March 5, 2007

Weekend Recap: Clean Up Your Face

Yesterday morning, after Beth had left for the gym, Mia and I decided to break out the crayons and color. At some point I noticed that Mia wasn't coloring; instead she was looking at me, adamantly rubbing her hands together then pointing at her face. It took me a little chunk of time to noodle it all through but I eventually pieced the signs together and discovered that Mia was, in effect, asking me to please clean up my face.

Please clean up my face? What the hell?

Thanks to Beth, I slept in yesterday morning and, upon awakening, I pounded cups of coffee like college kids slam brewskis. The mystery and meaning of please clean up your face still took me a few minutes of deciphering. See, during the weekends, I rarely shave. Apparently this offended Mia this particular Sunday.

So as not to prolong her agony, we headed up to the bathroom so I could shave. It's something she doesn't see very often since I usually shave weekday mornings when she's still asleep. Everything was going swimmingly until my face was all lathered, shaving cream in all the right places. Mia, looking on from the doorway, was taken aback. Things got worse when I actually started shaving. She stayed in the doorway, looking as if she was ready to run for her dear little life. Her face turned red and soon enough the tears came. It was as if I'd transformed from my normal, everyday dad-like self into a vicious interplanetary intruder from Blargon 7 whose mission it was to assassinate Elmo and systematically behead the Teletubbies. I'm happy to report, however, that I was able to finish shaving before she completely wiged out. And I still have my nose.

So, first I scare my kid, then I lie and piss off god.

While Mia has not yet forsaken her love of Elmo, she has formed a recent bond with Mr. Noodle. For a while yesterday afternoon, all she did was point at the television and say Noodle, Noodle. While a little TV never hurt anyone, it's a sure sign she's had too much when she starts begging. So I offered her an explanation.

Mr. Noodle and Elmo are both fundamentalist Christians. It's against their religion to be on television on Sunday.

One day, I'm going to pay for all this.

Posted by Chris at March 5, 2007 7:26 AM

Haha! Add it to the list!! Maybe God will be too busy to read the whole thing!! ;)

Posted by: KT at March 5, 2007 7:45 AM

I have to admit, I love Mr. Noodle too. I especially like Mr. Noodle's brother, Mr. Noodle.

I am a fan of the entire Noodle clan, really.

Because at least they're not Barney, aka evil incarnate.

Posted by: Contrary at March 5, 2007 7:47 AM

I believe that God totally had your back on that one. Most likely He told Jesus exactly the same thing when he was little. Muhammed was all over at the house, cause they'd just had a sleepover, and Jesus was like "DAD I WANT TO WATCH THE WIGGLES!!!!!" In this really high pitched screechy voice, and God was trying to sleep in, cause it was the Sabbath and everything, and He was like...Um, The Wiggles can't be on cause it's against their religion, which is Pat Robertson fundamentalist Christianity, and Jesus was like "SMITE THEM AND MAKE THEM BE ON T.V." and I have no idea where this is going. But probably God ended up having coffee and Muhammed spilled orange juice down the front of his footie pajamas.

Way to go on scaring your kid, though. You're an AWESOME parent. Seriously. /sarcasm.

You know we love you.

Posted by: Girl Gone Mad (Sparkle Pants' Roommate) at March 5, 2007 7:56 AM

giggle ;)

Posted by: Peggy at March 5, 2007 7:59 AM

I scared my youngest yesterday, too. I told him if he ate one more pop tart he'd surely turn into one. I never thought he'd believe me... I spent the next 15 minutes calming him down and looking into the bathroom mirror for signs of flatness or cherry icing. *smile*

Posted by: Alissa at March 5, 2007 7:59 AM

Yes, God will smite you down. And then he'll wonder why in the hell he ever allowed Mr. Noodle or Elmo to be created in the first place! :)

Posted by: Heather at March 5, 2007 8:18 AM

Hey, everyone needs a sabbath...if you said they were just regular Christians, you could say they were out at lunch after church and then taking a nap...perfectly normal, right?

That's okay - we all have to pull out threats and little lies. I had to tell the GBK if she didn't change out of her Belle dress into her birthday outfit, she wouldn't get to open any presents. But you know, it worked.

Posted by: Sam at March 5, 2007 8:33 AM

I'm impressed by how well you're incorporating the anti-fundy education so early in her life :) I must keep that in mind for when I have little ones...

Posted by: suze at March 5, 2007 8:36 AM

Time for an electric razor or perhaps you can just walk around like House!

Posted by: Maribeth at March 5, 2007 8:38 AM

Elmo does remind me of a tv evangelist.

Posted by: William at March 5, 2007 8:47 AM

I can't blame Mia; I prefer the clean-shaven look too. I think I'm going to try that line on my husband when he needs a shave: "Please clean up your face."

