April 27, 2007

Schadenfreude Friday: Baldwins, Grants and Sopranos (Oh My!)

Plenty of hot schadenfreude action this week. Here's some proof:

Which Baldwin Is This Again?

While taping an appearance on ABC's The View Wednesday, the actor [Baldwin] — who was caught berating his daughter Ireland, 11, in a voice mail message last week — asked NBC to release him from his contract so he can focus his time on "parental alienation," according to a transcript released to the Associated Press.

"If I never acted again, I couldn't care less," Baldwin said in his taped appearance, scheduled to air Friday.

Huh. That's funny. I kinda feel the same way about his acting career.

So, first he breaks out a verbal whoop-ass on his 11 year-old daughter, he apologizes, gets the backing of the ever-important Heather Mills, drops his agent then tries to wiggle out of his contract with NBC but is denied.

Stupid Alec. Don't you know that even Baldwins are expected to behave better than that? And while I'm at it, you'd think Heather Mills would have better, more important things to worry about like spending Paul's money or keeping that other leg. Oh, and NBC? What kind of idiotic company publicly stands between an obviously troubled guy and his kid?

He's going to end up in rehab, isn't he?

Notting Hell, Or Three Weddings and Baked Beans

Hugh Grant has reportedly been arrested in London over an allegation that he assaulted a photographer with a family-sized tub of baked beans, among other things. The actor, according to British press reports, allegedly kicked Ian Whittaker three times as Whittaker attempted to photograph him near his west London home. Whittaker alleges Grant then picked up a large carton of baked beans and threw them at the lensman, leaving him "bruised" and "battered" and slathered in the sticky mess.

Yup. According to TMZ, a surprisingly reliable source these days, Grant busted out the baked beans and later told the photographer that he hoped the photographer's kids "die of fucking cancer." But, you know, I bet he said it in a mildly amusing, charming way. And made the cameraman swoon.


Even though the body count is slowly mounting in this final season of "The Sopranos," let's assume that at least a few members of the biological and extended Sopranos family will still be breathing when the series ends in June.

What we know for sure is that, dead or alive, they will be unemployed - which means it's not too soon to be thinking about their next gigs.

This being television and all, we should probably start thinking spinoffs - the ancient tradition of creating a new show with a character or two from an old one.

Look, I've been a fan of The Sopranos for a long, long time. But I have a serious bone to pick with creator David Chase. We've got a nine episode season of which there are six episodes left. And all we've been handed thus far is a steaming pile of boring crap with character development out the wazoo but little action and no resolution to, well, anything. And, as this Daily News article suggests, we're supposed to care what's next for the cast? Hell, at this point, I don't even care what's next for the characters.

By the way, for those of you who are curious, the answer to yesterday's question was, indeed, "pictures of midgets with mullets". Congrats to the winners! Send me your addresses and I'll put some CDs together!

Posted by Chris at April 27, 2007 7:25 AM

NBC = Not Bright Company, right?

Have a nice weekend!

Posted by: Maria at April 27, 2007 7:53 AM

Ok, the cancer line was over the top, but throwing beans? That's beautiful poetry, man. Oh, and if getting hit with a tub of beans, albeit 'family-sized' leaves you bruised and battered, then maybe paparrazzi isn't the job for you.

You know, just sayin'.

Posted by: buzz at April 27, 2007 8:33 AM

Dang, I knew it was mullets. I was just so sure there was a trick.....

Posted by: Karen at April 27, 2007 8:45 AM

If Mr. Baldwin goes into some sort of rehab/counseling, I suppose that all will be forgiven. Isn't that the way it works in actor world? Forget what that conversation and all this publicity does to his daughter. How could he have ranted so, and how could he have done it to a machine that was taping his rant?

Posted by: cassie-b at April 27, 2007 8:45 AM

Baldwin - I'm going to keep my opinion about what he SAID to myself, as I sense it might not be that popular. But yeah, now he's just acting like a dummy. He's totally going to end up in rehab. Famous people go to rehab for everything these days.

Hugh Grant - Damn, have you SEEN those family size containers? That shit probably hurt like a mother. And it wasn't like the guy was going through Grant's trash or anything. He was filming him near his home, in (I'm assuming) a public place. Suck it up, Hugh Grant. All the charm and British accent in the world isn't going to make this look good.

