June 11, 2007

The Call of Insanity

We're putting our house up for sale this week. This weekend was packed to the gills full of obligatory house prep. We painted, we spackled, we cleaned. As exciting as that was - and would no doubt be highly entertaining were I to provide every detail here - that's not actually what I wanted to talk about this morning. No. Instead, I'd rather discuss my very strange day yesterday. Specifically, the point at which I really and truly lost my mind in spectacular fashion. Luckily, though, I was the only witness. Although this arrangement kinda ruins that, doesn't it?

Yesterday, Beth and I packed our two cars full of stuff - primarily things we need to get out of the house in advance of having the carpet replaced and showing the house to prospective buyers - and headed over to my parents' house. They've kindly offered up their basement storage area whilst we move. As we were returning, I noticed that Beth and Mia were taking a different route home. I didn't have my cell with me but as soon as I got home, I checked my phone. Sure enough, Beth had called but hadn't left a message. I redialed the last call and, at almost the exact same time, I got an incoming call from her cell on the home phone. I closed my cell and answered the home phone. Nothing.

This happened over and over again. She'd call, I'd pick up...nothing. I'd call her back and she'd call me at the same time. Our timing was uncanny. Yet, after ten minutes, I was suitably frustrated. This is fucking ridiculous, I yelled to no one in particular. Quite frankly, I was pissed. Until I looked at both phones.

To understand this completely, you have to understand that our cell phone accounts are under my name. You should also know that, on my cellphone, I have Beth/H stored as our home phone and Beth/M for her cell phone. You should also understand that I think Ms and Hs look a hell of a lot alike.

As it turns out, Beth had never called me from her cell phone. Beth had called from home, a day earlier. When I returned that call, I called myself at home. Because my name showed up on caller ID, it never crossed my mind that it wasn't Beth calling. That's when I knew I'd gone insane. Quite simply put, I spent 10 solid minutes calling and hanging up on myself. I should put myself on that do not call list or something.

Later in the evening, Mia discovered my nipples. She wanted nothing more than to sit on them. I let her. Clearly, the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.

Posted by Chris at June 11, 2007 7:38 AM

Seriously!!! Classic!!! That is awesome!!! 10 minutes.
..that's great!!! Sounds like something I would do.

Posted by: Li'l Foot's Mommy at June 11, 2007 7:56 AM

Seriously, I was getting worried for Beth and Mia. What could be happening where they could get to the phone but not be able to speak?? Glad to hear it was only your temporary insanity! :)

Posted by: Empress at June 11, 2007 8:01 AM

Chris, I have to tell you...you are not alone. I did this just last week. Not for 10 minutes, but 2 calls worth. I called DH from the cell, and just as it began ringing he was calling me on the house phone. Then it happened again. Then I realized I was dialing "home" and not "DH" and calling myself...

Posted by: Alissa at June 11, 2007 8:01 AM

:) Hilarious... at least you finally figured it out!

Posted by: Corinne at June 11, 2007 8:02 AM

that's why I label the house line "Home" on my cell...

Posted by: SciFi Dad at June 11, 2007 8:13 AM

ahahahaa! At least you didn't answer and say,"Hello?" ahahaha. Seriously, I am laughing WITH you. Heh

Posted by: Lauren at June 11, 2007 8:32 AM

*rolling* Solid Monday morning entertainment!! I love that you called yourself for 10 minutes before realizing it!

And yay to Mia for her discovery of your nipples, I'm sure it will provide many hours of family fun! lmao

Posted by: Kris at June 11, 2007 9:37 AM

oh my god, that is just freakin' hilarious!!! Thanks for a good laugh on a really stressful monday!

Posted by: Catharina at June 11, 2007 9:53 AM

holy shit. that is funny.


Posted by: momomax at June 11, 2007 10:03 AM

Okay, you had me a little freaked out, for a minute.
We all have those ten minutes of stupidity from time to time.

Posted by: Jenn at June 11, 2007 10:08 AM

first, i have a horrid headache.
second, you made me laugh so damn hard, i now have a headache on top of the horrid headache.

i think an apology is called for, mister.

Posted by: patricia at June 11, 2007 10:10 AM

This made me laugh, because I have the same problem. Both of our cell phones are under MY name, so when I go to call Roth's cell on the home phone from caller ID redial, sometimes I call my own cell phone, and then stand there for a few frantic seconds, wondering why MY cell phone is ringing in the other room when I'm calling Roth's cell phone. It's maddening, I tell you.

Posted by: Jen at June 11, 2007 10:41 AM

Between you angrily calling and hanging up on yourself and Mia sitting on your nipples, well...

I really don't know.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at June 11, 2007 10:50 AM

The laugh I truly needs after this weekend. I can always count on you on Mondays, Chris!

Thanks. :)

Posted by: oakley at June 11, 2007 11:19 AM

We just never call our house phone. That, or the Boy is never home without me. Awww...

Best of luck with your house nastiness!

Posted by: alektra at June 11, 2007 11:47 AM

Your insanity = Our laughter

LOL, thanks for the laugh on a crappy Monday morning!!