Posted by: Fraulein N at March 5, 2007 8:57 AM

Hehe. You made me laugh this morning. I'm glad you were my first blog-read of the day. :)

Posted by: Zandria at March 5, 2007 9:02 AM

That's funny; my daughter never freaks when she sees me shave. But that's probably because when she was born I had a beard and when I shaved it off that summer we sat her on the counter and she watched me shave it off (since we were afraid she wouldn't recognize my clean-shaven face at a few months old).

At least it was stubble and not boogers... that'd be pretty bad, having your kid tell you to wipe your nose...

Posted by: SciFi Dad at March 5, 2007 9:06 AM

I remember when my now 10 yr old daughter was about 7 months old. Paul had lathered up his face to shave and she took one look at him and FREAKED out. She toddled off to find me as fast as those little legs could move. She was crying and wouldn't even look at Paul. Heh - it was pretty funny although I thought Paul would be scarred for life. He was definitely more traumatized than Moira!

Posted by: Kate at March 5, 2007 9:27 AM

Oh - and I love Mr. Noodle and his brother, Mr. Noodle. Elmo - meh - he sucks. LOL.

Posted by: Kate at March 5, 2007 9:27 AM

Maybe she just meant that you smelled bad.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at March 5, 2007 9:28 AM

I am with Goon Squad Sarah. I think she was just trying to say you smelled bad. You probably had bad breath.

Posted by: Leilani at March 5, 2007 9:36 AM

Awwww...poor thing. Now she's scarred for life.

I still remember watching my Dad shave and take his teeth out and brush them. *LOL* I'm not kidding.

Posted by: BID at March 5, 2007 9:56 AM

Heh. You are too funny Chris! Sorry that's all I got this morning. I'm sleep deprived. Have a great week.

Posted by: Kate at March 5, 2007 11:07 AM

You mean they aren't?

Posted by: Beth at March 5, 2007 11:09 AM

Kinder than telling her the truth--that Elmo is the spawn of Satan. Because, he just is.

Posted by: Sphincter at March 5, 2007 11:20 AM'll really have some explaining to do once they're in syndication and they ARE on Sunday television. Then what?

Posted by: wordgirl at March 5, 2007 12:31 PM

I am so glad they've outgrown all that around here. Elcie spent yesterday going through her videos (huge collection) so she could give away at least half of them.

Unfortunately, Elmo has been replaced by far worse. I have two (not Elcie) who love hip hop which means I have to monitor the radio as well as the t.v.

Posted by: ann adams at March 5, 2007 1:14 PM

yeah..isabella's a big fan of mr. noodle AND his brother mr. noodle. we are so pleased...

Posted by: ali at March 5, 2007 1:37 PM

Don't worry Chris, you'll be in good company. I am pretty sure GWB will be there too! :-)

Posted by: Jeff A at March 5, 2007 1:56 PM

Aww, hope she gets used to the shaving! I can see how it'd be a little disconcerting from a wee person's perspective, but I remember thinking that Dad shaving was so cool. Until I got old enough for him to ask me help shave his neck :P
(Oh, and I'm rather amused by your little religious lie. Desperate times call for desperate measures, anyway.)

Posted by: Heather at March 5, 2007 3:15 PM

When I was a kid, probably 6 years old, my dad shaved off his entire big huge wooly beard and I was completely freaked by this baby faced man that came home. So I completely get how Mia feels, her daddy world was completely rocked!

Posted by: Teenuh at March 5, 2007 4:15 PM

where is the line between "she has too much tv time - so its begging" - and "she knows what she wants and is able to communicate that desire?" As long is the TV isn't on 24/7 ... which I know you guys claim not to do ... what's wrong with a little 'fix?'

Posted by: airwick at March 5, 2007 7:51 PM

I totally didn't get Mr. Noodle when we first started watching Elmo. But, now I think he's great! Good thing they don't have Mr. Noodle stuffed animals, though -- that'd be weird. ;)

Posted by: Haley-O at March 5, 2007 10:36 PM

Being a daughter, I can tell you, my earliest memories are of my dad kissing me and me hating the fact that his beard/stubble would scratch/irritate/hurt me. So yeah, you better be clean shaven around her :)

Posted by: Dee at March 5, 2007 11:45 PM

Oh, I used to hate the stubble too! LOL at please clean your face. Maybe you misinterpreted and she was saying that you desperately needed to brush your teeth? Hahahaha!

Oh, Carter is in love with Mr. Noodle. I have that Elmo's World song permanently etched in my brain. I get strange looks at staff meetings when I start humming it.

Posted by: s@m at March 6, 2007 1:51 PM

Be careful. It all comes back to bite us in the ass. Kids remember EVERYTHING!!

Posted by: nila at March 8, 2007 3:24 AM