Now, if it had been Colin Firth....

Posted by: Fraulein N at April 27, 2007 9:10 AM

When I read the Hugh Grant story, the comment was made that they weren't sure they were going to press charges because the evidence may have been *ahem* eaten. And I chuckled. Even though I could see that coming a mile away.

It really was midgets with mullets? I thought that was funny in a catchy sort of way, but wow. Margo rocks!

Posted by: Heather at April 27, 2007 9:30 AM

i won't be surprised if he ends up in rehab. isn't that what all the celebs do if they fuck up in some way?

Posted by: Denise at April 27, 2007 9:39 AM

mullets! Of course. How could I have missed that one ;)

Posted by: suze at April 27, 2007 9:40 AM

I wonder who "leaked" that voice mail. From what I read, neither parent covered him/herself with glory. It saddens me to see kids become the rope in a tug of war between bitter, divorced parents. They're supposed to be the adults.

You're a voracious reader. I wonder if you saw this about David Halberstam. It was almost buried on t.v. due to the important Baldwin and Grant stories.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Posted by: ann adams at April 27, 2007 9:51 AM

Oh, man. I totally thought unicorns banging Stevie Nicks was the winner.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at April 27, 2007 10:07 AM

come on...harry potters was a good guess. there are some twisted twisted people out there.

Posted by: ali at April 27, 2007 10:11 AM

Chris, I probably seem like a douche-orama after this week, but I will always love Alec Baldwin. I don't know why, and call it weird, but honestly, when i first heard the thing, I immediately thought to myself, "That girl must be SOME bitch!"

Whore, sell-out, whatever, but he is one funny bastard.

Posted by: andy at April 27, 2007 10:20 AM

Alec and Heather Mills? That could be a match made in hell. I think they deserve each other.

Soprano's? What a disappointment. I'm almost ready to just Fuggedaboudit myself.

And Hugh Grant? Well he may wind up in rehab hell with Alec and Heather.

Have a good weekend!

Posted by: Maribeth at April 27, 2007 10:22 AM

Ooooo.... please, if there is a God, let ol' Alec leave the country! And isn't he one of those people in Hollywood who constantly threaten to leave the country if they don't get their way (think Streisand)? What an 10-gallon asshat.

Midgets with mullets! Now doesn't that make you want to actually search that string?

I'm a huge Sopranos fan, and I choose to see what's happening as a slow build up, foreplay if you will, to the big bang. There's been some weak suspense, but I have faith that the closer will be strong. Thank God for Entourage though, eh?

Bad about Halberstam, as Ann pointed out. What a shame.

Posted by: coolchick at April 27, 2007 10:27 AM

Hey Heather, don't tell Chris, but I kinda used a cheatsheet... I googled rude cactus "midgets with" - and midgets with mullets (dressed in polyester leisure suits) came up immediately. (Along with quite a few other references to midgets on this blog. Really Chris, what's with the midget hang-up?) Buy, hey, I'm just excited to rock my casbah (as long as one of you doesn't spill the beans (or throw them at me)!

Posted by: margo at April 27, 2007 10:39 AM

*blushing* now I'm even more embarrassed about my midged response.

Heather? Well, I think she's gotten way over her 15-min of fame and should just go away now. Taking Alec with.

Hugh? I'm sure he did it with finesse. I mean, he does every stupid thing he continues to do with finesse, right?

Sopranos. I got into them the first season, then missed a few, then missed a lot and finally decided I had no clue what was going on. Some day I'll just get all the DVD's and have a Sopranos marathon. Then weep, because it has ended and I've fallen in love with the whole thing. Maybe.

Happy Weekend~~

Posted by: sue at April 27, 2007 10:45 AM

I'm personally glad that NBC won't let Alec go. His character on 30 Rock is a work of freaking genius!

Posted by: Adam at April 27, 2007 11:03 AM

I agree with Fraulein N - if it'd been Colin Firth instead of Hugh I would defend him incessantly. Not to say I don't like Hugh, but you have to wonder about someone's mental stability when they pick up a hooker instead of going home to Elizabeth Hurley. I mean, who does that? Surely not Colin Firth.
I may be way out of line here, but don't midgets usually have mullets? (just kidding!)

