May 18, 2007

Schadenfreude Friday: This Time It's Personal

Dear Hillbilly Assmunch AC Guy,

Earlier this week, you kindly let us know that we were in dire need of a brand new AC unit. We hemmed and hawed and asked about our options. I think, all in all, we were rather calm given that our least expensive option weighed in at over $5,000. Like any bright, intelligent people, we got a second opinion.

As it turns out, our AC doesn't need to be replaced at all. It works quite well. We've been told by reliable sources that it might last another five years, long after we blow this joint. The strangest thing is how it was fixed. Duct tape. Seriously. Fucking duct tape. It cost us $80. If I thought your teeny tiny brain understood numbers at all, I'd inform you that this was less than two percent of the price you quoted us. Two fucking percent - the same percentage of your brain that you're able to harness since your parents obviously swam in the shallowest end of the gene pool.

See, when I went to say good night to my daughter, you fucked with something. Who in the name of Gil Grissom does that? How many poor unsuspecting idiots have you bilked out of their hard-earned cash? Most of us never think of throwing our fellow man under the bus but apparently you really couldn't give two shits. I hope you rake in enough so you can retire early, spare humanity your miserable excuse for a chosen profession and retreat to the hills, smoke your corn-cob pipe, watch some good old episodes of Hee-Haw and kick back on the couch on your front porch. I hope you and your sister have beautiful, three-legged children together.

May the baby Jesus always smile upon you,

Posted by Chris at May 18, 2007 7:23 AM

People can be really awful. Selfish and rude and mean and unethical. It sucks. I'm glad you got that second opinion.

Posted by: Alissa at May 18, 2007 7:48 AM

Chris, King of the Smackdown! It really is shocking what some people try to get away with...

Posted by: Amber at May 18, 2007 8:04 AM

$5000 for a new AC???? Christ, you can go to Ollie's (local PA discount store) and get a refurbished one for about $150!!! Give me a break! What a jerk!

Posted by: Michelle at May 18, 2007 8:11 AM

I always feel guilty about being suspicious about repair people and following them around constantly when they're in my home, but then I hear stories like this and I don't feel so bad anymore.

Thankfully you got a second opinion...

Posted by: suze at May 18, 2007 8:36 AM

Wow! He totally deserves it, but that was awesomely harsh. And I agree. Total Asshat.

Posted by: Jessie at May 18, 2007 8:46 AM

Wow, what a fucking buttmunch. I really think you should let him know you figured his ass out. A nice phone call should do it. And maybe you could report him to the Better Business Bureau, too.

Posted by: Fraulein N at May 18, 2007 9:21 AM

It's dicks like this that ruin it for the reliable repairmen.

Nail his ass to the wall Chris! If it were me, I'd tell everyone and anyone I knew about this douchebag. Jerk.

Well, have a great weekend - with A/C!

Posted by: sam at May 18, 2007 9:27 AM

This type of stuff makes me so angry. Glad to hear you got that second opinion or you would have been totally screwed over.

Posted by: angela at May 18, 2007 9:30 AM

I'm so glad you got a second opinion. That's unbelievable. I get so angry when I hear about things like that. How many times do they actually GET the $5000 (usually from people who can least afford it, like the elderly...)

I am angry and embarrassed when they do undercover stings on mechanics, like on 60 minutes. My Hubs and son does mechanic work to supplement the farm income and they're incredibly honest. Just makes all repair guys look bad.

Now this clown you had to deal with nailed another nail in the coffin. Gah. Makes me so angry!

Posted by: sue at May 18, 2007 9:39 AM

Did you not know that you can fixs anything with duct tape, I have a friend who belives that, but good that you found that out before you spent a fortune on the ac unit.

Posted by: Anette at May 18, 2007 9:41 AM

I think my enjoyment of your letter qualifies as schadenfreud at some level. And it's Friday. So, y'know. Well done.

Also, if I ever decide to write fiction, I'm naming the antagonist Hillbilly Assmunch. Just a heads up.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at May 18, 2007 9:52 AM


Bitter much?


Posted by: Pamalamadingdong at May 18, 2007 9:53 AM

I think I lost it laughing at this line:

May the baby Jesus always smile upon you,

Seriously, that's messed up. Glad you got a second opinion though!!

Posted by: Corinne at May 18, 2007 9:56 AM

I'm having the same thoughts about the plumber doing our bathroom job. Kinda too late for us to question much... the pipes are in.

Posted by: Colleen at May 18, 2007 10:07 AM

Okay, I gotta hear how $80 worth of duct tape fixed the issue! Do tell!

Good for you for getting a 2nd opinion. Way to save the day!

Posted by: coolchick at May 18, 2007 10:17 AM

Would that my problem were so easily solved.
Glad yours was. Have a happy weekend!

Posted by: Maribeth at May 18, 2007 10:37 AM

I think the Hee-Haw box set is coming out this summer on VHS.

