June 6, 2007

Crossing A Line

Yesterday, I crossed some sort of line. I'm not sure how or why or what it means, but I crossed it. I sent this email to Beth yesterday afternoon.


Yeah, I know. I'm a little woozy just rereading it. I feel kinda violated (can you violate yourself?). But there was a method to my madness if you'll just hear me out. Cormac McCarthy - the author, a notorious recluse, who wrote, most recently, The Road and No Country For Old Men both of which I desperately loved - was on. I was curious. I wanted to see him interviewed.

Does that do anything to compensate for the disturbing fact that I asked my poor sweet wife to TiVo Oprah? Please tell me it does. Please. I mean, it's not like I asked her to have a threesome with a goat, right?

Posted by Chris at June 6, 2007 7:13 AM

Hahaha! "kinky sex" huh? Thanks for sharing that. LOL!

Posted by: Nadine at June 6, 2007 7:29 AM

Could have been worse.

You could have asked her to TiVo Oprah in a threesome with a goat.

Not much worse though.

Posted by: Jon (was) in Michigan at June 6, 2007 7:29 AM

It could have been worse. You could have asked her to have a kinky sex with Oprah. ;-)

Posted by: Maria at June 6, 2007 7:33 AM

I don't know Chris... the goat thing may have just been implied with the kinky sex thing...

Any way you look at it, you made an active effort to preserve a broadcast of Oprah, which, as we all know according to the man code is far worse than stumbling upon it while channel surfing.

I'm no expert, but I wouldn't be surprised if you were sent a recall notice on your testicles.

Posted by: SciFi Dad at June 6, 2007 7:45 AM

~shaking head~ I don't know. I don't think I can even LOOK at your right now. Just, ugh, I feel so betrayed. ;)

Posted by: Lauren at June 6, 2007 8:09 AM

As long as you did not ask her to TIVO Dr Phil as well.

Posted by: William at June 6, 2007 8:15 AM

Heh, you broke the man code.

Posted by: Fraulein N at June 6, 2007 8:39 AM

Honey, you gotta get out more!

Posted by: Maribeth at June 6, 2007 8:42 AM

Eh. You're fine. I don't really get what the beef (ha!) against Oprah is. Now, if you'd asked her to TiVo Jerry Springer then I'd say you were due for an intervention. Have a doughnut and don't think another thing about it.

Posted by: patricia at June 6, 2007 8:43 AM

I think the 'kinky sex' thing implies the possibility of hot goat love. So, yeah. You kind of did throw beastiality out there.

As for Oprah, I've watched her show whenever she had interesting guests. No need to feel dirty. Now, if the guest had been Star Jones and you asked Beth to TiVo that, then yes...you'd have ample reason to hate yourself.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at June 6, 2007 8:47 AM

It's okay. Communication is important in any crisis.

Posted by: mingaling at June 6, 2007 9:04 AM

It's not that big of a deal. I have lots of gay friends.

Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah at June 6, 2007 9:20 AM

I was a little stunned by the Oprah thing, as I thought you had better taste. ;-) But the part that threw me a bit was your sign off...I've never seen Christ and kinky sex in the same sentence before.

Posted by: Krush at June 6, 2007 9:28 AM

well...at first i thought it might be the "christ and kinky sex" thing...but if there is anything better than sex (and especially kinky sex)..christ is keeping it to himself... so i say its a positive to stay on HIS good side....so maybe He will share!
now...the oprah thing? I dunno... did your voice go up a few octaves when you even mentioned it in passing around the water cooler?

Posted by: the unicorn at June 6, 2007 9:33 AM

How does a guy even know who's going to be on Oprah? Were you watching the day before and saw a preview?

Posted by: Darren at June 6, 2007 9:55 AM

There's nothing wrong with watching Oprah, as long as everyone stays in their assigned seats and refrains from leaping about as if they had fireworks shooting off in their nether regions. Which is kinky, but nothing Christ would want to get involved with.

Posted by: Contrary at June 6, 2007 9:57 AM

Hey, who says guys can't watch Oprah? It's not like all women (aka me) automatically like Oprah.

And as you say, it's not like you asked for a threesome with a goat.

Posted by: bad penguin at June 6, 2007 10:04 AM

Well, the fact that Oprah is officially The Devil, makes your request all the more troubling.

Ironically, I think if you were to ask the Good Lord, He would probably order you to make love to 21 goats in order to cleanse yourself.

Posted by: Phil at June 6, 2007 10:27 AM

That's pretty funny. I'll have to check out those books.

So how was the show? Interesting/worth watching or not?

Posted by: sunchaser at June 6, 2007 10:54 AM

I'm embarrassed to admit that I, too, on occassion, have set TiVo to record and episode (ok... maybe 2) of Oprah. She has a good guest once in a while that I believe makes it TiVo worthy.

I do think I saw the threesome with a goat topic on Springer though. Not Oprah.

Posted by: Colleen at June 6, 2007 11:09 AM

You could have opened with something other than "Howdy". I mean, you closed well, but the opening should have given her a reason to do as you bid. Personally, I'm fond of:
"Dear sexy wife for whom my loins ache"
but that's just me.

You can call me Elaine, though. 'Cause that might be really awkward if you went with the above.

So, did she tape it?

Posted by: Elaine at June 6, 2007 12:12 PM

Hum. Interesting.

I read about the interview. But I'm sure seeing it was better.

But, Oprah?! GAG.

