April 26, 2007

Search String Madness (The Spring Edition)

Know what I haven't done in a long time? Checked out my search strings. Let's rectify that, shall we?

  • Naked cocaine midget. Next band I form? That's the name.
  • Cats burp. Profound, dude. Profound.
  • Teachers having sex on camera. That's one sturdy camera.
  • White trash neighbors what to do. From my experience, there's only one thing to do - move. Or buy a shotgun.
  • Peter Sellers Pink Panther license for monkey. Really, if you typed this in, please tell me what this even means.
  • Queen of farts codename. Rosie O'Donnell.
  • Protecting your nose. Actually, the primary motive behind the Founding Father's inclusion of the Second Amendment.
  • Dented trash can pictures. Ooooh, trash porn.
  • Something rude to say when someone knocks on your door and that person is the one you hate the most. Jerry Lewis, what are you doing on my front porch? And why the hell are you so popular in France?
  • What Casio watch did keanu reeves wear in Speed? Dork. The fact that you know he was wearing a Casio is scary enough.
  • Politically correct term for albino. Overachieving Cracker?
  • Is vasectomy against the Bible. Luke 12:3, And the Lord sayeth, go forth and multiply but interfereth not in the spreading of thine seed for thou shalt not get the snip snip.
  • Van Halen car seat covers. All you need is a mullet and you're all set to revisit 1984.
  • Issues of children having short attention span. I'd say the majority of these issues are caused by...ohhhh, look, puppies!
  • Rude kids songs. Row Row Row Your Fucking Boat, Asshole, Twinkle Twinkle Little Buttmunch, and The Itsy Bitsy Dickhead all come to mind.
  • Harry Potter cartoon porn. Harry Potter and the Hookers of Bang-Your-Man

Now, to make things a little interesting, come up with the missing word from this actual search string and you'll win a prize. Yep, a CD chock full of good tunes which will rock your casbah.

"Pictures of midgets with ________________."

If someone's already hoarked your answer, go ahead and leave it in the comments anyway. I have nothing against multiple winners!

Posted by Chris at April 26, 2007 7:27 AM

...hookers and goats.

Posted by: William at April 26, 2007 8:04 AM

Ann Coulter

Posted by: Alissa at April 26, 2007 8:05 AM

Are we allowed more than one guess?

Pictures of midgets with ... beans
Pictures of midgets with ... poles

Posted by: Maria at April 26, 2007 8:07 AM


Posted by: E :) at April 26, 2007 8:12 AM


Posted by: auridicyl at April 26, 2007 8:23 AM


Posted by: Contrary at April 26, 2007 8:31 AM


Do people really do that many searches about midgets? Why?

Posted by: ktjrdn at April 26, 2007 8:33 AM

Rude kids songs. Row Row Row Your Fucking Boat, Asshole, Twinkle Twinkle Little Buttmunch, and The Itsy Bitsy Dickhead all come to mind.
My first LOL of the day. That's funny stuff.

midgets and spandex (sticking with the van halen theme)

Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at April 26, 2007 8:43 AM


Thanks for the laugh. I needed it. :)

Posted by: Alison at April 26, 2007 8:52 AM


Posted by: Amber at April 26, 2007 8:57 AM


Oh, and let us know about any upcoming gigs for the Naked Cocaine Midgets

Posted by: alison at April 26, 2007 8:58 AM


Posted by: Karen at April 26, 2007 9:01 AM


Posted by: at April 26, 2007 9:22 AM

well, midgets and horses was the first thing that popped into my mind (I have no idea why nor do I want to examine what that might mean about my subconscious...) But someone's taken that, so I'd like to add a second vote:

Midgets and cactus?

Posted by: suze at April 26, 2007 9:27 AM

... cactus! ? :)

Posted by: Manda at April 26, 2007 9:33 AM

I had one come across mine that was "hot sister-in-laws". I don't even think I've ever mentioned such a thing on my site.

Posted by: Kyle I at April 26, 2007 9:37 AM


The Ann Coulter one was priceless!
Thanks for the good laughs this morning.

Posted by: Traci at April 26, 2007 9:48 AM

with... diapers?

The thing I want to know is, how did these actually get to you (and the person clicked on it? really? I never click on a link unless the little preview thing is what I'm actually looking for).... Like, the Casio one. did you mention that? Probably not. Creepy. And who the heck is looking for Harry Potter cartoon porn? I think I'd rather gouge my eyes out with.. well, anything!

Posted by: Phoenix at April 26, 2007 9:55 AM


Posted by: Steff at April 26, 2007 10:02 AM

pictures of midgets with harry potters :)

Posted by: ali at April 26, 2007 10:11 AM





Posted by: fw sunshine at April 26, 2007 10:13 AM

Can we guess multiple times? I'm just going to do it without waiting for your answer.


Wow, the three of those together sound painful.

Posted by: Anna at April 26, 2007 10:26 AM

midgets with mullets?

Posted by: Margo at April 26, 2007 10:29 AM

I wasn't sure what I was gonna say, but now I can't get "midgets with mullets" out of my head.

Posted by: Heather at April 26, 2007 10:39 AM


Gotta be trout.

Posted by: oakley at April 26, 2007 10:53 AM

funny hats!

Posted by: Teenuh at April 26, 2007 11:01 AM

attitude. MWA. I love their stuff, it's raw and edgy.

You've got some nerve offering more CD's pal.