Posted by: ::c:: at June 11, 2007 11:49 AM

Oh. My. Gawd. That was too freakin' funny! I could totally see that happening to me and then shouting swear words at no one but myself before figuring it out. But, I have safeguards in place, as in, I make sure to assign very different names to the different numbers... as in, HOME or Jon CELL or Jon WORK... you get the idea. Sometimes, the time it takes to type and/or read the entire word over the abbreviations makes ALL the difference! LOL

And the nipples? I'm at a loss for words on that one.

Thanks for the belly laugh on a Monday morn!

Posted by: ironic1 at June 11, 2007 11:52 AM

That just was so funny that it made my Monday morning much brighter! Thanks!!! 10 mins toooo funny! LOL!!! Thanks again!!!!

Posted by: linda at June 11, 2007 12:14 PM

I have actually done something similar. I won't regale you with the details. Funny now, but SUCKED at the time-- I know.

Posted by: Sphincter at June 11, 2007 12:47 PM

Good stuff.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at June 11, 2007 2:01 PM

histerical... just histerical.

Posted by: Colleen at June 11, 2007 2:40 PM

At least you didn't do this for 20 minutes.

Check me out, all looking-on-the-bright-side and stuff!

Posted by: Librarian Girl at June 11, 2007 3:02 PM

You so crazy.

And Declan likes to draw nipples on his pictures of his Daddy. Clearly there is a match made in heaven here somewhere.

Posted by: aimee/greeblemonkey at June 11, 2007 4:08 PM

Laughing my ass off over here.

Posted by: ewe_are_here at June 11, 2007 5:06 PM

Sounds like an SNL skit that Will Ferrell would have done beautifully.

Posted by: wordgirl at June 11, 2007 5:15 PM

Sounds like an SNL skit that Will Ferrell would have done beautifully.

Posted by: wordgirl at June 11, 2007 5:15 PM

Oh my God! I laughed out loud on that one! It also so sounds like something I'd do. Heck, just the other night I was playing a rousing game of SkipBo (cards) with some girlfriends, and I seriously kept mistaking the 6's for the 9's and vice versa. Mind you, the 6's had a line under them. That really doesn't help my brain. For all I know, it's a 9 with a halo. Cripes!

Good luck reclaiming your nipples.

Posted by: coolchick at June 11, 2007 7:26 PM

...which reminds me, I really need to enter all my friends and fam into my cell phone. I've had it for months, and I'm too lazy to put everyone in there.

I can totally see why you almost went INSANE for all that!

The monkey's obsessed with nipples, too.... FUNNY!

Posted by: Haley-O at June 11, 2007 8:19 PM

I've tried for 3 full minutes to come up with a comment for this one.

I got nothing.

But? Wow.

Posted by: Pammer at June 11, 2007 10:06 PM

That is HYSTERICAL... wow, I feel REALLY SMART right now!

Thanks for making my bad day better!

Posted by: meleah rebeccah at June 11, 2007 11:23 PM

Wow, the world works the same across the globe. I was in the same situation a couple of days back, when I kept calling myself, and thinking it was DH, who is in another country on an official tour. I got worried as he was supposed to be in the flight at the time, and I thought soemthing had to be terribly wrong as he was repeatedly calling. I had tracked the flight and knew the plane had taken off. You know how the mind wanders. It happpened 3-4 times until I wisened up. I had to repeat it to all my co-workers the next day as it was so hilarious, and now I hear a similar situation from you.

Posted by: NM at June 12, 2007 12:20 AM

Sweety you just gotta get out of the house more. I'm getting worried.....

Posted by: Maribeth at June 12, 2007 8:34 AM

Dude, I have laughed SO hard at this today. Yesterday was insane at our house, and I was quite afraid that today would be more of the same. And then I started reading this today, and I've laughed so hard, I almost shot coffee out of my nose.

It's gonna be a good day. It has to be. :o)

Posted by: Emily at June 12, 2007 9:45 AM

Truly awesome.

Posted by: Heather at June 12, 2007 10:12 AM

Freaking priceless. That is sooooome kind of awesome there, Chris. And it sounds eerily familiar. I know I've done dumb stuff like it.

Posted by: Brad at June 12, 2007 1:28 PM

That could be the funniest thing I've ever heard.

And I thought NOTHING would trump the caulk thing.

Posted by: Tink at June 12, 2007 2:17 PM

Hahahahahaha! That is hilarious!

Posted by: Nadine at June 12, 2007 2:29 PM

Oh man, that is fantastic. Thank you for sharing.

Posted by: anna at June 13, 2007 12:45 PM

that's hysterical! if i had a land line i'm sure i would end up in the same situation. how brave of you to share with the world.

Posted by: malia at June 13, 2007 2:09 PM

Ok, that one actually got a chuckle out of me....too funny. Mostly, because that is the type of thing I do on a daily basis. Glad to see I am not alone.

Posted by: leilani at June 14, 2007 12:42 AM

Oh my god, Chris. That is one of the funniest things I think I've ever heard! Bahahaha. It's sure to bring me a random chuckle for days :)

Posted by: laura at June 17, 2007 7:59 PM