Posted by: Isabel at June 6, 2007 12:19 PM

I would have done the same thing being a book nut. I am crazy for certain authors and hate Oprah...if my author would be on there I would have grit my teeth and done the same. My favorite part of the post? Kinky Sex. Care to elaborate? For a hormonal pregnant person -smile-you know you ROCK MY WORLD..lol but so does Taco Bell right now.

Posted by: Cheryl at June 6, 2007 12:45 PM

I'm down with the kinky sex part, but there'd better be a good reason to TiVo Oprah. I guess Cormac counts.

Posted by: wordgirl at June 6, 2007 1:22 PM

I'm down with the kinky sex part, but there'd better be a good reason to TiVo Oprah. I guess Cormac counts.

Posted by: wordgirl at June 6, 2007 1:22 PM

I'm down with the kinky sex part, but there'd better be a good reason to TiVo Oprah. I guess Cormac counts.

Posted by: wordgirl at June 6, 2007 1:23 PM

i can't believe you put christ BEFORE kinky sex. where are your priorites, dude?

Posted by: ali at June 6, 2007 2:00 PM

As long as it's not a pattern, you'll probably be okay. Once in a blue moon, Oprah can have someone worth Tivo'ing for.

In christ and kinky sex.

Posted by: Phoenix at June 6, 2007 2:01 PM

www.Tivo.com - It's a wonderful thing, you can avoid any and all harassment for what you want to TiVo, just by going to Tivo dot com and punching in your account info and then setting your TiVo remotely to record whatever your little hearts desire...


Posted by: Li'l Foot's Mommy at June 6, 2007 2:33 PM

The goat would have been less disturbing.

Posted by: Jeff A at June 6, 2007 2:37 PM

Well, you lost testosterone points in my book, but you got some of them back with the closing. Now if you do have kinky sex and you get less than an 8.5 from the German judge when you dismount, then I'll have to close the book on you. No pun intended.


Posted by: Edge at June 6, 2007 2:42 PM

Dude, as long as she also tivo'ed "Days of Our Lives" and "Judge Judy," everything's cool.

Posted by: MetroDad at June 6, 2007 4:01 PM

You are definitely within your rights. First off, the fact that you have remorse for saying it is in your favor. Second, you weren't tuning in to watch the intervention show for Lindsey Lohan. You were trying to catch a glimpse of a highly respected man whom you wouldn't be able to see under any other circumstances.
Btw, "yours in Christ and kinky sex" - hilarious!

Posted by: Amaya at June 6, 2007 7:18 PM

At least you didn't ask her to TiVo "The View" :)

Posted by: Molly at June 6, 2007 8:21 PM

I TOTALLY needed this post. You are so awesome, Chris. And you know what's doubly awesome? I thought you had written that to your dad at first (the dadcentric part caught my eye at first).

So it could have been worse!

Posted by: alektra at June 6, 2007 8:50 PM

Aww CRAP! I forgot! I was going to watch it!

:::smacks forehead with hand:::

Posted by: Stacy at June 6, 2007 9:23 PM

I can't stand Oprah but I watch her every once in awhile if she has someone really good on the show. I mostly can't stand how much she interrupts. She seriously needs to STFU sometimes.

Posted by: Stephanie at June 6, 2007 9:39 PM

Hee... I thought you meant you crossed the line with the kinky/Christ juxtaposition! Hee...!

Posted by: Haley-O at June 6, 2007 10:40 PM

It's OK. We love and accept you AND your Tivo here.

Posted by: Sphincter at June 6, 2007 11:44 PM

it's understandable you feel a bit dirty.

Posted by: jodi at June 6, 2007 11:57 PM


Posted by: Nanette at June 7, 2007 3:03 AM

It's all the same, I'm afraid.

Posted by: Peggy at June 7, 2007 8:26 AM

I'm thinking just the fact that you knew he was going to be on Oprah is cause for concern. I suppose you could give the excuse that you have Cormac McCarthy on a TiVO Search List or something, but come on, who's buying that?

Posted by: Candy at June 7, 2007 9:11 AM

*mind lost* you have successfully cracked my ass up yet again!

I imagine life is never boring in your parts.....*hee* I made a funny w/o even trying there. lol

Posted by: Kris at June 7, 2007 10:39 AM

*mind lost* you have successfully cracked my ass up yet again!

I imagine life is never boring your parts...... *hee* I made a funny there w/o even trying! lol

Posted by: Kris at June 7, 2007 10:41 AM

Don't worry Chris...you still mentioned kinky sex. Your manhood is intact.

Posted by: Kelly at June 7, 2007 4:41 PM

Honestly, all I can do is laugh. With (decaf) coffee almost spraying across the keyboard right now. Not so much that you had her TiVo Oprah. Moreso that you openly admitted it on the Internets.

Oh hell, I guess we've all done worse at one point or another. ;-) Hope you enjoyed the show...

Posted by: Bethany at June 7, 2007 5:04 PM

Oh, for shame!

Posted by: Melissa at June 7, 2007 8:43 PM

I'm personally a little concerned that you are aware of Oprah's scheduled guests...

Posted by: Annie, The Evil Queen at June 7, 2007 11:22 PM

All I can say is THANK GOD Oprah was not already on your regular Tivo rotation and that you actually had to ask her to make the effort for you. And helllo. God invented kinky sex.

Posted by: aimee/greeblemonkey at June 8, 2007 3:56 PM

In this podcast, you’ll be learning some essential English on a British Christmas and their traditions.
Before starting, let me first explain that you’ll be listening to some useful, English Christmas vocabulary, you’ll then hear a short explanation of these words, followed by an example of how they are used.

Posted by: Jobby Santana at January 1, 2008 11:30 PM