that when I read the news, I say to myself, "Self, this is going to wind up in Schadenfreude Friday!"??

Posted by: Traci at March 9, 2007 9:18 AM

She (you know who I'm talking about) shared a stage with one of the presidential candidates last week. What was Romney thinking?

Scooter goes to jail (unless he's pardoned) while the true villains remain fat, dumb, and happy.

Can I ask NYC to rename Times Square after Jerry? I almost never weep over the death of a celebrity but I shed a few tears over him.

And is it acceptable to use this space to wish my Elcie a happy 14th birthday today? Too late - I already did.

Illegitimi non carborundum. Have a great weekend.

Posted by: ann adams at March 9, 2007 9:23 AM

Definitely a lot of stupidity going on. It's just too much sometimes. And, yes, this past week has been a very good example.

Posted by: Zandria at March 9, 2007 10:14 AM

Ann Coulter..I find myself in the unusual position of not knowing what to say about her except that who or what happened to her to make her such a frightful waste of everything?

Posted by: sue at March 9, 2007 10:56 AM

OK, I don't make it over to Beth's site very much, but the cocksucker post was hillarious. And yes, plenty of cocksuckers out there for this Friday.

Posted by: Heather at March 9, 2007 11:25 AM

The street corner? Don't let it becomes the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Do you know that if you have certain amount of money and is well known enough, you can "buy" your spot on Hollywood Blvd.?

And using your baby as a bat? I mean, Brandon has said that he could use ME as a weapon. ("Romeo Must Die", anyone?) You know, pick me up, shake me and throw at the enemy. But using a baby for that? That's not only sick...but STUPID!

Posted by: oakley at March 9, 2007 11:26 AM

I'm so glad I have you to tell me these things. Hadn't heard of half of them!

Posted by: sue at March 9, 2007 11:33 AM

Do you happen to have a link for the article you quoted about newspapers dropping that cunt's column? I'd love to forward that around to my hard-line republican family members.

Posted by: Adam at March 9, 2007 12:11 PM

Nobody wants to be left behind in the event of an actual apocalypse, right? I guess I'd better start pimping out my station wagon so that I can stay on board.


I miss Lenny so much. As lame as it sounds, he could always make me smile.

And for the people who hurt their own kids...there is a special place in hell for them.

Posted by: Isabel at March 9, 2007 12:12 PM

The world is full of crazies.
I'm definetly considering pimping my car out getting ready for an apocalypse, especially if it means I get a taser.

Posted by: Toni-Marie at March 9, 2007 1:03 PM

You beeter get that golden goblet in the cocksucking dishwasher, STAT. If you know what I mean ;)

Posted by: JuJuBee at March 9, 2007 1:59 PM

Ok, not "beeter"...BETTER.

Posted by: JuJuBee at March 9, 2007 2:03 PM

jared leto sure has come a long way since my so called life...

Posted by: ali at March 9, 2007 2:49 PM

Now I had just gotten myself stopped from saying cocksucker and now you bring it back up...COCKSUCKER!

Posted by: Kelly at March 9, 2007 3:11 PM

Deadwood rocks, doesn't it?

Posted by: coolchick at March 9, 2007 5:25 PM

I knew that woman was going to make your list this week. And old Scooter too.

Why on earth would you pass up the opportunity to honor Jerry Orbach? In NYC no less? The man was a legend. Everyone associates him with the city. Will the extra 3X12 sign clutter up the landscape that much? Sheesh. I hope his 96 year old Mom pokes someone in the eye at that council meeting.

Posted by: Annie at March 9, 2007 5:26 PM

wow, you had a lot of buildup this week!!!

...ann coulter...i can't even come up with words to say how much i detest that woman

and lenny, how could you NOT name at least a street corner after him? l&o is not the same without him. (if you can, check out the c-square episode with lenny & chris noth-i think it was season 4)
have a great weekend!

Posted by: kate at March 9, 2007 8:38 PM

I hope that Ann Coulter has finally lost all credibility with this one and she'll just go away already. Of course, she was never credible in my book.

Posted by: Beth in StL at March 9, 2007 8:54 PM

The crap in the news never ceases to amaze me and yet it does. One of the most bizarre things I had read was - a lady bought a puppy, the puppy died so she took it back to the breeder and was beating her in the head with it...

Glad NASA canned her, craziness.

Posted by: Chrissie at March 9, 2007 11:37 PM

What is WRONG with people?

Posted by: Sphincter at March 10, 2007 7:20 PM

Houses are quite expensive and not everybody is able to buy it. Nevertheless, credit loans are invented to help different people in such hard situations.

Posted by: KelliTORRES at September 16, 2010 9:21 AM