Posted by: Amaya at April 27, 2007 11:32 AM

Can anyone explain to me why we are privy to Alec Baldwin's daughter's voicemail messages? Seriously.
And where was Hugh Grant coming from that he was carrying around a "family sized container of baked beans?"

Posted by: Queen Bee at April 27, 2007 2:29 PM

I personally think Alec's asking to resign because he doesn't want the humiliation of being FIRED! Because I'm sure this scandal is going to kill the show's ratings! He's fo sho ending up in rehab. It's the only way to get any sympathy from the public.

Ooo...I didn't read the part on TMZ about what Hugh said to the photog -- doesn't get much lower than that!

Posted by: Haley-O at April 27, 2007 3:08 PM

i gotta tell ya - if I were a celeb getting followed around (stalked) by paparazzi all the time, I'd be doing worse than throwing cans of baked beans at them...LOL I know everyone says, "well, that's what comes with the territory if you want to be a star", but the point is, it SHOULDN'T. i hate the fascination with celebs. i'd be happy if the E! channel went away and all gossip magazines went under. I don't understand why people in movies are put on pedestals...it's never made sense to me. well, except for Johnny Depp.. ;) but he's smart enough to stay out of the gossip mags for the most part. :)

Posted by: webmiztris at April 27, 2007 6:46 PM

Oh my GOD I SO agree with you about the Sopranos. What a waste of my time! And I'm telling you, six months into number two pregnancy and relaxing night time is very important to me.
They should have just ended it last season instead of pissing everyone off this way. You are right, I could care less what's next for these folks. I'd much rather see another season of Rome.

Posted by: Heather at April 27, 2007 7:10 PM

A person can have talent and still be a shit. The message he left for his daughter turns my stomach. You know what, Alec? Twelve-year-old girls (or eleven, since you didn't seem quite sure) are often disrespectful. Get used to it. You have about five years left - more if you keep calling her a pig. You're the adult. Fucking act like it.

Posted by: Melissa at April 27, 2007 7:32 PM

I notice you're doing another contest. I still don't have my CD. I'm moving in 20+ days. Let me know if you need the new address... :)

Looking forward to ROCKING OUT!

Posted by: alektra at April 28, 2007 1:32 PM

Celebrities never cease to amaze me with their stupidity. They're such rude little pigs. ha ha

Posted by: nila at April 29, 2007 7:39 AM

The whole Alec Baldwin thing is a total bummer. I mean, yeah, he'll probably go to rehab as that's the "done" thing, but maybe a lot of you are forgetting what horrible little shits kids can be.

Parents yell at their kids. Those of you who don't have kids yet, you're going to yell at them. Those of you who have grown kids, don't pretend you didn't yell at them. And those of you who do have kids and swear you'd neeeever talk to your kids like that, drop me an email and I'll tell you some of the crap my siblings and I have pulled.

Should he have called her a "pig"? *shrug* Probably not. But what if she was acting like a rude little pig? Is she excused because she's a chiiiillld? Oh hell no, in my mind. Maybe my parents shouldn't call me a lot of the stuff they called me, but they never MEANT it, and I shouldn't have driven them to it.

I'm sure that in this day and age, if someone should overhear through a window my father and I getting into it when I was 12, 13, 14... child services would be called. The media would be alerted! Listen to what this man says to his child!

I was a little bastard! And now I'm a fully functioning 25 year old college graduate with a job who gets along with her parents and quietly pretends, along with them, that we never all claimed to hate each other.

Works for us, works for lots of families.

You just wait til your kids put their first holes in the wall/lie/come home late/lie/hang out with assholes/lie/treat you like an idiot/lie.

Ooooh. Sorry. Got a little out of hand there.

Posted by: Kelly at April 29, 2007 10:47 AM

YES! I finally won a CD after what seems like years of trying!

Who cares about Alec ending up in rehab, it's poor Ireland that's going to be spending years on the couch. Not only is she being used as leverage by both Alec and Kim in their war against each other but she has to be forced into the spotlight too. Poor girl!

Posted by: Beth in StL at April 29, 2007 2:16 PM