May 15, 2007

Little People, Big Libidos

Yesterday evening, Beth went running, jogging away her rough morning, whilst Mia (now pleasant and happy) and I played for awhile. Mia has this farm stocked with Little People. Not midgets - although they may indeed be height-challenged individuals - but Little People (big L, big P) from Fisher Price or another purveyor of fine plastic. Mia and I were incredibly involved in a game in which three of the Little People farmhands - specifically, Guy, Emma and Baby, names assigned by Mia - were enjoying an afternoon of being thrown down stairs. Then they danced. This was the perfect moment to introduce Mia to the concept of a hoedown. What parent wouldn't seize that kind of opportunity? Anyway, I made the Little People dance and sang a jaunty little tune. Mia mimicked me and soon we had our own little hoedowning posse. We reviewed the word hoedown quite a few times but, while we came close, we didn't quite perfect it.

Me: Hoedown
Her: Howwuah
Me: Hoedown
Her: Hot tea!
Me: Hoedown
Her: Whoretown!
Me: Hoedown
Her: Whoretown!

Whoretown it is. Apparently she knew something I didn't.

left to right, top to bottom: Guy and Emma get frisky; Baby joins the Little People lovin'; Sheep takes in the baaaaction; the whole barnyard gets saucy.

For some strange reason, Beth felt the need to document the process, possibly trying to photograph the instant at which my downward spiral into the bottomless pit of insanity began. She did, however, look slightly horrified when I exclaimed, "Oh! We have sheep! And horses!"

Portrait of an artist at work

Posted by Chris at May 15, 2007 7:04 AM

Artist my butt!! More like a LP P0rn movie director! HA!

Uhm, Chris, sweetie, you are looking a bit, uhm manic, in a couple of those pictures. Thinking you need to set the LP down and step away! =)

Posted by: Lauren at May 15, 2007 7:37 AM

I was expecting routine did not disappoint.

Posted by: Debbie at May 15, 2007 7:46 AM

Mia's edjumukashun is indeed well rounded.

Posted by: E :) at May 15, 2007 7:53 AM

Wow. So you guys are already preparing yourselves for the notes she'll be bringing home from pre-school, right? Ha! Nice!

Posted by: erin at May 15, 2007 8:02 AM

"Swing your partner just in time
throw him on his back and do the 69.
Let the animals watch of course,
But you better look out for that horse."

Posted by: William at May 15, 2007 8:07 AM

Oh man, I just loved those little people when Mandy was little. They weren't so elaborate back then.

Posted by: Maribeth at May 15, 2007 9:20 AM

Whoretown! I smell a musical!

Posted by: Fraulein N at May 15, 2007 9:27 AM

I agree with Maribeth! When my son was little, the Fisher-Price 'little people' weren't nearly so exciting!

Surely you'll be inviting the Weebles over for the next little people drunken orgy? Because, well.... Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down.

Posted by: coolchick at May 15, 2007 9:28 AM

What an evil smile you have, oh Mr. Director. I'm with Erin... there WILL be notes from school. I guarentee it. Just wait until Mia starts sharing her "whoretown" with the rest of the little kids... :)

Posted by: sue at May 15, 2007 9:46 AM

Little People Freaky Farmer Porn! Awesome.....Back before we had the girls, I was searching for a toy for my nephew. We were playing around with the electronic alphapet/phonics toys and found one that actually repeats back the curse words you spell, notably, the F bomb. I'm so mad at myself for not buying that, imagine all of the fun we could have had!

Posted by: kim at May 15, 2007 10:08 AM

you just KNOW those little people are into all sorts of kinky shit...

Posted by: ali at May 15, 2007 10:14 AM

That grin in the last picture looks like it should be followed by maniacal laughing... And possibly plans to take over the world.

Posted by: Tink at May 15, 2007 10:35 AM

At least it wasn't a nappy-headed hoedown.

Posted by: whit at May 15, 2007 10:46 AM

I wonder if this post would count as not work safe ;)

Posted by: suze at May 15, 2007 10:54 AM

Even the sheep looks ashamed.

Posted by: shelley at May 15, 2007 10:55 AM

You look so pleased with yourself. Admit it, THIS is why you had a kid, just to play with the toys.

Posted by: Elaine at May 15, 2007 11:11 AM

You know those LP are kinky. The parents look like farmers and the daughter looks like a wannabe P*ris.

Posted by: Maria at May 15, 2007 11:23 AM

I see a video animation project in the near future here. LP animated pr0n. Fun for the whole family!

Posted by: oakley at May 15, 2007 11:23 AM

Beth is compiling evidence for the commitment hearing!

Posted by: snakeepoo at May 15, 2007 11:24 AM

You are some seriously twisted people. Must be why I find you so amusing. ;)

Posted by: Traci at May 15, 2007 11:29 AM

Again I have to say... you and my husband could be best friends.

Posted by: Colleen at May 15, 2007 12:04 PM

It is like you and my husband have the same kind of brain. :-)

Posted by: motherofbun at May 15, 2007 2:26 PM

I knew it was only a matter of time before this site devolved into pornography. Have you seen the fun I had with a Barbie doll? Lets just say that I got flagged on tabloo as may offend for them!

Posted by: Jeff A at May 15, 2007 2:58 PM

I must say, I understand Beth's concern.

(We have that same sheep.)

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at May 15, 2007 3:49 PM

My nephews love the Little People...the farm, the pirate ship, the castle, the you name it, they have it. And I swear ever single one was named Guy by my nephew. So he would talk about Guy and I would be like "uh, which one?" and he would look at me like I was crazy and pick up one and be like "this Guy". Oh sure. Ok.

You know there are Little People videos? The Little People are taking over!

Posted by: andrea at May 15, 2007 5:14 PM

I love the laughing picture of you. Clearly much fun was had.

William - you are cracking my shit up.

Posted by: hannita at May 15, 2007 5:35 PM

Who knew Mia's toys were such freaks? Proof that even the most innocent of playthings has a scandalous underbelly.

Posted by: wordgirl at May 15, 2007 6:48 PM

Ah, My eyes! MY EYES!!!

Posted by: Beth in StL at May 15, 2007 11:08 PM

Sometimes you gotta mix things up. It's what keeps parents sane.

And I almost peed myself at Mia saying "Whoretown". Funny stuff.

Posted by: Snickrsnack Katie at May 16, 2007 12:08 AM

Hey, is that the same shirt as the day before? Now you are gonna say you have 2 of the same color/type....

Posted by: NM at May 16, 2007 12:45 AM

OMG. I apparently have missed several interesting posts and one sad, thought-provoking one, and some good pictures. I just got to read them today. That last picture Beth took--I laughed out loud at. The look on your face is freaking priceless. Were you giggling by any chance? Or maybe giggling like a school-girl inside? :D Hilarious!

Posted by: Phoenix at May 16, 2007 10:26 PM

What? You mean people *don't* put their kid's plastic toys in vulgar positions and photograph them on a daily basis?

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