March 8, 2007

Time Keeps On Slipping...Slipping...Slipping...

Me, I, myself, Chris Cactus, officially derailed at 12:18 PM yesterday. First, the phone rang. It always starts with the damn phone.

Me: Chris Cactus.
Coworker: Where are you?
Me: Who is this?
Coworker: Oh, this is Ed.
Me: Ok, so, Ed. Where am I?
Coworker: I don't know. That's why I'm calling you.
Me: Where am I supposed to be?
Coworker: Lunch.
Me: What lunch?
Coworker: The lunch meeting.
Me: Fuck!
Coworker: I saw your name on the invite list.
Me: And I'm not there.
Coworker: I noticed.
Me: I'm sick. I'm not going to be there. But thanks for letting me know.

I hung up the phone at precisely 12:18 and that's the instant I knew that there was something completely and totally amiss. That lunch thing? Totally not on my calendar. And that's the kind of thing I obsess about for weeks ahead of time, meticulously plan around and, most importantly, put on my damn calendar. What's worse is that I'm never late. For anything. I have a singular aversion to being late. Actually, my list of top ten aversions runs something like this:

  1. Spiders
  2. Tardiness
  3. The current presidential administration
  4. Rosie O'Donnell
  5. The Doors
  6. Large people (to include Rosie) in spandex and/or fanny packs
  7. Clay Aiken
  8. Cockroaches
  9. Zombies (not movies or books about zombies but actual zombies)
  10. Selling anything, buying anything or processing anything as a career. Selling anything bought or processed, buying anything sold or processed or processing anything sold, bought or processed or repairing anything sold, bought or processed.

I'm one of those annoying people who actually start getting antsy when they're not early enough for something. I realize this is something of a sickness but the world should, at the very least, meet me halfway and be on time.

I guess I just have the feeling recently as though I can't get anything done, that I can't actually get ahead. And when I do, the feeling lasts for approximately 12 seconds before several other turds find their way to the metaphorical fan. So, for that reason, Thursday finds me frustrated and really looking forward to the weekend. Oh, and I've still got the damn cold.

It's not Friday yet, is it?

Posted by Chris at March 8, 2007 7:46 AM

I actually don't mind spiders. So that makes tardiness number on on my list of things that are BAD. If I'm not 15 minutes early for something I consider myself late. I'll even sit in my car in the parking lot so I don't look like a dork, but I'm always early.

How I married my chronically late husband is beyond me.

Posted by: Alissa at March 8, 2007 7:56 AM

I believe you and I were raised by the same mother.

"On time is almost late."

And you gotta love a Steve Miller reference at 6:45am.

Posted by: Pammer at March 8, 2007 8:16 AM

Not Friday yet, no. I can't tell you how I wish I could change that. I could use a Friday myself.

Posted by: wordgirl at March 8, 2007 8:26 AM

I am early for everything, to the point that if I am 5 minutes late, people think I am dead.

The annoying thing is that my office is always late, for everything, and it drives me crazy. Oh, and court, I'm always early and end up sitting there for 30 minutes waiting for the judge to grace us with their prescence. But, if the attorneys are late, they start on time.

Posted by: jodi at March 8, 2007 8:28 AM

Friday means an all day meeting that begins, for me since I'm the planner, at 6 a.m. Personally...I'm waiting for Saturday to arrive.

Darn colds!

Posted by: daisy at March 8, 2007 8:34 AM

As long as you are not going to process anything bought, sold, or processed, you can say anything, just remember that

Posted by: cristin at March 8, 2007 8:44 AM

Shit, I was seriously over here hoping maybe time had slipped into the future enough that it WAS Friday. Shit.

Posted by: Fraulein N at March 8, 2007 9:03 AM

When I was younger I was in a community band whose leader had the following policy: "Early is on time. On time is late. If you're going to be late don't even bother showing up."

That pretty much sums up my approach. I'm the guy sitting parked down the street for parties because I'm there 20 minutes before the damn thing is supposed to start, but I was too worried about traffic or whatever, so I left extra early.

It's a sickness, really.

Posted by: SciFi Dad at March 8, 2007 9:07 AM

Nope, it's Thursday and I have a meeting of my own today at school. Thanks for the reminder.

I asked one of the teachers yesterday when we were going to have the annual meeting for our middle girl. She told me we'd already had it in January and I did a very good job.

I need a keeper.

Posted by: ann adams at March 8, 2007 9:14 AM

That sounds like altogether too much stressing, Mr. C. Will the world crumble if you don't get everything done? I'm sure it seems that way sometimes, but it's no fun to live for the weekend just to get away from it all.