As bad as your experience was, I assume you were at least able to have a few moments to gaze upon unwashed and overly exposed buttcrack. That's probably worth $5,000 right there.

Posted by: whit at May 18, 2007 11:06 AM

What an asswipe!

You didn't believe me yesterday when I said duct tape can fix anything, did you? ;-)

Posted by: Maria at May 18, 2007 11:30 AM

Sounds like the guys works for the Bush administration.

what a total f***stick. Geez.

Posted by: Margaret at May 18, 2007 12:01 PM

I will pay you to mail that to the dude!! That letter rocks, I think I am going to remember it for future use! As usual...YOU ROCK!
Huggles-Pregnant in St. Louis

Posted by: Cheryl at May 18, 2007 12:17 PM

Hey, don't talk about my dad like that! :P

Dude, that is effed up on so many levels. Last night, on my way home from school, I heard the most hilarious commercial - so funny, I thought it was a spoof but it was real: The Smell Good Plumbers. They won't show up showing their ass crack and they said they guarantee "... a tech who is knowledgeable, pleasant, clean, neat and of the highest moral character in your home. "

They also do heating and ac repair. The Smell Good Plumber Best commercial ever!

Also, Vive la Duct Tape. seriously, man's greatest contribution to society!

Posted by: trix at May 18, 2007 12:24 PM

DUDE you need to tell the local 'investigative reporters' to set this chump up for an official smackdown. I hate that man and all assmunches.

Posted by: HollowSquirrel at May 18, 2007 1:44 PM

Duct tape? It's magical that stuff. Might be holding the world together three thousand years from now, but oh well.

He'll get his karma, I'm sure of it. What's sad is most people don't get second opinions on that stuff.

Posted by: Phoenix at May 18, 2007 1:52 PM

You know, karma will come and bite his ass.

I'm just happy you found a cheaper solution! Happy Friday (and weekend woohoooo! :)

Posted by: Nadine at May 18, 2007 2:35 PM

I'd report this yahoo to the BBB or the local investigative reporter people. Not everyone is as smart as you and gets that all-important second opinion. You just know he's bilking little old ladies and the like.

And duct tape should always be your first repair choice. Always.

Posted by: Annie, The Evil Queen at May 18, 2007 2:40 PM

For the past few days, your "baby Jesus" references have been cracking me up. Very nice that you guys were able to get it fixed at a more affordable price.

Posted by: anna at May 18, 2007 2:41 PM

Better Business Bureau perhaps?

What a jag-off.

Posted by: Leah at May 18, 2007 3:16 PM

Seriously, what an ass. I think I'm pretty optimistic about people in general but every so often, I wonder why.

Posted by: sandra at May 18, 2007 5:01 PM

That is steep for a new unit. I hope it was going to be made of gold. $80 for duct tape isn't bad. I have a $96 drill bit that came out of my washing machine motor.

Posted by: SarahS at May 18, 2007 8:41 PM

Awesome post, Chris, and even better outcome! Good for you!!!

But who the heck is Gil Grissom? Is this some American-only phrase, or did I miss a memo????


Posted by: Eclecta at May 18, 2007 9:10 PM

People like that give the profession a bad name. They're banking on your desperation and the fact that you don't know anything about AC units. You're young, too. This guy is pond scum. A pox on him!

Posted by: wordgirl at May 19, 2007 9:29 AM

wow I thought it was women they mainly pulled scams like that on.
Thankgod you didn't get suckered in, and to think all it took was ducktape.

Posted by: Toni-Marie at May 19, 2007 11:01 AM


And I am not laughing at your pain. I am laughing at your expulsion of pain at Mr. Hillbilly Assmunch.

Posted by: aimee/greeblemonkey at May 19, 2007 10:46 PM

Hopefully karma will get him up the ass!

Posted by: motherofbun at May 20, 2007 1:37 AM

Hopefully karma will get him up the ass!

Posted by: motherofbun at May 20, 2007 1:37 AM

Hopefully karma will get him up the ass!

Posted by: motherofbun at May 20, 2007 1:37 AM

My dad was really into Hee-haw. I think it was for the same reason that he wacthed Solid Gold. Chicks in small outfits.

Sorry a skeevy repair "professional" ruined your week.

Posted by: Sphincter at May 20, 2007 2:48 PM

my ac is broken too...
and the repair guy after 3 visits..
says its the compressor...
maybe you could give me your GOOD guys number...
for a second opinion??

Posted by: suicide_blond at May 20, 2007 7:14 PM

Duct tape is the BEST INVENTION EVAH! Even though I KNOW it's "duct" tape, I always call it "duck" tape....

Posted by: Haley-O at May 21, 2007 1:11 AM

Wow, good thing you didn't listen to that idiot. Ridiculous.

Posted by: Jenn at May 21, 2007 12:05 PM