April 6, 2007

Schadenfreude Friday: A Heartbreaking Amount of Staggering Stupidity

I'm not trying to complain and I certainly don't want to jinx myself, but the sheer volume of stupid people are giving me so much material it's actually obscene. There's pretty much no challenge in this.

Like, Keith Richards. First says he rolled up a dollar bill and snorted his father's ashes along with some nice blow. But apparently the media got it wrong. Keith just meant that he and his dad were tight. I don't know what kind of weird, fucked up relationship Keith had with his old man but when I want to indicate that my dad and I are close, I give the man a hug or something. I never snort him. Admittedly, he's still alive which makes snorting him much more difficult.

Maria Pantalone is another seriously demented example of the clarity of the gene pool. Not content with being the sister of Toronto's deputy mayor, Maria sought out a bonus fifteen minutes of fame through some rather unconventional forms of classroom punishment. See, Maria's a teacher. She got a little upset at one of her students...and threw feces at him. Her own feces. How upset, exactly, do you have to be to take a crap and then fling it at someone? Worse, perhaps, is the fact that the school isn't planning on firing her.

Steven Cole has a lot to answer for too. Earlier this week the Ohio firefighter was charged with a number of crimes resulting from a little drunken stroll he took through a park. Wearing a blond wig and a string bikini, the top of which was stuffed with water balloons. I think he was going for the anti-Britney; instead of shaving his head, he put on a wig and instead of losing underwear in public, he put some on. Maybe he'll blow up and become a huge pop star.

Benjamin Houghton is truly deserving of schadenfreude. Ben checked into a Veterans Administration hospital in LA to have a testicle removed. And a testicle was removed. Unfortunately, it was the wrong one. Oops.

My favorite parenting duo this week are Michael and Karolina Tomaro. The Swedish couple loves Metallica, so much so they decided to name their daughter after the band. Sadly, the authorities have rejected the notion. May I suggest Megadeth, Godsmack, or Iron Maiden as alternatives?

Posted by Chris at April 6, 2007 7:18 AM

You have to be a special kind of sick to take a crap, scoop it, carry it elsewhere and then fling it.

I have a few for you.

A substitute teacher quited kindergarteners with clothes pins. See http://www.wnbc.com/news/11538577/detail.html?treets=ny&tid=2652365766813&tml=ny_7am&tmi=ny_7am_1_06000204062007&ts=H

Mother of five turns her kids into beggars. See http://www.wnbc.com/news/11516773/detail.html?treets=ny&tid=2652365766813&tml=ny_4pm&tmi=ny_4pm_1_03000204042007&ts=H

Parents Post $3.5M Bond For Teacher Convicted Of Sodomy. See http://www.wnbc.com/news/11495319/detail.html?treets=ny&tid=2652365766813&tml=ny_7am&tmi=ny_7am_1_06000204032007&ts=H

The galloping stupids are rampant.

Have a great weekend.

Posted by: Maria at April 6, 2007 8:05 AM

"May I suggest Megadeth, Godsmack, or Iron Maiden as alternatives?"

ha ha.... I love it!

Posted by: Jenn at April 6, 2007 8:09 AM

If you liked McCarthy's The Road, you need to check out his border trilogy. My favorite of the three was The Crossing. There's a lot of volume in his writing.

The album for me has to be John Mayer's, Continuum. Not really a big fan of his earlier stuff this piece of work has grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and not let go since it's release.

Crap! it's Schadenfreude Friday. I still thought it was book and album review Thursday... never mind.

Have a Cactus Easter

Posted by: Johnny "Secondhand" Smoke at April 6, 2007 9:17 AM

In a sad commentary on the state of health care today, a man here (Merced, CA) drove his car through the glass courthouse doors.


Have a wonderful weekend.

Posted by: ann adams at April 6, 2007 9:21 AM

If you really want to, you could go to your dad's house and snort some dust from his furniture. Kind of the same thing, right?

Watch out for dust mites...

Posted by: Liz at April 6, 2007 9:47 AM

Holy Schadenfreude, Batman! You're right... it's a Schadenfreude Explosion this week. Perhaps in observance of Easter? Sheesh!

The Keith Richards thing just smacks of spin control, eh?

And instead of naming their kid Metallica, why wouldn't they just go with Lars James Tomaro? C'mon, that has a nice ring to it. Sure, it's not as hip as Metallica Tomaro, but it still shows they're fans.

Posted by: coolchick at April 6, 2007 10:11 AM

I love that the mug shot of the firefighter includes the wig and bikini!

Posted by: Heather at April 6, 2007 10:18 AM

Truly, a surfeit of schadenfreude.