Posted by: Zandria at March 8, 2007 9:20 AM

Prediction: Clay Aiken and Tom Cruise are going to become friends sometime in the future. Why? Because Clay, like Tom, is an alien. You heard it here first folks.

God I can't stand that dude. He gives me the CREEPS.

Posted by: Tink at March 8, 2007 9:37 AM

I am with you - I am ALWAYS early for everything. Well, I was until I had a baby. But seriously, I just never want to risk being late. Being late stresses me out like nothing else.

Hopefully you get over that cold very soon and life calms down.

Posted by: donna at March 8, 2007 9:40 AM

It's not Friday, but it SHOULD be!

I have a similar abhorrence of being late,... my family growing up always tended to be running behind and I guess I was always so embarassed by that, so I've turned into a compulsively-on-time person. Or maybe I'm just OCD....

I think you should give yourself a little wiggle room though, since you've not been feeling good for what, all week now? Seriously, get better!

Posted by: Heather at March 8, 2007 9:49 AM

Okay, call me sick too. Since I was really young I have been totally freaked out at the possibility I might be late. I actually get panic attacks. Hubby was an airline pilot, so that tells you something about how he feels about time. I'm always begging him to hurry up and to meet me at least half way time wise.

Posted by: Maribeth at March 8, 2007 9:54 AM

Tardiness is at the top of my list. I am chronically early. It is a result of living with a mother who was (and still is) chronically late everywhere.

Feel better soon.

Posted by: Maria at March 8, 2007 9:56 AM

Add me to the list of pathalogiclly early. It made me crazy when I lived in Japan because they are all about being percisely on time. You freak them out if you show up early. Bad form.

Maybe you should try kick boxing as a stress reliever. I hear it is the sport of the future.

Posted by: Annie at March 8, 2007 10:09 AM

You obsess about The Doors? The band, the movie or the barriers?

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at March 8, 2007 10:49 AM

Referencing Steve Miller Band aaaand Say Anything in one post?! You so just made my morning! Also? How is it "cockroaches" is all the way down at #8? Oy, that would be my #1. And I live in Texas of all places.

Posted by: smoness at March 8, 2007 11:08 AM

Ooof - I think I fall somewhere in the middle of the road for lateness... For business obligations - I am VERY punctual...For social things, well mainly parties- fashionably late is my usual time of arrival. I HATE being the first person at a party!

I hate Clay and cockroaches too. brrrr...

Posted by: sue at March 8, 2007 11:12 AM

I regret the comment from yesterday because I promptly became sick that afternoon. I hope you feel better soon and I will keep my ju-ju to myself. No snotty tissues in well licked envelopes. *sigh* I too feel like I can never get ahead. When you find the cure let me know.

Posted by: bid at March 8, 2007 11:21 AM

Substitue Gilbert Gottfried for #4 and that dude that does the Riverdance for #6, and I'm with you.

I'm like that too...that antsy feeling. Mine, however, is due to my overwhelming fear that people will find out I'm a fraud. About what? Doesn't matter, I'm like that about everything. Work, parenting, when I was in college...
Can you say sucky self-esteem?

Hope you feel better soon.

Posted by: fauve at March 8, 2007 11:23 AM

i'm one of those too....punctual.

Posted by: ali at March 8, 2007 11:23 AM

I'm always anxious to be early, and Don tends toward lateness.

I usually win.


Posted by: cassie-b at March 8, 2007 11:31 AM

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Hang in there - the weekend will be here soon!

Posted by: FW Sunshine at March 8, 2007 11:43 AM

Never, EVER, beat yourself up over wanting to be prompt. That's like feeling bad for wanting to be, oh, I don't know...COURTEOUS. For crying out loud when did being chronically late become socially acceptable?! (Whoa...look at me all "ranty")

Posted by: Erin at March 8, 2007 11:47 AM

Ok, you lost me on the last one but all I can say is "POOR BETH!" lol

I'm an on-time kinda person myself, so I get that!

Posted by: Peggy at March 8, 2007 12:39 PM

i was born two and a half weeks late. i've never been able to be on time, even for my own birth...

Posted by: suze at March 8, 2007 12:56 PM

feel better!

As one of my old dance teachers use to say... To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late, to be late is to be fired!

Posted by: Secha at March 8, 2007 1:10 PM

Just a few more hours till weekend! Just hold on.

And to cheer you up a bit: I just read Genesis is going to tour again.

Does that help? Even if it is just a tiny little teeny weeny bit?