Posted by: whit at April 26, 2007 11:12 AM


Posted by: kim at April 26, 2007 11:16 AM

I know some one else already said it but it is a searchable title, how they got to your site through it i have no idea ;)

You really have a thing for midgets don't you? haha

Posted by: Regina at April 26, 2007 11:17 AM

...Stevie Nicks getting banged by a unicorn.

It's her birthday today, y'know (www.utterwonder.com). Her wish was apparently hot unicorn love. The midgets arrived late to the party, but didn't forget the camera. I assume.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at April 26, 2007 11:37 AM

I can't decide between pictures of midgets with George Bush or pictures of midgets with Alec Baldwin. Or (we will ignore the bad grammar there)maybe I could just replace the blank with something that leads people to my site! Pictures of midgets with trucks, pictures of midgets with poop, pictures of midgets with 12 year old nude!

Sorry bout that last one but maybe you can take the heat off me now. I have no idea why but that is like my number one search phrase and it is all because I mentioned it was in my search phrases once!

Posted by: Jeff A at April 26, 2007 11:40 AM

Pictures of midgets with:

guacamole covered feet.
Michael Jackson.
nacho-filled sombreros.

One of these are not like the others... or is he?

Posted by: ::c:: at April 26, 2007 11:45 AM


Posted by: SciFi Dad at April 26, 2007 11:53 AM

...bowling balls

Oh, dear... what does this say about me that I even associate these words with Midgets? I am so ashamed. *blush*

Posted by: sue at April 26, 2007 11:54 AM

I'm betting, "pictures of midgets with cactus".

The Peter Sellers string? In, I think, Revenge of the Pink Panther, Peter Sellers is talking to a man asking him if he has a license for his monkey. It's one of my Mom's favorite scenes.

Posted by: Annie at April 26, 2007 12:02 PM

Could it be, "midgets with Ed?"

Posted by: Queen Bee at April 26, 2007 12:03 PM

Or, midgets with Rosie?

Posted by: Queen Bee at April 26, 2007 12:05 PM


Posted by: Judy at April 26, 2007 12:08 PM

I have no idea why but i thought ...sausages

Posted by: Toni-Marie at April 26, 2007 12:08 PM

I gotta say "horses" on this one. Because it makes me giggle.

Posted by: Brad at April 26, 2007 12:12 PM

OK, is it "Speedos"? I guess so (I'm not sick though). :)

Posted by: Alex at April 26, 2007 12:37 PM

... underwear?

... swimsuits!

OH, even better

Posted by: Elaine at April 26, 2007 12:46 PM

Wait. Why is speedos so popular? What is wrong with these people? CRAP! What is wrong with ME?

Posted by: Elaine at April 26, 2007 12:47 PM


(overachieving cracker... *snortgiggle*)

Posted by: loon at April 26, 2007 1:53 PM

... baby animals

Posted by: coolchick at April 26, 2007 2:05 PM


Posted by: sandra at April 26, 2007 2:41 PM


I get some rather disturbing search strings. I also made it onto someone's adult blog blogroll and I get so many referrals I don't know what to do. Should I ask them to delink me, or just enjoy the fact that my stats are much higher now. The part I do enjoy is seeing where people are reading the adult blog (very very adult) - usually at work and quite frequently in government. I am sure they are just doing research though.

Posted by: Trix at April 26, 2007 2:53 PM

crayons - don't ask, that was the first word that came to mind.

Posted by: been there, done that at April 26, 2007 3:34 PM

Drag Queens? lol

Posted by: Felicia at April 26, 2007 4:12 PM


Posted by: Amaya at April 26, 2007 4:30 PM

leg extensions

Posted by: Tink at April 26, 2007 5:21 PM

diapers! haha

Posted by: artfrew at April 26, 2007 6:37 PM


And I swear I came up with that one on my own before opening the comments.

Posted by: Beth in StL at April 26, 2007 8:55 PM


Posted by: Sphincter at April 26, 2007 9:40 PM

... big dicks. You know, makes it virtually impossible for them to walk, so they hafta do Midget Porn.

Thanks for the belly laughs from your search strings & comments. My favorites? Rude kids songs & Naked cocaine midget. Too. Farking. Funny. You know, I'm going to go to work tomorrow and see a kindergartener and immediately think of "Row, Row, Row Your Fucking Boat, Asshole," "Twinkle Twinkle Little Buttmunch," and "The Itsy Bitsy Dickhead." And I will be the recipient of many bewildered looks as I belly-laugh my way down the hallway, especially since I can't share what I'm laughing so heartily at. (And, yes, I know that was a poorly-constructed sentence, and I really don't give a shit right now.)

Posted by: ironic1 at April 26, 2007 10:04 PM

midgets with...Beth?

Posted by: Jon (was) in Michigan at April 26, 2007 10:51 PM

I guess hand axes.

Posted by: Lori at April 27, 2007 12:19 AM


Posted by: Nanette at April 27, 2007 6:14 AM


Clearly I need to read your archives.

Because my search engine results are just so boring in comparison.

Posted by: Jenn at April 27, 2007 12:28 PM

Elephantiasis of the left testicle? :oP
Have a great weekend on that note!

Posted by: Taylor at April 27, 2007 1:25 PM

Oh, the cats burp one. That was me. I was curious. HA. I'm so kidding. I've never thought about cats burping until now. I know dogs do it. I don't think I've ever heard ANY of my cats burp ever.... Very thought-provoking hit!

Posted by: haley-o at April 27, 2007 3:09 PM

"Teachers having sex on camera" sounds like they were looking for my blog ;-)

Posted by: JaG at April 28, 2007 3:35 AM