Happy weekend!

Posted by: Kate the Shrew at April 6, 2007 10:18 AM

One of the charges against Steven Cole is public indecency. What the hell? Look, I'm all for extracting drunks from parks but come on. Since when is wearing a bikini in public "public indecency"? He was completely covered.

Now, if he was in a bikini and wig, and throwing feces at other people, that might be indecent. Or performance art, depending upon the location.

Posted by: dantc at April 6, 2007 11:13 AM

I'm going to write a book called "A Boy Named 'Godsmack'". I promise to send you a cut of the royalties.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at April 6, 2007 11:32 AM

so did she keep a bag of poo on/in her desk for "just such an occaision?" ... did she save it that one day, and that kid was just the not-so-lucky-one that pushed her over the edge? ... did she get so mad she poo-ed herself and then flung it to protect her dignity (hey, it might have made sense in the moment?) ... there's part of me that REALLY wants to know more about this sad sack (of poo).

Separately ... I know its Canada ... and they probably do things a bit differently ... but have the parents started a suit against her/the school? The whole infiction of emotional distress, abuse from authority figure, never mind the biohazzard angle ... I'm sure the family could get a good chunk of change from the incident in the states here in the states ...

Posted by: airwick at April 6, 2007 1:10 PM

Just when you thought the shallow end of the gene pool was at its lowest point...

I think they should confine that teacher to the monkey house. She'll fit right in.

Posted by: Annie at April 6, 2007 3:15 PM

Oh, thank you... I needed a good laugh today!

Posted by: sue at April 6, 2007 3:37 PM

I'm sorry to have to leave a comment about throwing poo-poo (but hey, YOU brought it up), but here's the thing that gets me. The EFFORT involved. I mean, you have to work up a number two, shit it out, and then transport it to the vicinitiy of the target-person, and then throw it. It's so...pre-meditated.

Ok, that's not the only thing about it that gets me. Even truly spontaneous poo-throwing would freak me out too, don't get me wrong.

And also, if you're going to name your kid after a band, how about Clap-Your-Hands-Say-Yeah? Clapping and verbalizing-- both baby-friendly concepts.

Posted by: Librarian Girl at April 6, 2007 8:09 PM

He so snorted his dad. I mean look at the man. He looks "rough"

I know drugs are bad but snorting your dad must lead to all the horrendous lines on his face.

Posted by: Laurie at April 6, 2007 8:10 PM

Though I would not want to name my child Metallica, surely the parents can name her whatever they'd like? It's not obscene, after all. Perhaps Sweden handles things differently. Well, I suppose nicknames aren't regulated, so if the parents are serious about it, they can refer to her any way they'd like in a non-official way.

Reading about Benjamin Houghton made me wince. Please, doctors, doublecheck before removal of anything you think a person may be attached to.

Posted by: Melissa at April 6, 2007 8:38 PM

Ouch! This stroy reminds me of a stand up bit - Wrong Side Surgery

Posted by: Sandy at April 6, 2007 10:22 PM

Thank you, Rude Cactus. My boyfriend and I just finished a half hour discussion on how one would execute such a feces flinging fracas. I read this to him and he wondered where she had taken the poop - there in front of them or did she just happen to have it with her. Our debate came in the premeditation: he claimed that she'd have to be really mad to maintain the level of angry one has to be when one is considering flinging one's own feces. My side of the debate was that she would have had premeditation to dump in a container and bring it with her; why would she do that?

She flung her own feces. Whether it's a first-degree feces flinging or not, it's about 90 shades of crazy.

Though one of the oddest conversations I've ever had, it was also among the most interesting. Many thanks. ;)

Posted by: Jurgen Nation at April 6, 2007 10:53 PM

Not only did that Teacher not lose her job, but she's been suspended WITH pay since June! Maybe I should fling crap at someone? There sure are a lot of people I'd like to fire away at!

Posted by: Janice at April 7, 2007 10:09 PM

Okay, for the record I too think the excrement throwing fiasco was insane... but I have to ask if everyone here was reading the same information I just read???

First, the child wasn't one of her students... he didn't even go to that school. Second, she was the principal, not a teacher (which may make this more disturbing actually). And thirdly, I can't find anywhere that says that it was her feces (not on that site or any other).

Again, not that it makes it any better... but I'd really like to know the whole story.

I mean she said she "couldn't take anymore" when speaking about the "provacative" circumstances leading to the incident... I have to wonder.
For all we know the kid(s) in question may have taken continual craps and stuck them in her desk drawer for weeks or something.

But I definitely think it should be corrected in your post that it has never been said it was "her feces"... people shouldn't assume.

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