(Ok, maybe I need to get some sleep too...)

Posted by: mikkie at March 8, 2007 5:06 PM

Not only is it 5 o'clock somewhere, it is Friday somewhere. So, hang in there. :)

I hope you feel better soon.

Posted by: Teenuh at March 8, 2007 5:09 PM

Hey, you quoted one of my favorite movies! And I also have aversions to most of the things on your list. It's funny -- I was a huge Doors fan in high school, but lately, I mostly find them tiresome.

Sorry you are sick and frustrated. I hope it gets better soon.

Posted by: bad penguin at March 8, 2007 6:01 PM

*signs the "overly punctual obsessive" book*

Hey, don't you keep your appointments etc. on an electronic doodad that 'dings' you when it's time? Heck, I was certain you did. Maybe your dinger's broke? I keep all my "gotta do's" on my cell phone calendar, with dingers to remind me prior. Occasionally, I need to turn off my phone and then turn it back on, just to reboot it, or else the dingers just stop. Dude, you gotta have dingers if you're obsessive about crap.

Feel better!

Posted by: coolchick at March 8, 2007 6:11 PM

So what the hell happen and how do you get away with dodging a lunch you're supposed to be at by feigning sickness. Must not have been a very important meeting? Probably shouldn't have been invited to begin with. Maybe?

Posted by: Johnny " in Supense" Smoke at March 8, 2007 6:26 PM

I have a fear of being late to stuff too. I hate that feeling when you walk into a meeting and can tell you are the last one. Makes me feel rather pompous, and pompous I am not.

Posted by: angela at March 8, 2007 9:02 PM

I can't tell you how much I love that you included #10 in there.

Posted by: kalisah at March 8, 2007 10:57 PM

I had that over the weekend. It's still trying to kick my ass. Good luck!

Posted by: Beth at March 8, 2007 11:09 PM

It'll be Friday in, like, 40 minutes. Hang in there, my friend. One thing at a time. :)

Posted by: Haley-O at March 8, 2007 11:21 PM

into the future...tick tock doo doo doo do doo

Did you write something beyond that? Because I couldn't comprehend you over my own singing. ;)

Well, I finally found something I haven't agreed with you on, but I fear if I share--I might find myself banned from RC and I just can't have that. So, I will keep my love for Rosie a secret. Doh!

Posted by: Nanette at March 9, 2007 3:10 AM

my list is almost exactly like yours except if you replace "spiders" with "heights."

(And yes, I used to work on the 23rd floor. It was rough)

I hate being late so much.

Posted by: Leah at March 9, 2007 9:04 AM

I am SO with you on the spiders!
I, too, am very punctual. I arrive early to "scope out the territory"... and make sure I get the seat I want. Usually against a wall. Hubs is always late. Always. If I want him to be on time, I have to lie to him and tell him we're to be there 30 minutes earlier than we really do. It works. Sometimes.
I have never met a cockroach or Clay Aiken. Not sure if I would like either one. I'm guessing, no.
Feel better soon. It's Friday now.

Posted by: sue at March 9, 2007 11:31 AM

Ok. (Beth, turn away.) #10 just made me fall in love with you a little bit. :) Now that I have to find a Real Job and support myself, people keep asking me what I want to do (as I'm 39 and haven't had a Real Job since 1993) and my standard answer is this.

You'd be surprised at the number of people who don't get it.

And then it just makes me feel old.

Posted by: Cartwheels At Midnight at March 10, 2007 11:21 AM

I have the same sickness. I freak out when I get to work at 11:58 and not 11:45. My shift starts at noon. My week started with confusion and my brain didn't handle it well. I kept forgetting to lock my car (wtf?) and having to go back to do it. On Monday, I was moving a book truck of supplies upstairs into our new space. I got halfway through the new space and realized that the book truck? Not with me. I had left it downstairs in the old office.

I feel you. Clearly it's Saturday afternoon and I'm catching up on everyone's blogs. Life really needs to take a break. I feel like I need a huge, long vacation all by myself.

Posted by: Sparkle Pants at March 10, 2007 1:01 PM

I HATE times like those, when you start wondering, like, what else you could have blown and never even realized it? Then you question your ability to be a functional adult? And start wondering if it's dead relatives somehow screwing with you, trying to make you doubt yourself? Maybe I'm projecting a bit here...

Posted by: Sphincter at March 10, 2007 7:26 PM

Zombies - they are the reason I am going to be creamated. I don't think its fair to my family to have to shoot me in the head. ;)

Posted by: Molly at March 12, 2007 3:44 PM